What can I do to help out my family situation (elderly abuse)?

My brother is 26 years old. Our grandma has raised us since we were teenagers. We have both struggled with drug and alcohol abuse most of our adolescent lives. She moved to a new strata place this summer and doesn't own the place. My brother has a history of getting extremely intoxicated and making big scenes out on the front lawn. My grandma is getting older and just wants peace and quiet. He has now moved back in with her. She said she wouldn't put up with his drinking but once again... this is the case. He says the nastiest things about her on the phone to me. He calls her a lazy bitch because she wouldn't drive him to get dinner after work. She had driven him around for a total of probably 3 hours that day. He was totally drunk when he called me tonight complaining about her. I usually try to just keep things level by not agreeing or disagreeing with things but I had really had enough. He said don't you agree? Like, she's just being lazy and saying she's tired as an excuse right? I was like uhhh... I dunno dude. I just kept saying I dunno he's like... well sorry to drag you into this I guess... I'm the only one in this family that works for anything (SUCH a lie *cringe*) So, I said okay well thanks for pointing that out. Basically just because I wouldn't agree with him he throws me under the bus too. I feel that he's a spoiled, babied, alcoholic that drains our grandma financially and abuses her emotionally. I don't know what to do because honestly he intimidates me. Also, if he doesn't get his way or something doesn't go the way he wants he immediately threatens suicide. What can I do to help my grandma?

without having to call some kind of service please.. My brother would never physically harm her I'm not worried about that. I'm not going to "turn" a family member in I would like to solve it in our own way without the authorities


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  • Is there any way you can separate from grandma and brother from living together? If not, you may consider providing physical barriers in her place, so he won't be able to harm her.

    Your brother clearly needs help. You should try talking to him about his problem when he is sober. This site has some ways to go about it:

    • He will NOT listen to anything anyone has to say. It's pretty much impossible. I'm more thinking how can I change my grandma's mind to get her to kick him out? He's only been there a couple days and this is starting. Her voice on the phone tonight sounded so defeated. I feel so sad for her. They have such a co-dependent relationship though. It's almost like they both feed off of the drama sometimes even though it's bad for everyone. I guess at some point I just have to lay down my boundaries and say if you can't realize that he needs to move out, that's what needs to be done, then I won't be lending my ear every night for both of you to vent about the latest argument because it's just negative and I don't need negativity in my life. I feel so bad saying that to my grandma though

    • Short of you two threatening your brother into rehab, leaving the situation may be your best bet. It may inspire your grandma to actually kick him out. I know you said your brother would never physically harm her but she still needs to look out for her physical safety. Maybe wear a life alert just in case.

    • the life alert is a good idea. I don't live with them actually I live 2 cities away that's the frustrating part so I'm trying to move closer

  • Depending on where you live try APS (adult protective services).

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