Advice on life?

Hey there,

I am 20 years old. In uni, studying Computer Science, live at home, getting good grades, working when I can and generally have a decent life.

However, I struggle with moderate to extreme depression, somewhat low self-esteem and severe loneliness. I have only 3 friends from high school, 2 of which I hang out with relatively on a regular basis. I have no girlfriend, or any of the sorts. Nor have I ever had one.. besides a short fling in highschool that lasted barely the span of 2 months. I did have my first kiss with her, but have never been on a date, and yes also a virgin. I am in love with a girl I have known for several years but she is in another city going to school as well. We are only friends and talk seldom... and I have reason to believe she is dating another guy which has only furthered my despair.

I have trouble making friends as I am quite an introvert and shy towards new people which unfortunately may come off as being arrogant at times. Though when I get to know people I warm up considerably like an extrovert. I have an excellent sense of humor, wit, and even a bit of charm I suppose in those circumstances. I am sensitive, caring, and consequently live in my mind a lot so no one really hears me out. As far as meeting other women are concerned.. well.. it's even worse hah. I don't think I would want to anyway since my heart is already with the girl I mentioned earlier.. but you get the picture.

Anyways, I figured I don't really have anywhere else to go but here. My parents don't want to listen me and say it's mostly my fault that I feel this way.. which makes me very upset. Talking sensitive things such as this to my male friends also never really seems to solve anything either since I suppose they are equally in the same boat as I am.

Just looking for some advice on life..
Thanks 😊


Most Helpful Girl

  • Wow, this is why I say that most parents are guilty of emotionally neglecting their children, but can meet other areas. One thing I will say is that there is nothing wrong with you. I honestly don't know what your trying to accomplish with saying all about you. Accept that you just need to focus on school right now as computer science is a tough degree. And your just going to have to let this girl go. You have plenty time to date later on. Being shy and introverted is not an issue. Your just different. And stay true to yourself. I'm proud that your still a virgin, that is very important.

    Overall you seem to be doing just fine, other than the fact that you have longing for a girl who you already feel you can never be with. Just continue doing what you have to do. But what is the overall question you want to ask, as I'm sure your prospects for the future and being lovesick isn't really what you just wanted to talk about?

    • Well.. it's not necessarily I believe I can't ever be with her. It's just not at this particular time. I guess I'm just waiting.. which is difficult. But yes, sorry I kind of spewed a bit haha.. I guess my real question is; how do I manage these feelings? I just tend to bottle them up since I rarely get to talk about them. And when I do its hard to open up to people. I know there are the obvious answers like "Go to therapy" or what have you but I'm just looking for ways other people maybe have dealt with these things in their lives.. if you get what im saying?

    • @Asker What for? You don't need therapy. What you need is a new direction. You can't just wait for her. And I highly suggest that you don't. You can't wait for people. You either make the choice to confess how you feel for her or not. That's just part of like. You can't cope. You either keep those feelings bottled up or let them go. Because its not healthy. You can't have it both ways. And I believe that you know this, but your afraid to let go.

      I've been through a similar situation, but its not about me liking another person. It was the other way around. Its not healthy. I suggest that you really think about this. Because either way you have your life and this person has hers, with or without a boyfriend.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I understand all your problems. These problems look simple from the surface. But they are really grave in nature. They are rooted inside your subconscious mind. A great paradigm shift is required in your thinking process. Unless you are able to put a new blueprint in your mind to alter your previous bad thoughts nothing positive can be done. Just go and meet a Psychologist or a Hypnotherapist. They will give you the right line of treatment. Solution is within your sight if only you are willing to go by what I said. You will become a new person full of hope and confidence. Thanks.


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What Girls Said 0

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What Guys Said 2

  • You have to find your niche bro. Computer Science is a tough degree and it will consume your life for five years if you let it. I'm an engineering brah and understand the struggle. For me it's training and working out. It's almost therapeutic to me. Plus it makes me looks joocy AF. More sex.. more daily respect etc. Don't surround yourself with only computer science guys. They tend to lack social skills. Go to a uni party and surround yourself with frat bros. Get yourself out of your comfort zone.

  • Join the marines. Or the French foreign legion