I'm not comfortable telling people about this since I hate seeing their emotional facial reaction for some reason. I'm 18 and just turned into a senior at my school. I had a pretty good childhood. I have parents who love me a lot. We have huge arguments here and there but what family doesnt? Anyway I struggled with anxiety and depression since I was 14 and I'm still trying to cope with it. I go to a thereputic school so yes I do see a therepist and take medication, zoloft to be more specific. The medication has helped me in some areas but not all which I'm about to explain. I dont remember when I started feeling this way because I would never even think about doing it. I had thoughts about shooting up a school. Like I said I dont know why I have thoughts about it. It just comes up when I'm mad. I dont actually want to commit it, hell I dont ever see myself killing an innocent person. It's something I will never EVER do. I struggled with a lot of bullying in school as a kid. I always wanted to so something that will shock people so they would think differently of me. As in seeing that I'm not weak. I'm lonely and whenever I get depressed, I think of the times I was bullied. I take my anger against people. I hate people so much that I wish they would just die. I hate how lonely I am. I try seeing other people but since i have social anxiety it's a little difficult for me to do that even with dating. When i do feel confident and decide to ask a girl out i always get rejected and laughed at. All of that confidence was nothing but a waste. I'll admit I kinda hate women. Or actually I hate them a lot. Before you say how I was "disrespectful" to them, to my knowledge I didn't say anything negative to them. I take all of these thoughts and think about killing people so I can get back at them. Everytime I think like that I feel disgusted, but at times I hate people so much I can't help it. I'm not comfortable sharing this with my therepist or my parents.