Is wanting to be submissive to your partner a bad thing?


I'm quite submissive person and I like putting happiness of people I care about before mine. Being indecisive at times, I also appreciate if other person (my partner, for example) takes charge and guides me to a decision.
However I have been told that this thing is not right and that a relationship is supposed to be equal.
Especially by few friends of mine and such.
Is that a bad thing?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • If you as a woman submitting in the relationship and your boyfriend as a man being in charge is what works and you enjoy then it's not anyone elses business.
    Submit to him.
    Also, trust me, women wanting to submit to men are more common then you think, and honestly I think it's quite healthy.
    You might want to actively look for men into being in charge though.
    Submissive women will often find that they're not really all that happy in a relationship where the man is also submissive.
    And a submissive woman can't really make *him* dominant if that's not part of who he is...
    One place that might be worth looking at is places like fetlife.
    But it depends a bit on yourself...
    There's conservative circles where you might find a better match.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well, no matter how you role play, your relationship is always equal, but a voluntary power exchange is perfectly healthy and fun if it's based in love and care for one another.

    I suggest you join fetlife. com and talk to other women who feel as you do, maybe attend local events and such. I always recommend sticking close to the BDSM community at first - helps you have places to interact slowly.

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    THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
    • It's not about BDSM. I'm talking about general behavior and all

    • You're talking about D/S and that's handled within the general kink community.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 34

  • Not at ALL!

    Just make sure that the person you submit to, is someone that you can trust!

    in my opinion most women are the most happy in relationships, when they simultaneously submit to their man (as in letting the man be his natural role of leader), AND have full trust in him.

    Unfortunately most women submit to untrustworthy men!

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  • There's nothing wrong with letting your partner take charge in the bedroom or irl. When your in a relationship you're both parts of the same team. Two pieces of the same machine. Rely on each other and don't get into stupid power struggles like your friends are telling you. It's an immature outlook on relationships and will ruin yours

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  • It's fine. And I think for a successful lasting relationship, decision making can't be truly equal, especially when it comes to raising kids. One person needs to be the one to decide and make the final decision on things once the other has had the chance to say their opinion and give reasons for it.

    If there is no clear decision maker in a relationship, it will lead to many arguments, and the kids pitting both parents against each other to get their way.

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  • Yeah. I wouldn't do it TOO much because than he will start taking advantage of you. You need to be assertive. There are certain times when HE should take control and other times when YOU should take control. But don't just tell him make ALL the decisions and walk all over you. Don't give in to his every demand. If he sees you are weak he will start to take advantage of you, and than get angry if he expects to get something from you and doesn't.

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  • There is no such things as an absolute equal relationship. There is always one partner taking more charge than the other.

    The key is, how submissive and if said submissiveness is by choice or necessity.

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What Girls Said 8

  • If you're changing your core beliefs to make someone else happy, it's bad. One of my friends asks her boyfriend for fashion advice and eats kosher because he said it's right. She doesn't agree with everything he says, but it's like pulling teeth to make her admit it. You don't want to be that girl. The right guy won't like that. The wrong one will take advantage of you.

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  • No, it is not a bad thing. If it works for you, then it is fine. Who, outside your relationship, has the right to say what is good or bad. That is YOUR choice.

    In fact, no relationship is equal. The two people are complimentary. Fit together like a lock and key. Each has things they are good at, and together the relationship will flourish!

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  • I'm submissive too and this never was a problem. Just be careful with people who try to abuse this side about you.

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  • I would rather kind of like to synchronize our vibes and kind of be into the average of what we both want, or maybe take turns. Make little compromises.

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  • I am a submissive in general, so now I don't think it's bad. I refer to my boyfriend as sir, and I enjoy being dominant sometimes in everyday situations. Like being told to sit down, get some sleep, being pulled in for tight dominant hugs and sitting on his lap.

    It's only a bad thing if they get abusive, and start acting in control of you even when you don't want that. If it starts stressing you out, making you cry, or feel like you're a 'bad girl' so to speak, then it's likely turned into an abusive situation.

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