Is wanting to be submissive to your partner a bad thing?


I'm quite submissive person and I like putting happiness of people I care about before mine. Being indecisive at times, I also appreciate if other person (my partner, for example) takes charge and guides me to a decision.
However I have been told that this thing is not right and that a relationship is supposed to be equal.
Especially by few friends of mine and such.
Is that a bad thing?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Not at ALL!

    Just make sure that the person you submit to, is someone that you can trust!

    in my opinion most women are the most happy in relationships, when they simultaneously submit to their man (as in letting the man be his natural role of leader), AND have full trust in him.

    Unfortunately most women submit to untrustworthy men!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • If you're changing your core beliefs to make someone else happy, it's bad. One of my friends asks her boyfriend for fashion advice and eats kosher because he said it's right. She doesn't agree with everything he says, but it's like pulling teeth to make her admit it. You don't want to be that girl. The right guy won't like that. The wrong one will take advantage of you.

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What Guys Said 34

  • If you as a woman submitting in the relationship and your boyfriend as a man being in charge is what works and you enjoy then it's not anyone elses business.
    Submit to him.
    Also, trust me, women wanting to submit to men are more common then you think, and honestly I think it's quite healthy.
    You might want to actively look for men into being in charge though.
    Submissive women will often find that they're not really all that happy in a relationship where the man is also submissive.
    And a submissive woman can't really make *him* dominant if that's not part of who he is...
    One place that might be worth looking at is places like fetlife.
    But it depends a bit on yourself...
    There's conservative circles where you might find a better match.

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  • There's nothing wrong with letting your partner take charge in the bedroom or irl. When your in a relationship you're both parts of the same team. Two pieces of the same machine. Rely on each other and don't get into stupid power struggles like your friends are telling you. It's an immature outlook on relationships and will ruin yours

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  • It's fine. And I think for a successful lasting relationship, decision making can't be truly equal, especially when it comes to raising kids. One person needs to be the one to decide and make the final decision on things once the other has had the chance to say their opinion and give reasons for it.

    If there is no clear decision maker in a relationship, it will lead to many arguments, and the kids pitting both parents against each other to get their way.

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  • No, but make sure you find the right guy who puts you first too. Don't let yourself be wasted on a douche.

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  • Yeah. I wouldn't do it TOO much because than he will start taking advantage of you. You need to be assertive. There are certain times when HE should take control and other times when YOU should take control. But don't just tell him make ALL the decisions and walk all over you. Don't give in to his every demand. If he sees you are weak he will start to take advantage of you, and than get angry if he expects to get something from you and doesn't.

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  • There is no such things as an absolute equal relationship. There is always one partner taking more charge than the other.

    The key is, how submissive and if said submissiveness is by choice or necessity.

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  • not at all. its only bad, if the other person is taking advantage of you and you are letting him/her do that to you

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  • For most guys, this is pretty much music to their ears.

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  • Your friends ((and such)) are idealistically naive. In any kind of relationship, there is someone who is dominant over the other.

    If you want to be submissive, there are plenty of guys out there who are passionately addicted to that.

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  • Not necessarily, no. It can become bad depending on the level of submission you decide to take, and other factors, but no, it's not bad in and of itself in my opinion.

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    • To be more precise: As long as in your submission your partner still-regardless of being the "deciding factor"- considers and takes into account your wants, needs, thoughts, and feelings, then I don't see it as bad.

    • An example of healthy submission:

      Woman: I'm not sure whether we should save money or not.

      Man: Well, I think that we should considering you and I both make low wages. But if you aren't okay with that, then we will talk about it more.

      Woman: I'd rather you just decide, honestly.

      Man: Are you sure thats what you want?

      Woman: Yes.

      Man: Okay, then we will save money.

      An example of unhealthy submission:

      Woman: I'm not sure whether we should save money or not.

      Man: We should, and that's the final word on it.

      Woman: You don't want to even talk about it more?

      Man: No. What I say goes.

      See what I mean?

    • If you want a healthy relationship you must communicate straightforwardly. Let your partner know your feelings and thoughts etc. Also let them know that you wish to be submissive in the moments you do. And above all else, only submit to someone who is worth it. Submission is not a bad thing, despite the stigma around it. In any hierarchical function, the inferior always submits to the superior; that's the nature of a hierarchy. The military for example. And also, by "inferior" and "superior" I don't mean in a sense of one's worth. I mean the ranking of authority.

  • Not at all. I'm submissive in my relationship and my partner is dominant

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  • If your both happy with it then its your choice, it can be fun for both and very satisfying

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  • I like mine submissive in the house, Dom or independent when I am not around.
    Fast forward a few years, you'll be happy being sub to a Dom, they will be probably miserable wanting to find a guy. Women only want equality when it suits them.

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  • It's not a bad thing, but just become a doormat

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  • In not about bad and good it's about you and what you like

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  • Not a bad thing

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  • I see submission as a sort of trust thing. As in if your willing to follow with little question I can trust you.

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  • A relationship is supposed to be happy for those involved if you're both happy than the relationship is how it should be.

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  • women are too submissive

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  • No, but be prepared for them to take advantage of this situation.

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  • No. Actually its a good thing. U just have to find a right guy who will love u to be submissive and he like the dominance.

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  • Depends on how your partner thinks. If he wants you to be submissive in bed and treats you as a princess rest of the time, I don't think it's a bad thing 😊

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  • Whatever makes you feel happy is what's right for you

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  • First of all you chose the wrong word.
    Second, it's not healthy at all.
    Just because you aren't confident enough about a decision and let others decide for you, makes you weak. It's giving power to people over you.
    It is the understanding about each other and respect. There is nothing called equality in a relationship, because there are no measures to compare 2 people.

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    • You're an idiot.

    • Show All
    • No, it's a fact. This is studied and people involved in power-exchange relationships have statistically better mental health than others, and it makes sense. Embrace what fulfills you; who gives a damn if it has been taboo for all of the last 10 years in human history?

    • Dude, like I said you it's your opinion. Not mine.
      You said, I read.

  • Not at all; I’m dominant

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  • Nope it's not bad. I'll like submissive partner.

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  • It's not bad

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  • Nothing wrong with it at all, just be very very cautious about it. I'd highly recommend you check out fetlife and see if you have a local community of likeminded people. It is really the best protection from abuse as you can make friends you can communicate these experiences to and abuse is not tolerated among healthy groups.

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  • ... Better than wanting to put on your strap dong and lube his butt

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  • No it's awesome

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  • More from Guys
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What Girls Said 8

  • No, it is not a bad thing. If it works for you, then it is fine. Who, outside your relationship, has the right to say what is good or bad. That is YOUR choice.

    In fact, no relationship is equal. The two people are complimentary. Fit together like a lock and key. Each has things they are good at, and together the relationship will flourish!

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  • I am a submissive in general, so now I don't think it's bad. I refer to my boyfriend as sir, and I enjoy being dominant sometimes in everyday situations. Like being told to sit down, get some sleep, being pulled in for tight dominant hugs and sitting on his lap.

    It's only a bad thing if they get abusive, and start acting in control of you even when you don't want that. If it starts stressing you out, making you cry, or feel like you're a 'bad girl' so to speak, then it's likely turned into an abusive situation.

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  • I'm submissive too and this never was a problem. Just be careful with people who try to abuse this side about you.

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  • I would rather kind of like to synchronize our vibes and kind of be into the average of what we both want, or maybe take turns. Make little compromises.

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  • It's not a problem at all as long as you talk it through with your partner. I am the exact opposite of you. I want to be in control all the time.

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  • I don't think it is, many guys like submissive women in bed and outside of bed. I would be submissive in bed but I can be dominant outside.

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  • No. I like being submissive too. Its perfectly fine.

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  • Well, no matter how you role play, your relationship is always equal, but a voluntary power exchange is perfectly healthy and fun if it's based in love and care for one another.

    I suggest you join fetlife. com and talk to other women who feel as you do, maybe attend local events and such. I always recommend sticking close to the BDSM community at first - helps you have places to interact slowly.

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    • It's not about BDSM. I'm talking about general behavior and all

    • You're talking about D/S and that's handled within the general kink community.

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