17 years age difference... what does this email mean?

See my previous question and my last posted comment... this is continued since I could not post more comments.

What does this email mean? Is he still thinking what to do... or has he decided yet? If so, what has he decided?

First of all, my sincerest apologies for my tardiness in responding. Secondly, I would never question your character or integrity and not even remotely consider you selfish, irresponsible or immature. Actually, it is quite the opposite.

My delay in responding is a result of two things - being incredibly busy with work and other matters combined with trying to decide what to do with such an intelligent, impressive woman with incredible energy and courage to confront life. I am definitely not a player as I take my interactions with all people quite seriously. It is just that I have struggled enormously with how to respond to you.

You are such a fine human being Eva. It is because I have the utmost regard for you that I have struggled with what to do. Life is very busy for me currently and, while you are not far away, you are not around the corner. You are not easy to forget or dismiss from my mind however. There is something about you that captivates and impresses me all at once, not to mention the things that you have noticed we have in common. When I mention the age difference it is nothing more than what I said to you before - that is that I may become too old for you at some point. But your assurances go far in convincing me that will not be the case.

Tomorrow evening I am leaving for ABCD and will return on Sunday. I attend these conferences twice a year in October and April. My life has been crazy with little spare time. I know that you also have a busy life so it may be hard to fathom that I might be this occupied. I will call you on Sunday if that is okay with you.


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  • 1. My last answer stands good (according to me obviously)

    2. However, inspite of the age difference and his initial thought about letting you go; I think he is still willing to give it a shot earnestly

    3. His concern is more about growing too old and you having to waste time caring for him in some way or the other while you still have a life left to live (you don't mind it is a different situation altogether, but one must appreciate his thoughts and gestures towards you too)

    4. His calling you on Suday may mean 2 things

    4.1. He obviously has 2nd thoughts about what he's said earlier like 'wanting to refrain from a relationship owing to age factor' cause he obviously really likes you and is also impressed with you.

    4.2. He doesn't want you to be hurt in any way cause he still likes and wants you quite a bit so he's slowing it down by keeping the meetings and interactions to a minimal thus helping you ease out by yourself without hurting you in any way (he's also enamored by you being interested in him - the last 'if that is okay with you' says it)

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    • Thank you for your insightful feedback. On the last point (4.2), I think it would be better if he just told me if he did not want to date me... slowly pulling away is a lot worse than cutting ties abruptly. Knowing the truth might be hurtful, but it sets you free and you can move on.

    • What do you think he means when he says that I am not so easy to forget or dismiss from his mind. Does that mean that he wants to forget me? That comment seemed negative to me. What do you think? Thank you for your thoughful and well written comments.

    • 1. As of 4.2., that's the way he thinks he is doing best (maybe) but he didn't / doesn't count on your perceiving it the way you are :)

      2. He is fighting himself cause he really likes you but the age diff and the way he sees future is bothering him.

      I think there's a lot of misconception and misunderstanding here in the way both of you think. I think you should open talk including stating how you view & understand things without mincing words and sort things out.

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  • Oh wow, what a fine gentleman he is.

    The age thing for him is worrying. and this statement says it all "that is that I may become too old for you at some point".

    He is old so focusing on the "now" is out of his mind. I don't know what words you'll need to use to persuade him.

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    • I thought he was feeling more comfortable now with the age difference... he says my assurances go far in convincing him...

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    • I hope you are right... he is an amazing man. I am still concerned though since he has raised some new concerns regarding me "not being around the corner"... we are 30 min drive away. Do you think he is still deciding what to do?

    • I can't say for sure, but I know he has a lot of things running through his mind. Don't be afraid to say what is in your mind to him, let him know your here and he doesn't have to steer the wheel alone. Both of you can steer it.

  • Thanks for the nice words on the last site :) and from this, I hope you texted, whatever, good trip, good conference, until Sunday then.

    I have been the same way with my age differences. As in, will she want someone else. As much as we like to say "age is just a number", at points, it counts. But this guy likes you, respects you and is IMPRESSED with you. D*mn, you two have something going, which includes a ton of work. So speak to him on Monday...a short Sunday text saying welcome back, more tomorrow. Give him a chance to sort the dirty clothes, sleep etc.

    Then see what happens. He isn't thinking you are pushy, or chasing. So think of things you can do, maybe meeting halfway, since you are not "around the corner", and are flexible in terms of time in case one or both has to work late, whatever. Keep me posted...friend if you like :)

    Good luck :)

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    • But do you think he is interested in me? He seems to have just one concern after another...we are about half an hour drive away... that is nothing if you like someone, no? Do you think he has made up his mind yet? He want to call on Sunday... what do you think he will say?

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    • Thank you for your nice words, much appreciated. I still feel that he is so much in the power position here... for him to say that he is trying to decide about me... and complaining now about my being too far... it is a 30 min drive... I am wondering if he is just being polite and just tries to keep me hang in there while I am not sure what he is up to... maybe he just wants to buy time until he decides about another relationship?

    • I think he is being nice. I don't think he is buying time, or pulling away slowly in the least, I think he wants to date you, have a relationship. I think he is slow because he doesn't want you to think he just wants to get in you pants. Hence respect. As for distance, everyone has different views on what is to far away. I had a girlfriend years back, lived a block (110m/350ft), said it was to far to walk! We later laughed, but keep that in mind. Good luck Sunday :)

  • I think he likes you, but he is living the decision up to you, I agree with some of the posts, he worries not only about your happens, but also his. Talk to him; and ask your self do you want to commit, do you want to take care of him if needed.

    After 40 years old we all are older and health is not so grate as long we are young in hart.

    Then I read the email, he sounds more mature then most single guys in their 40s. He placed a lot of thought in this email. Instead of jumping in to it or coming up with some excuse, he thought about the concerns that will come up in the future. He is facing them from beginning.

    Be encouraging to him

    give him time to decide

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    • Thank you for your reply. I am 40 and he is 57. That is one of the reasons why I like him, since he is mature and not childish. I think I am mature for my age.

      I am concerned about his comment regarding the distance though... we are 30 min drive away from each other. Do you think he just keeps bringing up newer and newer excuses...

    • :)30 min is nothing for most part. I mean that can be fixed:) meet half way, he comes one time, you go next time. ... good luck

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