Narcissistic Relationships Are on the Rise...

Years have been passing and after the last three relationships and watching relationships around me, I have come to a cold realization. Narcissism in relationships is seriously on the rise. Now it would be really easy to say guys are the problem but the truth is men and women are both at fault. What is causing this world devouring change? Why are people becoming so self centered and unable to accept responsibility for their actions? Why can’t anyone say my behavior brought this upon me?

Narcissism is thought to arise by a number of factors., genetics, child -parent mismatches, and either over criticizing or over praising throughout the early years of development and adulthood.

The common signs of narcissism are as follows:

1. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance.
2. Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.
3. Believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions).
4. Requires excessive admiration [regularly fishes for compliments, and is highly susceptible to flattery].
5. Has a sense of entitlement.
6. Is interpersonally exploitative.
7. Lacks empathy: is unwilling [or, I would add, unable] to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others.
8. Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her.
9. Shows arrogant, haughty [rude and abusive] behaviors or attitudes.

Narcissistic Relationships Are on the Rise...In the research and in my experience it has been found that they are highly reactive to criticism. The worst reactions come when they know you are right about something. If it is really serious and suggestion of getting help is mentioned it can and often leads to the bodily harm of the suggestor. Without the ability for empathy and only caring about ones self it becomes a full filled prophecy to make the one that hurt you pay.

Tied in with this is an extremely low self esteem and often they will fish for compliments. Be careful what you say even in jest it is often not taken kindly to if it is slightly derogatory. These people are constantly trying to prove themselves and have a really hard time when they are not an expert at something.

In a relationship the my way or the highway attitude that comes with this is very hard to swallow. They can’t make compromises and saying I’m sorry is pretty close to impossible. It is extremely important to prove they are always right. This does not bode for the success of any relationship.

Angry outbursts are almost intrinsic to both narcissistic and borderline personality disorders. And although (unlike the borderline) it’s not particular fears of abandonment that bring out their so-called “narcissistic rage,” both personality disorders generally react with heated emotion when others bring their deepest insecurities too close to the surface.

The reason that feelings of anger and rage are so typically expressed by them is that in the moment they externalize the far more painful anxiety- or shame-related emotions hiding just beneath them. When they’re on the verge of feeling—or re-feeling—some hurt or humiliation from their past, their consequent rage conveniently “transfers” these unwanted feelings to another. Due to this the outlying message transferred to the significant other is “I’m not bad (wrong, stupid, mean, etc.), you are!” Over time the person without the narcissism issue begins to believe it and it starts ripping apart their own sense of self and self esteem. It leads to what is considered “battered wife syndrome”. Even if they manage to never lay a hand on their significant other the emotional damage is sometimes completely irreparable.

Narcissistic Relationships Are on the Rise...

The things that often make them the most angry are things they see as a flaw within themselves. It’s been said about narcissists that they can’t tell where they end and the other person begins. Unconsciously viewing others as “extensions” of themselves, they regard them as existing primarily to serve their own needs—just as they routinely put their needs before everyone else’s (frequently, even their own children).

In a relationship you should:

Check for abuse

If you’re facing abuse, it doesn’t matter whether it’s driven by your partner’s narcissism, chronic pain, or drug addiction — the problem is the abuse, plain and simple. And the abuser is 100 percent responsible for his or her choice. Until that changes, you probably won’t feel safe enough — nor should you — to take the kinds of risks I’m recommending here.

Look for denial

The alcoholic who protests, “I just enjoy the taste of fine wine!”; the terminally ill patient who assures everyone, “It’s just a cough”; and the narcissist who, despite having alienated all her friends and lost her job, proclaims, “I’m just fine” — all are exhibiting denial. The more denial a narcissist displays, the less hopeful you should feel about change. How bad is denial? In adolescents, it predicts some of the most ruthless, demanding forms of narcissism — adults who happily admit “I find it easy to manipulate people.” Make sure your partner can admit something’s wrong, even if it’s as simple as saying, “my life isn’t where I hoped it would be.”

Beware the manipulator

Not all narcissists are cold and manipulative. But the ones who are pose the greatest threat because they’re so practiced at play-acting and deceit you’ll have a hard time separating fact from fiction.

What is the willingness to change

The easiest way to test a partner’s capacity to change is to seek help from a couples therapist — or any therapist for that matter. Even people who aren’t narcissists can be leery of therapy, so this one shouldn’t be considered a litmus test. If your partner’s willing to work with you, though, your odds at improving the relationship have probably jumped by an order of magnitude.

Next part comes to you, approaching the narcissist, and being honest with yourself.

Narcissistic Relationships Are on the Rise...

Check your anger

You’ve always been the paranoid, jealous type,” sneers your partner after you openly wonder about the amount of time he’s spending with his attractive coworker. Our natural tendency, when faced with such shocking indifference to our fear of losing love or needing more closeness and comfort, is to protect ourselves.

For many people, this means donning battle armor and launching an attack. “You’re the most selfish person I know! I don’t know why I’m with you!” Instead try: “You mean so much to me; I hear you talking to her and I’m scared I’m not enough for you.” Or, “Your opinion means the world to me; when I hear you talk to me that way I feel so small and worthless in your eyes.” Most partners, if they can feel anything at all, will melt when they hear comments like this. They don’t just convey your pain with greater clarity; they remind your partner why the behavior hurts — because it comes from the one person who matters most.

Check your silence

Say you come home from a long week and plans are still up in the air and your partner is making a bunch of negative remarks. “You can never make a decision, you are so indecisive, you are useless. A coping mechanism is to withdraw into ourselves and protect us.

silent withdrawal is just another way of coping with feeling sad or fearful about our connection with people we love; your best bet, as with anger, is to go beneath the impulse to shut down and share the upset. “I’m feeling so put down right now I’m afraid you’ve stopped caring about me altogether.”

Why is this so important? Though they appear to be universal ways of coping with fears about the people we love, anger and withdrawal also ramp up our partners’ insecurities. The result? Our loved ones fall back on their usual way of protecting themselves — like criticism or indifference — instead of hearing our pain. If they’re narcissists, that means they resort to their favorite MO — narcissism.

Be honest with yourself

If you have tried the more loving approach, ask yourself, honestly — are you staying because your partner’s doing his best to change — or because it feels too hard to leave? Even if the people we love want to change, none of us should be expected to endure the same hurts over and over.

Narcissistic arrogance and hostility elicit our worst behaviors; they get beneath our skin, working away like a thousand needles. The natural response is to pull away or lash back; but if you do your best to share the pain openly, letting your loved ones see your softer feelings, you’re giving them their best — and only shot — at hearing you. If they can’t understand your pain then, perhaps they never will. As sad and difficult as it feels, you might need to take care of yourself by leaving. Because regardless of which habit steals their attention away from genuine love and intimacy, if our loved ones can’t risk change, their problems are here to stay.

As a society are we breeding narcissists? Are we teaching our children the lack of empathy?

Narcissistic Relationships Are on the Rise...

The research says there are several mistakes a parent makes to do so besides genetic predisposition.

Always condemning the child and saying they are wrong.

Treating them like nothing they do is good enough. “A child should learn that trying is worth the same amount as doing it right, and learn that perseverance until it is gotten right is important.”

Never giving consequences and treating a child like they do no wrong.

“Johnny hit Sam. It’s all sam’s fault because he called Johnny a name so it is okay.” NO! Both children were wrong they need to accept responsibility and make it right.

The devaluing narcissistically comes parent

In this scenario there is a very domineering and devaluing parent who is always putting down the child. The parent is generally irritable, easily angered, and has unrealistically high expectations. It is often the other parent is treated like the child and belittled as well, so the child learns this is proper behavior.

Exhibitionists admirer

In this situation children grow up in a Narcissistic household where there is an Exhibitionist Narcissist parent who rewards them with praise and attention as long as they admire and stay subservient to the parent. These children are taught Narcissistic values, but are discouraged from exhibiting themselves for admiration. Instead their role in the family is to uncritically worship the greatness of their Narcissistic parent without ever trying to equal or surpass that parent’s achievements.

So so I guess the real question is, do you guys feel there is an increase in this type of behavior? What are your thoughts on helping the next generation start to decrease said behavior. How do we start fixing what is broken? Why do you think that according to psychology studies narcissism is increasing at a dramatic and rapid rate?

Narcissistic Relationships Are on the Rise...

Being in love with a narcissist is one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with in my life. I find some days that I feel completely worthless and lost. I find fight are often had because I dare step in when he belittled the feeling of my child and I step in and expect an apology. This is rarely ever gotten but, he wants an aplology for whatever ridiculous thing he felt happened to wrong him. To always have to accept blame for everything that goes on in life that isn’t perfect and try to keep my sense of self. I am an incredibly strong woman but sometimes even I wonder if loving someone with narcissism issues is worth it. He has said that he will try to do better with apologizing and listening to my son’s needs. The hard truth is, if he doesn’t my son and I will be walking. I want my son to grow up confident and kind and knowing his thoughts and feelings matter.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • the real question I am facing right now is, is it my problem to help them with their "narcissistic" personality so that we can get along better and if so how can I do this?

    I think my mom and sister and my husband are all one. The main thing I see in them is that no matter what, they are "entitled" to me doing everything for them, if I don't it angers them and they get mad at me. I cannot treat them the same way. If I have my own taste in clothes, food, or what not (lifestyle) then it angers them, and they say I am controlling. If I go along with how they want me to act, behave and dress and talk then they are happy but then I am not. If they are happy and I am not, then is it my problem? If I am happy and they are not, why isn't that their problem? this doesn't make sense to me. In the narcissistic world, they are always "perfect" and I am always the one with a million and one problems that cannot be enough for them to be happy but they are very good at manipulating the situation and they say that it is ME who is not happy and that they are always happy, when in actual they are really insecure and full of lies. If that makes sense... so back to the real question: Is it OUR problem to help out all the narcissitics so that we can all live together happily? and who do we help them be happier?

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What Guys Said 29

  • I think there has been a distinct shift away from the accepting responsibility in the past to it all being about me. There is a certain perversion in this. Where people slip deeper into it and detach further from reality. It manifests in a sociopathic culmination

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  • elizabethtayloraidsfoundation.org/.../...rt_v2.png

    Generally speaking, most people with NPD (narcissistic personality disorder), want to feel good about themselves, and tend to gravitate towards people and relationships that they feel reflect the version of themselves that they want to identify with.

    For some people with NPD, this might include:

    People who they think are impressive in some way, and therefore they would feel more impressive themselves by being in a relationship with that person
    Someone who avoids narcissistically injuring them as much as possible, and who generally makes them feel good about themselves in the areas that matter to them
    Someone who they believe reflects well on them in the eyes of other people around them
    Someone who validates their feelings, is an admiring audience, and represents ALL of the ideals that they are searching for in a partner
    Of course, many narcissists are chasing a unicorn, that often does not exist. They tend to have unrealistic expectations for their partner, as well as unstable object constancy, which frequently leads them to being unhappy in relationships once the initial sparkle has worn off, and their partner shows their more human and flawed sides.

    The point is…

    Most narcissists are constantly searching for external means to self-regulate their unstable emotions and self-esteem. They often pick partners through this same lens of NPD, based on how they feel about themselves in this person’s presence.

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  • Narcissists, especially male narcissists, tend to have higher social status, greater success in their lives and have more sexual partners. It's also proven that the higher one scores in the Dark Triad of personality traits (one of which is narcissism), the more sex/children they will have. This has always been the case. The human race as a whole is becoming more narcissistic as a result, and in the United States and other Western Cultures where individualism is encouraged, narcissism is increasingly seen as a virtue (although it's called other names, e. g. "confidence", "ambition", etc.) I think that might have something to do with narcissistic relationships being on the rise, although I don't know what time-frame you're looking at.

    Very well researched and written article! I have Borderline Personality Disorder myself, but plenty of narcissistic traits (both BPD and Narcissistic Personality Disorder are Cluster B/impulsive personality disorders). Everything you said is accurate, and I even found out some things I didn't know (like hard-to-please parents can cause NPD or just narcissism). Thank you!

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  • Nicely written man!
    I completely agree with you on the points that you have compiled above. These days we're constantly told to be strong, self dependent, financially able. And becoming such a person is not easy. Everyone comes from a different background and to achieve anything, everyone has to put up different fights as per their conditions. In this process, we are told to love ourselves, the attitude of saying fuck off to anybody that tried to come in our way. So this is basically a competitive lifestyle. And when two narcissistic people get into a relationship, this competitiveness is very likely to come in between. And sometimes when things are not going as they wished, these things may come out in the heat of the moment and cause serious issues in the relationship.
    I think people should understand that the base of relationship is trusting each other and sharing. When they'll consider themself a unit and always think of together then it'll work wonders. But if you're self centered, then you're going to end up being alone.

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  • Excelent take. I think hedonistic culture selects the very worse personality traits in people. Self-gratification, self-indulgence, entitlement, false expectations...

    We must reject this cultural sickness.

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  • I believe everyone should be a little narcissistic, we need to love ourselves for who we are, and a small competition once in a while isn't severe. ¿When did empathy became FACTS you can't say because someone would get offended? Society is ruined, and I'm not wasting my time filtering every single thing I say because someone could get offended accorded to believes/" the new one of the 80 genders" etc.

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  • Sometimes, it comes from being told that you can have anything that you want, get anything you want, be anything that you want to be, that's being spoiled. I'm not going t lie, it's much more being all of the characteristics described up, at the top. Because you don't have to face having your ego deflated or not having your own way. No one likes to be told no. You rebel against that, it's a coping mechanism to defy authority and reality.

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  • It is hard for me to admit but I think some of those things and this was a good slap in the face I needed to hear, thank you!

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  • Very good take !

    In today's world,
    Genuine relationships only exists out of the mainstream cultural norms.
    Everything else is fake and cheesy. they like the idea of romance but not necessarily the person they are with.

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  • Obviously lol guys are catching on that girls tend to be intrigued by those type of guys lol
    Of course

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  • Good take.

    There is no doubt in my mind that there's a lot of this around.

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  • Social justice is the cause of all things related to narcissism and entitlement. The idea that it's everyone else's fault your life is miserable is one of the core tenants of social justice. First it's because of race, then gender, then sexual identity. Whatever you can think of, everyone else clearly hates you because of it, and that means they should have to pay for all your shit. Social justice is a cancer that must be burned out of society with a passion. Don't bother trying to help these people. They are, by definition, incapable of being happy. Their very identity relies on them being victims. You can not save them. Discard them, remove them from you life in their entirety, and move on.

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  • I think this is the problem of the nuclear family household and possibly single parent households.
    Back in the days when people had many children and lived in large families, children learned early on that they werent too important and that everyone got theirs.
    They also developed more of a sharing mentality.

    Id say with the coming of social media, especially the ones focussed on putting yourself out there, like instagram, narcissistic behaviour increased even more.
    Its not that more narcissists are born, its that such behaviour is simply promoted.

    While its a given that such behaviour has increased on a ridiculous level, i still see some decent people out there.
    They will be the ones who will jold all this bs together.

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  • My first and previous girlfriend was 100% a narcissist. She only blamed me for everything, never admitted faults, never said sorry. Everything bad that happened to her, was because of me. She always told me she liked me and all this shit, but are all obvious lies when a while later they dump you for no reason with zero remorse, and shut you out of their lives like you had no fond memories being together. Zero empathy from her, never wanted to hear me out or see my side of the story. Her way or the highway.

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  • Great Mytake. 🖒

    Narcissistic people are from the pits of hell. I have met and known them.

    These bastards have an uncanny ability to be charming and fun and overall appear to good people but it's just a facade to gain advantages.

    They also tend to blame everyone else for their short comings and troubles when it's clearly their own fault and are incredability self centered.

    These people won't change. They are so far gone and corrupt in the mind that they can't see their own foul behavior and attitudes.

    The only thing that can truly help them is a miracle from God, otherwise forget about it.

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  • What the hell have I just read?

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  • Two narcissists together may clash often.

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  • Nice take.

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  • i have dated a girl like this.

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What Girls Said 13

  • I know a couple people with a narcissistic personality disorder & I can see quite a bit of what you're written in them, so I agree on that part.
    I can't really say much about the rest since I try to not get closer to them than necessary, that'd just result in shouting matches.
    I can't really say whether this is on the rise or not, either- I actually don't think it is, it's just becoming more apparent is what I'd say.

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  • Sometime please tell that guy who likes me that I'm a narcissist.

    Not really, but I definitely have to admit that I have SOME narcissistic traits. But honestly, it is so so much better then when I was too nice of a hunble pie and everyone took the bad advantage of me. At least no one can do that now.

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  • I've dated one of these and I can tell you this is right on! Arguing with him was like fighting with someone I didn't know

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  • I've definitely noticed this, and not even just in romantic relationships. New friends get mad at me if I can't do something for them, although they refuse to help me even in dire moments. For example, we had no food I'm the house at all. My mom was working and me and my hunger siblings hadn't eaten all day, so I asked a "friend" for a ride to the store to grab dinner. She was too busy getting her nails done. A week later she asks if she could borrow $20 to fix a nail that broke off. I told her I didn't have it (I had used it that night on food). She acted as though I was withholding my money from her. Like what even is with all if the narcissistic personalities coming about these days?

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  • Very interesting thanks for sharing

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  • Super interesting, very well written take :)

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  • Thanks for the information.

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  • Great Take 😊

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  • Interesting Take

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  • i totally agree

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  • I agree tbh

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  • I see more female ones, it's funny the photo is always of a guy

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    • Prolly because its more accepted in women for some reason.

    • @BaileyisDarcy ya for us it's not as dangerous 😂😂well taking selfies all the time isn't really all that selfish

  • If you want your son to grow up confident etc, you have to leave him. My most silent cousins with the lowest self-esteem are the ones who were raised by the biggest narcissist of the family.

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