If you were raped are you still a virgin?

So I was assaulted almost a year ago and I’m still learning to cope with it but a couple thoughts have crossed my mind. If I were to have a boyfriend in the future, would I still consider myself a virgin? I know that I’m not physically but mentally I feel like it since I honestly can’t even remember exactly what happened. I wouldn’t want to lie and say I am but I also wouldn’t want to say I was raped right away either.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • I'm very sorry that ever happened to you, you don't deserve that, no one deserves that. And technically, I think there's a difference between being having sex and being violated. When you're raped, it's against your will. When you willingly have sex with someone like a boyfriend, they have your full permission and consent. So technically, you're not a virgin cuz you've had bad but real experience, but you're also still a virgin cuz you haven't give it up yet of your own choice. So overall, I think you're still a virgin, or in your case, a half-virgin, if that makes any sense.

    • Yes I understand your point, thank you

    • You're very welcome. And if you were to have a boyfriend in the future, if he cares about you, he won't care if you tell him, it might even strengthen your bond.

  • Im v sad reading ur post n my heart goes out go you. Sadly, as ur aware with such bravery, technically ur not a virgin in the physical sense of the word. However, emotionally u can tell a future boyfriend once he too is mature that even tho u had a horrific episode that u feel emotionally ur still s virgin cos u haven't had the experience of giving urself to a man with pleasure. Any man worth his salt will understand and take your virginity with respect, emotion and dignity.

    • Thank you, I hope that will be what happens in the future

    • Im sure it will. Just try to remember to choose the guy carefully. Cos its best to let him know so he can take ur experience on board n adjust accordingly. U will meet the right guy one day.. dont rush it xx

Most Helpful Girls

  • Technically you're not, but as you get older you'll grow to understand that what really matters will be you and your level of comfort when it comes to sexuality.
    I'm sorry you had to endure such a terrible circumstance. For someone who has gone through such a circumstance, I'm sure you'll express your deepest emotions and talk about this situation to someone who means a lot to you, and I would assume they will be understanding.

    • Thank you, I believe he’s out there it’ll just take time

  • Yes. You are.

    Literally do not listen to these bobos saying that “virginity means that you have a hymen.”

    Firstly, the hymen doesn’t exist. It’s a mucus membrane that stretches across the vaginal opening all the time. Any blood after your first time comes from tearing the labia due to insufficient lubrication.

    Secondly, virginity is a social construct. It has very little meaning but what you give it.

    • Thanks

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • If you want to talk to a boyfriend about it, qualify the statement. Say that you’re a virgin, but you were assaulted. You’re under 18, so I can’t imagine what it was like to have that as your first experience so young. No one decent could ever hold that against you. I can only imagine a man who cares for you would become protective of your heart. Technically speaking, you’re not a “virgin”, but there’s something about losing your virginity which implies consent. Whichever way you choose to identify, as long as you’re in a relationship you can be forthcoming about your trauma, is acceptable.

  • If you go to a doctor you're not a virgin. Mentally you are a virgin.

    • That's cray cray talk.

  • Yes. Virginity is a mental state, not a physical one. If you didn't consent, then I don't even consider that sex. It's just violence.

  • In the strictest sense, I wouldn't think so. However, you the opportunity to have a first special moment with someone mentally and physically <3
    You can say you are a virgin in my opinion, if you don't feel comfortable telling him, you don't have to.

  • you can honestly say you have never had sex, rape is no sex. its violence.

    you dont need to tell him till you are ready. women lose their hymen in many ways, not just sex, and some are born without.

    best wishes :-)

    • I haven’t thought of it that way, thank you

  • I’m sorry about what you went through. Although you might scientifically not be considered a virgin, I still feel like you are able to tell people you are

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  • The definitons for virginity vary. Physically speaking you're not a virgin anymore, true. But virginity is more about decisions, so I would still consider you a virgin. I think it's totally legitimate for you to tell people you're a virgin, and you shouldn't feel like it's a lie.

    I'm sorry for what happened to you. You sound like a strong person though!

    • I agree. Technically, her virginity was stolen from her. But sex, in it's most valuable, spiritual form, is an act of giving, not taking. So, in order for true virginity to be lost, it must be given, not taken. I'd argue that she is still a virgin in the only sense that virginity matters. It's the CHOICE to have sex that people care about.

    • @BrianMerritt Yeah, completely agree. (Well, except for the spiritual thing, but that's probably because I'm not spiritual at all, lol.)

    • Every human is spiritual. We are more than chimpanzees. What exactly we have that they don't... that's been a question as old as time. But Yoda puts it very well.

    • Show All
  • If there has been a penis inside you willing or not your not a virgin anymore.

    • Yes she is. Technically, her virginity was stolen from her. But; sex, in it's most valuable, spiritual form, is an act of giving, not taking. So, in order for true virginity to be lost, it must be given, not taken. I'd argue that she are still a virgin in the only sense that virginity matters. Someone is a virgin so long as they CHOOSE to remain one.

    • Your a virgin. She has had a penis inside of her. Would you consider a hooker that decided one day to never have sex again and after some time decide she's a virgin a virgin? No because she's obviously had sex. Any way you want to look at it whether it was wanted or not she technically has had sex and therefore no longer a virgin.

  • Depends hun. I would consider you still a virgin because it wasn’t your decision.

  • Yes..

  • 😭😭😭😭😭 I'm so freaky sorry about about you, if you still have trouble and want to text about it I can try to help you move on. But I don't think so that ur a virgin still.

    • Thank you, I appreciate it but I will be going to counseling soon

    • Yeah no problem that great you going to counseling, don't focus on dating for a while. Just until ur ready. Im assuming You have people around you that care about you

  • mentally, you are a virgin, physically, no. It says something that you didn't give it away so easily. It's frankly nobody's business whether you are a virgin or not, feel free to ignore those questions if you don't wanna explain your past

    • when I say nobody's business I mean nobody except a potential mate lol so if a guy you are dating is asking, you should tell him the truth

  • By definition: "the state of never having had sexual intercourse."
    No you no longer are.
    However, you have never experienced deep meaningful sex/love. In that sense, you are a virgin.

    • Sex doesn't have to be deep/meaningful, in fact it often isn't. A person who hooks up is not a virgin afterwards. But this Asker is still a virgin in my opinion, because she had no choice in the matter. She is still a virgin out of principle.

  • yes virginity isn't about the penetration its about losing something special to someone special

  • Technically, your virginity was stolen from you.
    But; sex, in it's most valuable, spiritual form, is an act of giving, not taking.
    So, in order for true virginity to be lost, it must be given, not taken.
    I'd argue that you are still a virgin in the only sense that virginity matters. You are a virgin so long as you CHOOSE to remain one. You are still a virgin out of principle.

  • You're not. But, honestly, I think he should know.

  • I think you should consider yourself a virgin.

  • No. Your innocence got stolen hun.

  • The definition of virginity can waver.

  • Sadly, no

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