What It’s Like To Love Someone With Mental Illnesses

What It’s Like To Love Someone With Mental Illnesses

I am in love with a man who has depression and anxiety. It is not easy sometimes and I’m not gonna lie and pretend it is. But for me, it is so incredibly worth it.

I’ve lost so much sleep over him helping him when he was depressed. I will never forget one important night.

I woke up at 4 am or so, and went to go pee. I had a text from him (back before we were dating) and it was basically saying he needed me NOW.

So without hesitation i called him. He was standing on a rooftop ready to jump. He wanted to kill himself. My heart absolutely broke as i was in love with him even tho we weren’t together. I stayed up for about 3 more hours just talking to him. Listening to him.

Often times that’s what a lot of people like him, like me, need. Someone to listen. He got better a bit after that and the next night admitted himself To a psych ward. He got on anti depressants. All because i has helped him when he was inches away from killing himself.

There are plenty of sleepless nights, petty arguments, especially a lot of eye rolling. It comes with the territory. When dating someone with mental illnesses you have to keep in mind - you will not cure them.


Just because you are dating them doesn’t mean they should be cured. I believe my boyfriend when he says i make him happy. But i don’t expect him to no longer be depressed. Depression is an imbalance of chemicals in the brain, because i come into his life that doesn’t mean i can fix that.

It’s not easy at all, especially when i have issues of my own.

What It’s Like To Love Someone With Mental Illnesses

I’m no therapist, but i do everything i can in my power to help him. to support and understand him.

I never want to hear him say he’s about to kill himself. I’d rather slash my own wrists than ever hear that again.

There tends to be a stigma surrounding people with mental illnesses. Dating someone with them can be hard but the majority of it is loving them, supporting them and listening. Sometimes they don’t wanna talk about it and all you can do is try to distract them. Some days are easier than others, some days are incredibly difficult.

Some people do not have the strength to be with those with mental illness. Maybe because of their own mental illnesses or maybe just because of who they are. There’s nothing wrong with that and it’s completely understandable. Some people can handle more than others.

My boyfriend has mental illnesses for quite a few reasons and i wouldn't trade him for anyone in the world. I wish his depression wasn’t as bad. I wish his anxiety would allow him to do more stuff publicly.

I wish he had a better self esteem. I wish he loved himself.

But despite those, I find him to be an incredibly beautiful person. He is one of the most amazing people I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet. I love him with all my heart. Despite hard times we may have, he is completely worth it.

What It’s Like To Love Someone With Mental Illnesses


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Most Helpful Guy

  • That's a lovely story :) (the good bit, not the suicide bit)

    I was in a similar situation but there was a big difference, she liked the attention of it and tried to use her depression to manipulate me. Luckily I'm a strong willed guy so it didn't work. I tried to help but she didn't want the help which just made the whole relationship toxic. But you can't help someone who doesn't want help. Long story short, we're not together anymore, broke up around 6 months ago.

    Maybe I wasn't strong enough, maybe I could have done more, but either way, she wasn't for me.

    Just make sure he doesn't become dependant on you and make sure you don't feel responsible for him, he can make his own choices.

    Good luck with everything going on :) it sounds like you're doing a lot of good for him so well done :)

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Wow, you are such a good person honestly. I'm diagnosed with mental illnesses as well, and not gonna lie, I don't know how anyone could love me. You're so inspiring and amazing. Congratulations because it is really hard to deal with someone like that. Which is sad because I think people with mental illnesses are the ones that need love the most. Good luck<3

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    • I don’t think loving someone wth a mental illness and being accepting makes me a good person, just like not being able to handle that doesn’t make someone a bad person. I just love who he is truly and I accept he isn’t completely “perfect” or “normal”

    • Well i think that accepting someone who "isn't completely perfect or normal" is a good person trait (:

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What Guys Said 27

  • One of the reasons why these relationships are so draining is that it takes so long to recover from the fights or other difficult episodes, time that often is not there before the next one occurs. I have the utmost respect for those that put so much into loving someone with a mental illness.

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  • You may not like this answer, but I have to be blunt. I am a firm believer in God and I understand and have read how this world came about when God created Adam (the first human) out of clay. Long story short, the devil who disobeyed God by now bowing slightly to God's wonderful, magnificent creation of the human species stated, "Why should I bow to him, I am fire, he is clay I am better than him". This is where God cast the devil away from God's world, but the devil said wait, let me lead your new creation on a wicked path be it greed, hatred, suicide, lack of faith and etc.

    God said fine, I will make heaven (paradise) and hell for the believers and non-believers, the good and the bad. The reason why I say this is because people who commit suicide even if they have a beautiful girl such as yourself or money/status like celebrities have lost utter faith in life because they forgot one important key factor of who gave us everything from the sun, food, animals, materials/resources to help drive our environment and that was given by God.

    He is not happy with himself because he doesn't believe in God, he sees the world and even if it is sunny (it's cloudy), I think it's a slap to your face that your health is being affected because of his behavior. He needs to seek help and guidance and that is not taking a bunch of pills by a doctor. If you're not religious yourself, seek God and go to God for guidance, go to church, understand the world, society, how this life started, the bible and the Quran will help you.

    People can't disregard God and assume there is no life in the hear after, and committing suicide is pretty much a 1-way ticket to hell, if people can't cope with life when they have others willing to help them on earth, what do you think hell is going to be like when an individual's soul is locked away and the devil has his way, is going to be constant torture. Going forward, I hope God gives you the guidance and light to see the bigger picture of life and I hope he gets help and is in a happier place here on earth, he has to persevere through his difficulties and emotions, like everyone else on earth has, life is never meant to be in a straight line we all go through roadblocks, bumps and bruises along the way.

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    • I'm trying to help so don't lash out at me with a rude response. It's not being "preachy" what I mentioned are facts, if you choose to discredit that that then is your immaturity, young age and lack of faith.

  • I can understand, but then don't. Most guy's have to deal with woman, and how emotionally they are. But then, when it comes down to men, and there emotional state, they for some reason can't deal with it.

    Yeah, it's a bit harder, but relationships are hard too! How long have you been in your relationship anyway?

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    • The difference between men and women is that women can talk about pretty much anything to their other female friends.

      Men on the other hand, they don't care too much about the emotional stuff when talking to guy friends. That's the problem. So when men have depression or other strong emotions, they not only not know how to deal with it, but have no way to share it and no one to talk to about it, because men's conversations usually consist of sports, daily tasks and other physical activity related things. "Hey bro, watcha did today? Yeah I had a sandwich, watched a documentary on racket ball and mowed 20 lawns. You?"

      For guys, for whatever multiple reasons, is embarrassing to share emotions with other guys. They don't know how to deal with it, Etc

      TL;DR:
      Women can share their feelings with women, men cannot with men. Therefore, women have it easier when coping with strong emotions, because others are there to support them. Men are usually lone wolves on this front of battle.

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    • @Germanium Amen, this is so true

    • @Germanium this is true, but not always. I find co-Ed friendships to be really strong. My best friend of many years is a guy, and we talk about deeply personal stuff when others need it. When my first love and I broke up, he was the first one I called.
      It’s mostly society, its frowned upon for men to be vulnerable but vulnerability in a woman is desirable.

  • Thanks for sharing. As someone with PTSD, I feel for those in my life when I’m having a bad day.
    I’m officiating at a funeral on Friday for a 36 year veteran of the Air Force. He retired 2 years ago and lost the support of the military that he once had. On the weekend he put on his uniform and PTSD claimed another victim.
    I try and remember this;
    “Sometimes you have one of those days where you are surrounded by people but you still feel pretty lonely. All you want to do is go home to the comfort of your family. But sometimes, even your family can't give you that comfort; because it turns out, they've all had one of those days too. All you can do is wait for days like that to be over... so you can go to bed, and hope you wake up to a better tomorrow.“

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  • I've been there. Not doing it again. Was to together for 3 years, was there for her in the psych ward and everything. She has bipolar. She got better but would relapse because she refused to take medicine and that's just unacceptable.
    I mean I'm fucked up, and if I had a pill to help un-fuck me, I would take it religiously. lol.

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    • I know how you feel my ex boyfriend was like that.. but I been broke up with him for three weeks now.

  • oh I've delt with all this before lol I've been depressed half of my life in all honesty i wouldn't say im currently depressed at least not like i was when i was younger but yeah I've also had low self esteem at points most people who are depressed may have experienced a lot of trauma in life or simply just over aware of the negative

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  • Depression and anxiety aren't too hard to deal with in a partner. I do so with my wife, and it really opens up my nurturing side. On the other hand uncontrolled bipolar disorder is sheer hell to live with, especially when combined with a personality disorder.

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  • I've been married to my wife for 16 years. She has been diagnosed as Bipolar. Stand with the one you love through the hard times and the good times will be even better!

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  • I have PTSD and it gets just as hard for me if not harder. It takes someone strong to understand you not just say they do. What I did was come up with a plan with my doctor of reasonable course of actions that I would do and what I would need from girlfriend. Some were if we couldn't fight fair or I would stay in a hotel around the corner. If I needed to be alone She had to respect that. If I needed her just to be by my side use just hold all important Matters until I could deal with them civilly. Pretty much all in all we both just shut up for a bit.

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    • So why is this the same exact comment as @utah_f
      ?

    • They had the wrong age and stuff on there and I couldn't change it so I deleted that account.

  • Well one shouldn't love someone with a mental illness.

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  • I was with you until you said “Depression is an imbalance of chemicals in the brain”

    Personally I hate it when people go down this route. These are usually the people who push pills.

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    • Lol it’s pretty interesting you think I’m being rude when all I’m doing is sharing my opinion.

      Did I call you names? Laugh at you? Degrade you?

      No, I shared my opinion. If you don’t like my opinion, done block me I don’t really care. Not trying to spark debate or anything.

      Touchyyyyy.

    • Disagreeing with you =/= being rude

      And it’s pretty short sighted to want to write something but insist no one think otherwise.

    • Bye.

  • Good Luck... I personally couldn't date someone with mental issues. But that is just me.

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  • He’s lucky to have you then. I’m sure he is very loving and faithful to you in return.

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  • Well I wish you luck. But be cautious of taking on more than you can handle. You are no good to anyone else if you become overwhelmed.

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  • ... good luck you'll need it.
    I'm not really sure what age are you both. but as people age they get depressed easier.

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  • I have my own mental disorder it's called, I have no idea what I'm doing here.

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  • I have PTSD and it gets just as hard for me if not harder. It takes someone strong to understand you not just say they do. What I did was come up with a plan with my doctor of reasonable course of actions that I would do and what I would need from girlfriend. Some were if we couldn't fight fair or I would stay in a hotel around the corner. If I needed to be alone She had to respect that. If I needed her just to be by my side use just hold all important Matters until I could deal with them civilly. Pretty much all in all we both just shut up for a bit.

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  • I am very anxious and depressed and i promise you nobody loves me.😥

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    • Sometimes we just feel that way because were thinking too much and need someone to pay attention and validate our feelings. If you were doing something besides waiting it wouldn't seem that way as much. I feel the same way and I promise someone loves you very much. Not only that I am positive there is some guy you know that is in love with you.

  • I dont really know my guess is probaly sadness in the inside and anxiety

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  • Good take

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What Girls Said 27

  • This has set me off crying, as someone who suffers with mental health issues it can be difficult being in a relationship as people don't always understand. It is about finding the person who has the patience to go through the rough to get to the amazing because when those moments happen it can be so worth it. I won't say much more as I feel I could end up rambling but this has made me smile and cry as it just shows there is hope.

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    • awwwwww honey I’m sorry. I’m glad I could move you but please don’t cry. There are people who can love you despite depression

    • It's not a bad cry it's just touching that he has found you. And I am quite lucky I think I've found someone who could end up loving me despite the depression etc. I was just reading your other comments and I agree communication is the biggest thing which I do have with the guy despite my internal barriers and walls we keep working at them.

      Sometimes it is just nice to hear it works for other people.

  • Prayers always helped me. Offering up my hardships & troubles to my Christian God almost always gets me out of whatever bind I'm in. And, whenever I didn't immediately get an answer to my prayers or see the signs, I still thanked the Lord that my burden wasn't something I can't bear. Nevertheless, He never did and never will forsake me.

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    • I usually recite this in my heart and my mind: "Take me out of the dark, my Lord. I don't wanna be here."

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    • Thank you. It won't hurt you any bit if you give Him a chance. He said "Cast your burdens upon Me, those of you who are heavily-laden. Come to Me, all of you, who are tired of carrying heavy loads."

      Meanwhile, I hope you don't mind that I said a prayer to our Lord for you and your boyfriend. May God's Peace be with you both tonight.

    • Just because I don’t believe doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate that, so thank you. If my boyfriend was to turn to god I’d fully support it. I don’t think I would either but if I was ever in a situation where I felt I should then I’d be open to it. Until then 🤷🏻‍♀️

  • I have bad depression and anxiety.

    My boyfriend understands but it definitely isn’t easy. I see him ready to throw the towel in and I feel I cannot fulfill his needs all the time. It sends me into a destructive spiral.

    I hide the majority of my problems because I always have. But I know I’m a challenge to be with. Emotionally I need a lot of TLC.

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    • You should talk to him about it. Communication helps a lot when it comes to stuff like this.

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    • I know it’s hard I never said it wasn’t.

    • You were definitely being rude... and a tad over dramatic... OP was just trying to help.

  • Hmmmm I must say reading this reminded me of my best friend. She suffers from depression, anxiety, and bipolar. She is the most sweetest person with a heart of gold. I wouldn't change her for anyone else. It's very hard to deal with her at times. But she is the best thing that has happen to me. I can totally understand where you are coming from.

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  • This pained me if I'm going to be honest. I had someone like this in my life and the most important thing we all need to know is we can't love someone's mental illness away.
    I don't talk to this person anymore but I always wonder how she's doing, we've got into an argument and I'm still thinking about her

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    • It's always harder for the person to deal with their mental illness than it is for people around them, but this is a great MyTake, probably one of my favorites. Even if it doesn't really seem like it sometimes, but your boyfriend still appreciates you and us thankful for you to exist in his life no matter what happens. You did a great job

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    • I'm glad, I hope and wonder if I'm one of the reasons why she wants to stay alive...

    • Don't be sorry, I just hope for the best and want Everythingg to be better, but I know I can't force things to work out you know

  • I'm so glad someone else has been able to say the words I can't always form just because my relationship is the same; I do not want to be without him and I don't want to 'fix' him but I know he needs me to be there for him through everything and damn, I'll always be there. Thank you x

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  • Mine was begin with nice one because he was willing to understand and compromise. Three months later after that, it was complete chaos and everyday fighting, dealing with so much things and fighting with his desires to commit suicide because of it really challenge my limit in the end. His family and friends made it worst just because we're of different cultures and religion, also lives thousand miles apart. For others, it seems like we're in love because I wanted to love him so much and how much he loves me. For me, its another complete different level.

    What happened between us, made me completely suffered and my self esteem destroyed because I definitely feel I am not enough because I have to face everyday threat that if I didn't change this and that about myself, I am not worth it. He tried to convince me to adapt the ideas that if I didn't change, nobody would love me. Not even him, not even my family and friends. I was afraid I had his personality and the same mental state as he does because I was completely helpless. Nobody to talk with around me. My family doesn't even wants to care about my personal things, my friends often blame me for doing this and that.

    So to love someone with mental illnesses, it left me a lifetime scar that is not possible to cure in shorter time. I grown insecurity, and often rejecting guys that wants to get near to me because I thought they'll done the very same as he done on me (and its not fair to think like that I know)

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  • Well said the person I used to like had some deep issues as well and tended to cut himself and so on.
    I had the mentality that I can make that person open up to me and let me help him
    But yea obviously it didn't work out cause I can't fix him especially when he doesn't want to fix himself to begin with.

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  • That's a sweet story.. I myself suffered from depression for two years and I had no one who'd listen to me or just give me a hug when needed.. I sort or treated myself lol and I'm much better now.. I wish you two all the best.. you both are lucky to have found each other to help get through the difficult times 😊😊

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  • so you have the nurse syndrome thinking you can heal people? well if you get him and yourself into spirituality there is a chance. nihilism is the direct result of distance against God. also diet, and lifestyle are also important. and proper sleep. check channels like dr bergman and dr morse. quite life changing material. as for spirituality the best i foudn was orthodoxy and its meditative prayer.

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    • depression is spiritual and psychosomatic. so best approach is hollistic. thats how my father went through it. some people just dont want to change though, thus our uncle is still troubled by it.

    • the two youtube channels reccomended are quite informative on body matters.

  • First of all I have to say that what you do is really inspiring and amazing.
    As a person with borderline disorder I know how hard mental illness is and I am sure is even harder for people around me.
    But still I have to congratulate you because people with mental illness are STILL people, and yes they are may be hard to control but... They just need someone there.

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  • awe, you are such a good girlfriend. I've had a lot of depressed friends I have helped, it's hard, but it makes people's lives so much better to have someoen they can go to

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  • I'm bipolar, personality disorder, PTSD, anxiety, depression... whew a lot. I know it's hard on my husband. But like you he deals with it the best he can. I didn't ask for this and would do anything to get rid of it. But I take meds counseling every week and do the best I can. We all need love. Hang in there what you deal with and try to live through means more than you will ever know ☺️

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  • I have anxiety and depression. I don't think I could emotionally support a person with a mental illness if I was dating them. I already have a friend with that issue, I dont think i could handle a boyfriend like that. There's just too many problems of my own I have to deal with.

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  • You’re an awesome person! Thanks for taking care of this guy :) and as you said, yes, you can’t cure him. But he CAN be treated by a professional.

    As someone who has dated a guy with anxiety and depression before (he had a gun on his lap, and he did something similar - he was about to kill himself) I think you should slowly talk him into therapy. Slowly, because I bet at first he’ll be like “therapy won’t cure me” or something similar.

    This guy I’m referring to, though- I dated him for like 1 year. He was also a beautiful person, but I was starting to feel like a caregiver more than a girlfriend. It was of course hard on him because he loved me to death, but I think I needed to move on with my life. I’m not saying you have to, I’m just sharing my own personal story :) but one thing I do recommend is, again- talk him into a psychiatrist or therapist asap. He can’t be fully dependent on you for the rest of his life.

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  • It sucks. It's kinda bittersweet but their mental illness always gets in the way of your happiness.

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  • I'm depressed and suicidal as well. Not willing to be with anyone now cause I have my exam coming up.

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  • Tired that's how I felt.. I feel there is a weight off my shoulders now.

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  • Sorry to hear he's going through it all. Has he tried cognitive behavioural therapy?

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    • I know he went to a behavior health unit and got anti depressants which he needs to get back on and he has a therapist

    • That's good progress. It is tough having anxiety and depression. You're a strong lady for standing by him.

    • Yea I know, I have depression to but not to the extent he does anymore.
      Thank you, I really love him so it’s hard sometimes but I’ll always be there for him.

  • good you have found each other
    thanks for sharing

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