What does it mean when a girl says "You're not my type"

Hey guys, I wanted to know what it means when a girl says this. For the last year or so, I've been trying to put myself out there on the dating scene but I keep running into a brick wall. The one thing I hear most though is "you're not my type." I decided to see if it had to do with my physical appearance, so I went onto a website where I posted a few pictures of myself and asked women if I was their type, and most said no. I thought it was mostly a personality thing that was associated with the "your not my type" line, but the poll results I did surprised me a bit because I always associated myself as average. Is this line more associated with personality or physical deficiencies?
Updates:
Thanks for all the responses everyone. I did not expect to get this many. Based on what I've read here though, it seems that one really can't say for certain what a girl means when she says you're not her type. I have no idea if I should be working on looking better or what, but I suppose you can't please all women no matter what you do, haha

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Most Helpful Girl

  • well that sucks, just keep on looking and you will find someone :)

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    • That's it tell the poor guy just to keep looking. Then he finds someone falls in love and she dumps him because he's not her type.

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    • Hey I for one am sick of women and girls like caligirl3 making excuses for why women and girls hate guys. And where does she off calling me an ass? Easy for her to say, I bet she's never been turned down. And save the yes I have bs for someone who cares.

    • for your onfo I never once made and excuse for the woman that turned him down, I just don't think he should throw in the towel and give up. Girls can be cruel and so can guys. And I called you an ass cause I thought your comment was mean to the question asker, it sounded like you said all girls will say he is not her type so he mind as well stop trying.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Honestly, just by reading this question and your 'about me,' I thought you seemed like an interesting and intelligent individual. I will admit though that you really aren't my type physically but I would still like to go on a date with you based on your interests (if I was single that is). Nut hey... I usually date guys who I find intriguing not by how hot he is.

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    • Is there anything I could do to physically be the attractive type that girls want?

  • Don't listen to the woman who says your game is lacking. Unless your objective is to bed multiple women, your game isn't an issue.

    She's clearly projecting onto you what she's all about.

    The best way to meet women, IME, is to be around enough women, in your social circle, and have a good time being yourself and living your life.

    Women will see that, and someone will want a piece of that.

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  • i think that statement is based on looks most of the time.

    if I say that to a guy his 1st appearance matters a whole lot, I look him up and down. and his attitude and how he asks me out comes 2nd.

    i am the type of girl that I am willing to date a guy if I am single and he comes off as a gentle man. but if he is ghetto, thuggish, wanabe tough guy, or says something stupid I won't budge.

    1 example (going off topic) this one guy, so cute I wouldve said yes...but I gave him a no because he asked to use my phone, that made me raise an eyebrow, or use it...on the phone he was talking to a woman and it sound like he was making an order or some sort. I got back my phone and he tried to hit on me.

    i was thinking, you asking to use my phone and you wana go out to dinner? are you gona forget your wallet too? I just listened to him..i asked if it was his girlfriend on phone and he said no, he just had to take care of business, to me that meant drugs and it was a hell no in my book too many red flags.

    i did look at your pics and your profile and I would agree your are average but I think you would do better if the girl got to know you 1st. that way you she can't base too much off looks alone

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  • I agree with the best answer. I compare it to fruit. Some people love strawberries, others prefer blueberries or a pineapple. A bit weird to explain it but that's how I see it.

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  • Most of the time its just a simple no cloaked in a few words that cause a lot of puzzelement. That's okay though because if she took the time to say that then that means she was trying to spare your feelings, which leads to the fact that they have some repsect for you and that you have succesfully made a bond with her. This in conclusion means that you obvioulsy have a good personality and from what I see yes you look fine. Just get out some more and find the right one.
    Best wishes.

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  • When 'I' say someone is not my type I include personality factors as well as the physical.

    A man can 'look' however fine, sexy, handsome or good he wants to but if our personalties can't gel or he just doesn't have the personality type I'm looking for then he might as well be non-existent because I can't do it.

    Now, of course he has to appeasing to my eyes ( not by what other women want but what 'I' want) but looks fade, your soul core never does.

    'You' on the other hand are attractive, as a matter of fact you remind me a good bit of Taye Diggs in " Stella Got Her Groove Back", you're good looking...funny face on your avi but I could see you as a model.

    Anyway, it's quite like you said though, everyone has their preferences.

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    • Fair comments. And thanks a lot for the compliment. I've never been compared to taye diggs haha. Ill just have to keep trying I guess

    • Well said

  • When a girl say's "not my type", this usually a disconnect between "physical attraction" and "personality" (interests, dress style, how you look in your pictures; girls analyze ALL of that stuff!).

    You have one, but not the other.

    Since this is on a dating site, it's probably lack of physical attraction overall.

    P.S. As a fellow black male, the fact that you're black may turn some females off (even BLACK females!) because of you being black. Sad but true. :-X

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    • @update

      You can't please everyone! Just do your best to make sure you look and act the best way you can, QA.

      That's what I do! :-P

    • Yeah I think that's all I can hope to accomplish at this point!

  • Basically, you're being rejected. The good thing is, she cared just enough to not intentionally hurt your feelings.
    If you're TRYING to find a relationship, you won't find one. In time, you'll find one. Let it come to you. It's fate.

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  • it means "i don't see us together". plain and simple. so you just got friend zoned.

    it always starts with the physical features considering its online. then personality, then what you have in common, if there's any chemistry... but usually its mostly physical. don't take it to heart. you are not ugly. its just that you are meeting the wrong kind of girls. keep exploring and good luck

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  • dude you look totally fine - I'd say you're more attractive than average

    if you look for a girl outside of your ethnicity like Asian or whatever, naturally the "rejection ratio" is going to shoot up, but it is a numbers and patience game

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  • Usually it's to do with looks.That's for me anyway. Hate to say it but most girls bank more on looks then most guys realise.

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  • Online dating is definitely about the looks first, then height and income second. That's why no one without a picture is even looked at. Most likely she is not physically attracted to you. If it isn't that, then she went beyond the photo and didn't like something in the profile, most likely the height or income. This is why I don't bother with online dating because I cannot honestly say I am 5'10" and make $150,000 a year (The 99% can't say the latter anyway, those women are corporatist and therefore not my type anyway). and I don't take good photos, although I don't think my current avatar is that bad...I can't even smile right, it comes out (unintentionally) as a "creepy grin".

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    • Yea online dating is definitely not for someone like me ,haha. There's no point in lying anyways, unless you plan on never meeting her

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    • Here comes the nanny state =D

    • More like police state...

  • Not my type is the perfect excuse, you can't argue about taste, so you just have to accept. It's like saying: it's not you, it's me.

    You are not my type, nothing you did wrong there, I just have other preferences, it's not you it's me.

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  • You know, that's a tricky question.

    I've never personally said that because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings... and there are better ways to say you're not interested than using that phrase.

    But, way of saying you're not interested aside, I think it depends on the girl saying it.

    Girls who care a lot about image would base it mostly on appearance.

    Girls who get to know you first and discover personality traits would base it on both.

    I mean, you've got to be attractive to HER *every girl has different tastes though, so it's not black and white* while also having personality traits she connects with.

    So, although it's not the answer your looking for, it really just depends on the person saying it.

    In my opinion, anyone who says "You're not my type" after just looking at you is a waste of time anyways, even if you *were* their type :)

    Beauty isn't always skin deep, cliche but true.

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    • This answer only deepened my confusion, but it was a thorough answer so thank you, hah

  • Easy. It means, I'm not physically attracted to you. Translation: You didn't pass the eye test dude. Happens to everyone.

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  • Any time I use that is because usually the physical appearance of the person is not one that I really am in to.

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    • Your probably into ass holes with money.

    • No, that's not the case actually. Like most people, there are just certain looks that I am attracted to. For example, I'd rather date a scrawny guy then a buff one, or a guy with a clean shaven face as opposed to facial hair. Let's not be ignorant a**holes and jump to conclusions. I guess some people just can't help the way that they are.

  • Bro mang you'll find the chocolate love one day just be yourself and god will reward you with an equal personality

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  • It means that she I looking for something better looking

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  • You're not my type is a much more polite way of saying "I don't find you attractive"

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  • She's just not attracted to you. It could be either physically or mentally.

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  • it mean simple that your not what she's looking for at them moment ...she might change her mind later... you never know.

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  • weird you're not ugly, when a women says that it means she doesent like you :P

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    • Yeah, I could tell she didn't like me when she started crushing for another dude =P

  • It means you're not what they go for

    It could mean personality or loos. Maybe both

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  • She' s not into you, but that could change. With time.

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  • I think it can be either or.

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  • She's not interested in looks and personality

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  • In my experience, she just means no... sorry :(

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    • Well, I do know that. I was more concerned that there might be something wrong with me (like the way I look, or my personality), because I've been getting this a lot

  • It could be both. Usually the personality. The way they dress, wear their hair. It could be anything, or a number of things. See what the guys look like, act like, that go with the females that you like. There's your answer.

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  • From your profile you seem like a lovely, genuine guy, and attractive too. Just keep going with it, you'll find someone soon for sure. A lot of girls say 'you're not my type' when they aren't interested, it generally doesn't mean anything specific. Just be yourself, and good luck with it :)

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  • It usually means they think your ugly, its the sad truth. Women are bigger liars then men, their the ones who are always bitching and complaining there's no nice guys, but when then come along they don't want nothing to do with them. At least us guys don't hide the fact we're into big breast, ass's etc. Women on the other hand play the dumb card.

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    • Ah well, what you do. I suppose I could have had it worse, haha

  • "You're not my type" = You're ugly

    "I'm just not ready for a relationship now." = I can find better

    "You are a nice guy and all but I think we should be friends." = I pitty the woman who has to be with you.

    There you go, the female language translated.

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  • It has to do more with looks

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  • It means that she is not attracted to you.

    It might even be solely about your looks. I could also be assumptions about your personality/character.

    I wouldn't worry too much because at the end of the day you're some girl's type. It shouldn't matter if you're not a lot of girls' type unless your goal is to get as many chicks as possible.

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    • So what could I do to be he attractive type that girls actually want? Its fine to no be a girls type, until it starts happening with every girl you've been interested in

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    • I was just using that as an example to say that whatever type of girl you're going for, try the opposite and see if you have better luck. What I'm saying is that it might not necessarily have anything to do with your appearance. It could just be that the type of girl you typically pursue isn't typically into guys like you.

    • Oh okay. Well ill see what I can do in that regard

  • it doesn't really mean anything, it is a nice way of rejecting someone. it does not mean you are ugly it just means those particular women are not into you

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  • I have to ask, what ethnicity are you going towards most the time? I know it's the 21st century and we all want to believe racism is dead, hell America has a black president right? Truth is though, I know waaaaaay too many women that won't date outside their own ethnicity. (If you need proof, go onto a dating site like okcupid, and look at how many women answered the question "Would you want your partner to be the same ethnicity as you" as a "yes", and further more rated a response of "no" as unacceptable. I was sort of appalled by the sheer amount that considered the question very important.) I mean, looking at your pictures I don't peg you as the type (physically speaking) to be seriously hindered in that area. You're not out of shape, you're not disfigured or have an oddly asymmetrical face/features. You have a little bit of an Omar Epps resemblance if I were to compare you to a celebrity.

    The "you're not my type" thing is definitely related to physical attributes, but the problem is you don't seem unattractive. Just giving my two cents. I'm sure people will say I'm wrong and that I'm being a presumptuous a**hole, etc. etc. but the fact is, I still see a lot of racism today and if you happen to be asking out a bunch of women outside your race this might actually be a factor, for at least some of them.

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    • Well, I date people regardless of race, but most of the people who said I wasn't their type were not black, so maybe you're right

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    • true say true say =)

    • I agree, those women are shallow jerks and you can do better, keep looking or find a better way to get women.

  • it's a nice way of saying "I think you're ugly and wouldn't f*ck you for a million dollars."

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  • Its probably based on looks more than anything... though your actually my type when it comes to looks =P

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    • hah, well thanks for your input =)

    • Your welcome, I'm sure you'll find a girl who'll find you to be her type, just keep on trying.

  • I don't know which it's more associated with, but both contribute to it. It really depends on the person saying it.

    I'm kind of surprised you don't hear "I have a boyfriend" most.

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    • yea I was surprised too

    • "I have a boyfriend" used to be the best bluff used, but women tend to be more honest nowadays.

    • I don't think that many girls have boyfriends. lol

      They use it so they don't feel like they're being mean about it.

  • You aren't her type. She either likes a certain height, hair color, eye color, body shape, lifestyle choice (business man, cowboy, etc.) and you just don't fit.

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    • Yep, just proves online women are shallow. that's why I don't do online dating.

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    • Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. I couldn't tell you since I don't know you personally. Maybe she thinks you come off as a player or won't offer the type of relationship she's looking for.

  • It means she doesn't think y ou guys are good together. I wouldn't dwell on this too much, I woud just move move

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  • It's usually a combo of the two, and your game is lacking when it comes to picking up women.

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    • Doesn't "type" refer to the person (physical/personal), not their strategy? It doesn't make sense to me that a girl would say you're not their type because they don't like the way you flirt.

    • How you flirt and interact with women actually says a lot about your personality

    • Well I can't really go into how I flirt, because it changes depending on the girl. Do you think it may have to do with my looks/height? I mean, I guess it could be something about my personality, but I've never had problems making good female friends, only girlfriends

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