1 mo

Did my teacher act inappropriately towards me or am I just imagining it wrong?

When I was in fourth grade I had some "weird" experiences with my teacher like this one time on our way to a field trip he sat me on his lap on a subway ride because there were no seats left this humiliated me in front of the other children on the ride. Another time I really needed to go pee during music class but he wouldn't let me even though I was squirming around pleading trying to hold it in so I ended up peeing myself although he did act remorseful and say "I'm sorry I really didn't know you needed to pee that bad." These things at that time didn't hit me as wrong I thought of them as embarrassing moments my teacher made go though sort of how a dad would but the only thing did actually make me mad and weird me out is when he went through a journal I had on my desk during recess he told me to stay after class because he didn't like what was in it the journal because it had bad words and violent stick figure drawings in it. He didn't know but that was all made by my older brother who the journal originally belonged to. I didn't tell him that though because I was pissed he was snooping on my stuff. I'm assuming he had looked through it because he liked to see my drawings he was really good at drawing and we were close in that way because he enjoyed my drawings and I enjoyed learning to draw from him. The last thing that'll mention is that when we had to walk to go another Field trip he held my hand the entire way other teachers I think we're doing it too but why did he choose me I hated it because his hands were sweaty and so were mine so you can imagine the discomfort. I'd like to think he just cared about me like a father but now that I'm older all these scenarios keep going in my head and I have to wonder if I was taken advantage of or just misread the situation.
Did my teacher act inappropriately towards me or am I just imagining it wrong?
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