What advice would you give to a guy who has no luck with women...

...and would love to have a relationship with a girl and isn't into sleeping around and at the same time sees all his friends going out on holidays and clubbing and picking up so many girls and being players and cheating on their girlfriends?

I've put myself out there even though I'm shy and asked girls out before but none of them were interested. I haven't got a clue.

Any advice?

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58

Most Helpful Guy

  • - You need to have a relaxed confidence with women. Think "James Bond."

    - You need to NOT focus on one particular woman at this stage of the game. Approach EVERY girl you find attractive, introduce yourself, and have a bit of conversation. If you are still interested after 2-5 minutes of conversation, ask her on a date. If she says "no thanks", tell her "Okay, no problem. But would you mind giving me some feedback? Could I have done something better?" Listen to what they say, and if you get a consistent answer from several different girls, work on that item.

    - Do NOT take rejection personally. Every guy, even the very best, most attractive, most confident, most popular celebrity guys get rejected, so you will to. Just think of those as opportunities to learn, and do better next time. Remember too that it's largely a numbers game. If you have little experience and little confidence, your success percentage may only be 1%, which means you have to ask out 100 girls to get one who will go out with you. That may seem like a huge number, but if you ask out 20 girls a night every Friday and Saturday night, in three weeks you'd have a date. Most likely, your percentage is higher than that, and the more practice you get, the higher it will go, and the fewer girls you'll need to ask before you get your next "yes" answer.

    - Treat these girls NOT as super-romantic objects of your worship, but rather like a normal human being. Be aware that they are attractive, but don't TREAT them like they're especially attractive, because that will make you nervous. Do NOT put girls on a pedestal and treat them like they can do no wrong and that you have to defer to their every whim, or go overboard to make them happy. Act like you normally act around people every day, and either she likes that or she doesn't. Just because a girl has a pu$$y doesn't make her a better or more deserving person than you are, so don't treat her like she's a goddess. If you end up in a relationship with her eventually, THEN you can treat her that way a bit more.

    - I can't stress enough that a relaxed CONFIDENCE is the key. Not arrogance, just confidence. You should be smiling a little smile the whole time, as if you know something no one else knows, and you should kind of make a game out of it in your head, so that you're having fun, whether you get a "yes" or a "no" from a particular girl. Even if you get rejected, if you handle yourself with confidence and class, she'll notice, and when she tells her friends about you, she'll probably mention that you handled it well, and her friends will be intrigued. Yes, even a rejection can work in your favor if you handle yourself right.

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What Girls & Guys Said

57
  • There is actually a lot to study in the area of dating. You really like to believe it is simple to just attract and ask to go out with a girl, but trust me it isn't. It is a whole lot more besides that. Women are far more 'complex' than you think they are perceived to be and if you want to be with the girls you really like you must first work on areas of yourself including your appearance, approach and dating etiquette.

    Before you begin you should examine yourself both internally and externally as to what 'air' you give off when near a girl. How you present yourself is important to a girl as is the replies and way you give out your replies. Do you act or speak nervous or needy around them or you are manly, relaxed and unfazed? Does the clothes you wear, your body perhaps and your looks/attitude give off a 'manly' feel? ie. alpha male? These all have an overall effect on the confidence you display. If you don't then you need to work on those first.

    The way you stand or sit and present yourself is also important. Do you sit slouched or straight? Just these signs alone are potential indicators to your attractiveness. Slouching gives a signal to the other person you lack confidence while sitting straight gives off the sense you have a presence...

    Once you have sorted out your external game ie. external portrayal, then you need to work on your 'inner game' or mental state. At your current level of confidence are you scared of being with a girl ie. feel intimidated by her looks, put them onto a pedestal, feel you need to be with them etc. or can you just be cool and just be happy being yourself with your friends? If you are relaxed and easygoing which usually is a sign of great confidence, you'll have a better chance of meeting someone than not. Also mentally believing that you are attractive and wanted also helps with generating confidence.

    Also try to talk to more people and simply learn to socialize with all kinds of people - this usually helps with developing and improving your confidence in talking with women. Your friends are successful with girls probably because they would have likely been more outgoing than you have been - especially with the inner game - and this attitude usually makes a huge difference. If you apply this attitude on a daily basis (that you believe you too can be outgoing and can talk to all kinds of people without a problem), then gradually you'll find talking to women is easier and finding that special person in your life is not that hard.

    Hope that helps.

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  • eat more lucky charms and find a 4 leaf clover

    least you put yourself out there, there isn't much I can tell u. I'm glad your not into the party animals. I myself dnt go to clubs and to put it straight I go for the nerds lol. the cool 1s lol

    altough my boyfriend was popular among his grade he wasn't a jerk and cheater he can hang with any1 but at the same time still sit with the nerdy Asians and play yugioh...yes he is one of em lol him, and his group of friends

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  • I'd say, your friends must be doing something right. Go talk to them and see if you can learn.

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  • Well, I have a friend like you and I'll tell you the same thing I told him. For one, confidence is key. It makes you infinitely more attractive in any girl's eyes. Two, confidence doesn't always do the whole job. If you're confidently talking to girls and they're not interested, let it be. There are many reasons why a girl could decide she doesn't want to go out with you. She could not like your personality, she could not be into dating guys she doesn't know, or she might be out of your league. The best thing you can do is keep your head high and figure out why she didn't agree to you, and find someone else who does not have the same road blocks.

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  • Obviously you haven't asked enough girls out. Keep going on and on and on until you find that one.

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  • Blow up dolls are the way of the future my friend.

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  • how old are you?

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  • Confidence. Really, that's it. Be yourself, be happy with who you are and where you are right now. A happy, relaxed, confident guy is attractive. Put yourself out there, talk to girls and just talk. Then if you like them, ask them out. The worse they can say is no, just don't take it personally, there's plenty of fish in the ocean.

    I'm sure if you treat girls well, aren't a major party animal and don't sleep around, you are going to find a nice girl that wants to be with you. Just don't get too intense in the beginning. It should be less about finding a relationship and more about finding the right person to be with. If you have any female friends, ask them for some feedback.

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  • Excellent question.

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  • Get the book, THE SYSTEM by Doc Love.

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  • Confidence, get some more. You could still go out clubbing and stuff with your friends and still be a nice guy and not slutty.

    I would just say learn to be more confident. I don't know what you look like so I don't know if that could be a factor, although looks shouldn't really matter that much.

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  • Like yourself. Believe in your mind that these girls want to date you. They all want you. They will get your attention because they all want you to notice them. But you have to be selective because you don't have time for all of them. Think that in your mind, but never mention it. Do not even hint at your over inflated ego. Then watch them as they fall right into your arms... LOL. But really confidence is all it is. Just like yourself a little bit more. And never speak ill of your douche bag buddies with a jealous tone. Go get em tiger! =)

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