Love or not love?

Being a man, in my late 30's, I've come to an interesting conclusion.

The conclusion, however had to be examined and verified, from actual context, based on my life's experience, compared to observations of other people. A secondary conclusion is drawn. Essentially, I am conflicted, and a confirmation bias has been noted.

First let me warn you... I am extremely jaded and cynical.

Conclusion A:
I have a fundamental belief that love does not exist, and is a convenient excuse for mutual utility. I've come to this conclusion by anecdote, and by observed behavior of couples. I've noted a correlation between activities of couples, and by my experiences while dating. While I've been deeply infatuated by 2 past relationships out of my total of 8, the other 6 were merely instances of minor attraction, and mutual opportunism. I examined this, and asked... "Was there anything resembling what people claim to be love, in any of the instances?". To that, my answer was "No".

I stuck with it, and believed my conclusion.

That conclusion has been drawn, 3 years ago, following 2 years after my last breakup.

Conclusion B.
Recently, I've reexamined my position. Perhaps my lack of belief in "true love" is the result of not actually experiencing it, and I've drawn my conclusion, based on a cynical bias against emotional concepts. To be honest, I'm not the most emotional person, and many who know me personally, view me as being rather cold and aloof. They also view me as being extremely adherent to logic, and dismissive of emotions. To me, there always has to be a logical point, for everything. Even, my personal feelings don't matter to me, if there is an objective, and if it serves a beneficial purpose. Even if I don't like the necessary action. It doesn't matter to me, how I feel about it, if it has to be done. So, I do a lot of things I don't like, only because they were necessary. I realize a bias. I don't believe in it, not experiencing it.

Is belief possible?Love or not love??


Most Helpful Girl

  • Love exsist I assure you.
    Depends also what one consideres love, define love... but let's put that aside.
    I think infatuation is one thing okay... when that is gone all you have is real person. So the person that is real you choose to love. Infatutaion is not a choice, it's only faundation, but love is. infatuation is important but more important is real person, if you cannot eve be frinds with the real person, obviously it will fall apart. Faundation for love is also friendship. There are many kinds of love too, but we talk about romantic one. I once loved a guy, I could have loved him forver if he hasn't broke my heart... I've been infatuated but I could see him clearly and I still liked him with all his flaws and virtues...

    • Your point?

      What the hell is "Faundation"?
      Don't you mean, "Foundation"

      If that is the case, to me, a romantic interest is not a friend. Friend falls two tiers below that Tier...

      from lowest tier, to highest:
      8. Enemy
      7. Stranger
      6. associate
      5. Coworker
      4. Acquaintance
      3. Friend
      2. Family
      1. Significant other

      Calling a significant other a "friend" is downgrading their importance.

    • Show All
    • Rationality won the race for aircraft creation, not emotions. it requires engineering and understanding of aerodynamics and physics to understand how lift is generated.

      Happiness is relative, and not necessary.

    • well I draw the line here, good luck with that way of thinking

Most Helpful Guy

  • Love is imagination land. It's building hopes and fantasies and dreams around some person.

    A perfectly rational being would not be capable of falling in love because he would only see practical utility. He would only think things like, "This woman is good for me because she has child-bearing hips and will help me when I am sick."

    To love requires a dreamer type. People who dream easily fall in love easily, maybe even at first sight. In that case they're "love" is completely divorced from experience and reality.

    Others might require something a lot more substantial to cause them to build those hopes and dreams, like romantic gestures or even sex. In those cases their love is still fantasy land built on hopes and dreams of being together forever, but it's a little more grounded in reality and actual experience.

    And some might never build such hopes and dreams around a person ever.

    It is rooted in practical sexual desire and biological programming, but it's the human fantasies and dreams and hopes and imagination that elevates it to love.

    • In that case they're [/their] "love" is completely divorced from experience and reality.

    • Likewise "broken hearts" are really just broken hopes and dreams. They're hopes and dreams and ambitions built around a person which come toppling down when the other person isn't a willing participant. It's like dreaming of some wonderful career and then discovering it's hopeless.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • Given how difficult each break up recovery becomes as we get older, it feels like I will never discover if it exists or not. But on the off chance of finding it, it may just be worth it.

    • You said a whole lot of nothing.

      Your point, please?

    • Show All
    • Besides, at my age, there isn't really a point, anyways. except for ego. I don't care about ego. and the majority has kids. I refuse to be bothered with another man's kids, before being able to raise my own.

      I've come to this conclusion more than a decade ago. I refuse to forego my own retirement plans, for kids. Even if I met someone today, that would mean that I wouldn't even want to be engaged, until I reach 39. Marriage wouldn't be for at least another 2 years, after, at bare minimum, that places me at 41. Another 2 years, for any offspring, 43 years old. minimum of 18 years for them, 61 years old. College, because I may have to pay part... 65. So, when do I retire? 72?

    • Completely understood, not that you need my validation.

1 private opinion(s)
Only the asker and the opinion owner can see it. Learn more

What Guys Said 0

The only opinion from guys was selected the Most Helpful Opinion, but you can still contribute by sharing an opinion!

Loading... ;