You Should "Cheat Smart"

I don't want you to cheat. I really don't want you to cheat. But, if you're going to cheat, I want you to cheat smart. The decision to cheat and to hopefully stop cheating is a personal one and the tidal wave of paranoia and hiding tracks that accompany it can make that decision all the more complex. With all that said...

You Should "Cheat Smart"

Cheat at their place if you can...

Even if you have the time to change the sheets every single time, the chances that you miss a loose strand of hair or that they don't accidentally leave something behind or in the trash can (sometimes intentionally) are higher than you think. Unless you have an OCD attention to detail or a sociopathic ability to lie under pressure, you'll probably get caught eventually by something out of place. Of course, the human mind has an amazing ability to filter out things that it's not looking for expects to see, but still some things can't be ignored.

Consider a burner phone...

There are more financially practical options such as you using an online voice like Google Voice. However, these can still be easily discovered by someone who's been cheated on before who knows how to do a quick, directed search through someones phone. A second phone that you only use for call and text features is actually much easier because they don't expect you to have it. Of course, the mere existence of a second phone can start something you can't finish, but most people will do a phone check at some point in their relationships, but they don't won't do an entire room search. A final thought--it's part of intimacy to allow someone to use your stuff including your phone. You can try to set up terms of trust whereby neither of you get to use one another's phone even if its just to check the time, but this is not a good practice for establishing intimacy.

Forget your ability to instinctually tell if someone is cheating on you...

The main way people get caught is that the guilt becomes too much and they subconsciously blow themselves out. This means you're healthy. You should be wracked with fears that they are doing the same thing when it comes to cheating on someone you care about. The reality, though, is your actions are skewing your perception of reality. You have to ignore instincts that the other person might be cheating unless you have actual proof to warrant the suspicion. The guilt you're feeling ruins your clarity but relationships are about blind trust anyway so blindly trusting someone and not following instincts isn't as hard as it sounds.

Bring your other person(s) to the suburbs...

Bringing your second lover to places around you is obviously bad. Bartenders and waiters could blow you out either intentionally or unintentionally. You could be seen by your main person or one of their friends whom you've met could see you and expose you. Yet, unless your second person knows you're in a relationship and is ok being a secret lover (not a very good plan because they can always change their mind and expose you) they will grow curious and unhappy that you only bring them to your place or theirs. There's usually a strong social divide between suburbanites and urbanites and so whichever you are, choose the other for your second person in terms of where you take them out to. This will dramatically decrease the chances of being spotted.

Avoid people of your main lover's type on dating apps

You're an idiot if you're on dating apps while in a relationship. Sure, you can say you forgot to leave it, but still there's a chance you could swipe right on someone of someone she knows. All singles are connected by the people they've slept with in a web. BUT, say your main lover is 28 and you're 29...you can change the search criteria to 18-21. There is a very unlikely chance they have friends that are that young unless perhaps its a younger sibling (which you should know because if they're your main lover you'd think you'd know at least a little about their siblings.) Returning to the topic of burners, if you're pressed to use dating apps while in a relationship you may want to bite the bullet and upgrade your burner to a smartphone so you can use the apps on there rather than having to delete and redownload every time.

Again, I would highly advise against cheating. I get it--it's a thrill ride and helps decrease dependence on your main love interest, but it's a costly endeavor in more ways than one...


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pavlove is a GirlsAskGuys Editor
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Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't think cheating smart is the answer... not cheating at all would be good, people don't need to get better at not getting found out they need to either stay single or stop being so selfish and stay loyal.

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    • well as a non cheater i'd say that's a pretty logical pov but not empathetic to someone else's plight

    • Yes, let’s all be empathetic to the “plight” of the cheater. Maybe next I’ll write a myTake on how to “murder smart”.

    • Girls all love when guys cheat.. subconsciously they LOVE the drama. Girls don't like men, they just live for drama and expect to be entertained 100% of the time. This Guys advice is just building the tension that you want.

Most Helpful Guy

  • If you're against cheating, then why are you persuading people into the idea by showing them how to get away with it? Is this just a take to keep your editor title?

    To any cheaters reading this... You're not a man. A man handles his own and is decisive with what he wants and doesn't want. If he's no longer attracted to his women, then he makes a decision to break up with her so that they can both move on. You ultimately failed to make the decision and decided to give into your emotions, essentially betraying someone who was emotionally invested in you.

    You did that because you're unable to make decisions in your life and possess few to little morals. You didn't have the balls to say that you're not satisfied and leave.. so you acted like a scared little bitch "tested the waters". No self-discipline, no pride, no nothing.

    If you were bored, then you should have manned the fuck up and told her it's over. You've evidently showcased your character to yourself. When decisions are too difficult, you give into the impulse of taking the cheapest route because it's easier. You're too afraid to handle confrontational matters like a man.

    I'm no angel, and I've done a lot of fucked up shit, but infidelity is zero tolerance for me. It's just something that I can't wrap my head around tbh.

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Join the discussion

What Girls Said 29

  • Should the words cheat and smart even be in the same sentence? It is like an oxy moron... cheating is never smart. Why put some poor fool through the cheating. If you want to have sex with multiple people, be honest about who you are. Tell your loved one your thoughts, and either have open relationships or be single. Why hurt people, remember KARMA is a bitch@!

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    • It's not an oxy moron, being smart doesn't necessarily mean you're kind, empathetic or caring etc. You could be incredibly smart and also be a serial killer.

    • @Kkaos That was my point... why cheat... be honest... The article says learn to cheat smart? Is there such a thing... You can steal and be smart, but is it really smart? my point is eventually you get caught regardless. Things only can be gotten away with so long... my point being is why cheat. If you are not cut out to be in a one on one relationship, then just tell the person from the start you are going to be with others, and give the other person a chance to make their mind up if they want to be with you or not... that is all... and yes I agree with you, you can be smart and be a serial killer...

  • My version of this myTake:

    I don’t want you to cheat. I really don’t want to cheat. But, if you are going to cheat, cheat smart. Use condoms AND get tested for STDs, and have your other partners get tested, so that you don’t endanger your primary partner’s health in addition to betraying them. And understand that you have to come clean eventually, so you may as well be honest sooner rather than later. Oh, and be honest about your relationship status with the partners who you cheat with. Lying to them is wrong too.

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  • Wtf people that cheat are scum.

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  • All of these things seem 100% harder and way more time consuming, when you compare them to just being a fucking decent human being and breaking up with your partner when you're losing feelings.

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    • It’s not just about losing feelings and although you clearly don’t cheat it might be prudent to learn the real reasons guys cheat since presumably you date guys

      Just a thought

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    • Sorry but I don't believe cheaters have a single romantic bone in their body. Usually whatever "romantic" feelings they show is just a fake portrayal of what they know their partner wants.

    • The point is how can it be proved that he or she is a cheat , just because the partner says and on the other side even he would have a diff story

  • Really don't like that you're helping people cheat "smart"
    That shit hurts

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  • Nice. How to be a secret scumbag! Isn’t that just lovely, you’re telling people not to cheat... and then telling them how to improve their cheating technique? Allowing their cheating to continue for an even longer time period so it hurts their monogamy expecting SO even more? Sure, why not.

    Why not just not have a relationship? Open relationships or friends with benefits are also a great option for people that have no idea what they want, or zero inhibition and a desire to lie to someone they apparently “love” ;) would cause less heartbreak overall.

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  • All I have to say is karma happens, tc

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    • you can't prove that

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    • Hubby's friend cheats on wife.
      He leaves wife for his new bit.
      He finds out that his new bit cheated on him right before she fell pregnant with his baby maybe it's not his.
      They get into a massive fight that would've looked like a scene from Kill Bill. They are both professional fighters.
      She packed her bags and moved to be with her family in another country and took baby with her.
      He finds out that his ex wife had a threesome with one of his mates from highschool.
      He can't keep a steady job because he is a total dick.

    • Karma never loses an address!!!

  • What? NO!! Don't give them tips!! If they are going to be scummy enough to cheat they should get their asses caught!

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  • How about, don't cheat. If you want to be with other people don't get into a relationship in the first place.

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  • this is really stupid

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  • I see what you're saying and I think some of these people subconsciously want to get caught

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  • If you can not stay faithful to one partner obviously you know this, tell your partner!

    It's not that hard. Why would you want to string someone along in a monogamous relationship that's not working for you. There are plenty of people that prefer open relationships. With the dating apps out now they can't be that hard to find.

    If you are ok with hurting the one you love by cheating on them then you don't love that person and don't deserve their commitment to you.

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  • You: it's bad to cheat
    Also you: here's how to cheat on your partner with a handy step by step guide!

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    • would not the father tell his son about the horrors of alchohol abuse while at the same time educating him on how to drink smart so that he doesn't go out there and blackout? he does this because he knows its mostly inevitable and he wants his son to be prepared

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    • Pavlove... cheating on someone is a choice. I don't understand how this can be compared to alcohol or maybe I'm missing something? You can't ger addicted to cheating. It's literally an option.

    • @BlaireChase he gives horrible advice. Let it be known far and wide. He’s an insecure little boy with a big mouth.

  • In this day and age there is absolutley no excuse for premeditated cheating. (If someone spur of the moment cheats I'm more concerned about how they handle it after the fact.) If you want to have sex with other people break-up or consider a poly relationship.

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  • it is better not to cheat insted of cheating smart

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  • No. No. No. You should end the current relationship you're in to avoid a very messy situation and a hurt SO

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  • You will ultimately get found out. It's exhausting to live a double life. I have lived one myself. I never cheated, however I had to lie my parents about being an atheist.

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  • thanks for alllllll these cheating tips, can't wait to use that shit on nobody

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  • It is pretty idiotic to not even try to hide it but if I caught someone cheating who had this detailed diabolical plan I would be paranoid for life.

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  • I'm of the thinking that we need to inflict capital punishment on adulturers. Something like #WhiteSharia.

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    • As awful as cheating is, this would be chaos and ia violation of privacy.

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    • I really have no comment on all the race stuff, it seems pretty off topic to me.

    • You realize women are cheating as much as men now? And in younger generations under 30 they are cheating more. I’m fucking all for it honey...

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What Guys Said 52

  • Thanks for the recap but the book about how to cheat and get away with it came out a long time ago. I think my ex wife read it and maybe even contributed to it. I can't even begin to explain to you the kind of pain cheating and betrayal can cause your significant other. And honestly it's the betrayal not so much the cheating. Hey it's 2017... The sexual revolution has come and gone. I'm game for some wild and crazy stuff. But a massive effort put into betrayal ain't groovy. The lies inside of lies inside of lies. Everybody's got their own kinks and sexual limits. But betrayal. That's a whole nother animal. That destroys the trust and the trust is the foundation of the marriage and that basically kills it. Learn to own up to your own feelings and have an honest relationship with your spouse. If there's a person at work that you really get along with and the two of you are dying to jump each other's bones, bring it up. Actually ask. Like as pillow talk in the bedroom. Bring it up first as a fantasy and if your spouse seems to dig it, keep building on that. It's actually been proven that extramarital sex can really spice up a marital sex life that has been getting stale. But we all just seem to assume that our significant other just got off the Mayflower with the other Puritans and the answer will be no without even a compromise. I'm not saying you might not have the type of spouse that will really get offended if you bring it up. But almost every affair gets found out. Be an adult and end your relationship if the extramarital stuff is that important to you. I think it's been shown that in bad marriages it's not better to stay together because of the kids. So if it's that bad freaking leave. Keep some of your dignity. Your spouse or soon-to-be ex-spouse will appreciate that also. But you definitely don't want to be the person that gets discovered and you weren't the one fessed up to having a fling or two or ten. Try living in a marriage where there is zero trust. Then I think it's going to be a lot like living in China because every single email text call and Secret phone call on your backup secret cell phone and the secret motel or making sure that none of his aftershave smell is on you or making sure her lipsticks not on your collar. You will get caught with the current technology. And then you've got to think why weren't you just honest and gotten a divorce initially. Trust me, your meal ticket will expire.

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  • No thanks. I'm not a degenerate.

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  • I didn't think that I would like this opinion piece, but after reading it, you can give it a different title and directed towards someone who suspects being cheated on: "Ways your significant other is skillfully cheating on you."

    By exposing ways people can cheat smarter, you're providing those who are cheated on with intelligence that may help them in finding out if they are being cheated on.

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  • I got to be VERY good at it. Part of it is just not giving a shit if you get caught. The ONLY reason I ever did was because she was worthless as a wife and I eventually left her for another woman.

    There's a reason people cheat, and it's primarily cuz the existing relationship is missing something.

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  • @zerozx He doesn't tell you or anyone to cheat. You can use his advice not in order to cheat but to capture the "smart" cheater. It's like counter intelligence. The same way the allies had to capture some messages created by the enigma machine first, in order to finally decode it.

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  • Which is better - leave a dumb person as is which results in them causing more mayhem but being found out sooner, or teaching them how to commit their bad deeds smarter and efficiently, which does postpone the mayhem but inadvertently stretches out the time that the other side is wasting with the cheater?

    Essentially it's a question on short-term conflict (with a stupid cheater) vs more time spent with a cheater but with less conflict.

    I'd say the former is better. The worst thing about cheating is the time wasted when you're in the dark about it. Being cheated on in my opinion is not as bad as knowing that you could have been doing something way better than spending time with that scummy sack of faecal matter.

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  • “It’s a bad thing, and here is how you do it.” No, man. Just…no.
    I have OCD like attention, because I suspect I have some mild form of OCD. And I am kind of sociopathic, but I’m trying not to be. I know, it might be cool to say that, but…no, not really. I couldn’t lie on the spot though. It’s about personality. Do you know, like CPUs and their features, I don’t support lying of this kind and cheating. I could emulate that but it would end up horribly.
    But I don’t agree with “All singles are connected by the people they've slept with in a web.” I am single. I am connected to no one and I don’t sleep around, because I consider that just…wrong (and low, primitive, stupid, and many other words). And I don’t even need to know that many (or any, for that matter) people, to know, that this claim is BS. It’s just not possible. Do you know, how many people (single) there are?
    You get it? I don’t. Thrill ride? Really? I don’t want this kind of thrill.

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  • I'm a firm believer that if someone truly cares about someone that they would not cheat. I admit it is good tips but seriously. no need to cheat just leave the person you are with if you are that gun ho on fucking someone else. There are so many people like myself that would not agree to an open relationship as to me if you make it exclusive then you should not be fucking someone else

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  • How about people just break up when they lose interest? Also, open relationships are a thing.

    Seriously, what kind of sick f*** gets off on betrayal?

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  • How about don't cheat. If you're considering cheating leave your partner because they deserve better than you.

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  • So you actually are a garbage person. I thought you just came across that way online for the lulz.

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  • When I hear burner phone, the first thing that comes to mind is drugs, not cheaters. That being said, wouldn't it be easier to just hire an escort? I mean for real, you get a hotel room, have some condoms, and order a call girl who has no intention of getting involved in your personal life. That also being said, why cheat at all? If you just want to get laid there are outlets for that. I don't see the point of entering a relationship or a marriage if you don't really want it or want to make it work.

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    • You can get phone for $30 a month I mean if you’re of the means to hire an escort that often go right ahead

    • @pavlove True, that all depends on how frequently you want sex. Just saying, if people don't want to settle down, they don't have to. They can date, enjoy casual relationships, or pay escorts once a month or whenever they really feel like having sex. Many strippers escort on the side too. I mean, yeah that one time will cost you probably anywhere from 100 to 200 dollars for a more attractive, high class girl. Street hookers are real cheap, but are addicts and walking bio-hazards. Marriage and dating can cost just as much, and may not even lead to sex. Not to mention if you end up divorcing, having to pay alimony, and having to deal with asset and debt division. I've spent 200 dollars on bar tabs just with friends getting fucked up and celebrating. Considering all those factors, I don't think 130 dollars for an hour and having a known good time, is a bad deal financially speaking. I tried it once in Germany, but that's Euro and not dollars.

    • It was 50 Euro for 30 minutes. She was a gorgeous brunette, and I thought she was Greek but ended up being Iranian. Good times though. You walk in, and she first washes your dick over a sink. Then we went to the room and she slipped on the condom using her mouth, and you get right to it. She was a clean, sweet, normal looking woman. It definitely wasn't bad and it changed my perspective on it. That was prior to my first marriage.

  • Interesting

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  • Cheat smart? Really? You say you don't want us to cheat, but then you say we should cheat smart. So, in other words, you still advocate for infidelity. I don't. You shouldn't cheat - IN GENERAL (whether you cheat smart, stupid, many, little, etc).

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  • Thank you lol

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  • while im not condoning this at all I'm always disappointed by the self-righteous responses who act holier than thou

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    • its not about acting holier than thou its about recognizing that cheating is a cruel thing to do does that make you holier than thou no it dosent

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    • exactly, this acknowledges that its wrong but focuses on how at least not to be an idiot about it. if you want to stop cheating its best to be able to do it on your own terms

  • way to enable shitty people, its almost like claiming to not condone cheating but you actually do, wait...

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  • I dont see the need to cheat, if you are unhappy then leave and if you are that good looking then sleep around without being in a relationship.
    Just my 2 cents.

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  • i can't believe you actually wrote this your helping them commit a heinous act of betrayal wow people

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