Is my relationship with my mother affecting my relationships?

Im not looking for sympathy I just need to vent. I frequent this site everyday but I'm ashamed of my childhood... so I'm gonna go anon...

When I was little my mother would treat me horribly and beat me with pots, hangers, and she even punched me in my chest once, for not finding a pacifier (she apologized after) but that shit hurt. She kept me from my father who she said used to sell drugs, he has a business now and doesn't go near drugs. He sold them when he first came from Jamaica and also worked construction... thats what she had told me.

My relationship with my mother is nonexistent, she left me when I was 6 to go live with a younger man (19, i think she was 26) and to this day i'll never understand why. Only when I drink, do I look back on my life and wonder what I did to deserve that it hurts badly. My aunt and grandmother took up the motherly role and although they made me feel VERY loved, I just wished it were my mother who loved me... Long story short her marriage didn't work out and she now hops from guy to guy like she did with my pops.

Im 23 a virgin and still scared to approach women but at the same time I'm kinda content with being alone...
Is this normal? Can my relationship with my mom be the reason I don't want to deal with women?


Most Helpful Girl

  • its normal that you're feeling this way... you might wonder if the girl you might approach might act as your mom and not respect you... but i think you should at least try and make friends with the girl you might be interested in... then see how things goes

    • I agree...
      I've learned to single women out based on body language and behavior (big one for me).

Most Helpful Guy

  • Yes... it is mostly true that your mothers abusive nature left you feel this way. I had a childhood friend who was sexually abused by her Aunt but did not get justice because his parents and others did not believe him and even if they did they ignored it because he is a boy. In his society boys are sexually abused by both elderly men and women and it is acceptable. He was so traumatized that he could hardly speak to any girl or woman and he felt that his life is worthless. He even tried to take his life once. When I met him I felt so bad hearing his story but I hardly could do anything because he was from different country and culture where sexually abusing young boys are common. While some boys just accept it and move along, boys like him could not cope up with this.
    Now that he is in US, I counselled him and he found this society a bit more concerned with childrens abuse be it a boy or a girl and is slowly recovering from his past trauma. I wish I could do him justice by bringing his female predators/molestors to justice. Unfortunately these 3rd world developing Asian countries do not have proper law enforcement to protect young children and the law is pretty much in the hands of few who rule the village or town

    • JEEZ damn I was molested by a woman also, it was one of many things holding me back. I cried and talked about it in a support group and it was weird because I NEVER thought of it that often but apparently it was bothering me on a subconscious level i guess...

      Now part of me doesn't even want to date...

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 4

  • First, Im so sorry that happened to you, you absolutely did not deserve that and you did nothing wrong. I'm no therapist, but yeah i think maybe subconsciously you think that women might act the same way as your mom. I think your mom definitely might have left a big impact on you

    • Im trying to get over it or just ignore it...
      Im talking to someone now and she's always busy but she's mad cool.. I don't know where its going to go but it won't bother me if I'm unsuccessful...

    • Thats cool, you just have to keep moving forward :)

  • Yes, it's probably the first reason you afraid to approach to any woman. Maybe you should take some therapy from a pro psychologist to see what's the matter and how would you achieve. There are too many books out there to read but I think fistly you should take an help

    • Jeez ugh... Therapy sounds expensive... I have porn which is good enough.

    • Maybe your parents had thought "Condoms are expensive", like the way of your thinking.

    • Lmfaooo!!!

  • yes she was responsible for socially conditioning you.

  • I feel the same way but about my dad though. he was never apart of my life.


What Guys Said 1

  • You have to accept that your mother is an individual trting to figure out her own life the best way she sees fit. She is not just your mom, that's not her only identity. Look at her for who she really is and accept that she was just a silly girl who didn't know any better. I hope you think hard about that

    • Don't agree she's still doing the same bs she was doing when she was younger. Jumping from man to man and cheating on all of them... Not worth trying to form a relationship with...

    • I understand that what your mom is doing is wrong and unacceptable, that's not what I'm arguing about. You need to take a step back from your relationship with her and see her as just another individual and not just as your mom. She could be doing her best with what she has/doesn't know any better (I'm not justifying her actions, just trying to give you a different perspective). I know you don't want to accept it and wish it weren't true, but that's who your mom is, she's a fucked up person with major problems, it's just who she is. You should listen to the song headlights by eminem.