Why is There Such a Fear of Settling Down Too Young?

Why is There Such a Fear of Settling Down Too Young? So I am writing this not to make anyone feel bad but kind of out of curiosity. Why is it that young people are so fearful of marriage and staying away from the concept? I am 19 years old and I have been on many dating sites just to explore and my curiosity always gets the better of me. I have noticed that most of the guys I talk to say they just want to have fun. Now, I understand that they most likely would like to settle down later, but why not at a younger age? Is it society or what is it? It’s not just guys. It’s everybody.

There seems to be the thinking that you have to have your job all situated and have lived your life before you find a serious man or woman to settle down with. Why can’t we date to find that spouse and have fun with them and work on our careers as well? Who knows, they may even help further your career.

One of my closest friends is also 19 and at this time engaged. Everybody seems so shocked. They say that those two have not even begun their lives to know if they should get married or not. First of all, they have definitely begun their lives and have been living it. Second of all, why can’t they live their life together? Whoa an epiphany!!! Together?!!?!? What does this word mean??? Yeah that is how society seems to roll. Why are we constantly fighting our ways to become successful all by ourselves? Society says that to have it all, you need to first be all and my dear that to them means be all by your very lonely self. Then once you have it all, add somebody to the picture, aka your future spouse.

Why is There Such a Fear of Settling Down Too Young?

I just think it’s so frustrating that people are trying so hard to live up to something when in the end it’s not about how much money or how established you are. It’s about the people you loved and the people that you carried during all those life moments. No amount of money is worth a single person. So why is it that society would rather you be alone and a billionaire than poor and with a happy wife and lots of kids? By the way, lots of kids is not for everyone. Don’t get me wrong.

People can be successful and rich yet still have a partner and a loving family at a young age. I’m not dissing anybody if that’s you. I’m just saying. Stop worrying so much on having fun in life. Find meaning in life!!! Not just doing whatever feels good or the next thing that catches your eye. Be young and enjoy your youth, but don’t play around. Life isn’t a joke. If you think it is, then you might as well throw this article down the toilet because not one thing I said will make sense to you. Live your life fully and chase the love of your life. Don’t waste time getting drunk or having sex with the dude sitting next to you at the bar. I don’t know, maybe join a sports league or something. Meet people. Find passion in beautiful things. If you hope to marry someday, work on yourself and spend your time around potential spouses. Work hard on your career but don’t let it take over your life or you’ll wake up one day and realize you’re alone while all your best friends have grandbabies by then.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • i was married at 19 and enjoyed nearly 21 years of wedded bliss with three children.

    I think it is unwise to use age as a measure of anything. In terms of love or settling down. If you feel right in your heart and together as a couple, go for it.

    The only proviso is you are 18+

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Most of my friends got married at 18-24, others are not getting engaged. People have fear because many are being cowardly. They don't want higher commitment. They don't want to grow up yet, they still want to be a 'toy's r us' kid but have the adult privileges without the responsibility or accountability. The legal age is 18. There is no excuse for what they have. They're just selfish and they want sex and doing what they want. Then grow bitter by the time they do married, to learn that marriage ain't how they thought it was. It takes work. And they don't want the work. Just the perks.

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What Guys Said 17

  • i wouldn't wanna settle down until I'm like 30 because some things are time sensitive and when you're in your 20s your gonna chase your dreams and take any opportunity you can to move up. once you move up and have secured a place for yourself in the world then settle down. also your brain doesn't finish forming until around 25 so you still have a lot of growing up to do.

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    • You’re never done growing!!! So growing with someone if you are looking for a spouse is the best way. Life isn’t about the money you have.

  • As usual, it's about money and sex:
    When you're young, your income is small, you may be fired more quickly.
    And a household costs money. Children are terribly expensive.

    And some people want to ry out many partners.

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    • Trying out partners makes me sick not gonna lie. People aren’t part of a grocery store!! But yeah many people have this thinking.

  • i think a big concern for many people is the loss of freedom or the fear of missing out on things people generally can experience when single.

    i do think it's important to not gauge age as a sign of readiness to be single or coupled though. it's really up to the individual. some people may need to wait til they are older before entering into a long term committed relationship while some may be completely ready at a young age. i've seen examples of both

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  • Really Awesome Take !!!
    I can relate to that a lot... and sometimes I'm thinking If I ever gonna merry or not?

    The biggest problem is the society standards has been lowered everywhere in the world. and for both women and men ! and of course I'm affected to some degree by it ( not gonna lie )
    Its generates so much insecurities between the sexes and the priority for marriage and the responsibility to make it work is being faded year after a year...
    many divorces, many failed relationships, cheating is very easy to a point where we question if its ok sometimes !!! we even started to question monogamy if its right or not !!! lol wtf.
    And I think one of the main reasons people feel awkward by young marriages, is that its not gonna work forever. And this is when the lack of communication and insecurity fucking our heads.

    We love materialistic things and we love to not missing out anything even if we are not gonna enjoy it in a healthy way !!!
    And that's not good on the long run.

    Thanks for this reminder !!!

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  • I know plenty of people who settled down when they were young like my cousins and I just really don't see the point in doing so. I mean if you have your life in order than it's fine to settle down at a young age of say 20 years old or even your mid 20's. Me personally I wouldn't settle down when I was in my 20's as I just entering college and didn't want anything distracting me from those goals that I had. I mean sure getting married would be great but if children came into play, I could see whatever plans I had before children change and have to put my time and money into starting a family and trying to finishing my career in whatever I was studying. I just think in your 20's that your just starting life and want to live life to the fullest and discover who you really are as person and not have anything get in your way. For sure people yes they can get married at young age and settle accomplish their goals in life like finishing college or buying a house or car or even starting a family without any worries. But I think of me personally it would very difficult to do so with how raising a child is expensive and everything has gone up over the years. Even if I had settled down at a young age I would have to work twice as hard to make sacrifices for myself and my wife and do whatever it takes to support myself and my wife and children. I also don't see the rush in getting married young when you want to enjoy life and feel rushed into marriage just cause everyone you know is doing it. I personally have a friend who married in her early 20's and she basically wanted to get married young and have a family young. She had a car and job and was graduating vocational school to become a nurse and this was before she was in her mid 20's. Good for her but seeing how she looked like she regretted having a baby whenever I saw her, I kinda felt sorry for her. But it's her life and I am sure she maybe wasn't thinking right and just wanted to experience life at a faster pace and not wait to meet the right person. Funny how you can get married to first person you date and end up marrying them a few months later after just knowing not very much about them and just falling in love with them.

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  • Cuz people finally do grow up. And they change their mind about what they really want.
    Guys don't even fully mature mentally 'till about 25.
    So don't be in a hurry, and don't ride the cock-carousel. Date, have fun, have lots of friends, do lots of fun stuff. When mr. right comes along you'll have a LOT better concept whether they're really worthy or not.

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  • People prioritize money way too much now. They have become so greedy and obsessed with showing off financially that they become crappy and miserable people.
    And once they are established in a career, they can't move. So if they meet someone that would have been a good match, that person is already established somewhere else, so they can never be together and end up settling for someone they won't be happy with.

    It would be better if people prioritized things other than money.

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  • Because people are retarded now. They think you're supposed to spend the best years of your life traveling and seeing the world. No, the best years of your life are supposed to be the MOST PRODUCTIVE years of your life, which means they need to be spend building career and family. You know, the things that take the most effort. Not acting like some spoiled rich kid on vacation. You can do that any time. It takes no effort at all.

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  • Because guys wanna fuck 20 chicks and girls wanna ride the cock carousal. I finally decided I don't give a shit and I just want one woman who makes me happy for life, the problem is finding another person with this mentality X. X

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  • The problem is that people expect a lot out of marriage and it's really hard to make a good choice of partner when you've only dated a couple of people and barely know yourself.

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What Girls Said 13

  • A lot of young people are in committed monogamous relationships. But they don't rush into marriage for several reasons:
    1. Most people think it's unnecessary unless they grew up in a conservative household with strict religious values that preaches abstinence before marriage.
    2. Weddings are expensive.
    3. Maybe their parents had a toxic marriage and the divorce process was complicated and long.
    4. They are going to college full-time while holding down few jobs so they are busy.

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    • I'm not trying to be mean, but all I hear in most of these points is fear and kind of a laziness. Why don't we fight for what we want anymore? When did we stop caring so much about what we reallllyyy want? Just something to think about, not accusing or pointing fingers. And trust me, I totally get the working 3 jobs at the same time. It's really rough. My poor feet used to hurt badly.

    • You can love and care for your partner without marrying them. Although, I think marriage is a beautiful thing, like a sacred covenant between two people. The guys you see on dating websites, who say they are not looking for anything "serious" are just there to hook up and don't have the mindset of sacrifice or selflessness that a relationship demands.

  • The fear revolves around having to make sacrifices for another person as you are learning to make sacrifices for yourself. When you don't have a life long partner early, you can do the things YOU want to do, without 'reporting' to someone. If you want to devote yourself to a new hobby, you can make up your own schedule about when to do it. if there's dance practice at 6, a partner may feel rejected that you'd rather choose something 'shiny and new' over spending quality dinner time with them. If you want to hang with friends, if you're single you don't have to check in with your partner and prove your love for them when they get insecure about the new attractive friends of friends you'll meet. If you're privileged enough, you don't have to let your spouses opinion influence where or when or how you'll afford an you to get an education. Or maybe you're just bored of the town/city you're in and want to move, but they don't, so you stay there miserable. Maybe you want to save up for fancy car or boat and your spouse thinks its a waste of money. Maybe you want to a new minimalist lifestyle but your partner is too attached to his/her material things and belittles you for wanting something different. Basically, there is a lot to explore out in life, and chances are, if you're younger, you'll have had less time to figure out things you like and don't like in ways that aren't influenced by another person. People settle down later, when they feel reporting to someone is more comforting than restrictive.

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  • Young people are prone to change. Why tie yourself down when there could be better opportunities out there for you? Someone might want to travel or move for a career. People change as they age, most people over 30 are very different from how they were in college or in their mid 20's.
    I think it's better to move out on your own and learn to navigate the world as a single adult for a little while.

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  • It's not just about success or having fun. People change and those who settle down young and manage to grow together and maintain a loving and healthy relationship despite all pitfalls are kind of rare. When you are 19 you barely know your ass from your elbow and anyone who says "That's not true! I know myself!" is just kidding themselves. The people who think they know it all are the ones that know the least. And if you can honestly say you were exactly the same person at 19 and 29 then there is something wrong. Not to say you were a BAD person at 19 but a normal person matures with age.

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    • But if you love someone, you’d grow with them.

    • You'd think though sometimes no matter how much you love someone you are just so different. You can't force yourselves to be compatible.

  • I think in general it is better to wait until you are mid to late twenties, at least, before settling down with a serious partner. It can be even later for people who stay in school for a long time (doctors, professors). When you are younger, you have the luxury of putting yourself first, not compromise for a relationship. This is especially true for women, who will often compromise their career decisions to be with a male partner. Don't put yourself in that situation before you are secure in your own career.
    But if you meet someone special when you are younger, then by all means hold on to them. And if you don't there's no need to sweat it.

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    • That’s why we should find partners that will help us grow in our careers and encourage us as well.

    • Of course that's the ideal scenario. But in reality a lot of younger girls don't have a strong enough sense of self yet to push back against their male partners. And a lot of younger guys are selfish, less interested in commitment, and will drop the girl if she doesn't go along with what he wants. When I was close to your age I adopted an attitude of "why bother" if the guys around me aren't as interested in having a serious relationship.
      Anyway, I'm not saying every young couple is like this. Just food for thought.

  • First of all, a lot of people can’t afford to have a family at 19. Second, you grow so much in your early 20s that it’s hard to commit to something so long term that young. Just my thoughts

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  • Mainly.. because it's a lot of work, even when you have the perfect partner, and most people don't want to add more work on top of their already busy schedule of juggling school, hobbies, friends and family when they don't see the necessity behind it.

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  • I think for me it's born out of cynicism and practicality. I know that lust and young love is alluring but It really overrides any sense of pragmatism surrounding the relationship, getting married young is likely to cause issues down the road because you didn't really get to know who you were in a relationship with and how time is important in growing as a person. It's also an economic thing, having a long-term relationship is fine, but I'm assuming children are involved and I do not have the mental or financial capability for them at the moment.

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  • I'll share my family's situation for this... I had an extremely bad childhood, I protected my younger sister from most of it but I was on the streets by 12 and our parents split and she stayed with our mother who was only around when bringing guys over. I sent money to her whenever I could and she was going to go to school and be an engineer until a boy showed interest and she saw that as her way out. She was married and pregnant within a few months of turning 18. When she was 8 months pregnant her husband quit his job and demanded she get more nannying work to support him. Is it better than our parents... I can't judge because I think our parents weren't too bad for her since Dad was gone most of her life, but it still had to have an effect. And I understand the need to get out even if there are no options. But this is why people say settling down young is a bad idea, these extreme examples.

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  • good take

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