Financial Compatibility/Incompatibility in a relationship can sometimes be a topic of debate. On one side of the fence you have the people who believe love rules over all facets of a relationship including money and finances, I do respect that viewpoint however I have a different outlook on it.
My outlook is based not on speculation but from a lived experience. A relationship I was in prooves to me that Financial Incompatibility exists. I was very much in love with this man however financially we just wernt in sync.
As a single mum that must work a full time job and the fact that I do not receive a single penny for Child Support from my daughters Father I really can't stress enough how much money is important to me. I work hard for it, I value it obviously as it keeps the roof over our head, food on the table and clothes on our back. Then there is the rest: school costs, utilities, vehicle expenses and the list goes on.
Somewhere in all those essentials it's nice to be able to have some money to put towards an overseas vacation, the odd weekend away and some treats like going out for the occasional breakfast, lunch or dinner for example.
Before I entered into this particular relationship my daughter and I would go to the movies, we would go somewhere for breakfast or simply enjoy a milkshake/coffee treat or lunch out. It was financially agreeable with me and heck we deserved to have a treat or something to look forward to every now and then. Once I was in this relationship I soon discovered that this partner just never seemed to ever have enough money to be able to partake in the luxuries I knew I definitely could afford.
Yes he had 2 kids which he only spent time with every 2nd weekend as opposed to my one child but we were both working full time, he was earning around the same amount as me, his living expenses were way less than mine and his child support payments were extremely low. The only big payment he had to contend with was a car loan. He pecked on rubbish food for dinners so his grocery bill would not have been substantial. Even to this day I still cannot understand how he was unable to put even the smallest amount aside for a family treat.
Now I don't count dollar for dollar in what I am financially contributing in a relationship. I'm a pretty easy going person so there were many times when I would purchase all the food needed for a full weekend of breakfasts, lunches and dinners to feed him and his kids. It soon however got very tired and old when it was a regular thing and yes at times I felt that perhaps I was being taken advantage of and found myself feeling slightly resentful.
On the few occasions we stepped out for a meal alone minus the kids I would have to say that we each paid half each. I think this is the fairest way and a good move to split the bill but it's also nice for a woman to have her man treat her to a dinner out once in a blue moon. My blue moon never came. The only time I ever had dinner bought for me was on our first date.
Everytime we ventured out as a family of 5 it was always a packed picnic lunch. I started to realize that my life with this man and his kids was going to be a life of sandwiches in a park and nothing more. My daughter and I could no longer indulge in our treats, they had stopped because bottom line was what other choice did we have. It's not as if the two of us could have flown out the door announcing to him and his kids that we were sorry he couldn't afford it but we can and we are going off to treat ourselves, hope you enjoy your sandwiches in the park. That would have been awful and mean of me and that's not love.
So we had to go without because he and his kids had to. When I mentioned to him one particular time that it was important to me and my daughter that we all get to do a fun activity as a family there was always an excuse. If I mentioned going to the movies his excuse would be I will just download that and we can watch it at home. When I suggested going for breakfast the excuse I got was that he didn't really care for those types of things, was more than happy to fry up some bacon and eggs at home. Deep down I know they were not the real reasons he didn't want to partake. The real reason was because he never had the money and he may have felt embarrassed to admit that.
In my mind I was thinking that I've had to give so much up just to have this relationship and truth be known it wasn't an overly fantastic relationship in some other areas so I questioned it a lot. I also wondered where his money was all going, was he blowing it on crap, was he incapable of even budgeting and saving for things.
For me now for any future relationship I may enter this is definitely going to be an area that I must have compatibility in and it's not an area I will compromise on. Lesson learnt.
I'd love to hear what others think....