Borderline between self respect and just not caring?

So, I just asked a question related to something different but I mentioned a part where a guy touched my chest area. If you read it, you most likely know what I'm talking about. Anywho, I've been thinking and whilst having self-respect, is not only good and you're protecting yourself morally and also physically. I've been having trouble defying the two because recently a guy acquaintance that I know, randomly touched my boob being the fact that I touched his chest. Long story short, while I know having self respect generally the case, which I do in every situation and I try not to put myself out their in a provocative way, I honestly didn't have a problem with him doing that. Now, I've spoken to a few friends about the situation and their more mad at the fact that he could do "such a thing" than I am. I feel, "weird". Like I'm supposed to be mad or care, but I really didn't mind that he touched me. Obviously if it was some random guy I didn't know I'd have a problem with it, but because I know him on a mutual level it was OK. Again I do have self-respect but I don't feel like any lines were crossed. What do you think? Differentiate the two maybe?

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  • It is neither. Consider: Withdrawing in disgust is not the same as apathy.

    Everyone has a set, and you're sort of locked into that set, as much as you need a set. My set is mostly composed of addicts and deviants. Touching your friends breasts isn't uncommon here, in my set. In your set, it is - it's a big deal. And, you don't see why, and you don't agree. And you don't MIND if your friend touches your breasts, he's your friend and it's fine and you're comfortable. And your set puts upon you that there is no class to you, and you've got this dissonance. Everyone thinks I am this, but I think I am this. What you must do is withdraw from the ideas of the set and develop your own position. This is not a regression, this isn't falling into apathy, and this isn't losing all self-respect. Quite the reserve - taking your own unique position is the height of self-respect. Do this in all things, not just your Boob-Territory arrangements.

    Withdrawing in disgust is not the same as apathy. [smile]

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  • There is too much over thinking. Sometimes asking other friends opinions( particularly if it's a group of all girls) can make you feel like you need to think/feel a certain way.

    you touched him, he touched you... you didn't care... but I suspect you worry about what people think and how that fits with your concept of "self respect".

    It doesn't go against your self respect if it is something you enjoy/don't care about. Self respect is about having your own boundaries of what you think is okay, not about what other people (society) thinks is okay.

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  • They're pulling the double standard routine, they must be feminists...

    If you can touch a guy, why can't he touch you. That's a double standard

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  • As long as you're okay with it then I don't see the problem?

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    • But that's the thing, I don't want to be made out to be "easy" or a "whore'. I know everyone has their standards and what not on how far they would go given a situation. I just don't want to be made out as someone who doesn't have "self-respect" If you get my drift.

  • I wouldn't even dream about touching a friends boob just like that, seems a bit weird to me

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  • I think the gut reaction is just, "Shit I don't think it's a good idea for guys to just go around touching boobs." Which is true, but this is between you and him.

    I don't get how being okay with it means you respect yourself less or anything like that. It's not like it suddenly makes it okay for everyone to touch your boobs.

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  • I'm confusing myself just thinking about this, haha. I guess I'll just mention the thoughts that came to mind. Keep in mind that I'm pretty staunchly pro-consent about this kind of thing.

    - If you didn't feel disrespected, why would someone try to convince you that you should? I think your friends are putting themselves into your shoes without actually getting your perspective, if that makes sense. Just because they would feel disrespected if he touched them doesn't mean you should. Nobody's "right" or "wrong" here.

    - There's a difference between freaking out, feeling neutral about it, and enjoying it. None of those are objectively "right" or "wrong" reactions.

    - What if letting yourself be touched constituted self-respect for you? I know it seems like a stretch, but behaviors associated with "self-respect" are just so subjective.

    - It's important not to categorize all touching as "bad" just because some of it occurs in much more violating situations than yours. I think your friends may just be thinking about the negative consequence of guys being encouraged to do things like that to women who AREN'T okay with it.

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