Is it better to live and make mistakes or to be cautious and well-reasoned?

Question

This goes in line with some of my earlier questions. I'm extremely torn between trying to think things through and do the Right thing, and just going with it - acting before thinking. I'm scared life will pass by, or that I will regret so much of what I've done.

For example, a body count can't be lowered. AIDS can't be taken back, nor a pregnancy. A failed class is a spot on a record. Drinking can lead to so much misery (as I learned when I was young).

On the other hand, what if life passes you by? What if you get to be forty or fifty, and realize your youth was wasted on things that didn't matter?

I want to hear y'all's thoughts on this. Act and regret what you've done, or think and regret what you haven't?

AmandaYVR · Accepted Answer

The advice pretty much needs to be different, custom fit to the specific person. Some are overly cautious; others are reckless.
If you want to apply one rule "to rule them all" then it needs to be "moderation", in between.

There is a saying that has been going around for years now, "You regret the things you didn't do, not the things you did." It's a bit like stock investing. People remember the stock they sold too soon, or worse yet, never bought. But of course you can also hold until the value dwindles down to nothing. But most people talk about the Big 5 in tech. "If only I had..."

This is how I see it - if the risk is too great (and you listed some serious ones, like pregnancy), then of course you should be cautious and well-reasoned. Also, if the risk, and potentially very bad outcome, would traumatize you (and if it would is a guess, often times), then it's also a time to be prudent. Perhaps, if in doubt, don't.
But there are minor risks that might pay off, and they might bring something great to your life. And especially with people who are particularly risk-adverse, the idea goes that you can condition the brain to become less sensitive to such things. It's about making *calculated* risks/decisions. If/when enough of those pay off (or don't go absolutely askew) you learn not all risk is bad. You remember the good.

You mentioned risks in the dating world, so I'll give one example of that. I asked a few guys out, initiated things with them. I didn't do it often, I was not cocky at all, it freaked the hell out of me actually, but I remember all the yeses, all these years later (from my twenties in that decade of dating), and I only vaguely remember the nos and the ones that didn't work out. In fact now every single guy who wasn't reciprocal, I now think something like, 'What was I thinking?' lol. So dumb. But the ones who were happy I made my feelings known, and ended up having a relationship with me, wow those were fun.

There are much more serious decisions to make, things that impact your life is much larger ways - such as where to live, what line of work to get into, how much to be quiet or speak up about health issues. Even when to try to repair certain relationships where there was a riff or major falling out. These need very, very, careful consideration. The ramifications can be devastating. Those are what I think cannot be overthunk. All else, learn to throw caution to the wind sometimes. Throw it out the window, in fact. It feels good to not care sometimes, to not worry. You build tolerance to not worrying. You develop a thicker skin. And the only way to achieve that is bit by bit, incrementally. Just be careful on the big stuff. Sometimes it can be near impossible to come back from them. But that is what separates successful people, content people, from the rest - the ability to pick oneself back up again. And again.

I voted Other, because it's about the choice, and which method to apply.

TransAm85 · Accepted Answer

I've made a lot of mistakes in my youth and if I would've known half the stuff I know now, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have screwed up so much, but at the same time, I still had a lot of fun. If you live in paranoia and worry all the time that you're not doing things right, that won't be a very happy life. Just don't be like these zombies I see on the streets everyday building tents under the freeways and begging for money outside stores! Live somewhat responsibly and have fun!

TheMajesticKing777 · Accepted Answer

I don't know if you'll read all of this cause it might be pretty long but the problem with a lot of people is that they live in the past, they think so much about their past, the thing is that life will keep going and the thing is that you'll end up living through it and the consequences that come with those decisions, the real question is will you accept it and live with it, there's many things that can be taken back and some people would rather live with the consequences and I don't believe your life can really be wasted cause when you die it won't even matter cause you won't be alive to experience it, so I guess the best thing to do in my opinion is try to make my life as easy as possible and do what I can with it, you can live your life doing good things and I personally don't see my life being thrown away because I didn't make bad decisions that can lead to consequences, my definition of living is being happy and comfortable, I don't gotta do things that lead to consequences to live my life to the fullest but I guess that all depends on what someone calls living.

IJhonnyI · Accepted Answer

Ay my opinion 100% on this is never do wrong on purpose you knowing you could avoid something wrong use it and avoid it, don't purposely do stuff you know your gonna regret, and there's nothing wrong with being cautious nothing at all, it's better too live cautiously than recklessly better than making a mistake you could never take back, just do correctly and don't let people drag you down into their negativity cause if you know what's right from wrong its never too late too start doing correct and when it comes too any type of diseases there's nothing you can do about that but live that is not your fault sweetheart just change a couple of your actions move on and live for the better never for the worse, you know what you should and shouldn't do, this is the best advice I can give now it's up too you if your gonna read it and do what you know is correct.

razelove · Answer

I'd say a mix, but I've lived most of my life charging head first into whatever looked exciting or beneficial. When it comes to my family I'm cautious as all hell though.

zeitgeist057 · Answer

I've taken the "just live and make mistakes" for the most part. I don't intentionally do stupid things, I tend to think about major choices, but I don't overthink, especially not the small stuff.

Things I've done in my life:

* Traveled to many other countries, staying for months at a time, not just weeks. Something like 30 countries, spent over 6 years cumulatively abroad. (on vacation, enjoying, not working). Met amazing people, had incredible food, memories, learned languages, opened my eyes to so much I never even imagined before.

* Had super fun work experiences. I've been a bartender, snowboard instructor, blacksmith's apprentice, firefighter, EMT, RBT, martial arts instructor, landscaper, dishwasher, prep cook, chef, server, personal trainer, and more. I just jumped in and did it. Due to my work experience I am very comfortable making delicious food anytime from scratch, got to ride in helicopters (A LOT), saw tons of amazing sights, wildlife, nature, beautiful scenes from on top of mountains. Literally if you scroll through instagram and look at all those amazing photos and scenes people say "omg this place is so beautiful, omg can you imagine doing something like that" I've been comparable places and done comparable things. People literally tell me "omg it's insane how much you've done in your life, can I live vicariously through you?" <- this is not something you're going to hear by taking the path of caution.

*Other things I just jumped into: wanted to learn to sail, so I bought a $1500 used sailboat. Wanted to learn to ride a motorcycle, so I bought a $600 used motorcycle. I learned how to operate both AFTER buying them. Learned to rock climb, surf, gymnastics, various martial arts, scuba diving, sailed across the Indian Ocean and up the Red Sea on a 36' yacht. Now I've jumped into RN school; I'm loving it and learning so much. It's opening up new worlds to me, new ways of thinking.

Your examples:

*a body count can't be lowered. - okay, so what? "a body count" is a fairly petty way to approach ideas about sex and intimacy. Which I wouldn't really expect anyone with a low body count to understand. You need experience in order to understand the benefits of experience.

*AIDS can't be taken back, nor a pregnancy. - 100% you're right. I mean, you can still get abortions or morning after pill. But STIs, some are for life. Some aren't that big a deal, but I get it, you're 22, so they seem really scary. I had chlamydia twice, and it was about as rough as getting athlete's foot, and easier to get rid of with medicine. I've had sex with dozens and dozens of women, and never got anything permanent like AIDS. Getting tested regularly and talking to partners about their testing is important. But also, it's not that common.

*A failed class is a spot on a record.- It can be, but there are also ways to circumvent, plan ahead, or do remediation. I probably failed a good 6-7 college courses but I changed them to Credit/No Credit in time, retook them, or had them expunged from my record. My GPA is now above 3.8, and with that I can be a top candidate for CRNA school admission.

*Drinking can lead to so much misery (as I learned when I was young) - yup. It's a good idea to learn some limits. You learned when you were young, but how did you learn? It wasn't from someone else telling you, you got experience and learned for yourself. Being miserable isn't all bad. It can help us learn and guide us to great things.

I distinctly remember being 22, bartending and talking to one of my customers, an older fella. I was so excited about traveling but hadn't been very many places yet, and this guy was also into travel and so excited. I asked him where he'd been and he surprised me. "Nowhere, I've just stayed here my whole life.". It was then I got a little scared that if I didn't act, in 20-30 years I would be this guy, having gone nowhere with my dreams.

VanillaSalt · Answer

you can’t live without making mistakes. Cautions good but can make you miss opportunities. What’s the benefits, risks, rewards for your decisions?

I say pick something to give yourself to completely. Yourself, a family, a career… apply your logic here then everything else can be a Hail Mary. The most important things in your life you’ll wanna think about.

You mentioned promiscuity for instance. What do you gain by sleeping around? What do you risk? As a man a woman risks looking less dependable and more likely to cheat by sleeping around. She’s more of a risk then a woman whom doesn’t. So if your priority is a relationship might I recommend giving this idea thought? Now your decision to eat a Butterfinger or a snickers is best left to a coin flip.

Find the things that matter and give them real though and live vicariously through the choices that work out. You don’t need a sex partner now if it costs you the career you always wanted “pregnancy” or the man you always wanted “loss of respect.” The adults don’t know what their doing and we’ve had decades longer than you to figure it out. Being an adult is making your own choices and accepting responsibility for bad decisions.

Datboi65 · Answer

A wise man once said:

A smart person learns from his mistake and a wise person learns from other people's mistakes.

My mother is a pharmacist. Pretty good for her, right? She wanted to be a doctor, and she had the GPA to make it into a decent pre-med program, but she picked what was comfortable. Well, let's just say that she wanted things to go a different way.

I am studying to become a doctor. In a way, I'm correcting her mistake. Now this is all very subjective, but it has a higher meaning. If the mistake is permanent and it has a very negative result, I say it's better to be careful and avoid it. There are negative implications to being a felon, sex offender, drug addict and so on. An STD is irreversible, so you have to be careful. Bringing life into this world is permanent as well, so you don't just want to sleep around. However, if it's something that can be fixed or corrected, then there's no problem with that. I know someone who is 34 who decided to change his field from engineering to medicine. Another dude is 45. Is it hard? Absolutely. However, it's not permanent. In a way, my mother could've done the same if she cared enough about it, but what is done is done. However, you understand the analogy.

In conclusion, it's good to be careful and learn from others. If all of my current choices meant that I'm healthy and fulfilled by the time I'm a 45 year old, then why should I have to worry about what could've been? At least I would have a decent job and a great family, and that's what I really care about at the end of the day.

dynamicyandere · Answer

I think it’ll be good to figure out who you are and what you want—what is your life about, what do you stand for, what do you value? And, I think it’s also good to figure out what type of lifestyle do you want to live.

Once you know who you are and what you want, make choices in life that are congruent with that. Make choices that align with your own personal code and the direction you want to go in life.

As long as you are true to yourself like that, you won’t have regrets.

Also, along your journey you can discover what you find fulfilling. Whatever you find fulfilling should also be a part of who you are and what you want.

Kaamraj · Answer

Just like everything in life, there is a balance. If you live too sheltered then you won't achieve anything nor make mistakes. But if you are living too freely then you might make mistakes that you can never recover from. I have a friend who wanted to ride a motorcycle. Myself, being an experienced motorcyclist told him to get cruiser but he got a sports bike. Within a month he got into an accident that put him in a wheelchair for life. So there are some mistakes that you can't recover from.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Mistakes are part of life, they are inevitable. In saying that it's much better to learn from other people's mistakes lest you needlessly get burn like them and suffer their fate as well.

You should live your life and explore what life as to offer you without fear and discover what's under each stone especially at your age.

Moreover, it's in your best interest to be cautious and smart at the sametime since life and time don't forgive.

You must be smart in living life as a I discover because being stupid (I was a very stupid at your age) leads to stupid mistakes and those mistakes leads to a lot of pain and regret later.

Just be smart and reasonable and life should work out well in your favor.

I learned the hard way and through pain and through the word of God the Bible how things ought to be instead of the stupid ways I thought and did things.

katiesmuff · Answer

I think it has much to do with the stage of life you are in. Single and basically free from being responsible for anyone but yourself you can take chances be impulsive and live with the consequences. However once your married, have children there becomes a responsibility where you must be more careful of your decisions as other lives are at risk along with yours..

Anpu23 · Answer

I am 53 years old. I've made some very poor decisions and some very good ones. The truth is the choices I made got me to where I am now and I wouldn't change any of it. My battle scars are many and I've seen things better left unseen. But I love and am loved and my life now is amazing. Good choices com from wisdom which comes from experience and experience comes from bad choices. Go live

BCRanger10 · Answer

You shouldn't be torn between them because you can do both. You can be cautious and well-reasoned, but still be mistaken in the conclusions you reach, which ought to lead to re-evaluating your thought process. And mistakes happen. What matters is what you take and learn from the experience.

ArtemisSilver · Answer

I'd suggest balance for example I'd say be cautious about romance, sex and who your friends are but more open to taking the risk to travel or venture in business.

Constructive risks are the ones that you won't generally regret so much even if you fail.

Reminds me of a crass joke I heard a while back.

Success is like pregnancy, everyone wants to congratulate you when it happens but nobody asks how many times you had to get fucked. 😅

Smoke-n-Growls · Answer

There's living and making mistakes, then there's making life changing mistakes.

Having unprotected sex? Life changing mistake. At best, you have an STD! At worst, you're a new parent.

Trying out a new job in a new industry, but really not liking it and switching back to your old industry? Living and learning.

It's about having a realistic view of risk and managing it to the level you're comfortable with.

NathanDavis · Answer

one can live very well and experience a lot without being reckless and careless... and you're still going to make a mistake here and there

best to live responsibly within reason... and aware of the consequences for any risks you might take

burlen · Answer

Both are not mutually exclusive. A well-reasoned decision can result to a mistake. Think of a decision that was made with the best available information or rational intent that resulted to an unintended outcome.

Equally, caution can lead to mistakes. Think of the last time you proceeded with an action with caution and yet led to an undesirable outcome.

Mistakes can create a reasoned outcome. For example, Coca-Cola's classic coke drink was an accidental creation.

Wsx2wsx2ws · Answer

Look before you leap or wind up a bloody heap.
Some one well seasoned is often well reasoned.
Its ok to take chances at wine, meals and dances.
To avoid strife with your wife or the rest of your life
Think well ahead before taking them to bed.

A poem by wsx2wsx2ws

Sour-rose · Answer

i've lived cautious af. All the way when I was a teenager, I was catious. Until I became an adult, i started taking risks. Not killing anyone but risks that could have got me in jail for the night but i'm able to play the good girl still so I can slip by. It's honestly feels soo good to be taking risks and not being the same as I was, i have no regrets

Hrumf · Answer

It is about finding a balance with both. There are moments to be overly cautious and other moments to throw caution to the wind.

The trick is finding out when to pick one or the other. I will let you know when I figure that one out 😆

RealMarek · Answer

I recommend being careful about the hazards you mentioned, but also try to keep a balance in your life. Know that misfortune can visit the most careful person. For example, I have seen some of the hardest workers I know get laid off, and some of the best people I know end up getting divorced due to an abusive spouse. Sometimes life is unfair.

Blackcupcake · Answer

a good balance of both…
being reasonable careful and not intentionally getting yourself in bad situations and making mistakes on purpose…
but also, not being overly cautious, having fun and enjoying your life instead being toooo scared to make any mistakes…

TwiNshichamp1 · Answer

I mean cautious is always better before doing anything. So that you do things while you know. But also making mistakes is the part of learning. A highly successful man, could not be successful without failing and hearty broken. I mean sometimes our past and whatever we did, makes us be who we are in the future, if we learn how to use Past correctly.

Is it better to live and make mistakes or to be cautious and well-reasoned?

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