What Are Some Funny Motivational Quotes Or Life Advice You've heard?

[weysally]

Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married...

If this does not make you laugh out loud,

you have lost your sense of Humour.

The other night I was invited out for a night with the 'girls.'
I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, 'I promise!'
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.
Around 3 a. m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.

Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up
and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another
9 times.

I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted
solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.

(Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12
cuckoos MIDNIGHT!)


The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him
'MIDNIGHT'...

He didn't seem pissed off in the least.

Whew, I got away with that one!

Then he said 'We need a new cuckoo Clock..'

When I asked him why, he said,

'Well, last night our clock cuckooed Three times, then said 'oh shit.'
Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its Throat, cuckooed another three times,
giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then Tripped over the coffee table and
farted.

[Yads_Is_Back]

I didn’t know of any but this was an interesting question so I Googled it and it’s quite entertaining 😂Weird that I can’t think of any because because my grandma uses funny wise sayings all the time. But they are mostly in Spanish so I guess it wouldn’t matter here anyway. Now I wanna listen to Bill Murray

[Lliam]

LOL Those are funny, bbb. And what a great idea for a question.

One I can think of is "Try wishing in one hand and shitting in the other, and see which one fills up first."

Here are are few more:
"Some people say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day."

“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”

“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.”

“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.”

“Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!”

“We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.”

[newfreshstart]

i know these are not really Funny Motivational Quotes Or Life Advice but i found them funny thought i would share

[Jjpayne]

Here are a few for you 😊

[WhiteSteve]

https://www.youtube.com/embed/CNOutomr5XIhttps://www.youtube.com/embed/NwVNuyfhF0Qhttps://www.youtube.com/embed/1YgGnfBNAqg

[Kaneki05]

Don't murder people it's not just rude it's illegal. Kinda a better version of this poster from a game. I dunno that It's not just rude it's illegal gets me.

[call_me_scar]

Here u go

[TonyMetal___86]

About the woman saying this, i agree!
Women say the opposite things that they want the majority of times 🤣

Such as:
A girl telling her boyfriend: "do you like to go shopping with me?" It means that she wants you to go with her and it's not a matter of if you want it or not 😂😂

I know the codes miss brains muffins 😜

[Citizenkirk]

An 8th. grade teacher of mine had a round wooden pog she had me cut out for her in wood shop stenciled with the word TUIT on both sides, too hand over too procrastinators of things needed done in class and study hall.

[NYCQuestions1976]

"When life gives you lemons, squirt them in someone's eye."

"There's a fine line between doing a fine job and doing a job that gets you fined."

[IAMNathanael]

If you give a man a fire he'll be warm for a day. If you set a man on fire he'll be warm for a lifetime.

Horrible advice from Mr. TinfoilMan

[captain_voidwalker]

Ultimate truth there

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

My advice to everyone never spend money to give someone an engagement ring wait to at least 6-months to year to make sure things are for real

[triff]

If I drop a hammer I don't have to see it fall to know it has fallen

[JakeS00]

If you’re going to associate with fools, don’t expect much, just expect foolish things from foolish people. Lol I made that one.

[SunnySri]

If plan 'A' didn't work there are 25 more letters in the alphabetical order.

[David92506]

“War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.”– Ambrose Bierce

[michael1469]

Hopefully her bff will console me...

[SumSimulits]

Once time somebody offered me a backhander saying "Take my wallet, maybe it is empty, but when you put money in it, it rushes full".

[LowSelfSteem03]

You won't get Lemonade if you dont find the Lemons.

[TheAfrikan]

Mine was like.
OPINIONS are like assholes, often full of nothing but shit.
So take a few which you can while up.

[SuccessfulHornDog]

Get confident Stupid
The beatings will continue until morale improves

[KrakenAttackin]

"Never trust a woman or an automatic weapon".

John Dillinger

[loveslongnails]

"The worst vice is AD vice"

[bulletbob555]

Every long journey has its first steps.

[Coolmanxl]

No pain no gain. Not funny but motivational

[Maspolomas]

Don’t pee in the wind and don’t eat yellow snow