What do you think of this short horror story I wrote?

I stared at the image before me. Brown, solmen eyes staring through my soul. As if they knew all of my secrets, all of my thoughts and desires.

"Who are you?" I asked, as I reached to turn off the tap water. The mist from the hot water had fogged up the mirror and the image disappeared beneath the clouds. I closed my eyes. I always hated looking in the mirror, stories of Candyman and bloody marry continued to haunt me even throughout my adulthood. What if they were true?

I laughed out loud, my voice echoing against the bathroom walls.

I'm such a dumbass, I need to stop thinking about dumb shit.

I reached out to wipe the fog from the mirror but paused. What if I wiped it and I wasn't there? Or... someone else was?

I shook my head and laughed, rubbing my hand across the mirror. Then I screamed.

I saw the teeth first, now ozzing with blood as they reached down and engulfed my hand. The bulging white pupils stared me down, as if I was the first meal it had seen in a long time.

I don't remember the rest, but one detail that stuck with me until my final moments. That monster... was not anyone I hadn't seen. That monster, looked just like me.


Most Helpful Guy

  • It's not bad. You may want to include more imagery in the middle section, because you start with it which builds anticipate but then you stop and loose it.

    The 5th and 6th sentence seems to not fit the overall mood either. You may want to reword them.

    It may also help to have more of a twist at the end.

    I'm not a writer, so take my comments with a grain of sand. Overall it seems okay.


Most Helpful Girl

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