The Glorification of Age Gap Relationships Is Only Hurting YOU

The Glorification of Age Gap Relationships Is Only Hurting YOU

Age-gap relationships and the glorification of them isn't healthy...

Yes, those kinds of relationships usually worked out in the past because they were merely business deals - trading your daughter for livestock, some land, money or a title was the norm, and it didn't really matter if said daughter was happy or not...what mattered was that she served a purpose to her family and to her husband.

Nowadays usually no one is forcing the youngster to go into an age-gap relationship with a significantly older person. They do it because it sounds like a good idea, and within romanticizing that idea they seem to have a lot of suppositions that actually a lot of the time turn out to be false - hence they get disappointed and things, surprisingly enough, just don't work out for most of these relationships.

Here are some of the pitfalls in the suppositions young people make about age-gap relationships:

1. Just because they're old/er doesn't mean they're mature.

2. Just because they seem rational and well-mannered doesn't mean they aren't going to manipulate you and use you.

3. Just because they are with you doesn't mean they take you seriously.

4. Just because they have numerous life experiences doesn't mean they've learned from them.

5. Just because they're reached a certain age doesn't mean they're stable and independent in life.


15|7
3863
LittleSally is a GirlsAskGuys Editor
Who are Editors?

Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm in my mid 30s and for the last 6 years or so almost all the girls I've dated are in their 20s (exception of one who was my same age).

    When I was 28 I dating a 20 yr old for a few months. At the time I felt sorta werid about it.. but we talked it out and gave it a shot. It was first time I was in a age gap relationship. It was fun while it last though.

    The best relationship I had was with a 25 yr old when I was 32. She was very mature for age and felt like she didn't fit in well with other 25 yr old guys. Sadly I was going through a very difficult time in my life and the relationship went south because my own problems (I would have proposed in a different time in my life).

    Being in my 30s I just don't run into many available women my age. The single ones are usually divorced, have kids or severe baggage issues OR they are no physically appealing (mordidly obese). I'm a former professional athlete and I still keep myself in shape.

    Anyway I have a lot more luck dating girls in their 20s then when I WAS IN MY 20s. I treat them well, have fun and treat them like equals if their maturity is up there. There is nothing wrong with that. I'll take it.

    0|4
    0|0

Most Helpful Girl

  • Ok, so what’s your point? I gotta say you missed the board here, in my opinion.

    Age gap couples often work out perfectly fine. And if they don’t, it’s not because of age, but because of differences in personality.

    0|6
    0|0

Join the discussion

What Guys Said 62

  • I have never heard anyone glorifying age gaps where the man is older. In fact I hear the men being called all sorts of names, and getting accusations about needing a younger woman because they are easier to control being thrown at him. Often I even hear the women being treated like whores as well. The only time it is ever glorified is if she is an older woman or "cougar" having one night stands with younger guys.

    Men are attracted to youth and beauty, which women lose as they get older. Women are attracted to wealth and status, which men gain as we get older. This means women have the advantage when they are young, and men have the advantage when we get older. No amount of whining about human sexuality being unfair to younger guys, or older women is going to change that. I know this is painful for women reaching their thirties to accept, but that is just the way it is.

    You haven't even been able to make a single case for why these relationships are bad, while making the claim that such relationships will hurt people. You basically just state that there is no guarantee that things will work out, which means nothing. People in those relationships know that there is no guarantee that just because someone is older they will be a certain way.

    0|2
    0|0
    • Being "attracted" to money is not the same as being attracted to old body, that why many gold diggers have an younger lover on the side, for obvious reasons.

    • Show All
    • @somewheresomeway grandpas have good genes? old men are much more likely to father children with birth defects. It's also makes old men more dangerous then old women, because women simply can't have children at too old age, while old men might spread defects to the society. Also age have nothing to do with gander, men get old no less then women ( even if some men try to deny it desperately), and all your talk about 'wrinkles' of old women, can be said about old men as well. Also it's known that testosterone get much lower at old ages.

      www.dailymail.co.uk/.../...dren-birth-defects.html

    • @Berethor Women age faster than men because they have less collagen in their skin www.linkedin.com/.../fact-fiction-male-skin-ages-slower-than-female-michelle-skelly

      I'm also not saying that "grandpas" should procreate when they are 60+ with women in their 20s. But there is nothing wrong with 30/40 something men dating women in their 20s. Middle age women hate though.

      I'm trying very hard to stay patient with you. Maybe in Israel you see more creepy forced marriages with old men getting young women. I can tell you that sure as hell isn't happening in USA, UK, Canada and Australia. In these west countries women have the power of choice to pick and choose men as they please. If a 21 yr old woman wants to fuck a 45 yr old man that's completely her choice over here.

  • Haha I've known a lot of large age gap couples, and I've had a few age gap relationships myself. I've never noticed any of the women being sold like livestock, and if I was one of those women, I'd be highly offended at the suggestion.

    Responses:
    1. 'Just because they're old/er doesn't mean they're mature.'
    So save yourself the uncertainty and go for guaranteed immaturity by marrying young.

    2. 'Just because they seem rational and well-mannered doesn't mean they aren't going to manipulate you and use you.'
    So go for younger people who will never, ever, ever manipulate and use you.

    3. 'Just because they are with you doesn't mean they take you seriously.'
    So go for younger people who will always take you seriously.

    4. 'Just because they have numerous life experiences doesn't mean they've learned from them.'
    So save yourself the uncertainty and go for guaranteed inexperience and ignorance by marrying young.

    5. 'Just because they're reached a certain age doesn't mean they're stable and independent in life.'
    So save yourself the uncertainty and go for guaranteed instability by marrying young.

    Don't worry. Older people look for maturity in the younger people they date, so you're safe.

    2|2
    1|0
  • My current girlfriend is 4 years older than me. Do I think youthfulness adds to a person's beauty? Yes, but beauty isn't everything and I find a woman's attitude and mannerism to be what truly makes her beautiful. My SO is amazing in bed, aims to please, has a good head on her shoulders and is mature. We have deep convos even though we don't share a bunch of interests in common. I think too many guys want a woman who is like their guy friends when there needs to be a counterbalance for relationships to work. I feel maturity and knowing what works is more important than any sort of age gap or relatability, unless the disparity is insurmountable.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Going by the first picture it's likely that she talk mainly about relationships with an large age gap, and she is also likely talk about relationships when a man is older, which are more common then the other way around, in big part because of sexist customs and gold diggerness.

    • Show All
    • I see, my bad, and yes it would been better if you typed "but", so if she want children, she didn't basically wasting her time at this point? I mean she don't have much time to delay it, before it would be too late. So at this point it's better for her to not use contraceptives at all. So it's you who don't want children?

    • @Berethor I do, but don't want to rush into it. Sure, her window is closing, but with IVF it is possible.

  • Yeah, sure, older men with women are disgusting pervs. But older women with younger men are just cougars, and being a cougar is cool.

    Female beauty has a shelf life, relating to markers of fertility, with which youth is directly and incontrovertibly correlated.

    But if you want to focus on age gap relationships where the woman is older (or where a woman is the same age as the male) yeah, there is definitely something obviously wrong to anyone smart enough to have a valid opinion about anything there.

    0|3
    0|0
  • Assumes the conclusion. yes, all of these statements are true, but none of them are definitive. "Just because he's a left-handed rocket scientist doesn't mean he doesn't pick his toenails" is also true, but not relevant. you have failed to show how ANY of these impacts my relationship negatively, or even how they must negatively impact the relationship of someone who is in an age gap situation. "might be" is not "Must be".

    2|2
    0|0
  • I'll have to disagree. While not everyone in these situations have pure intentions, some do and it's a matter of preference. Keep in mind also that all of these reasons are hypothetical. Many older individuals dating younger individuals are mature have great relationships and marriage (both men and women). They have learned from life's experiences, they're responsible, caring, passionate, and posses integrity. I'll take a younger mature woman than an immature older woman anytime. That's just my humble opinion.

    0|1
    0|0
  • I can't disagree with you more. I'm 45 and I'm dating a 24 year old. Everyone's situation is different. Our age gap means nothing because we don't care. We both know I'll die before she will; we both know I'll need care before she will, most likely. It's not like it's some "state" secret. As long as we're happy together, we really don't care what other people think.

    0|2
    0|0
  • None of this means age gap relationships are bad it means dating an asshole is bad. You only made an argument to not date someone who is immature, manipulative, not taking you seriously, or doesn't learn from their mistakes. Just don't assume you know someone because you know their age.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I think 1/2 come down to how they treat the person. Younger guys lack game/romance/skills. And older women aren't shy, more aggressive and more confident with their bodies.

    I think most girls have an Older guy fetish, others are just gold diggers and like the gifts/money support a sugar-daddy offers. Young guys can also be feed up with the stupid games/out of nowhere mood swings younger girls have more often than older ones.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Important points nonetheless. Just because it appears this way or the way you thought that it is does not necessarily mean exactly what you thought or expect it to be and that it could turn out to be anything but what you had expected it to be.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Women like older men, men like younger women. The natural order

    1|4
    0|0
  • It is all down to the people involved, one of my past girlfriends was 13 years older than me, it caused no problems at all. Only time it was ever mentioned oddly was when renewing house insurance and things as the people your talking to ask dates of birth and you can tell at the other end of the phone they are looking at the data and going hello she is much older than him, as the guy checked the dates there times lol.
    It was for us never an issue and we had a great time, it is the people who are important and their relationship.

    0|1
    0|0
  • It's true that the origin of relationships with big age gap is from sexist societies. In modern society when no one force an young woman to marry an old man, and when most women have their own jobs, there is much less of a reason for young woman to be in a relationships with an old man. Also it's obviously usually mostly the older side who benefit from an relationship like that ( and I don't count daddy issues as an benefit), as people don't become more attractive when they gets very old, best demonstrated by Master Rosh. :)

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pC3OcM4jD_4

    0|0
    0|2
    • The post that you responded to implied that it was more acceptable if coercion were a factor.

    • Coercion tend to be an huge factor in it, because not many young women would allow an creepy old men to use them willingly, that's why it's more common in sexist societies.

  • I think that these points are valid but can also be for really any relationship.

    2|2
    0|0
  • Some other thoughts.
    What happens when the older person loses sex drive before you?
    What happens when the older person retires and want to move into a retirement community?
    What happens when the older person starts suffering from end of life medical problems?

    1|2
    0|0
  • The irony of the first picture is... Catherine Zeta Jones did marry a guy 25 years older than her. And they've been married over 15 years, which is pretty successful for HollyWood.

    The flip side is, he's 73, so there's decent odds he'll be dead in 2 years. And she'll be 50 and a widow. Or he'll live long, and at 55 she'll be watching him dying badly of old age.

    Who things these age gaps are going to end well? Ugh.

    0|1
    0|0
    • Or she could die in a car accident later today or from cancer next month, yet she was able to experience a great relationship all the way the end

  • So what makes you an expert? How do you know that this is not just true for you but also the majority of cases?
    Never thought i’d say this, but maybe you should stick to those flakey fashion takes.

    1|0
    1|0
  • Sally I think you are mistaken that these things can happen in relationships from all ages. Just because you stick older men in the picture and put rapist on their forhead, don't mean it's a good topic discussion.

    But honestly like all from young to old we are flawed little speks of matter so it's up to women to choose.

    0|1
    0|0
  • I was going to write a response, but it turned into my first MyTake.
    Can an age gap relationship actually be a good thiing? ↗

    0|0
    0|0
  • Review time:
    #1:
    Change "Age-gap relationships and the glorification of them isn't healthy..." to "Age-gap relationships and the glorification of them aren't healthy...".

    #2:
    All the points you presented do nothing to prove that willfully engaging in relationships with big age gaps (if that's what one is genuinely interested in) is detrimental to people because all those points could be applied to same-age relationships. The only way your assertion could be valid is if people ONLY went into those relationships based off the "suppositions" you listed, which is false. Some people just want to.
    Some people are, like, 19 and shit, you know. Dating someone 10-20 years older (29 or 39) isn't really much of a big deal, in my opinion. Not gonna limit my choices by pretending all people in their 30s and 40s are gross and slimy. If I get attracted to some 40 year-old, so be it.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Matter of fact, just because of this Take, I will only fuck people 60 and older.

  • More from Guys
    42

What Girls Said 37

  • Hmm, I know of two relationships with a significant relationship (one being 11 years, the other being 10) and their relationships seem to be very successful. I think maybe an impact on the success rate may be the age when actually entering the relationship. I'd imagine a relationship between a 20 year old and a 30 year old would be more likely to fail than a relationship between a 40 and 50 year old due to the levels of maturity of both people and life goals and stuff, y'know? Maybe relationships with age gaps that start when both are older and more mature would work out as well as any relationship without an age gap.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Actually it's also about the percentage, and 10 year out of 50 is less then a 10 year out of 20. And beside different life goals, age gap usually come with attractiveness gap and health gap as well, and all the problematic things that tend to come with old age.

    • well why not try one age is a number you are getting older every day

    • @BOUNTYGUY9 and people are dying from old age in the end, so what you point?

  • I agree. well done.

    women were forcibly paired with older men going into relationships as children,. it was not a happily ever after story. they went from being infantilized submitting to dad to submitting to husband. difference is she had to have sex with her husband & bare him children.
    bc they were coerced into dependency the guy had to be older / stable so they could raise kids.

    for working class women age gaps were not so great bc everyone worked though women were paid next to nothing for equal or harder work to make sure women had to be married to survive- A woman working full time on her own would not survive if she had kids.

    women work now. there's no reason for age gaps. im not saying if you truly want each other its wrong. im just agreeing its not any kind of 'solution' to bad dating. and there's much to be said for growing 'together'... instead of getting a second parenting.

    1|0
    0|0
  • I think the bigger pittfall os typically one peraon is still growing and developing who they are and the other has already established this.

    My ex was 10 years my senior. When we married i left my parents home to live w him. I wanted someone who took control. I wanted a patriarch. I was young. These wants mase sense. And as years went on I discovered I could live and control my own life. It was not fair to my spouae I had changed the dynamic of the relationship. But i was unwilling to change. He was unwilling to accept I had grown into a different mature woman.

    So we cannot change the life cycle. Now that doesn't mean two people can't change together, amd those are the few age gap relationships that work. But i woild agree it is more rare than those that work

    0|0
    0|0
  • I never saw someone glorifying such relationships, but there is nothing wrong with it either.

    My sister willingly married a guy 9 years older than her. My entire family opposed it because of his low income but she literally had to go through a battle to finally marry him. Now they're married for 5 years and I also have a cute little niece! Believe me when I say this, no amount of money could have made my sister so happy.

    0|4
    0|0
    • She married a guy 9 years older and not for his money? interesting story.

    • Show All
    • thats so very nice in what you are saying

    • thats so true

  • I can't agree enough with this. So much of the time one partner is using the other just for their looks or a sense of control over another human and will feed the younger any kind of crap to keep the relationship going. The basic rule of life is; You have a conscious so if you have to ask "is this wrong?" there's a good chance that it's wrong.

    0|1
    0|1
  • I am 41, my husband is 55. We've been together for 20 years, and are still very much in love and extremely happy. I would say that each couple is unique, as is their circumstance. If you happen to be fortunate enough to fall deeply in love with a good person who also happens to be in love with you, go for it! Age truly is just a formality.

    0|1
    0|0
  • All good points. I always wonder where the fascination with older men comes from.
    Based on my life experience, there are more sincere, caring, and great in bed guys around 30 than those over 40.
    Age has a little to do with maturity but it can make people jaded or cynical. The so- called stability is also overrated because one can be successful at a very young age. Nobody has to wait until they're over 40 to be successful or make good money.
    Girls younger than me want someone older for their success or reliability as they say.
    I don't agree with that because reliability doesn't come with age. It's something you have or you don't.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Hmm ig. My boyfriend is 2 years younger and i never wanted to be apart of an age gap. I tried to so hard by turning down guys you her than me that i really liked, year after year. Yet i still ended up here

    0|0
    0|0
  • Every relationship is unique so... Nobody can convice me to date older man than me so I wouldn't talk about glorification that affects anybody. Only thing it can do is break taboo. I would not date a guy much older because I love guys my age but I don't see problem when someone does.

    0|1
    0|0
  • To be honest if it's legal, age is just a number, I mean c'mon gosh.
    Because probably you failed in your "big-age gap" relationship cause your partner was like that NOT everyone will end up like this. Chill.

    0|3
    0|0
    • Cigarettes are also legal in most countries, but it's not makes them good.

    • Show All
    • thank you age is a number

    • @Berethor but l am not a fag lol

  • Nice take

    0|1
    0|0
  • Yes, all of these are really good points for some reason 3 really resonates with me. Just because someone is with you doesn't mean they actually think you're on their level. And age difference only increases the risks of that

    0|1
    0|0
  • I agree with all of your points. And those are some of the reasons why I would never be able to be in a age gap relationship.

    0|1
    0|0
  • All very good points!
    But isn't Sean Connery just gorgeous?

    0|1
    0|0
  • Well my experience with older men in the past was some just wanted a younger more energized sexual woman; most were just as immature as guys my age at the time; then there was the one that was controlling, that was the worst of them all. Now, I date older men but also many younger men too.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I actually would love that.

    0|2
    0|0
  • Interesting read.

    0|1
    0|0
  • I don't go around glorying those relationships
    Most people these days, from where I live, don't seem to be interested in those relationships. I really don't care if someone else is in one. That's their problem, not mine lol.
    It also depends on how you define an age-gap relationship. Is it like 10 years? 20 years or more?
    At this age, I wouldn't want to date someone more than 40. If he's hot like Brad Pitt, I wouldn't mind dating someone around Brad Pitt's age but it wouldn't turn out to be anything serious.
    If I ever want an age gap relationship when I'm 30 or more, I personally would much rather date someone younger than me than someone who's older than me lol

    0|0
    0|0
  • That's why age doesn't matter. It doesn't define a person.

    0|1
    0|0
  • Those things apply to any type of relationship regardless of the age gap. Try finding better arguments next time.

    0|1
    0|0
  • More from Girls
    17
Loading...