The Glorification of Age Gap Relationships Is Only Hurting YOU

The Glorification of Age Gap Relationships Is Only Hurting YOU

Age-gap relationships and the glorification of them isn't healthy...

Yes, those kinds of relationships usually worked out in the past because they were merely business deals - trading your daughter for livestock, some land, money or a title was the norm, and it didn't really matter if said daughter was happy or not...what mattered was that she served a purpose to her family and to her husband.

Nowadays usually no one is forcing the youngster to go into an age-gap relationship with a significantly older person. They do it because it sounds like a good idea, and within romanticizing that idea they seem to have a lot of suppositions that actually a lot of the time turn out to be false - hence they get disappointed and things, surprisingly enough, just don't work out for most of these relationships.

Here are some of the pitfalls in the suppositions young people make about age-gap relationships:

1. Just because they're old/er doesn't mean they're mature.

The Glorification of Age Gap Relationships Is Only Hurting YOU

2. Just because they seem rational and well-mannered doesn't mean they aren't going to manipulate you and use you.

The Glorification of Age Gap Relationships Is Only Hurting YOU

3. Just because they are with you doesn't mean they take you seriously.

The Glorification of Age Gap Relationships Is Only Hurting YOU

4. Just because they have numerous life experiences doesn't mean they've learned from them.

The Glorification of Age Gap Relationships Is Only Hurting YOU

5. Just because they're reached a certain age doesn't mean they're stable and independent in life.

The Glorification of Age Gap Relationships Is Only Hurting YOU


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm in my mid 30s and for the last 6 years or so almost all the girls I've dated are in their 20s (exception of one who was my same age).

    When I was 28 I dating a 20 yr old for a few months. At the time I felt sorta werid about it.. but we talked it out and gave it a shot. It was first time I was in a age gap relationship. It was fun while it last though.

    The best relationship I had was with a 25 yr old when I was 32. She was very mature for age and felt like she didn't fit in well with other 25 yr old guys. Sadly I was going through a very difficult time in my life and the relationship went south because my own problems (I would have proposed in a different time in my life).

    Being in my 30s I just don't run into many available women my age. The single ones are usually divorced, have kids or severe baggage issues OR they are no physically appealing (mordidly obese). I'm a former professional athlete and I still keep myself in shape.

    Anyway I have a lot more luck dating girls in their 20s then when I WAS IN MY 20s. I treat them well, have fun and treat them like equals if their maturity is up there. There is nothing wrong with that. I'll take it.

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    • Exactly.

    • I forgot to add. Some of the worst dating. Experiences I’ve had are from women in their 30s. In the last year I’ve had FIVE women close to my age flake out, stand me up and the last one lied to my face about needing to use the bathroom, she instead ditched me while we are on a date. Some older women incredibly get worse.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Ok, so what’s your point? I gotta say you missed the board here, in my opinion.

    Age gap couples often work out perfectly fine. And if they don’t, it’s not because of age, but because of differences in personality.

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What Guys Said 62

  • Haha I've known a lot of large age gap couples, and I've had a few age gap relationships myself. I've never noticed any of the women being sold like livestock, and if I was one of those women, I'd be highly offended at the suggestion.

    Responses:
    1. 'Just because they're old/er doesn't mean they're mature.'
    So save yourself the uncertainty and go for guaranteed immaturity by marrying young.

    2. 'Just because they seem rational and well-mannered doesn't mean they aren't going to manipulate you and use you.'
    So go for younger people who will never, ever, ever manipulate and use you.

    3. 'Just because they are with you doesn't mean they take you seriously.'
    So go for younger people who will always take you seriously.

    4. 'Just because they have numerous life experiences doesn't mean they've learned from them.'
    So save yourself the uncertainty and go for guaranteed inexperience and ignorance by marrying young.

    5. 'Just because they're reached a certain age doesn't mean they're stable and independent in life.'
    So save yourself the uncertainty and go for guaranteed instability by marrying young.

    Don't worry. Older people look for maturity in the younger people they date, so you're safe.

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  • I have never heard anyone glorifying age gaps where the man is older. In fact I hear the men being called all sorts of names, and getting accusations about needing a younger woman because they are easier to control being thrown at him. Often I even hear the women being treated like whores as well. The only time it is ever glorified is if she is an older woman or "cougar" having one night stands with younger guys.

    Men are attracted to youth and beauty, which women lose as they get older. Women are attracted to wealth and status, which men gain as we get older. This means women have the advantage when they are young, and men have the advantage when we get older. No amount of whining about human sexuality being unfair to younger guys, or older women is going to change that. I know this is painful for women reaching their thirties to accept, but that is just the way it is.

    You haven't even been able to make a single case for why these relationships are bad, while making the claim that such relationships will hurt people. You basically just state that there is no guarantee that things will work out, which means nothing. People in those relationships know that there is no guarantee that just because someone is older they will be a certain way.

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    • Being "attracted" to money is not the same as being attracted to old body, that why many gold diggers have an younger lover on the side, for obvious reasons.

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    • @somewheresomeway grandpas have good genes? old men are much more likely to father children with birth defects. It's also makes old men more dangerous then old women, because women simply can't have children at too old age, while old men might spread defects to the society. Also age have nothing to do with gander, men get old no less then women ( even if some men try to deny it desperately), and all your talk about 'wrinkles' of old women, can be said about old men as well. Also it's known that testosterone get much lower at old ages.

      www.dailymail.co.uk/.../...dren-birth-defects.html

    • @Berethor Women age faster than men because they have less collagen in their skin www.linkedin.com/.../fact-fiction-male-skin-ages-slower-than-female-michelle-skelly

      I'm also not saying that "grandpas" should procreate when they are 60+ with women in their 20s. But there is nothing wrong with 30/40 something men dating women in their 20s. Middle age women hate though.

      I'm trying very hard to stay patient with you. Maybe in Israel you see more creepy forced marriages with old men getting young women. I can tell you that sure as hell isn't happening in USA, UK, Canada and Australia. In these west countries women have the power of choice to pick and choose men as they please. If a 21 yr old woman wants to fuck a 45 yr old man that's completely her choice over here.

  • Assumes the conclusion. yes, all of these statements are true, but none of them are definitive. "Just because he's a left-handed rocket scientist doesn't mean he doesn't pick his toenails" is also true, but not relevant. you have failed to show how ANY of these impacts my relationship negatively, or even how they must negatively impact the relationship of someone who is in an age gap situation. "might be" is not "Must be".

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  • I can't disagree with you more. I'm 45 and I'm dating a 24 year old. Everyone's situation is different. Our age gap means nothing because we don't care. We both know I'll die before she will; we both know I'll need care before she will, most likely. It's not like it's some "state" secret. As long as we're happy together, we really don't care what other people think.

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  • Some other thoughts.
    What happens when the older person loses sex drive before you?
    What happens when the older person retires and want to move into a retirement community?
    What happens when the older person starts suffering from end of life medical problems?

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  • I think 1/2 come down to how they treat the person. Younger guys lack game/romance/skills. And older women aren't shy, more aggressive and more confident with their bodies.

    I think most girls have an Older guy fetish, others are just gold diggers and like the gifts/money support a sugar-daddy offers. Young guys can also be feed up with the stupid games/out of nowhere mood swings younger girls have more often than older ones.

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  • While everything you have said is true, couples with a 10 to 15 year age gap on average have more successful marriages than couples that are within the same age group.

    I don't have scientific research to back me up, I say this because I look at the people I personally know. The majority of couples I know that have lived together for 20 or more years, have an age gap of between 7 and 15 year between them.

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  • The irony of the first picture is... Catherine Zeta Jones did marry a guy 25 years older than her. And they've been married over 15 years, which is pretty successful for HollyWood.

    The flip side is, he's 73, so there's decent odds he'll be dead in 2 years. And she'll be 50 and a widow. Or he'll live long, and at 55 she'll be watching him dying badly of old age.

    Who things these age gaps are going to end well? Ugh.

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    • Or she could die in a car accident later today or from cancer next month, yet she was able to experience a great relationship all the way the end

  • So what makes you an expert? How do you know that this is not just true for you but also the majority of cases?
    Never thought i’d say this, but maybe you should stick to those flakey fashion takes.

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  • Sally I think you are mistaken that these things can happen in relationships from all ages. Just because you stick older men in the picture and put rapist on their forhead, don't mean it's a good topic discussion.

    But honestly like all from young to old we are flawed little speks of matter so it's up to women to choose.

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  • The heart wants what the heart wants. If people of differing ages fall in love, how does that hurt you? You can get together with whomever you want and let others do the same. At one point, society had similarly negative attitudes about interracial relationships and same-sex relationships. How are age-gap relationships any worse than those?

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  • So, the age gap only hurts you if they fall on the negative side of your examples, right? The biggest problem with huge age gap relationships have to do with children and personal vitality. Kids take a LOT of work and energy, and parents should be young enough to keep up with that. They also need to be mature enough for the responsibility, and that's no easy combination.

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    • Also an children to an old father much more likely to be to get birth defects.

  • Important points nonetheless. Just because it appears this way or the way you thought that it is does not necessarily mean exactly what you thought or expect it to be and that it could turn out to be anything but what you had expected it to be.

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  • And in counter to all that, just because they're older doesn't mean that they are going to screw you in all those ways. You don't need to glorify it but neither do you need to demonize it. If it works, it works and people are adults that should be able to do what they want and figure it out by themselves.

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  • None of this means age gap relationships are bad it means dating an asshole is bad. You only made an argument to not date someone who is immature, manipulative, not taking you seriously, or doesn't learn from their mistakes. Just don't assume you know someone because you know their age.

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  • That's funny. My marriage has lasted 14 years with 2 years prior of dating and my wife and I are 12 years apart. I wasn't aware we were supposed to fall apart at some point and having asked my wife, neither is she aware of that fact.

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  • There IS no glorification. If you actually read the posts on the matter, there is a general hesitation. It is in fact more an acceptance - such relationships can work out well. Do such relationships have a higher failure rate than those between people very close in age? Perhaps, but probably no more than between those of similar age but different religion, cultural, educational or economic background. Would you say that relationships like that should also be avoided?

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  • I was going to write a response, but it turned into my first MyTake.
    Can an age gap relationship actually be a good thiing? ↗

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  • Older Men will treat you good because they are REALLY happy that you are young. However don't expect older men to be able to party like you. Watch the movie Couples Retreat, It seems pretty accurate lol.

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    • When they should at the very least appreciate her sacrifice. :)

  • You are making wild assumptions and taking corner cases to prove your main point, which is a fallacy.
    It is completely natural for a woman to seek an older man - how much older is a separate question, as is why any of that would bother you.

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What Girls Said 37

  • I can't agree enough with this. So much of the time one partner is using the other just for their looks or a sense of control over another human and will feed the younger any kind of crap to keep the relationship going. The basic rule of life is; You have a conscious so if you have to ask "is this wrong?" there's a good chance that it's wrong.

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  • I never saw someone glorifying such relationships, but there is nothing wrong with it either.

    My sister willingly married a guy 9 years older than her. My entire family opposed it because of his low income but she literally had to go through a battle to finally marry him. Now they're married for 5 years and I also have a cute little niece! Believe me when I say this, no amount of money could have made my sister so happy.

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    • She married a guy 9 years older and not for his money? interesting story.

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    • thats so very nice in what you are saying

    • thats so true

  • I am 41, my husband is 55. We've been together for 20 years, and are still very much in love and extremely happy. I would say that each couple is unique, as is their circumstance. If you happen to be fortunate enough to fall deeply in love with a good person who also happens to be in love with you, go for it! Age truly is just a formality.

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  • Every relationship is unique so... Nobody can convice me to date older man than me so I wouldn't talk about glorification that affects anybody. Only thing it can do is break taboo. I would not date a guy much older because I love guys my age but I don't see problem when someone does.

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  • Hmm ig. My boyfriend is 2 years younger and i never wanted to be apart of an age gap. I tried to so hard by turning down guys you her than me that i really liked, year after year. Yet i still ended up here

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    • To be fair an age gap of 2 years is not so much in comparison to much bigger age gaps.

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    • you get older every day it will catch up with you

    • Technically he would always be younger then her, but in lower percentage.

  • Well my experience with older men in the past was some just wanted a younger more energized sexual woman; most were just as immature as guys my age at the time; then there was the one that was controlling, that was the worst of them all. Now, I date older men but also many younger men too.

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  • To be honest if it's legal, age is just a number, I mean c'mon gosh.
    Because probably you failed in your "big-age gap" relationship cause your partner was like that NOT everyone will end up like this. Chill.

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    • Cigarettes are also legal in most countries, but it's not makes them good.

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    • thank you age is a number

    • @Berethor but l am not a fag lol

  • I honestly think it's natural for women to prefer older men and men to prefer younger women. My own grandparents were 17 years apart and were married for over 35 years before my grandfather passed away. I Don't think it's a glorification, but in my personal experience, older guys ARE more mature than the guys my age. The guys my age are still struggling to understand credit card debt. That's really pathetic.

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    • thank you l would love to have a younger fit girl l look 45 honest ldo

  • Yes, all of these are really good points for some reason 3 really resonates with me. Just because someone is with you doesn't mean they actually think you're on their level. And age difference only increases the risks of that

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  • I think as long as stays in the legal range who cares about age as long as 2 people feel a connection and want to b together they will relationships always have ups n downs no matter the age difference

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  • I know older guy that I did date in were very immature and ending u assuming that one thought that I was cheatig on him but I broke up with him. Second one cheated on. First relationships I did have a college but that ending because it jelsous girl that get involved. I am happy with my boyfriend that is younger then me. I don't care about the age grap.

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    • you are so right l would love to date a younger girl l have respect for all girls age gap does not bother me as l treat the girl with lots of love and respect do you know any one for me

  • It doesn't mean in all cases but most likely it means it and I don't think that anyone is ever gonna go for someone just BC they r old but bc of other characteres they have so the cases u mentioned r already filtered out by pple

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  • All very good points!
    But isn't Sean Connery just gorgeous?

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    • Extremely for his age, so it was not the best example of an creepy old man. :)

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    • yes but he hits females and that is the truth

    • @Berethor l am not a creepy older man a lot of the younger guys are creeps and abuse there girl bunch of low lifes l always treat a girl with love and respect always

  • How big does an age gap have to be? Like I may/do like someone who's 16 and I'm not 15 for a few months...
    @txdiie_

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    • i'd say small in highschool but after maybe 5 years

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    • @SuperNovaRoyalty
      Exactly. That's just the point-- there is no line. There is no formula. When is the *exact moment* that someone becomes "too old" or "too young" for someone else? You're 14, so what is what supposed to mean, that you can only like boys who were literally born the same year as you? If they're one day over, they're too old? Everyone is different, and people love who they love. This topic, for some reason I can't quite understand, is a mental sticking point for this poster, LittleSally. No idea why.

    • Reaching a certain age = adulthood = 18+

  • I agree with all of your points. And those are some of the reasons why I would never be able to be in a age gap relationship.

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  • Very great take, most men who want to date younger girls are using them and many times it damages these women psychologically.

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    • I wish I could share this post to Facebook.

    • And I could just as easily say most women who date older men are using them for their money and status... So in that case... It's a shitty relationship all way round so who gives a fuck about anyone's 'psychological damage'.

    • @Kkaos yes if the woman is gold digger then she likely use the old man as well, but if she is with him because daddy issues/foolishness, then it's mainly she who get used.

  • I'm in an age gap relationship and this can be applied to any relationship regardless of age lol

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  • Those things apply to any type of relationship regardless of the age gap. Try finding better arguments next time.

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  • True. It's sad when people will ONLY date young women or old men. Just find someone on your experience level-it has nothing to do with age.

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  • I agree. well done.

    women were forcibly paired with older men going into relationships as children,. it was not a happily ever after story. they went from being infantilized submitting to dad to submitting to husband. difference is she had to have sex with her husband & bare him children.
    bc they were coerced into dependency the guy had to be older / stable so they could raise kids.

    for working class women age gaps were not so great bc everyone worked though women were paid next to nothing for equal or harder work to make sure women had to be married to survive- A woman working full time on her own would not survive if she had kids.

    women work now. there's no reason for age gaps. im not saying if you truly want each other its wrong. im just agreeing its not any kind of 'solution' to bad dating. and there's much to be said for growing 'together'... instead of getting a second parenting.

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