Are you a good listener or just pretend to be one?

Well, if you are then why do you think you are ... what are the qualities of a good listener?

If not, then you will eventually be found out you pretender!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • my boyfriend is.

    i am a good listener but not as much as my boyfriend. I also like to talk and give advice but a lot of times som1 just wants to talk to me, verses me talking to them.

    i think pple want me to listen and pat them on the back. I can't do that, I listen but I also give my opinion, not many people like the truth, but in the end they always come back and say I was right.

    i can't beat around the bush I just say it how it is.

    if you can repeat back what the person said and able to give good nonjudgmental advice. but you also have to LISTEN stop what your doing and show the other person your listening.

    i just happen to be able to do both lol

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What Girls & Guys Said

145
  • I will be completely honest and say no, I'm not a good listener. I've always worked best with visual information, and despite how interested I might be in the content of what someone is saying, I find it incredibly difficult to remain attentive and end up floating around the crevices of my mind, thinking of all things unrelated to the conversation at hand. It makes going to lectures absolute hell.

    Luckily, my boyfriend is an excellent listener and puts up with my unfocused nature.

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    • lol I feel your pain :-)

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    • poor boyfriend!

    • That's what I tell him all the time :P For some god forsaken reason, he seems to think he's lucky!

  • I'm a good listener. My friends always call me when they need someone to vent to or need advice. I guess what makes me that is that I genuinely want to know what's going on and want to help somehow. It's not about just sitting there hearing their words as a friend. I really like my friends or family or whoever it is, to feel like they have someone who cares.

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  • I am both…Pretending to listen and really listening…to me it doesn’t really matter.

    You can still hear what the person is saying, it depends on the subject/topic.

    If it is babble, I don’t pay attention just nod my head. Out of consideration.

    If it is interesting, exciting, sincere…in that case you will have my full attention. :P

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    • an honest answer! which is why people shouldn't wast our time with babble!

  • I'm an excellent listener and found it hard to understand, even now, why it's so hard for people to actually listen and not just hear?

    A good listener can take what people tell them and actually apply it- whether to their own situation or more commonly, back to the speaker in a meaningful way. I'm sure I could elaborate and add more onto that, but it's the basic gist of what I could come up with right now :)

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    • you bring up a very good point, that by actively incorporating what the speaker is saying into your own construct of knowledge and experience you make meaning of it. some people are strong auditory learners, which is what you seem to be, but not everyone is like this. for example, if you actually told me this verbally I wouldn't process it as well (unless I was visualizing what you were saying, which isn't always easy to do) as seeing it in text because I am a very visual learner.

    • Odd that you hit it right on the head. I sit in the back of my classes because 1) Better to leave seats for the people that need to see better and 2) I learn by sight, sound, experience, whatever...so I can listen to someone's words then walk myself through how the topic plays out.

      Note taking in class is sparse for me because it's actually a big distraction to me. Between high school and college for example, I hold things down much better when I'm not pressured to be taking notes.

    • this guys worse than mitt romney..

  • I know how to listen more in the observing/analysing kind of way, but I hate finding out solutions because I don't like telling people what to do, plus when I show my point of view they stay stubborn and do what they want to do, realising waaaaaay after that I was right.

    I'd rather keep advices to myself.

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    • yes, you will come across people who will resist correction because it goes against the grain, I'd like think most people aren't that way but I understand where you are coming from.

  • i sort of have a short attention span although it has been improving these past couple of months since I have been taking brain training excercises. However if I find what you are talking about boring, my eyes glaze over.

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    • lol, I get that look all the time when I give technical presentations to uninterested students :-)

  • Eye contact

    Avoid distractions - This is somewhat difficult for me, I tend to get distracted by a lot of things. Big or small.

    Don't formulate responses

    Don't interrupt

    Engage in what he/she is saying.

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    • Don't formulate responses ---i love that one. if we are thinking about some clever remark to make, then we are going to miss out on something important

  • I'm a very good listener and I mean VERY!

    By very I mean I could never forget a story you once told me or a name you mentioned once a class you had when you were 14. I'm just that good...

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    • wow that's very impressive!

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    • Exactly, If you weren't listening how is it possible for you to remember?

    • There's a difference between listening and being an active listener.

      I remember things that were said 9 years ago and I wasn't listening. Does not mean one is skilled.

  • I'm a good listener. But its wears me out sometimes always listening to others problems, apparently I don't have any of my own.

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  • eventually found out, huh? lol

    well, I am a good listener, excpet sometimes not in school, when they go on and on about stuff

    but in general, I do pay attention to what people say

    qualities of a good listener:

    - try to care more about the people you are talking to

    - if you HAVE to talk to them but don't wnat to - try not to make them think that you care about what they say: it saves you the agony of having to listen and it also helps them to know that they need new friends

    - if you cannot provide solutions to thier problems, just try to be supportive and reflect their own ideas - if they think they have to do something, just say you agree...it doesn't really help them, but I kinna avoids you being accused in case your advice is wrong

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  • I am a good listener. Yet It has been brought to my attention that I can be forgetful :|

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    • well that's alright, we can only hold so much in our heads at a time. it helps me to sort of go over the key points of what that person just told me in my head to reinforce it so that I can follow along

    • Yes I suppose. There is so much that fits in. Good point though. :)

  • People think I am people always come to me with their problems, it can be anything from needing fashion and makeup advice to needing me to calm them down cause they have an HIV scare. I do listen a lot but I get pissed when people ask me for advice about guys and when I don't give them the answer they wanna hear they say well I'm going to see him anyway and then 2 months later they are so heartbroken cause my oh my I was right all along. And then they think I'm an oracle when it comes to love and they need new advices about guys and I tell them the truth and they don't believe me so they get their heart broken again. It doesn't piss me off that they like to get their hearts broken it pisses me off that I have to hear about it months to come, and its not like you can say I told you so when they are crying and are depressed, so that's when I'm a bad listener and thing of other things and just say poor you, he was mean, who cares about him now blah blah

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  • I think I'm a good listener. I need to work better on active listening though. I need to do better at summarizing what someone says so they know that I truly understand what they're saying. I am very inquisitive, though.

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  • Uuum... 1492! I was listening! What?! ;)

    I would say that I'm decent at it. There's a point where it sometimes has to be faked. Like in spite of having a large head, and an amazing brain, there's only so much info you can stand to take. I'm good with reading info about a person I know, then remembering it. I have a casual work "friend" that I rarely see. We just don't run in the same social circles. I know her name and what she looks like. I saw on Facebook she had won an award.

    I happened to see her recently, so I congratulated her on her winning. She seemed impressed that I knew, remembered, and bothered to bring it up.

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  • I truly am a good listener...because I put effort into listening and I care.

    So many people aren't "listeners"...they are simply waiting for their turn to talk.

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  • It honesty just depends on who I'm listening to

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  • I'm great at pretending I'm listening at least on the phone. I just pay attention to the last thing said and comment on it and they think I was listening. I do it with my brother all the time.

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  • I'm a good listener because I remember what people tell me most of the time. I pretty much always remember the important details. I'm a good listener because I take in what people say and read their body language and will try to help them if they want help. I'm a good listener because I don't try to talk over people and will let them talk and finish what they are saying. I think other people perceive me as a good listener because even if they don't know me that well they will tell me things that I would think would be reserved for their good friends.

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    • good for you, and I like that you are self-aware enough to know why you are a good listener. I like how you pointed out body language as a key component of listening. As a visual learner I notice this more than anything else, and even if I'm having trouble keeping up with the conversation body language will often give me the general gist of it.

  • i am a good listener, I have been told. a good listener eagerly listens to what people have to say and doesn't interrupt or judge and will discuss it after if the speaker wants to. my friends say I am good at this and good to talk to.

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