Is being called "intimidating" the new excuse for why people don't like you?

I've seen a lot of questions here lately about men and women not being attractive or approached by others because they're too intimidating.
How often do you realistically come across people you would like to date or befriend, but stop because you find them so?

When I was younger being jealous was the it thing, if people didn't like you they were obviously jealous. When really these terms were used to be diplomatic about the fact there are less desirable traits holding people back from wanting to approach.
So; how often does this stop you in real life from going after someone?
Do you feel that others are intimidated by you and that it prevents dating or friendship opprotunities? Why do you think it's intimidation?


2|2
630

Most Helpful Guy

  • Intimidating on here has become the new buzzword for people who oversell themselves. I have have found 3 people in my entire life to be genuinely intimidating.

    - My dad
    - My secondary school Headmaster
    - My first boss

    Dating wise, never ever run into a woman who i'd consider intimidating at all. That's not to say i've never acknowledged when they have been better than me at something.

    1|0
    0|0

Most Helpful Girl

  • It's another way to say out of your league, in my opinion.

    1|0
    0|0

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 29

  • When it comes to dating I simply don't get attracted or fall in love with a person I finds intimidating. If I'm attracted to a person because of looks example and finds out the person has a intimidating personality which I don't like I would lose the attraction. Then I would rather think the person as only good looking, but not dateable. Things I may find intimidating is nationality, culture, accent, vibes and the way they dress. Some way of clothing screams "I'm in the criminal gang" or "I'm very conservative".

    In generally when it's not dating, but something else I choose sometimes to avoid being known to that person if possible and sees them as a potential threat. That doesn't mean I dislikes the whole person, but I may dislike the intimidating part with them like their backstory, the vibe they gives, how they dress, culture and act in certain situations. I don't get to know that person. If they suddenly stops being intimidating I may change the view on them as a person full of prejudice and who believes too much in stereotypes.

    I've not experienced people finding me very intimidating. Most people don't think I'm going to harm them and I don't know about anyone who thinks otherwise. However when I went to school people tried to avoid me since I stand out, thought outside the box and didn't follow trends. I thinks they didn't want to hang out with me since they didn't want something different in their gang and they wanted everyone to follow the leader and his/her trends.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Attractive, being-approached, dating are never a problem so I do not feel intimidation is an issue there but I have been told that my size is intimidating several times and some were actually concerned that I might be a threat simply by looks not actions. For example, when I traveled to the UK I had a wonderful time (btw) there but I always felt the bobbies were watching me a lot. I asked a friend to observe them and see if they noticed and he said yes they are. In addition, I dressed average like the people there. I would say most do not see me that way, I hope. So in life I compensate by being nice and always being polite. However I see a lot of posts where it is obvious that people are substituting β€œI am intimidating” for I am actually, narcissistic, self absorbed, …. acting like an ass. They are certainly oblivious to the obvious.

    1|0
    0|0
    • Definitely thinking the second part when I'm asking this question πŸ˜‰
      Actual physical intimidation would be frustrating, but people made snap judgements on appearance all the time so it's not just you tall ones

  • A fascinating connection - between intimidation and dislike πŸ€” I clicked on your question fully ready to say yes, I feel intimidated, but after you made that connection, I'm having to seriously rethink my answer πŸ˜…πŸ˜‚

    At this point, it seems like both existed in me toward someone I was attracted to. I sincerely felt intimidated by her, but I also felt dislike for her in me; and I think most of it was her beauty. I disliked her because of how beautiful she was (and how dumb that can make me sometimes), and I felt intimidated by the way she carried her beauty. Confidence in a beautiful woman is tough for me because of how insecure I feel about myself. Then there's dislike because of how intimidated I feel (which is on me), so dislike seems to be a more prominent feeling than intimidation for me; even though I was gonna come in here guns-a-blazin for intimidation πŸ˜…

    1|0
    0|0
  • There are a couple of forms of intimidation.. the only one I don't go for is when lovers of force feeding their will on each other, rather than discover compromises.
    Both are being too independent in their thinking and whoever they end up marrying will both divorce many times going from one partner to the next, until they change their ways.

    Now a woman can have a strong passionate personality, being a tiger, in a relationship where both lovers are able to freely speak their mind without insulting one another is actually pretty hot!

    1|0
    0|0
    • But what I'm asking is have you ever come across someone you really liked but wouldn't approach or ask them out because they intimidated you... not the various forms of intimidation 😊

    • Show All
    • Not really, but I shut down interest fairly fast so it doesn't get to that point. Less embarrassing for both of us. I know some people don't like me, but that's due to personal preference or different values/opinions not intimidation 😊

    • Yeah I'm the same way,,

  • People are itimidating for a large number of reasons. some people find confidence ittimidating, this is sometimes due to them lacking some of their own or sometimes they might only aim for those who lack the confidence. Another reason why someone might find another itimidating is strength this is mainly due to the person being stronger than them which does so. Then there's tattoos, peircings, religions, race blah blah blah which is solely down to their sub-concious unintentionally or intentionally connecting them with criminals or other such things. sometimes people might find people itimidating judging on what they wear, if they wear track suit bottoms they might scared because again criminals or if they wear smart clothes they might find the person itimidating because they might not think they're worthy of the other persons time. Its solely down to predjuces, a lack of self esteem or simply misunderstandings that people find others itimidating.

    1|2
    0|0
  • It depends what is meant by "intimidating." I don't think everyone has the same definition or understanding of the word. For me, I wouldn't be into a woman who was intimidating. Meaning, a woman who says she doesn't need a man for anything, a woman who is constantly bragging about being independent, a woman who is very forward and cold with her language, etc. These types of women try to "empower" other women to be the same as them. It's intimidating because it's similar to what a man would do in my MY opinion.

    0|0
    0|0
    • But in your example it's not the fact that they're intimidating that turns you off, it's their behaviour or attempt at being intimidating.
      Specifically in this case I'm referring to the "are men intimidated by educated/smart/intelligent women" increase there has been lately

    • Well, their behavior CAN be intimidating because it is representative or similar to that of a man. In some sense, yes, it's intimidating. But, to answer your second part, yeah, I think it can be intimidating when a woman is better or smarter than you in certain things. I think it's natural for a man to want to be smarter than his woman.

  • I dont think im intimidating but i often find myself intimidated. I know its just due to my own insecurities but thats kinda the point, right?

    Person A says people dont hit on them because A is intimidating. If thats true then person A should make the first move if theyre so intimidating.

    Maybe im wrong but it seems to me if you're intimidating then you have something to be confident about. Therefore if these people really think theyre intimidating thats still no excuse for being single.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Intimidating? Is it like dominant and fierce
    I find dominant people intimidating.
    I avoid making friends with them because they demand a lot, and they want me to follow them always. But no, I want to be the leader in a group, although I will not be dominating but will be a servant leader make people follow me because they respect me, not because I'm fierce.

    Throughout my years in Boys' Brigade I've learnt to be a servant leader.
    Lead by example! is the motto.

    0|0
    0|0
  • It does get thrown around a lot..

    I've been called intimidating in the past.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Yes. I usually see women using that excuse, which makes me think of when a guy says girls don't like him cause he's "nice".
    I think it's bs, and just an excuse to make yourself feel better about being rejected.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I agree completely. It's just an excuse, especially when it's women saying it.

    1|0
    0|0
  • The "intimidation" that you are talking about happens with me all the time. This in turn creates a small barrier to that individual to climb over (in my mind). This barrier to me is an accompliment when I remove it or step over it. But others may not feel the same as the barrier may make things dissappear or even create a block for them to move around. sometimes it helps when the other party just speaks up first. Because really who cares men aren't the only people who can talk or even ask for a date πŸ˜„.
    As for asking for a date I do this all the time. However it may be impersonal as it's over tinder/pof/zoosk. The only time I stop myself is if the profile reads poorly or they don't appear on my feeds.
    I'm always looking for new ways to meet people outside a bar but due to a small social anxiety in large groups I find myself in a lot of solo activities such as walking or taking the kids to the park.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I don't know, but you have gorgeous eyes!

    0|0
    0|0
  • Yeah it's a new excuse unattractive people give

    1|0
    0|0
  • It makes sense to me. I mean there's always some bullshit thing. Like... The modern thing to do is to compete to see who can 'take the high road' more. It's cringy. Just have a scrap and get it over with.

    0|0
    0|0
  • your only gonna see someone as intimidating if you see yourself so much smaller than them that it makes a fear. fear they will reject u. sometimes most times it's just a lack of confidence.
    they are some people who feel like they are on another planet in terms of success or even talent and those are the ones that normally intimidate you. But that shouldn't happen in relationships in my opinion or even in dating.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I'm not intimidated, I just don't know what to say. I was also rather embarrassed a couple years ago when I did approach a girl at a party and caught shit because she turned out to be the 15 year old niece of the host.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Well if a person is really shy they are easily intimidated. so if a women is really beautiful they would seem unapproachable or even unattainable.

    1|0
    0|0
  • to be honest it has nothing to do with intimidating it has everything to do with the fact people nowadays don't have any spine and are to afraid to talk to people

    1|0
    0|0
  • Yes.

    1|0
    0|0
  • People are rarely turned off from intimidation, it's usually that the "intimidating" person is a cunt and they're too afraid to admit it to themselves.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I think 1s dressing nice an how they fill affects who will talk to them if I'm in a bad mood people see an fill that but if I'm in Good mood I get people approaching me

    0|0
    0|0
  • No, it's not "Not liking you" it's that men may feel that they can't live up to what we perceive you deserve or would like.

    0|0
    0|0
  • uh yeah. its a very bad one too, especially if they think a guy like me is intimidated by them

    0|0
    0|0
  • The word intimidating can have different meanings. Some people can be intimidating due to their status as an authority figure. But in a dating sense, I think it means something more like, "I'm afraid to show my emotional vulnerabilities to this person because I might get hurt" or "I don't have the courage to approach this person because I might get rejected".

    0|0
    0|0
    • I have social anxiety issues so any woman I find attractive usually is intimidating to me. Once in a great while I feel really comfortable with a woman right from the start. Usually that happens right before she says she has a boyfriend.

    • πŸ˜žπŸ˜”πŸ˜Ÿ

  • I just call it what it is. β€œOut of my league.β€œ

    0|0
    0|0
  • No one is intimidated by me but I get all flustered by the person I'm interested in and can't seem to just ask them out so I guess I was intimidated by them

    0|1
    0|0
  • Usually people who try to act and speak in an intimidating way, are bitchy so I don't bother wasting my valuable time trying to befriend them. I could use that time/energy to make other friends.

    1|0
    0|0
    • But are you turned off them because you genuinely feel intimidated or because you don't like their behaviour

    • Definitely behavior, I am hard to intimidate lol , the only time I think I was intimidated this year was by a 6 foot 5 Russian man who was jacked leaned in trying to argue with me. Other than that I never got intimidated this year. Girls definitely don't intimidate me.

  • No, its women who try to ACT intimidating to their peers by using confidence, a loud voice, trying to make their body look good, etc. they WANT to intimidate people. And i find it bullshit. Women who act this way turn down men because it continues to help their confidence. This is why i do not approach women. theyre adult children, literally. And they always want to be the elephant in the room

    0|2
    0|0
    • plus, women always find excuses to reject men, even when theyre displaying the want of people to approach

What Girls Said 5

  • I think I have resting b**** face when I'm zoned out or when I'm just tired and people take that to mean that I'm mad or hard to approach. I'm neither one and I try to curb the RBF but sometimes it's just out of my control.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I don't if that's an excuse : o
    'Cause tbh there was this guy I felt intimidated by because he was so quiet but not like those who seem like they are shy and are finding it hard to make friends; but the ones that are quiet like "I am only here for the class, I will talk if I feel like."
    Anyway, so he always had this military voice and I felt "afraid" to approach him until one day he spoke to me some words in a gentle manner.

    I was taken aback and that's when I finally understood why some people think quiet people come off as stiff/ stand offish

    0|0
    0|0
  • I'm intimidating and too honest and/or agressive. I don't waste time and have zero issues asking any one on a date. Guys see it as immasculating them and woman think it's pushy. idgaf I love me and it's better than the me I was before.

    I'm a love me or hate me person there isn't a between either you think I'm funny or vulgar, pretty or not, honest or a dick head, etc, etc, etc. I'm too much, too little of something else, too this or that; but you know what I'm just enough for me and I am perfectly fine being alone. Until someone can run with me freely in the fields of the world instead of trying to posses, own, or tame me I'll do me.

    0|0
    0|0
  • No it's not, horrible people can find friends too, a lot of horrible people in the world.

    0|0
    0|0
    • What do horrible people have to do with finding someone intimidating sorry?

    • Sorry I just read headline. I thought you spoke about friendship, so I was saying if you are a bad person you'll find a bad person for a friend. No need to claim intimidation as the reason you're buddiless.

  • I don't think I'm intimidated but more so too nervous to go up to him

    0|0
    0|0
Loading... ;