Matchmaking: Why the Old Timers Did It Better

levantine99

Society, with each generation thinks it has a newfound wisdom. That it can crap on the old, obsolete and "outdated" values, cause... well... it always knows best. #Can't stop da "progress" bro.

Matchmaking. Why the old timers did it better.

Matchmaking in the old times with a traditional marriage arranger is not that popular today, especially in the western countries. (The one above is from the classic animated movie Mulan). If nothing, its deemed as negative not to mention even medieval and against the established human rights. Maybe even a sinister scheme of patriarchy! Said the totally sane lady below.

Matchmaking: Why the Old Timers Did It Better

Before we all jump on the bashing wagon and hurry to praise the graces of modern dating we should allow one small open minded room for a slightly different perspective.

Today each kid with a smartphone, an internet connection and a functioning vagina/penis thinks it has grabbed pope by the testas, and can confidently roam freely throughout the dating world making the optimal choices for itself.

That's the theory. What we actually see? Countless heartbreaks, cheating, backstabbing, hopeless efforts to maintain what has brittle foundations in the first place. Divorce rates are higher than ever. "Non agreement of characters" is what we most usually hear. For some it took even more than a decade to realise they are not fit for one another.

Matchmaking: Why the Old Timers Did It Better

All these seem quite the norm for you today right? Well it didn't always have to be like that. In the era where matchmakers ruled the dating and marriage game, they were much more rare occurences.

Why? you might ask. For the average societal person love and matching of two people is just "chemistry", and magically induced intestinal butterflies, and fairy dust. Abstract concepts to justify their fear of introspection and lack of perception. In fact everything is mathematics. Everything applies to logical thinking and strategic planning.

Matchmaking: Why the Old Timers Did It Better

What is traditional matchmaking actually?

For the younger grasshoppers that are likely not expected to know much about it, maybe heard stories by their grandparents maybe not. Anyway, in the old times there was a person, usually woman, that was usually middle aged or older, and knew all single, available people of the village. She would make suggestions of what kind of people are a better fit together, and usually acted as an ambassador for the relatives of both sides. Cause in that era, if you wanted to make a union happen, the family of the eligible maiden/groom is the first frontier you should conquer.

It was not a rare occasion that she even schemed a bit and beautifully "pushed" the whole thing by coming up with a trick, implanting some core idea/helpful rumor, soothing families' suspicions and hostilities etc, if stagnation and mean intented obstacles were to be met against a rather promising connection.

Matchmaking: Why the Old Timers Did It Better

Why the marriage arranging matchmaker was superior than modern dating methods? Because unlike kids and people today, that walk in the dating scene with immaturity, to find their "other half" (meaning they initiate by being incomplete), to sooth internal gaps, to compensate for loneliness and unsound confidence, to fight peer pressure etc, she was a equipped with a much sharper virtue of discretion and a rarely failing instinct.

1) She had much more experience. Matchmakers were usually seasoned social women, with quite an eye for telling different characters appart. They had a great info pool about families, their strengths and their vices, and possessed a nigh bottomless source of data and network of connections in their community.

2)They were almost completely objective. They were able to examine the whole case "from the out side". Being out of the box and being able to stand as an objective judge without the direct effect of personal biases, pink goggles, fetishes, irrational dislikes/aversions, and weaknesses that individual potential mates face.

3)Her criteria vastly differed compared to those of the individuals. She wouldn't put two grumpy people together. Or two lazy people together. They completed each other at several realms of life. but at the same time she matched people who liked each other when she foresaw there was fertile ground for quite the development.

4)She could think strategically. Oh yes, as surprising as it sounds, the humble, maybe even illiterate some times matchmaker had a processor potent for a longterm strategic blueprint. She saw past the superficial appearences, straight in the core elements of each character. If you want your structure to have stability in the depth of time, you want these core elements to be carefully picked and matched.

Matchmaking: Why the Old Timers Did It Better

And yes people, relationships are such a structure no matter how cynical or cold and mathematical this can sound to most of you. Can people today decide for themselves rationaly? Experience till now shows that most can't. Also the theory "let the kids learn from their mistakes" is very misleading. The wise doesn't have to touch the stove and burn its hand to learn. it senses the menacing warmth and rationally deduces it shall stay away. What people call wisdom is just the longterm accumulation of their stupidities, traumas and mistakes.

If you can pick your life partner with the first time then do it. Experience shows you can't. Or you don't want cause you have a certain itch that needs scratching, but that's a different story. Here again keyboard warriors and promiscuity defenders will rush with another fancy liberass political correctness of the "live and let live" flavor. well thats society for you, u can't ever win a rational argument with them.

i've seen quite a turn in traditional matchmaking lately, and it wouldn't surprise me if it became a thing again cause you know what they say. "If its not broken don't fix it". thanks for your time yo.

Matchmaking: Why the Old Timers Did It Better
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