Let's Be Real About Financial Compatibility in a Relationship...

Let's Be Real About Financial Compatibility in a Relationship...

Financial Compatibility/Incompatibility in a relationship can sometimes be a topic of debate. On one side of the fence you have the people who believe love rules over all facets of a relationship including money and finances, I do respect that viewpoint however I have a different outlook on it.

My outlook is based not on speculation but from a lived experience. A relationship I was in prooves to me that Financial Incompatibility exists. I was very much in love with this man however financially we just wernt in sync.

As a single mum that must work a full time job and the fact that I do not receive a single penny for Child Support from my daughters Father I really can't stress enough how much money is important to me. I work hard for it, I value it obviously as it keeps the roof over our head, food on the table and clothes on our back. Then there is the rest: school costs, utilities, vehicle expenses and the list goes on.

Somewhere in all those essentials it's nice to be able to have some money to put towards an overseas vacation, the odd weekend away and some treats like going out for the occasional breakfast, lunch or dinner for example.

Before I entered into this particular relationship my daughter and I would go to the movies, we would go somewhere for breakfast or simply enjoy a milkshake/coffee treat or lunch out. It was financially agreeable with me and heck we deserved to have a treat or something to look forward to every now and then. Once I was in this relationship I soon discovered that this partner just never seemed to ever have enough money to be able to partake in the luxuries I knew I definitely could afford.

Let's Be Real About Financial Compatibility in a Relationship...

Yes he had 2 kids which he only spent time with every 2nd weekend as opposed to my one child but we were both working full time, he was earning around the same amount as me, his living expenses were way less than mine and his child support payments were extremely low. The only big payment he had to contend with was a car loan. He pecked on rubbish food for dinners so his grocery bill would not have been substantial. Even to this day I still cannot understand how he was unable to put even the smallest amount aside for a family treat.

Now I don't count dollar for dollar in what I am financially contributing in a relationship. I'm a pretty easy going person so there were many times when I would purchase all the food needed for a full weekend of breakfasts, lunches and dinners to feed him and his kids. It soon however got very tired and old when it was a regular thing and yes at times I felt that perhaps I was being taken advantage of and found myself feeling slightly resentful.

On the few occasions we stepped out for a meal alone minus the kids I would have to say that we each paid half each. I think this is the fairest way and a good move to split the bill but it's also nice for a woman to have her man treat her to a dinner out once in a blue moon. My blue moon never came. The only time I ever had dinner bought for me was on our first date.

Everytime we ventured out as a family of 5 it was always a packed picnic lunch. I started to realize that my life with this man and his kids was going to be a life of sandwiches in a park and nothing more. My daughter and I could no longer indulge in our treats, they had stopped because bottom line was what other choice did we have. It's not as if the two of us could have flown out the door announcing to him and his kids that we were sorry he couldn't afford it but we can and we are going off to treat ourselves, hope you enjoy your sandwiches in the park. That would have been awful and mean of me and that's not love.

So we had to go without because he and his kids had to. When I mentioned to him one particular time that it was important to me and my daughter that we all get to do a fun activity as a family there was always an excuse. If I mentioned going to the movies his excuse would be I will just download that and we can watch it at home. When I suggested going for breakfast the excuse I got was that he didn't really care for those types of things, was more than happy to fry up some bacon and eggs at home. Deep down I know they were not the real reasons he didn't want to partake. The real reason was because he never had the money and he may have felt embarrassed to admit that.

In my mind I was thinking that I've had to give so much up just to have this relationship and truth be known it wasn't an overly fantastic relationship in some other areas so I questioned it a lot. I also wondered where his money was all going, was he blowing it on crap, was he incapable of even budgeting and saving for things.

For me now for any future relationship I may enter this is definitely going to be an area that I must have compatibility in and it's not an area I will compromise on. Lesson learnt.

I'd love to hear what others think....


4|3
3039

Most Helpful Guy

  • "If I mentioned going to the movies his excuse would be I will just download that and we can watch it at home. When I suggested going for breakfast the excuse I got was that he didn't really care for those types of things, was more than happy to fry up some bacon and eggs at home."

    This sounds a bit like me but the reason why i would watch movies at home or make breakfast at home is mainly because of the financial savings. I did calculate and made an analysis how much money would be spent if i were to go to the movies instead of getting a netflix subscription or going somewhere for breakfast instead of getting the groceries home and cook at home.

    The result was netflix and breakfast at home was not only cheaper but in some ways even have their unique advantages.
    Namely on netflix there are (to my memory) no ads and no loud, distracting crowds and you can pause for a break or to rewind to a scene.
    And breakfast at home let's me customize my meal completely. Restaurants don't always agree on it and plus their serving size can be quite rigged and intentionally small or thirst inducing, so that you remain hungry after you ate something.

    In the end it's the money, that we are taking about. What was spent well and saved up for something else allows for fun activities.

    But then again I'm a full time worker and full time student and cannot really afford fun activities. But i do support my own living entirely.

    1|1
    0|0
    • Also i forgot to mention. Since i currently reside in the east and most movies were captured in their original form in English language, there are no cinemas outside of the US, Canada, UK and maybe India, that will play those movies in their original and not-altered form in English language. Hence why i watch them only online. The alterations in the audio and translations as well as cutting away some scenes makes me want to not pay for it but rather pay for what everybody else pays in the English speaking countries. I cannot enjoy movies, that were altered to such a terrible extend at all.

    • Show All
    • I get what you are saying and I'm definitely not out every weekend having breakfast. I'm currently saving paying off my November 2018 holiday which I have to look forward to and also a Hypo Allergenic dog for my daughters Birthday end of year. I'm just saying it would be nice to do something a little different maybe once a month as a treat to break up the monotony and enjoy life a little outside the home. Nothing wrong with that if you can afford it, problem was he never could do my daughter and I ended up suffering in silence and not being able to do any of the things we used to do.

    • I understand what you are saying.

      Personally i prefer to keep the money apart from relationships as i consider them both to be entirely unrelated. Unfortunately with the way money works and money talks and the exaggerated capitalism money is a must 😑

      I would be happy to have a relationship with a good woman without having money in mind.

      That is considering we have a warm roof, food, water and other basic necessities. Also some good investments for leisure. Stuff like that.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I have never been in your situation, so for me to judge this is probably hypocritical. But to be very honest with you, I feel like you are making too big a deal out of this. What's wrong with sandwiches in the park? What's wrong with frying up some bacon at home? If this man really didn't have the money, then I honestly feel bad for him. Not everyone can afford to go to skyzone, the movies or the arcade every other weekend (let alone overseas vacations). We can't, and my husband has the income for me to stay home with the kids. Quality time is much more important than how much "fun" stuff you can afford to offer your kids.

    0|1
    1|0
    • I'm not saying that you're wrong for thinking the way you do, however I think it's a bit too harsh to say that she is supposed to settle on a lifestyle she clearly is unhappy with. Sandwiches in the park may be all you need in order to be happy, but clearly that's not the case for her. If she wasn't happy in this economically disadvantaged relationship, then this was not the guy for her and she has every right to pursue her happiness with someone else.

    • Show All
    • If having someone in her life who can spend money on her and give her the lifestyle she wants is important to her, then she should pursue such person. As long as she is in love with her man for who he is and not just for what he can provide for her, then she is not gold digging. Having expensive tastes does not necessarily translate to being a "gold digger". They are two completely different concepts. Wanting something is not the same as thinking that you're owed something. The asker may have assumed that the guy could afford to give her a comfortable lifestyle, only to discover that he couldn't.

    • @babylips14 Actually, that's exactly what she sounds like...

Recommended myTakes

Join the discussion

What Guys Said 38

  • This is an extremely underrated portion of compatibility between couples because it is a huge potential source of stress and arguments. I'd argue for long term relationships, and certainly for marriages, that it is more important than physical attraction and on a par with emotional compatibility.

    2|0
    0|1
    • 100% agree with you. I think unless people have experienced it first hand that they don't really know what it is like to go through.

    • Show All
    • @Markfish yes he did. You have failed to read some of my answers to others in the thread.

    • @Wally48 I don't know the asker, but I disagree that she loved the luxuries MORE than she loved him. She may have loved him just as much as she desires comfort, but it doesn't mean that she loves one more than the other. It takes more than just love to make a relationship work. Unfortunately, some people live in a fantasy world where they think that love conquers all and that as long as there's love, everything else will fall into place and everyone will live happily ever after. That's not how the world and he's going to be in for a hell of a life lesson. Take this from someone who came from poverty.

  • Some people will read this Take and nonsensically shout silly things at you. Like, "what a gold digger!" Or, "what a greedy b*tch!"

    That said, I don't begrudge you for the way you feel. People who have been in serious relationships understand that finances are a big deal. Neither one of you is right or wrong, here. It's just two different perspectives on resource management.

    4|1
    0|0
  • Shows you cared more about small luxuries than you did about this guy, luxuries that you wanted him to help pay for. It's good that the relationship didn't work out, he deserves someone who loves him more than going out to lunch and going on vacation.

    1|3
    4|3
    • You got it wrong, I was the one paying. Read the thread please, you will discover I was in the weekends his own kids were over, buying all their food...

    • Show All
    • @markfish It's saddening how you believe that relationships are fairy tale stories where love pays all the bills and everyone lives happily ever after. It's time to wake up and live the reality which is that love isn't enough to make any relationship work. She isn't a gold digger or not deserving of a good man simply because she wants a comfortable, fulfilling, stress-free lifestyle. Instead of being a lazy mysogynistic fuck, try getting a well-paying job that could perhaps enable you to afford to take care of a woman instead of wanting the easy way out of fulfilling your role as a man.

    • My role as a man is to financially take care of a women? That's literally prostitution, I am not paying for her stuff.

  • Yeah finances do play a big part in a relationship, sounds like he wasn’t to good at budgeting either, but eventually things would have changed once everyone’s kids got older and he paid off his loan. It’s all a matter of timing, and some people can’t afford to get into a relationship at the moment until they have their own finances fixed first

    1|1
    0|0
    • That's true. I think that if I was struggling with my money that I definitely would not be looking to add a relationship on top of what is already a challenging situation.

      It's just hard when one can afford things and the other can't. Not everyone is going to be happy being the one time and again chipping in for the other and covering them most of the time just so an outing can be made possible. Especially when you have only been together for 10 mths and don't actually live together.

      When one partner is always saying over the 10 mth period more often than not that it's not a good month money wise then it has to be considered and looked at closely as in my opinion it would only get worse over time especially when time came to move in together. Seeing a regular pattern over a 10 month period should have the other slightly concerned about the future.

    • So my family came to visit me not so long ago from 2 states away and we all wanted to go out for breakfast to the Pancake Parlour just for something different and so their 2 kids and mine could have a little treat. Of course I asked my boyfriend and his 2 kids to come along and he had to decline because once again it wasn't a good month with money for him.

      A little while ago it was a good friend of mines Birthday. She had a Birthday dinner out with a group of our mutual friends and of course my boyfriend when I asked him to accompany me didn't have the money for a meal out. I had to pay for him just so we were able to show up as a couple.

      Like how much more of this can one take. You start turning down social invitations and your friendships will start to suffer. It does have a knock on effect whether one chooses to believe it or not..

    • Yeah definitely, it wouldn’t have worked out, some people just never get ahead or will always be that way regardless of if the situation improves. But that’s what dating is all about, trying to find a compatible person

  • People who say money doesn’t matter have never lived with a spouse. And certainly not owned property with one.

    Of course it matters but you’re going to attract a load of gold digger chants on here because having a job is like some amazing achievement 😂

    3|0
    0|0
    • I agree! I really wish you'd answer a similar question I posted. I started getting attacked by people calling me "prostitute", "gold digger", "worthless bitch", etc. Some people think that relationships are fairy tale stories where as long as there's love, everything else falls into place and everyone lives happily ever after. Unfortunately, that doesn't happen in real life and love isn't enough to make a relationship work. Money is just as important as love.

    • @babylips14 Indeed, I mean unless you are one in a million couple who can truly live “off the grid”, in which case I’d argue that money doesn’t matter, you have to pay for the roof over your head with money. Even those “au natural” folks still need skills in woodcraft and gathering to live, so it’s just trading money for the practical abilities to provide.

  • Haven't really thought about this before, but my gal and I are very much on the same page when it comes to this.

    We don't argue about finances at all.

    1|0
    0|0
    • Your one of the lucky ones then...

  • I think in a dating relationship it can be managed even if you have different habits, but if you're looking at living together or getting married, financial compatibility matters. Doesn't mean you earn the same or spend the same or budget the same, but it DOES mean you two can find a workable approach to money that leaves everyone satisfied.

    The three biggest triggers of divorce are problems around sex, problems around money and problems around raising kids.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Men could have said the same about their wives for centuries , although never decided to exploit them like that. What makes you so special in that regard?

    0|1
    2|0
    • It's not about being special, it's about me living a lifestyle I'm comfortable with and providing my daughter the best possible life I can give her. That shouldn't need to change drastically to fit in with someone. For me if I have to change my lifestyle drastically then it's telling me this man is not suitable for me, that we are incompatible and not on the same page. I would feel like I'm taking a step backwards instead of striving to be something more that I know I can be.

    • Show All
    • However in my situation there wasn't any balance, I'd compromised it all away to hold on to this relationship, that's not going to work for me. May work for him and make him happy but I realized I was loosing everything of my own to try and make the relationship work, that isn't fair when one is making all the adjustments.

    • I get your point , although , instead of using your daughter as the buffer between you and him , in this particular issue , be the middle person and use your self as a buffer to reconciliate between you and him and your daughter instead.

  • I dispose all women, they're so materialistical, they only fancy guys with more money than themselgs, even when tjdu tjemselfs are milipmaite, look at Megan Markal, like all actors she's filthy rich, she didn't need to marry Prince William, she's just a greedy cunt, and she's half wog, if we slow this marriage to go ahead our next king will be a bit ethnic, I don't know about you, but I don't want a wog for a king.

    0|1
    5|2
  • 48% of marriages end because of money.
    Go figure.

    Personally, I don't care if she's rich or not, and I'm also willing to provide. What I am NOT willing to do is tolerate greed or unfairness. And I'm also not willing to tolerate stagnation. I. e: Her not wanting to work/elevate her status. I don't really want a housewife, housewives are way too cliche. I'm more than willing to take her under my wing if we're genuinely in love, but once the focus shifts on money, it's done.

    1|1
    1|0
    • Dose that mean 52% of marriages end because women can't stop naging?

    • Show All
    • Just curious, do you think it's inherently wrong to want to be in a traditional relationship even if you personally don't want one? One where the man is the breadwinner.

    • @babylips14 Oh no no no. I'm pretty sure things like this happen in gay marriages as well. It's not inherently wrong, God forbid. If people actually see it as what they want/need and don't let a temporary lack of money break you apart, it's more than okay.

  • 1|4
    5|1
    • Another one? Damn. So many lazy men up in here lol.

    • Show All
    • Lol, Wanting someone who can provide you with the kind of lifestyle and relationship you want does not necessarily make a woman a prostitute unless she ONLY cares about being "taken care of". Relationships are all about making each other happy and doing what's right for the both of you. If one partner like the asker of this question is unhappy with a lazy, broke guy, she should run away from this guy ASAP. Do you expect her to live miserably and unhappy with someone like that? That would be pretty cruel. Her happiness matters too.

    • @babylips14 So yes? And you want to call men lazy. Just lol

  • well if he's that stupid in management, you could always help him with tips and maybe manage his money for him, if you like him?

    relationship with kids involved is hard. I really can't say much. Kids are costly and will cost much more as they go into college.

    0|0
    0|0
  • If someone requires others to provided their basic sustenance on a decent wage that is a huge issue, especially when their behaviour detracts from the enjoyments of their partners. One of your main jobs in a relationship is to make your significant other happy, if your (voluntary) behaviour is contrary to that, then that is not good for the health of the relationship. In this case, it looks like there was a clash in financial values. I am curious, how much do you think gross income affects relationships as opposed to financial values?

    0|0
    0|0
  • I agree. I also don't date women who make less than 75% of what i make My ex girlfriend used to make 1/5th of what i made so i broke up with her. Money is important

    0|0
    1|0
  • Sad, you should teach your kids about financial literacy

    2|0
    0|0
  • If my girl had a job, I'd either find a job myself or do everything to help her, like do the chores and such.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Let's be real..

    It doesn't matter. If my partner doesn't need me to feed them, I'm unconcerned.

    1|0
    0|0
  • i like to keep women and money separate. no compromise is to be made because money > her

    0|2
    2|0
  • If you and a girl are married then the finances are no longer just yours but a shared unit.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Yes but I wouldn't marry someone I felt was financially incompatible while dating and in a relationship... that is why you date to see if your values and morals and lifestyles match up for the most part.

    • I thought that was obvious.

  • I never even wanted to speak with the rich girls at university. I just ignored them.

    0|0
    0|0
  • More from Guys
    18

What Girls Said 29

  • I think it is okay to be "financially incompatible" if your partner is really trying to the best to find an occupation or in any way cares for the family, children especially

    It is different in extreme cases where finance can affect health of the family, maybe like in your story, even though there is also to consider the relationship attachment... It's complicated and it depends on many matters

    4|1
    1|0
  • I agree with your outlook. My ex was never good at managing money (he still isn't) and we struggled for years. He wasn't anywhere near as driven as I am to want more. He very much enjoyed the trips, dining out and getting what he wanted but he failed to see that I was doing without to give to him. It takes two in all aspects of a relationship to work or it will fail.

    1|0
    0|1
    • It's hard when your not on par. It's like I wouldn't dream of dating a guy that had loads and loads of money because I would never be able to keep up with him especially if he enjoyed dining out umpteenth amount of times a week and taking 2 major holidays a year. That's not something I could afford so I wouldn't even entertain the thought of dating someone who was higher up on the financial spectrum. I'm sensible and I stay within my boundaries so it goes both ways, best to find someone you are more equally aligned with.

    • Show All
    • @RFW8A5U5F1 You are ridiculous! I'm not overweight sweetheart but I appreciate your insult.

    • if you are not overweight , why are you getting so angry. You surely have insecurities over your body size you grotesque cow

  • I don't think financial compatibility should be an issue, this problem involves way more than money. He choose to allow you to do those things, you continued to do so. If he were held accountable, things would have been very different. If he made accuses, you should have let him and you and your daughter should have went out for a treat and be with his kids solo letting him take care of them.

    I have been a single mom for 12 years - my son is now 16. I've dated guys that had kids - he had two daughters. I made it his responsbility to take care of his kids financial wise for when we went out and it was my responsbility to take care of myself and my son. My son and I still went out and did our son/mom activities when money allowed.

    There are some (male/female) that will get comfortable of others doing all the work that they no longer think they have to participate. I personally will not let that happen. Just like you, I don't receive child support for my son, I work a full time job and two part time jobs to make sure my bills are paid and to have a few extras on occassion.
    My SO now, he's the complete opposite of the guy I dated with kids.

    0|0
    1|0
  • He simply sounds like a man who is less economical. I wouldn't like a guy with that tendency too. But I don't believe that you need a lot of money to be happy. The key to be financially stable is to make the most of what you have and use your money wisely.

    0|0
    0|1
    • Once again it comes down to differing values, morals and lifestyles. If you can't be at least 95% on the same page its never going to work out in my opinion

    • Show All
    • I guess her guy didn't keep a secret and she never discovered he was an alcoholic. We already had massive issues like this in our relationship, it's why I wasn't too keen to keep bending my needs all the time. There were other serious dynamics at play in our relationship unfortunately.

    • So you can't really put the blame on income only 😅 I believe your title is misleading since the myTake clearly suggests that he's just not the right dude for being in a relationship with.

  • I want the man I'm with to be the head of the household, and I want to be in a more traditionally feminine role when I'm with him. Inevitably this means that the man should be aspiring to earn at least the same as me if not more. I don't think that's too much to ask. My dad earns twice as much as my mum and they are very happy, why can't I look for something similar?

    Among many reasons I left my ex because he aspired to earn very little in life, when I met him his dreams were just as big as mine. In relevance to our finances, all I could think about was that fact that my money would need to be used to pay for everything I'd want us to do. Why should I give up on the kind of life I want to live (and would live on my own) for someone else's choices/mistakes/preferences? I asked him how he felt about this and he was very happy with the dynamic, he had no real interest in aspiring to more (which I admit was a sh*t test and he failed). It IS a sign of incompatibility in terms of life goals, and financial values and it's very important. Partners need to be moving int he same direction or they grow apart.

    This is not to say I wouldn't support my husband if he lost his job (I would). That isn't to say that if hard times came I would leave (I wouldn't). But I as a women would like security, the security that comes with a qualification that has skills that no one can take away form you e. g doctor, architect, mechanical engineer, lawyer etc. Then whatever else he pursues (music, fitness, business etc.). I will feel comfortable supporting because he will always have a back up plan. I too will have a job with skills no one can take away from me.

    Hard times will inevitably come, but why start on an uneven playing field?

    And just to back up what I'm saying with science. There is a relationship between income and infidelity, that being, a man is more likely to cheat if his wife is the breadwinner. I don't want that life. You might refute the way life is because it hurts your feelings but facts are facts. Hypergamy is a thing, get over it.

    1|0
    0|1
    • I agree with you hun. I think it's a double standard when men try to shame women for aspiring to marry a rich man, but don't see a problem with aspiring to marry a beautiful woman. I personally want to be provided for as well. You don't need to bring money to the table or even cook, clean, or babysit in order to be a good wife. Take royal figures for example.

    • Show All
    • @RFW8A5U5F1 Your opinion means nothing to me especially since most of the men I've dated have been/will be making 6 figures. And I'm fully aware of the way attraction works and I don't need all men (defintly not you) only 1. Nice try at trying to bruise my ego though.

    • @babylips14 Thanks lovely :)

  • I live alone but am dating at the moment.
    If she moves in with me, I’m hoping she does quite soon, we will be diving the bills according to what we each make. Good thing is, we make almost the same amount. lol

    0|0
    0|0
  • Money shouldn’t be the most important thing in a relationship, but you need to be able to TRUST your partner when it comes to financial matters. You need to be on the same page about money issues and be equally responsible. That is crucial.

    1|0
    0|0
    • Can I ask for your input on something? I asked a similar question on here. What really pissed me off the most was that some guys thought they had a right to tell me that I should be contributing to the finances when I made it clear that I am a traditional, religious woman who wants the man to be the breadwinner of the household. They claimed that I was being a "gold digger" and a "freeloader" who was getting something for nothing. Then I mentioned how I was giving him love, affection, motivation, support, etc. and they all said that those things should be a "given". Seriously? I'm supposed to give someone my love without expecting my needs reciprocated in return?

      Why do you think so many guys on here bash women for aspiring to fall in love with a marry a rich man who can provide for her? Why do people think it's okay to tell others how they should live their lives?

    • @babylips14 I think it's a complicated situation because women have asked for "equality", and now people are confused about what that means and which responsibilities fall where. The fact is that it's now a matter of personal preference and there are no rules, but people don't like that. Bottom line, you have every right to seek a partner who is happy to provide for you financially, if that's what you want. As long as you're being up front about it and you're pulling your weight in the relationship in other ways, there shouldn't be a problem. Men who don't want the breadwinner role simply don't have to date you.

  • Big dick and "love" don't pay the bills

    pics.onsizzle.com/...kes-kingmusze7-i-21168724.png

    1|0
    0|3
    • Says a black women who is ugly as fuck. Men value beauty and you don't have it

    • Show All
    • Have a nice day.

  • I sympathise.

    My ex and my first boyfriend was like this but no kids. We both had part time jobs while in education, we both had cars, but had money left over for the odd night out. We either stayed in or if we went out it was a case of half paying (which I didn’t mind). When it got to the point his band was paid for before me (time and money) I started to get annoyed.

    I think you should walk. If it was me I would take my daughter on holidays and day trips. She’s only young once, and it might teach your boyfriend a lesson.

    I’m lucky my current boyfriend is a gentleman. I always offer to pay (even though I know it’s going a credit card or savers money) I never make him feel it’s his bill. He almost always pays though.

    You deserve better. If I could land a man like that you can too

    0|0
    0|3
    • My daughter comes first and I'm not going to disadvantage her over a man not even one I do love. My responsibility first and foremost is to her.

    • Show All
    • How did he take it?

    • This wasn't the reason I broke up with him actually. I broke up with him because he wasn't being open and transparent in our relationship. He wasn't valuing me and taking my feelings into consideration. So there you have it

  • I put love more than money in terms of importance. However, being realistic, money is important in terms of bills and such. As long as both parties contribute toward income or house up-keep then it should be fine. It depends on the couple. I know for sure that I'm going to work.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I want to be so rich,
    so I won't have to worry about his paycheck
    That could only work if he doesn't expect more than I would give him as a househusband

    0|2
    0|0
  • yeah. dating people who are not on the same page financially is a challenge, and it is not wrong to feel resentful if you are repeatedly feeling like you are picking up the tab more than you would like. In the future, i would definitely establish who is picking up the tab on dates (before date 6) so you can set the tone to have these kinds of conversations. It's not about what you make, its about what you spend that dictates financial compatibility. As long as both parties are contributing their share (it may be amount based, or percentage based, or circumstance based) then it should be fine.

    for me, i know my starting salary is going to be low. and I don't mind dating someone who doesn't make a lot of money, all i look for is someone who is at least able to save as much as me (if they make more, the rest they can do with whatever), or not blow all their money on stupid shit (if they make the same or less).

    0|0
    0|0
  • I agree with you... I experienced similar situations. I used to think money shouldn't be a big deal in a relationship, all that matters is you love that person, but after a while it takes a toll on you. It totally matters... and if someone says it doesn't it's because they haven't experienced this or maybe they've always had a lot of money and don't understand what it's like to work really hard and then have to spend it on someone else. That's what happened to me.. I ended spending my money on guys I've dated and it went on until I started feeling like I was being used and then became resentful. I think it's important that someone is able to carry their own weight and your lifestyles need to match.

    I mean where could your relationship have gone? If you married and moved in together you would have to pay for everything extra you want to do... eventually you will become resentful. I think financial compatibility is often overlooked..

    1|0
    0|0
  • if i were in your position i would try to help him organize his finances better. here in japan women decide what to do with their husband's paycheck.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Yeah thats a little controlling and I'm not his mother so don't need to be taking on a mother role to a grown man.

    • Show All
    • Yeah I guess. I went through it twice with two different guys and it was a horrible experience.. so I just learned to walk away if things are really not working out.

    • @aamina_m ok maybe help wasn't the best word. if a woman is good at cooking and enjoys it would it make sense to refuse to cook for her husband jus because she believes that everyone should cook their own meals? it's more about efficiency. people doing what they're good at.

      in japan it's part of the traditional role of a wife to take care of the finances. the husband hands his paycheck to her and she makes the decisions. women are the head of the household. when outside the woman lets the man appear in control but it's just for looks.
      who needs feminism when you're already at the helm?

  • It's more important the more responsibilities there are.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Nice take

    1|0
    0|0
  • I'll keep that in mind

    0|0
    0|0
  • I agrere

    0|0
    0|1
  • I agree 100%. Love isn't enough to make a relationship work and financial compatibility is extremely important in a relationship.

    Lots of people will try to argue back with the same old question of "Would you leave him if he was broke?" and my response is always yes. I can love someone to death, however without money, the cons are going to outweigh the pros in our relationship and I wouldn't be happy with someone who couldn't provide me with the type of lifestyle I want. Is it shallow? No, because at the end of the day, my needs matter too. Don't ever settle for something you don't want.

    0|0
    0|0
    • What does 'financial compatibility' even mean?

    • Show All
    • @Kkaos Under that principle, do you think it's okay for women at clubs to put bags over their faces so that they can be assured that guys who approach them aren't basing their value off of their beauty? That's essentially what you're saying. Women wanting to marry rich men is no different than a man saying "I would like to fall in love with a beautiful woman one day who has DD tits and xyz body shape".

      Women like money and men like beauty. It's one thing to marry someone ONLY for money or looks versus wanting to fall in love with someone who can offer those things. It is what it is and it's not going to change. You can either become a financially secure guy yourself or continue resenting women as they gravitate towards rich dudes. The choice is yours.

    • Our looks, our personality are who we are as a person. Rich or poor, those remain the same. At least if I like a girl's looks, I'm liking her as a person. If a girl's looking past you and into your bank account, it's not the same situation.

      Anyway, beauty doesn't last forever. And whilst I admit beauty plays a major factor in my choice, I also look for successful career orientated women who actually have something going for them. They're more likely to look at a man's money and appreciate him for his success rather than look at a man's money and just think money.

      Oh, I am financially secure nor do I resent women who flock to rich guys at all, I don't really care. But I'm not going to be used and I'm not going to show off to attract women. The decent women can be pleasantly surprised later.

  • Thanks for keeping it 100!

    1|0
    0|0
    • Your welcome. Some people haven't appreciated it but thats ok, I think we all just have differing viewpoints on a very taboo topic. It seems if you venture of the "love rules over everything path" you are crucified as a money hungry cold hearted Bitch. I know I'm none of those things, im actually a very loving person however I should be able to decide what I want out of life and if it happens to not be "sandwiches in a park all the time" then that's more than ok. If I can strive for better things and can then I should.

    • Agreed! I'm the sweetheart type too but I don't want to struggle through life or raise kids through it.
      Financial stability is essential to survive in the world. We don't have to be rich just secure and know how to spend money wisely

    • The same thing happens with friends. I wanna go out bowling or to the movies or sometimes simply traveling to see what's out there but they say they can't afford it. It's not even expensive and I could lend them the few dollars it costs but that gets exhausting.

      Definitely get someone on your financial level and there'll be less conflicts!

  • More from Girls
    9

Recommended Questions

Loading...