He won't move - should I leave?

I live half an hr outside west london and my boyfriend lives half hr from north london. It takes me 2 hrs to get to his and we have been together 2 and half years.

I have been offered a new job in south west london that would take me 2 hours to commute to from home and I want to be able to move in with my boyfriend. As a compromise I am happy to live in north west london near a tube station so I could get to work in 50 mins. But this would also mean a 45 minute drive for him to work.

It would mean that he has to move a 30 min drive from his friends and family. I would be an hours drive from my family. However he is unwilling to do this and thinks I am asking him to sacrifice too much.

Because my job and my friends and family are in separate places he does not see I would be making any sacrifices even though I would be travelling more distance than him for both. He is being so insistant about this that I am questioning whether we should be together at all. Surely he can't want to be with me enough if that is too much to ask.

His excuse is that he would be living in an area he doesn't really like so that I can be nearer to work. He also thinks he would be spending more money on petrol costs travelling to work and a little bit more on rent.

We have been doing the long distance thing for 2 and half years and its starting to wear a bit thin now. I feel that if we are going to be together properly now is the time to do it when I need to relocate for my new job. If not now it feels as though we never will.

What do people think...am I being unreasonable?


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  • No, you are being reasonable, and he is being selfish. Relationships require compromise and sacrifice, but he's gotten used to you doing most of the compromising, and doesn't want to have to do any himself. While the things he says are true (higher costs, more time for him), that's simply the price of being in a relationship sometimes, and if he isn't willing to deal with that, or propose a solution that is better for both of you, then obviously he doesn't value you as much as you think/had hoped.

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