Am I being put on the back burner?

OK. I've been seeing this guy about a month. We haven't gone one day without texting or chatting or seeing each other. I was actually scared by how much he was in touch at first, but figured I'd rather someone be in touch than be aloof.

He slept over once and didn't try to touch me because he knew I wanted to take things slow. That was sweet. Well it seems like the last week it's been one thing after another coming up, and he's kinda flipped the switch in terms of communication. He still gets in touch here and there but not as much.

He dropped plans when he was sick to take me out to lunch last week before I took a trip and then he went to travel and see his family and child. It seemed he kept adding a day to the trip.

Anyway, he gets home and says he thinks he got sick on the plane. I try to ask him when he wants to hang out and it takes him an hour to respond. He says "sorry I was interviewing people brb" and then I never hear from him, not even text.

Because I can't help myself I tell him that I'm not trying to be suffocating but that my schedule is really busy coming up and I want to make time to see him. He said it was fine but work is ruling his life and now he's sick and feels like he's failing at everything...that he's "definitely still interested" I ensured him that I just like him and think we need some face time in order to really get to know each other. He writes back FOUR HOURS later saying that he agrees but that he thinks he's really sick.

So today, I'm really upset because I haven't heard from him AT ALL. I know I shouldn't have but I finally sent him a silly text. About 40 minutes later I get a text where he says he is on antibiotics and painkillers for strep throat and that he had to go to urgent care.

If he's really sick, I feel bad for getting all in a tizzy, but honestly, he went from texting/chatting CONSTANTLY to barely saying anything at all. Is it possible I'm being put on the back burner, or that he's trying to slowly creep away?

It seems like a lot of work to tell me he's "definitely still interested" or to make up such elaborate stories...but seriously? Why flip the switch?

I think I'm going to wait for him to call some shots, and in the meantime, continue with my life.

What do you think?

And when I say he dropped plans I mean he dropped everything to come see me even though he was sick...not that he broke his plans with me. I thought it was nice of him.
OK, we talked and he said this week has been bad and that all seemed fine, but he's gone from being super excited talking about cuddling and stuff to just wanting to "hang out." Still haven't seen him and just saw he deleted all these posts from facebook.
It just seems a little suspect that he deleted all these links and stuff, some of which I had shared with him.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Your panicking. Slow down, take a breath. Lots of people will start off with another person giving them all the attention in the world because they are really excited and want to be sure that it's going to go somewhere. You've proven to him that he's in for a decent chance, so he probably thinks "ok, I've got her interested, I can calm down a bit now". Give him time to breath. He does also have a life that he has to attend to, and he's probably been putting other stuff off for a while because he was so attentive to you before. Also, if he says he's sick, he's probably sick. He might not want to talk to anyone whilst he's sick, plus he probably wants to see you but can't because he feels sh*tty right now, so he's avoiding you a bit because he doesn't want to let you down. just give him some time. Text him every now and again and let him know your still around, ask him how he's doing etc, but not too often. If he really is still interested, as he said he is, he'll tell you when he's ready to see you again.

    • Lulu, good advice. For some reason I always end up being victim to the "slow fade" where dudes drift off without a word. He insists he would tell me if he wasn't interested, but I've heard that before... The switch was flipped so sharply and suddenly that it's hard to think anything but the worst. He doesn't talk about how much he wants to make out, etc. anymore. Sometimes I expect the worst. He seemed to back up any inconsistencies in communication before and now he doesn' it's weird..

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What Girls Said 2

  • continue with your life. you can do better. just seems like he's a jerk and keeps throwing excuses at you. you can do better

  • I'm curious to know the outcome of your quesion. I'm going through the exact same situation with a guy I have been seeing and like you, getting all sorts of advice from "hang in there" to "kick him to the curb." I've experienced most of what you mentioned, from coming on super strong in the beginning to making sure he came to see me even though he was sick to the not setting a date to hang out but saying he's still very interested. I'm also pretty confused and wondering why he went from hot to cold literally over night. Things just aren't adding up. I hope you are doing well and things worked out. Any insight you could offer would be much appreciated. :)


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