Is there a female aversion to dating a lone wolf?

Okay, I ask, because I am a lone wolf. I have very little interest in social bullshit, and all of my former friends, are living their married lives, shunning me, as the unmarried one. That's fine. I have adapted to the ways of the lone wolf. Does not mean I am not socially savvy... I just don't see any importance to it. All I have achieved in life, was done on my own, without the reliance upon others. Self made person, to the extreme. However, when it is realized that I cut connections with the leaches I called family, and cut ties with those who used to be friends, as well as being uninterested in being friends with anyone, I am viewed as "undatable" by most women, and the only women interested, wreaks of desperation. I don't want the desperate single mom with multiple kids, from multiple men. I don't want the woman that has been rejected by every man, because of whatever, and now she is desperate to find a man. No! But it seems to me, that the only ones that even want to take a chance with me, seem to be desperate. Am I desperate? No. I just want to do something that makes me at least appreciate life, opposed to the constant battles. I am financially secure, I am not some fat ass, and the majority of women I randomly associate with say that I am attractive. However, I have experienced that my lone wolf status, is both a faux pas, and a handicap. Not to mention, I barely trust anyone, but myself. That being said, what is the breakdown, here? The instance it is uncovered that I am a lone wolf, I get every excuse in the world, then I am back to square one. Perhaps I should find a lone female wolf? Easier said than done. Like trying to find an emerald, in a grass field, at night.

So, what is the aversion toward the lone wolf?

  • Lone wolves are sexy in a mysterious way!
    Vote A
  • Too aloof for my taste.
    Vote B
  • I don't care, either way...
    Vote C
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Before anyone spews out, "dating site" anything, consider this:

Lone wolf, is derived from the actual lone wolf. And the lone (man) wolf and the actual animal have a lot in common. Either they have been run from a pack, or (as is my case) left of their own volition. A lone wolf (both) are stronger and more vicious than a pack wolf. However, unlike the pack, lone wolves don't have the capacity to take down an ox, like a pack. But often find themselves hunting smaller prey. Nevertheless, the lone (man) wolf leaves the social pack, to become stronger.
A true alpha, don't need to shroud himself with betas to make himself seem alpha. When you lie with snakes, it is because you are a snake. Therefore, if you use social dynamics to make yourself seem alpha, you are really an insecure beta, perpertrating alpha. A true alpha sees no need to perpertrate their abilities. A true alpha shows through his actions, that he is. My actions, speak for themselves: Marine, several management positions, own my own property, carved my own way, without help.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think there mysterious, intresting and attractive but there also scary and intimidating. Scary because you wanna talk to them but you don't know how theyll react, how they are or anything since there so kept to themself and I guess intimidating for the same reasons, like you don't know if there a loan wolf because they choosed it or because there just shy etc. So even if I was attracted to a guy like that and trust me it has happened I will not do anything about it because there too hard to read and I need to analyze someone before I can approach them and if I can't I just admire from afar lmfao jk but you get what I mean

    • I heard of "loan" sharks, but never a "loan" wolf... I don't think I want to borrow money from him, considering a shark only has about 100 lbs/sq-in, and a wolf, with over 1500. I might not get beaten and broken legs,: with a baseball bat, for not paying him back... I might get "Jimmy Hoffa-ed"... LOL

    • Show All
    • Oh that's some scary stuff

    • One of my exes, of whom I am still friends with... Described our relationship as "A cat trying to figure out a Rubic's Cube, and eventually getting frustrated.". Of course, I was the cube.

      In a lot of ways, I admit to being a bit introverted. Not in the "lost in my own world" variety... More like always thinking. Basically, if I see a problem, I figure out a solution to that problem. That is just how I operate. I guess that is why I attract women with issues. They see me as a "solver"

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 9

  • well if you have qualities women don't like you aren't top of the dating barrell either so you're being rather snobbish to turn your nose up at everyone except the 'hot list' :l you're not a lone wolf lol, you're just an introvert

    i wouldn't mind dating an introvert and I'm none of those women you talked about, its just a preference as most women are extroverts and like to socialize so they want someone willing to sit there with them and talk or go out to nice places together.

    • how am I a 'know it all' for answering your question properly? you are extremely condescending and obnoxious from your replies to everyone here, it sounds more like your actual personality is failing you and repelling women more than being introverted to be honest. a lone wolf is a made up term for an isolated introvert, you're just trying to make yourself sound more mysterious and superior than you actually are.

  • I have no aversion to men who have no social circle. I would probably be curious to know why, but once explained it wouldn't affect my choice to continue seeing someone. I do go out with my friends on occasion (about once per month, usually concerts)...would you be willing to go out with my friends and be social? Or, at the least would you not give me a hard time about it when I go? Because you chose to remove certain people out of your life do you view it badly if your S.O. wants to maintain her friendships? That's the only potential problem I could foresee with this issue...that you would judge, or try to lessen the importance of my friendships because they are not important to you.

    • Not at all. However, I could not tolerate usery. That being said, if my supposed S.O. has friends, that only are around her, because she has, and they have not, and are obviously using her, and she is oblivious, then, and only then, shall I have issue. My dispatch with others, is due to past usery, and potential for usery. Therefore, it isn't an issue if it is a true friendship on mutual grounds. And because of my jaundiced view of others, and their potential for usery, I keep my distance.

    • Show All
    • I understand. Sometimes you feel like all you do is cut ties and back to square one..but at least you're strong enough to cut them. You have your standards and are clear on what you want..that's a huge step in the right direction. :)

    • As I stated in my update... Wolves leave the pack to become stronger. The ugly consequence is, this normally Wildebeest/Ox hunter, is reduced to carrion and small rodents to hunt. Paradoxical at best... my only gripe is, all the women that even want to be bothered have no ambition, a relationship with them would be unbalanced, or they have too many issues. And the similarities grow. LOL

  • I once had a guy show interest in me and I turned him down because he only had one friend. It seems the loners seem to like me more than the popular guys. I didn't want to be the only one that he invested all of his heart into and I assumed he would be desperate if I was the only friend he had other than that other guy.

    • But, what if it weren't by your preconcieved notions? What if your preconceptions about the loner, were nothing but fallacies created in your mind? In the event of a person like me, you would be seriously wrong.

    • Show All
    • As I used to tell employees, and even my subordinates in the military, "It is better to be needed, and not wanted. If you are wanted, you can be replaced. If needed, then replacement is not an option.". Inversely, I can understand your position, but I can not agree with it. To be needed also encompasses the concept of someone willing to do anything to keep you, opposed to replacing you with someone else, that can fit the position. Just my perspective.

    • Karma is a convenient myth. What about the lady that did nothing, to no one, and have done everything "righteous" toward others, only to be robbed, raped, and ultimately killed? What of the millions of people doing "evil" in the world, that continuously gain from the backs of others, without the regard of the well being of those they manipulate and utilize for tyrannical agendae? Not all good, is met with good, and likewise, evil met with punishment. Idealism.

  • I guess lone wolves are fine. I'm alpha-omega lol so I rarely encounter others on journeys. I'd like to guess they have some securities about them and then a couple issues. Usually the ones I've met here and there tend to try to be open-minded and rounded about the world. They're as available as they are occupied. However lone wolves should interact every once in a while it becomes possible to be feral. How would you say you attract these so-called desperate women? Are you sure they're even desperate or you don't understand how they're trying to connect with you?

    • Desperate ones? They are after my wallet. They view me as an ATM, with a penis attached. If it isn't my wallet, it is they want me to do something for them that is irrational. Had one, want me to buy her an expensive gift. I'm sorry, but I only buy my wife a Gucci or Coach purse. They have a rainbow troop of children from different men, and since every man ditched them, because of that, they see me as "hey he's probably desperate, maybe he can tolerate that I have an inside out uterus..."

    • Show All
    • Disaster waiting to happen.

      Give you an example: I was on a first date with someone. She seemed nice at first. Until I coaxed her into admitting that she is still married. Granted, they were estranged, but that doesn't matter. The fact of the matter was, SHE IS STILL MARRIED. There is no excuse. "I can't find him to get him served"... Bullshit. She wanted something specific from him, and because he refused to sign the papers, or can't be located, she don't want to go through it.

    • ...The result was me quietly rising, leaving money on the table to pay for the meal, and leaving. No words, no explanations. Fortunately, she drove herself to the restaurant. It was a first date. The total duration: maybe 30 minutes. Even if broken, I have respect for the sanctity of marriage. And it is not my place to get mixed up in that shit. I have a very high moral standard.

      Likewise, if I hear something I don't want to be bothered with, I shut down, and egress.

  • First of all, probably stop referring to it as the lone wolf. Sounds like Zach Galifianakis in the hangover. Really silly. Second, where are you finding these desperate women? Most of the time, when people come into contact with the same type of woman, it's because they are looking in all the same places. Can't catch a big fish in a little pond. Expand your perimeters. How can you expect to find someone when you trust no one? Who would want to deal with that? Desperate women, right? Exactly. If you're attracting the wrong type of woman, maybe examine yourself first.

    • Online, wherever I go and feel like tolerating conversation with people I otherwise would ignore, "friend of a friend of a family member", and other bullshit places. I am not attracted to them. They see me with no kids, driving a 2013 car, No percievable worries about finances, and they seem to think, "Hey, it is an ATM, with a penis"... Or, "Captain, could you save ME?". I prefer women that handle their own, no children (I am not ready to nosedive into parenthood. Rather have my own first)

  • I think someone woman will find this alluring because they like the challenge of "breaking" you. They want to be the woman you open to and the one you trust. It's very satisfying to make someone who is guarded and standoffish open up to you and be vulnerable with you. But you seem very picky, which I understand since I am as well, but this can be a turn off. And as you probably know women love to be loved, so if you don't act affectionate or say nice things here and there she will probably grow tired of it and leave you.

    • Breaking me, is as trying to domesticate a cat, as if it were a dog. Not going to happen. LOL. I am too individual for that.

      If what you say is true, why do women get so infatuated by absolute jerks? "Oh, he has a nice side, and I am sure I can bring it out"... And avoid the "nice guys", because of a ill-concieved idea that he has a mean streak, a mile long. I am 35. I used to be the nice guy, overlooked. That is why I ask. However, I am just me. The only person's ass, I kiss: Me.

  • I think I like the idea of a 'lone wolf' kind of guy, but I wonder how the reality of it would play out. Anyway, I don't have an aversion to dating them. I just don't really meet them. Even if we do cross paths, if I get the feeling he'd rather be left alone... well, that's not really encouraging. I'd rather not impose.

    • Speaking for myself, because each "Lone Wolf" is different... I am looking for someone to trust. And according to my religious beliefs, if there is no one else in the world, you should trust, it should be your spouse. I am looking for a woman to trust. Very Simple. However, I can't trust someone that run through men like a hot knife through butter. I can't trust a woman that is materialistic. I can't trust a woman that can't/don't want to take care of herself physically.

    • Got it. Well, good luck.

  • *Howwwl*

    Haha have you stumbled into Ayn Rand my friend?

    If not, let me introduce you. She's was a Russian immigrant to America who invented the philosophy known as Objectivism. She was extremely utilitarian in how she viewed people, yet at the same time: possessed contradictions in her world views, because she loved beauty. Beauty, very often has no function except to be beautiful.

    Anyway, she also called people who did not produce things "leeches". Here's her definition of love, "Love is the expression of one's values, the greatest reward you can earn for the moral qualities you have achieved in your character and person, the emotional price paid by one man for the joy he receives from the virtues of another."

    Hot right?

    She had enormous expectations for others. She idolized the physical beauty that she lacked. She also, was a lone wolf. Watch one of her interviews, and then ask yourself: if she were living today and was your age, would you date her? If not, what is it about her that you don't find attractive?

    People love reading her books because readers feel like THEY are the titans, the great misunderstood cosmic thinkers who are carrying society. Yet, in person? Ayn Rand wasn't the nicest or even most logical person, and people who were close to her really found it agitating to be around her, despite trying to love her.

    You, my friend, are too utilitarian in your dealings with people. You believe that because you have accomplished something very very hard (with your career?), you think that since you are smart, you should obviously be able to do something that the stupid people do! Even stupid people can have a relationships. There are many stupid girls who should feel grateful that someone as smart as you would want to date them at all, right?

    Welp, unfortunately the world doesn't work quite that logically. I used to think like you. I too have accomplished a lot with my career. I was efficient and apathetic in my dealings with people. I was on the fast track to success, had guys always telling me how beautiful I was, how I walked like a model. Yet when the got to know me? They ran the other way.

    Then, I read this book: "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie.

    That will explain everything you need to know!

    The thing is, relationships are not based on raw intellect. Success in relationships is dependent on an entirely different skill set. What is it? That's what you're going to have to read to find out.

    I succeeded in dating on my first attempt after reading that book. I've been dating him for 5 years. We have never had a fight. He's smart, easy-going, physically attractive, treats me like a princess, gives me space, but also pushes me out of my comfort zone in a good way.


    Just because you're smart doesn't mean that you're naturally good at everything. It just means that you'll be able to pick up skills faster. And dating/relationships? They are a SKILL.

    Learn the right way + practice = success.

    • I don't know who this is, but I like her!

    • Perhaps utilitarian, however cynical. I don't put stock in what "everyone else does". I view it as such:

      I see lemmings. Lemmings in human guise. These lemmings tell me that it is the best thing in the world, to jump off cliffs. I see them leap, by the millions. I look over the cliff, with calm reservation, to see, millions of dead lemmings. Thinking, "Suicide isn't fun".

    • I'd like to recommend a book too. Bright-sided: How Positive Thinking is Undermining America by Barbara Ehrenreich.

  • It's not neccesarily "unattractive", but here's the thing- I'm not very likely to meet you and get to know you if you never engage in a social activity. And if I met you online, I would be worried that you were a creeper, so I would be apprehensive. Say we met at work, and you asked me out- if I was attracted to you and liked your personality, I would give it a shot. I would just be worried about 2 things: 1) I do have friends that I like to spend time with. If I am your only friend, are you going to get jealous if I want to go out with them one night instead of staying in with you? Will you get clingy? And 2) My family is very close and we often all get together. Are you so unsociable that you would not want to go to my family functions, or is it just that you don't like partying/clubs? As my partner I would want you to spend time with my family since they are important to me.

    But anyway, that's just me specifically. I'm sure there are other "lone female wolves" out there who would be compatible with you.

    • Jealousy is for the weak of mind. It requires a degree of insecurity to be jealous. Myself, I am secure in myself and my own capabilities. In a way, it can be misconstrued as absolute arrogance. However, narcissism is not my forte. I am not "in love with myself", nor am I "drunken in grandiose self perception". However, if someone has friends, it does not bother me, in the least. I prefer my alone time, once in a while, and don't care for clinginess.

    • Self esteem is something I am not lacking in. Low self esteem is another ingredient in the jealousy soup. However, what I am lacking for is weakness, and in trust of others. My lack of trust is not something that is akin to perceived lack of esteem, nor is it insecurity. Just don't like being used. And her family is no worry for me. I am indifferent. If she is close to her family, so be it. And no, I don't like crowded situations. I like to be able to read the situation, without chaos.

    • In a nutshell, it boils down to this: I don't trust my former friends, because they burned me, for their own selfish gains. I don't trust my family, likewise, because they burned me, for their selfish gains (I have been ripped off by people that say they love me, and that they needed my help... So, my trust is limited with my family.). I don't like partying, I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I don't do things that affect my coherence. I am a loyalist, but not clingy. I never cheated.

What Guys Said 1

  • "Lone wolf" is what isolated introverts call themselves in order to feel better about being alone. Human beings are social creatures. You can't have it both ways. You can't expect to attract a mate, AND cling on your isolation.

    • What the hell do you know? Social isolation? What if I told you, and I am repeating myself, I give less than a damn about interacting with a bunch of others? My only recourse is to deal with those that are perceived to be close. I don't call myself a lone wolf. That is the term which is used, for people like me, that often don't care about pointless dealings with others. I have nothing to gain, with bullshitting with a bunch of others, in rhetoric, that accomplishes nothing.

    • Show All
    • Goddamn, you're trite asshole, Anonymous Answerer. Also you're stupidly naive. You think he goes around saying "Lone Wolf!" like some kind of Steve Holt wanna be?

      It's an apt metaphor. All this game theory I've been reading puts a high emphasis on social dynamics. The aim is to make yourself look alpha. Don't be beta.

      You know where these words come from? That's right. Animal pack theory.

      How can you be alpha if you have no pack? That's the real problem I think.

    • I agree with this Answerer...lone wolf is trying to spin a negative into a positive.

Loading... ;