If someone is constantly having issues with other people, is it usually their own fault?

  • Most likely, yes. They are the common denominator after all.
    Vote A
  • Most likely, no. It's usually everyone else's fault.
    Vote B
  • Other
    Vote C
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Most Helpful Guy

  • It really just depends on the individuals involved.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • In my own experience, I mostly have problems because of my own attitude and behaviour. I'm the type of person that only few people like, and it's completely and utterly my own damn fault.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 68

  • I can see why some people think it is. but in reality it's probably not. it's not that person's "fault," they didn't do anything wrong. they just don't get along with some people. they need to find the people that they do get along with and build friendships there

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  • It's no one's fault, but the person can learn to not have issues with people by asking themselves why they do, if they love themselves and are open and honest with themselves and give love to others while having no fear or guilt or shame, then they will only have problems with people who are negative

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  • Personally, that's me. I believe it is because of a gap in what I'm trying to do and say and how they're interpreting it, combined with intelligence and social norms coming in between.
    See, I'm not exactly the most socially and politically accurate guy out there. And I do and say things that, albeit true and moral, cannot be addressed in society. Being in India doesn't help that at all. Because of those social norms I find myself usually ostracised if not hated. And it all starts off with simpler things such as laughing where I'm not supposed to and not doing so when I am. It also portrays me as a little weird. I don't know about other places, and people hate weird here.
    Then comes the part about intelligence. Now, I'm not a real genius here, but I can accurately say that most of the people I see around me are quite dumb. Now, to bridge that gap would be a rather hard thing to do. Specially when the other side is generally round unwilling. Hence, that's a dead end again. Most of the people believe and stand for what they're told and taught, instead of what they think and find accurate. Hell, most of them don't even have the time to think about such things.
    Finally, comes the part about my personal self. I have found time and again that my body language, general posture and stature comes off as either of two things: Mysterious, or Intimidating. I often intimidate many people just by looking or glancing at them, and where there's fear, there's bound to be hatred. On the flip side of the coin, people here like to stick to what they know. And mystery isn't what they know. People may be afraid of many things, but what they're most afraid of is the unknown. And again. Where there is fear, there is hatred.
    On the contrary, the people who know me swear that I'm one of the best and most influential people in their lives. So, I guess, it's better to have a small number of strong bonds, than to have a large number of weak ones.

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    • All in all, I'm disliked, and constantly run into issues because I'm not socially accurate (not socially inept), I'm a little smarter than the rest (not a smartass), and people find my personality scary (can't help it). Out of all these, I the only things I can work on are more effective and simplified communication, and a set of socially accurate skills. However, I do find the latter rather hypocritical and tedious and being with. I mean, laughing at jokes which aren't funny isn't really my strong suit. Specially when there isn't a promotion tagging along there. XD

  • They are the common link and may somehow be playing a part in what is happening to them, but that doesn't necessarily imply fault. Fault tends to come with blame. People are often not aware of the things that they are doing to encourage or enable bad behaviour from others.

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  • Yes, but many people lack the ability to examine their behavior and accept responsibility for the consistent reactions they get from others. That is why we read so many questions like "Why does every guy ghost me after two dates?"

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  • It is things like having expectations of other people that causes issues. You expect someone to be a certain way, or to do certain things. When they don't do what you expect, you get annoyed with them, which is totally unjustified.

    Do not have expectations of others, and you will rarely be disappointed.

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  • There is a far larger amount of morons than there is the amount of intelligent sensible people.
    So I would say the answer to this is not always obvious.

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  • yes and no. It is usually their own fault, but it's also common for that fault to be something like "not considerate of other peoples' desperate need to be a prick".

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  • It's pretty easy to avoid having issues with people around you. Just be nice, or be quiet... that's literally all you have to do.
    In fact, you have to be very highly opinionated and ready to make a point out of arguing your point of view to have issues with people.

    The type of person I'm imagining right now still hasn't learned the old lesson of avoiding arguments concerning religion or politics. You'll change no ones mind regarding the issue and make everyone hate you.

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    • but if you are being nice and respectful and listens to everyones opinions, and when they ask you the most about your beliefs only and then teases you afterwards, what should you do by then if you are being the innocent one and everyones acts like devils?

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    • @SupremeCouchPotato that sounds like my grandma, but my problem is with ones at the same age at me even though I try to avoid them but at the end they scare me forcing me to answer them. I have tried all my best with them :/

    • What can I say except get over your sensitivity. That's what worked for me. Just stop caring about other people's opinions or what they think. Ignore them but if they get in your face or touch you then defend yourself. That's about as much as you can do, there's idiots everywhere and everyone has had to deal with idiots. Just develop a strong mind by not thinking about these things anymore, just stop caring.

  • looks like my case:
    I want to be true and honest with everyone and I dont like clingy people. I talk less but when I talk it is straightforward. means when i see someone is doing mistake I try to Check them.. i expect the same loyalty and responsibility from other person.. so people who are junior to me feel that I am a kinnda dominating.. but in really I am not.. I have few True friends as I believe in " it is better to have one True Friend than hundreds of fake friends" .

    if you truly want to have more friends you should be less expecting and try to be more political by nature.

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  • Not necessarily but, you may want to take a step back and look at what each one was about. Sometimes you'll find that some of the issues were not even worth it. Everything or most things shouldn't constantly be an issue with you.

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  • Depends.

    There are examples where it's an individual's fault. I've seen groups of people having the same problem with other people, indicating a cultural phenomenon. Sometimes it's the group complaining, sometimes the group with the problem really is just a disenfranchised group that's getting the sweaty end of the lollipop.

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  • Not always. I have problems with people all the time because of jealousy. There are lots of guys who resent me for being in great shape, being confident, and having successful with girls. They're jealous because they want my success but resent the fact that it's been "given" to me and not them. That's their problem, not the result of anything I've done wrong.

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  • Well, you phrased the question poorly in my opinion. Does this someone take issue with most other people? Then yes, they are the incompatible ones. Do they take issue only with a specific type of group of other people? Then the odds are the group or type of people taken issue with are doing something wrong, and it's okay for that to be the case.

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  • My father said this to me about what was the common denominator in all these issues and I thought how true.

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  • Certain individuals seem to attract 'issues', and as you say, they are the common denominator, so...

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  • Sigmund Freud: "Before diagnosing yourself with depression or low self-esteem, make sure you are not surrounded by imbeciles"

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    • Couldnt have said it better. People try to isolate everyday because of THEIR own insecurities. Has nothing to do with you.

  • I've always said:

    Let's look at it logically, is it more likely that there's a problem with the person or is it more likely that there's a problem with everyone else?

    A lot of times the person won't be aware that they're causing the problems but they still are.

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  • some jobs are meant to find faults like leaders of society. indian admin services require a curruptionless person on their post so they always find fault in others to get perfection in work of society... its not necessary that who finds fault in others are faulty himself may be their perfection level of work is too high

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  • No

    .

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  • depends on what the problem is

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  • Dosnt necessarily mean you are wrong but if this is the case you should definitely take a look at yourself. Maybe Ask a friend about ur flaws. Ask them to be honest so u can better yourself. And do not hold anything they say against them. U made them tell u..

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  • Wrong personin the wrong place at the wrong moment or the person himself at fault: both are possible

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  • The vast majority of the time, yes that is the case.
    Even kind people can become very aggravating. I know good will people that annoy the fuck out of me lol

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  • reminds me of those people who say "all people are assholes" xD dude if everybody is an asshole, maybe it´s you that´s the asshole. would be weird to expect people responding nicely to an asshole.

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  • Yes. It can be for a lot of reasons, but most often it is because people are not living up to standards and expectations that you feel they should.

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  • Something could have happened in their past x

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  • It could also be a common misunderstanding. On how u view urselves and how others. View u. It's better to try and change ur perspective a bit before expected other to do. In long term, it won't change who u r.. But it'll give u a better view on others perspective and decide if the change is worth it.

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  • Depends on the reason. Autistics, compulsives, Bipolars, etc. are not to blame for the condition they have which causes social problems.

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What Girls Said 39

  • If it smells like shit everywhere they walk they should check their own shoes

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  • No. You can't always please everybody and everybody isn't going to like you. If you have problems with the way the world is, is that your fault? No. But it is your problem to bare? Sadly yes. Because your opinion isn't popular, and thus other people will view you as trouble. Some people again just doesn't like you no matter what you say, think or do. Especially when you're too weird or different. Everybody has to be able to fit it somewhere. It's like a battle between an Introvert and Extroverts. Most introverts do not feel comfortable in being around people they don't know or like. Extroverts doesn't care about that mostly as long as they get the energy from people to keep them happy. Often times Introverts get a stigma for not opening up, slow to do so, and less likely to interact and do thing everybody else is doing. And people end up jealous or envious of you, they still don't like you, and naturally, affects everybody else. It's easy to judge and say it's always that person's fault. But how many people actually take the time to truly get to know that person without bias? And actually care?

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  • If my experience, if someone is constantly having drama and problems getting along with other people, it is usually because of something about them- they have an attitude problem, or are self centered, etc. But of course, everyone has problems with other people now and again where it is not (or at least not entirely) their own fault. So it can go either way.

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  • yes it's their own personal fault. that's why I literally have no problems with anyone right now. 😂😂😂 except for my ex best friend. I told her I didn't want to be friends with her anymore because she literally doesn't want to do anything with her life but sit at home living off government assistance and foodstamps and she's always bringing her drama in my life. . I told her I was going to start working and getting my life together. and of course she put the blame on me because it's a lot easier to blame someone else and not take responsibility for your actions or life. she started calling me a fake friend and said true friends stick by one another forever. But who the fuck wants to stick by a person like that? constantly surrounded by drama and wants to do nothing with their life and live off government assistance? I legally have schizophrenia so I'm technically disabled in the governments eyes but I'm out here busting my ass working a hard ass job so one day I won't live off disability money or government programs. because i feel my kid deserves a better life than this shit. mind you my ex bff is not disabled but she's looking for anything wrong with her so she can draw a disability check.

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    • I think this fight between you two are unnecessary. If you are best friends it shouldn't really depend on what the other person is doing with their life. I understand it is furstrating to see her just waste her time for nothing. But do you have any solutions for her? Does she have something to work her ass off for? A passion or a family? Maybe she is depressed?
      But if she just makes you feel bad, then I understand your problem. Negativity is not very nice to have around.
      But I at least value friendship more than social status

    • I've tried helping her and giving her advice for the past 4 years and it's to the point I sound like a broken record. I don't want to do it anymore. and there's other reasons why I don't want to be her friend and one of them is because since I have known her all she has done literally every single day is bitch and whine and complain about her life and her boyfriend. she even told me I can give her all the advice I want to but in the end she's gonna do what she wants because she's an adult

    • so yeah. I don't want to be her friend. she can fuck herself to Pluto and back

  • In my opinion, yes. If I see a pattern with someone, noticing that for a long period of time knowing them they live in a fault-free bubble, I usually start discovering their own faults that they deny having.

    If I notice that some people have it bad when they go to work, but their social life is otherwise fine, then it's all about what they're putting out there for people to be dissatisfied with. Someone could be the nicest person in the world and have a great social life, but at work they just keep failing at what they're supposed to do and let their coworkers down. Even then, they should recognize that if it's a wide range of individuals - most of whom don't have a reason to have an axe to grind with them - then they should take a look at themselves.

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  • There are always exceptions but in general, yes. If someone is always having drama with tons of different people, is it more likely that everyone else is the problem or that the individual person may just have a bad attitude? If someone can't get along with a majority of other people, I would say it is their attitude that is likely causing it.

    Unfortunately, most people like this fail at self-reflection so they can't recognize (or admit) their own faults. Therefore, it's easier for them to blame everyone else. Some people just don't know how to take any personal responsibility for themselves or the situations they constantly find themselves in which I think is sad.

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  • Probably a small majority. But there are enough exceptions that a majority doesn't mean much. Some people are just put into a bad situation by other people, and one thing leads to another.

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  • Some people like to immerse themselves in drama while others happen to have drama following around them, when it's not neccessarily their fault. So it depends.

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  • It could be that they have a problem which causes the fights but somethings not. For example, a girl arguing with everyone in her family to be able to study in high school, is she to be blamed for causing so much arguments?

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  • It could be either or. Most likely it is them since they are the conmon denominator but we can't judge someone off of just that one fact alone to come to a good conclusion. It could be something else, both, or just that they always manage to fuck with the wrong people

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  • maybe they have bad problem solving skills with people. I know my sister does. She gets really mad at people who don't think that she is the most beautiful and special girl, then she will ignore people and hate on them. When you ask her if she is mad at you, she will say no but she will give you the cold shoulders. I don't have any problems with anyone. I just give as much as I can, time and money and if people appreciate me then great if not then who cares. I make my own happiness, I don't need people to give me praise or money or stuff or their time if they don't want to. I will go and give it to myself.

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  • Other. They're either focusing too much on the negative side or the people they come in contact with are toxic. Or both.

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  • Its usually either a misunderstanding or they need to take a good look at whom they hang with or are around. I mean continuously having problems with others. Just means they either are not people you should be around or you just are misunderstanding others.

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  • its possible that its their fault

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  • That's safe to assume. But don't forget... ass-u-me.

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  • other, they may have their own reasons... like being shy or socially awkward that it makes conversations weird.

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  • I've seen some of both, some people who are genuinely very rude and often intentionally start fights for the drama, yeah, it is their fault, no doubt about it. But I knew this girl who was very shy and reserved and came from a lower income family, usually pretty stinky, smelled like cigarette smoke a lot. Everyone seemed to think that she was a rude girl who thought she was better than everyone else and she didn't have any friends. I was a bit of an outcast too so I started talking to her and I found that she was a very nice girl who was just shy, we were best friends until she moved away, and even now we still talk and play games online.

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  • Depends. it could be them or it could be the people they surround themselves with. you just have to be careful.

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  • It depends. It usually is. But if these "other people" are all in the same group, you could say that they're just trying to gang up on the person.

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  • Not exactly. Some people are more susceptible to being bothered.

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  • probably is that person's fault. Sometimes not

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  • Their fault! I know a few lol

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  • depends on the point of view

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  • typical drama creator

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  • It can be but sometimes you have to be the person to let it pass you, or it's going to get under your skin way too much, which is not healthy.

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  • Sometimes a person is surrounded by people who are wrong and too stubborn to change. Sometimes one person is causing problems for other people. It really depends on the situation and how people handle conflict.

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  • It depends... sometimes yes, but sometimes a person can be really unlucky to have all bad people around.

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  • It honestly depends on the situation. It can be either or both. Probably usually both.

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  • Just bad luck

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  • Most likely, no. It's usually everyone else's fault.

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