Let's Be Real About Financial Compatibility in a Relationship...

[Anonymous]

Financial Compatibility/Incompatibility in a relationship can sometimes be a topic of debate. On one side of the fence you have the people who believe love rules over all facets of a relationship including money and finances, I do respect that viewpoint however I have a different outlook on it.

My outlook is based not on speculation but from a lived experience. A relationship I was in prooves to me that Financial Incompatibility exists. I was very much in love with this man however financially we just wernt in sync.

As a single mum that must work a full time job and the fact that I do not receive a single penny for Child Support from my daughters Father I really can't stress enough how much money is important to me. I work hard for it, I value it obviously as it keeps the roof over our head, food on the table and clothes on our back. Then there is the rest: school costs, utilities, vehicle expenses and the list goes on.

Somewhere in all those essentials it's nice to be able to have some money to put towards an overseas vacation, the odd weekend away and some treats like going out for the occasional breakfast, lunch or dinner for example.

Before I entered into this particular relationship my daughter and I would go to the movies, we would go somewhere for breakfast or simply enjoy a milkshake/coffee treat or lunch out. It was financially agreeable with me and heck we deserved to have a treat or something to look forward to every now and then. Once I was in this relationship I soon discovered that this partner just never seemed to ever have enough money to be able to partake in the luxuries I knew I definitely could afford.

Yes he had 2 kids which he only spent time with every 2nd weekend as opposed to my one child but we were both working full time, he was earning around the same amount as me, his living expenses were way less than mine and his child support payments were extremely low. The only big payment he had to contend with was a car loan. He pecked on rubbish food for dinners so his grocery bill would not have been substantial. Even to this day I still cannot understand how he was unable to put even the smallest amount aside for a family treat.

Now I don't count dollar for dollar in what I am financially contributing in a relationship. I'm a pretty easy going person so there were many times when I would purchase all the food needed for a full weekend of breakfasts, lunches and dinners to feed him and his kids. It soon however got very tired and old when it was a regular thing and yes at times I felt that perhaps I was being taken advantage of and found myself feeling slightly resentful.

On the few occasions we stepped out for a meal alone minus the kids I would have to say that we each paid half each. I think this is the fairest way and a good move to split the bill but it's also nice for a woman to have her man treat her to a dinner out once in a blue moon. My blue moon never came. The only time I ever had dinner bought for me was on our first date.

Everytime we ventured out as a family of 5 it was always a packed picnic lunch. I started to realize that my life with this man and his kids was going to be a life of sandwiches in a park and nothing more. My daughter and I could no longer indulge in our treats, they had stopped because bottom line was what other choice did we have. It's not as if the two of us could have flown out the door announcing to him and his kids that we were sorry he couldn't afford it but we can and we are going off to treat ourselves, hope you enjoy your sandwiches in the park. That would have been awful and mean of me and that's not love.

So we had to go without because he and his kids had to. When I mentioned to him one particular time that it was important to me and my daughter that we all get to do a fun activity as a family there was always an excuse. If I mentioned going to the movies his excuse would be I will just download that and we can watch it at home. When I suggested going for breakfast the excuse I got was that he didn't really care for those types of things, was more than happy to fry up some bacon and eggs at home. Deep down I know they were not the real reasons he didn't want to partake. The real reason was because he never had the money and he may have felt embarrassed to admit that.

In my mind I was thinking that I've had to give so much up just to have this relationship and truth be known it wasn't an overly fantastic relationship in some other areas so I questioned it a lot. I also wondered where his money was all going, was he blowing it on crap, was he incapable of even budgeting and saving for things.

For me now for any future relationship I may enter this is definitely going to be an area that I must have compatibility in and it's not an area I will compromise on. Lesson learnt.

I'd love to hear what others think....

[Unit1]

"If I mentioned going to the movies his excuse would be I will just download that and we can watch it at home. When I suggested going for breakfast the excuse I got was that he didn't really care for those types of things, was more than happy to fry up some bacon and eggs at home."

This sounds a bit like me but the reason why i would watch movies at home or make breakfast at home is mainly because of the financial savings. I did calculate and made an analysis how much money would be spent if i were to go to the movies instead of getting a netflix subscription or going somewhere for breakfast instead of getting the groceries home and cook at home.

The result was netflix and breakfast at home was not only cheaper but in some ways even have their unique advantages.
Namely on netflix there are (to my memory) no ads and no loud, distracting crowds and you can pause for a break or to rewind to a scene.
And breakfast at home let's me customize my meal completely. Restaurants don't always agree on it and plus their serving size can be quite rigged and intentionally small or thirst inducing, so that you remain hungry after you ate something.

In the end it's the money, that we are taking about. What was spent well and saved up for something else allows for fun activities.

But then again I'm a full time worker and full time student and cannot really afford fun activities. But i do support my own living entirely.

[Unit1]

Also i forgot to mention. Since i currently reside in the east and most movies were captured in their original form in English language, there are no cinemas outside of the US, Canada, UK and maybe India, that will play those movies in their original and not-altered form in English language. Hence why i watch them only online. The alterations in the audio and translations as well as cutting away some scenes makes me want to not pay for it but rather pay for what everybody else pays in the English speaking countries. I cannot enjoy movies, that were altered to such a terrible extend at all.

[Unit1]

Said movies after editing for other languages lose all the magic, that were put originally in as they were produced and released I'm their original form.

So there is that 😐
Thank the internet for those possibilities 😍

[myTake Owner]

I get what you are saying and I'm definitely not out every weekend having breakfast. I'm currently saving paying off my November 2018 holiday which I have to look forward to and also a Hypo Allergenic dog for my daughters Birthday end of year. I'm just saying it would be nice to do something a little different maybe once a month as a treat to break up the monotony and enjoy life a little outside the home. Nothing wrong with that if you can afford it, problem was he never could do my daughter and I ended up suffering in silence and not being able to do any of the things we used to do.

[Unit1]

I understand what you are saying.

Personally i prefer to keep the money apart from relationships as i consider them both to be entirely unrelated. Unfortunately with the way money works and money talks and the exaggerated capitalism money is a must 😑

I would be happy to have a relationship with a good woman without having money in mind.

That is considering we have a warm roof, food, water and other basic necessities. Also some good investments for leisure. Stuff like that.

[cherryphi82]

I have never been in your situation, so for me to judge this is probably hypocritical. But to be very honest with you, I feel like you are making too big a deal out of this. What's wrong with sandwiches in the park? What's wrong with frying up some bacon at home? If this man really didn't have the money, then I honestly feel bad for him. Not everyone can afford to go to skyzone, the movies or the arcade every other weekend (let alone overseas vacations). We can't, and my husband has the income for me to stay home with the kids. Quality time is much more important than how much "fun" stuff you can afford to offer your kids.

[babylips14]

I'm not saying that you're wrong for thinking the way you do, however I think it's a bit too harsh to say that she is supposed to settle on a lifestyle she clearly is unhappy with. Sandwiches in the park may be all you need in order to be happy, but clearly that's not the case for her. If she wasn't happy in this economically disadvantaged relationship, then this was not the guy for her and she has every right to pursue her happiness with someone else.

[cherryphi82]

@babylips14 Of course she has a right to pursue it. But she asked specifically about this. And I specifically answered. And no, I don't think anybody is owed a certain lifestyle. Especially if you expect it to be financed by the other party. That's just gold-digging.

[babylips14]

If having someone in her life who can spend money on her and give her the lifestyle she wants is important to her, then she should pursue such person. As long as she is in love with her man for who he is and not just for what he can provide for her, then she is not gold digging. Having expensive tastes does not necessarily translate to being a "gold digger". They are two completely different concepts. Wanting something is not the same as thinking that you're owed something. The asker may have assumed that the guy could afford to give her a comfortable lifestyle, only to discover that he couldn't.

[cherryphi82]

@babylips14 Actually, that's exactly what she sounds like...

[Logorithim]

This is an extremely underrated portion of compatibility between couples because it is a huge potential source of stress and arguments. I'd argue for long term relationships, and certainly for marriages, that it is more important than physical attraction and on a par with emotional compatibility.

[myTake Owner]

100% agree with you. I think unless people have experienced it first hand that they don't really know what it is like to go through.

[Markfish]

Yeah but put this situation the otherway around, a guy leaving a girl when she actually did pay her own way. She left him because she like going out to dinner, movies and going on vacation more than she liked him, that's deplorable. He wasn't even expecting her to pay for his stuff.

[Wally48]

@Markfish You could say it's shallow, but it is not deplorable. She simply needs to be more discriminating in her choice of suitors (as in their income levels). She is entitled to live in the manner she wants, but if she wants a relationship where money isn't in issue she needs to shop in a higher tax bracket.

[Markfish]

She did like small luxuries more than she liked him, that is sad.

[Wally48]

Very true. Relationships from the same socio-economic class, and having similar money management philosophies is a big conflict reducer. My wife of 35 years and I fight over other shit, but we never fight over money.

[myTake Owner]

@Markfish yes he did. You have failed to read some of my answers to others in the thread.

[babylips14]

@Wally48 I don't know the asker, but I disagree that she loved the luxuries MORE than she loved him. She may have loved him just as much as she desires comfort, but it doesn't mean that she loves one more than the other. It takes more than just love to make a relationship work. Unfortunately, some people live in a fantasy world where they think that love conquers all and that as long as there's love, everything else will fall into place and everyone will live happily ever after. That's not how the world and he's going to be in for a hell of a life lesson. Take this from someone who came from poverty.

[ManaX]

I want the man I'm with to be the head of the household, and I want to be in a more traditionally feminine role when I'm with him. Inevitably this means that the man should be aspiring to earn at least the same as me if not more. I don't think that's too much to ask. My dad earns twice as much as my mum and they are very happy, why can't I look for something similar?

Among many reasons I left my ex because he aspired to earn very little in life, when I met him his dreams were just as big as mine. In relevance to our finances, all I could think about was that fact that my money would need to be used to pay for everything I'd want us to do. Why should I give up on the kind of life I want to live (and would live on my own) for someone else's choices/mistakes/preferences? I asked him how he felt about this and he was very happy with the dynamic, he had no real interest in aspiring to more (which I admit was a sh*t test and he failed). It IS a sign of incompatibility in terms of life goals, and financial values and it's very important. Partners need to be moving int he same direction or they grow apart.

This is not to say I wouldn't support my husband if he lost his job (I would). That isn't to say that if hard times came I would leave (I wouldn't). But I as a women would like security, the security that comes with a qualification that has skills that no one can take away form you e. g doctor, architect, mechanical engineer, lawyer etc. Then whatever else he pursues (music, fitness, business etc.). I will feel comfortable supporting because he will always have a back up plan. I too will have a job with skills no one can take away from me.

Hard times will inevitably come, but why start on an uneven playing field?

And just to back up what I'm saying with science. There is a relationship between income and infidelity, that being, a man is more likely to cheat if his wife is the breadwinner. I don't want that life. You might refute the way life is because it hurts your feelings but facts are facts. Hypergamy is a thing, get over it.

[babylips14]

I agree with you hun. I think it's a double standard when men try to shame women for aspiring to marry a rich man, but don't see a problem with aspiring to marry a beautiful woman. I personally want to be provided for as well. You don't need to bring money to the table or even cook, clean, or babysit in order to be a good wife. Take royal figures for example.

[RFW8A5U5F1]

@ManaX don't worry you are Black, the most unattractive race among women. You will never find a rich guy

[ManaX]

@RFW8A5U5F1 Your opinion means nothing to me especially since most of the men I've dated have been/will be making 6 figures. And I'm fully aware of the way attraction works and I don't need all men (defintly not you) only 1. Nice try at trying to bruise my ego though.

[ManaX]

@babylips14 Thanks lovely :)

[Jmcmanning]

I don't think financial compatibility should be an issue, this problem involves way more than money. He choose to allow you to do those things, you continued to do so. If he were held accountable, things would have been very different. If he made accuses, you should have let him and you and your daughter should have went out for a treat and be with his kids solo letting him take care of them.

I have been a single mom for 12 years - my son is now 16. I've dated guys that had kids - he had two daughters. I made it his responsbility to take care of his kids financial wise for when we went out and it was my responsbility to take care of myself and my son. My son and I still went out and did our son/mom activities when money allowed.

There are some (male/female) that will get comfortable of others doing all the work that they no longer think they have to participate. I personally will not let that happen. Just like you, I don't receive child support for my son, I work a full time job and two part time jobs to make sure my bills are paid and to have a few extras on occassion.
My SO now, he's the complete opposite of the guy I dated with kids.

[Anonymous]

Okaay. Im gonna tell you something which sounds like im criticising you, but reality, it's fine. Nothing wrong with it, it's just a different personality type who has different values (to myself for instance).
& that is that you do not look for love.
Love isn't you saying "didn't need him financially, can take care of myself in that department but felt I was being taken advantage off and I already have one child, didn't need a man child in my hands...", it's about the two caring for each other soooo much that you'd do and adapt to one another in any way possible. You are selfish, again not in a bad way, but you do not want a man to fully love, but one who can keep up with what YOU like and desire. can't go out to the movies? Dont need him. can't buy you the food YOU eat "once in a blue moon"? Dont need him. Can't eat what you like? Dont need him.
The reality is that you've obtained true love for your child (which is sweet), that you aren't caring about finding love with a man, but rather a man who can keep up with you & your child. Which in a sense is fiine considering your child was with you since before any man, but your desires and your child are by convenience always going to get in the way of any potential love, all the way till a rich (er) man comes along.

I do understand why you are like this, you work hard & have gone through a lot for/with your child, but perhaps IF you do want a love thats more important than anything, or alove that trumps anything, you first need to see what you yourself ate doing the every relationship that comes to you.
Or just find a rich guy, causeif you dont try to fix or consider your own part in blocking that kind of love, you won't be happy with any man till you find a rich guy who'll spoil and do as you say/want.

[Opinion Owner]

****are doing to every relationship

[myTake Owner]

I think that me sticking by him after he lied and kept the secret that he was an alcoholic and I found out at the 8mth mark and gave him a chance to redeem himself was nothing but love. I kept an alcoholic around myself and my 6 yr old daughter out of love knowing full well he could relapse and tear our lives apart with the click of a finger. I supported him and encouraged him to attend AA Meetings, if that wasn't love then I don't know what is. Unfortunately you know not the whole story. I appreciate your input though.

[Opinion Owner]

You saying I dont know everything is fair enoughh

[myTake Owner]

Thankyou

[Hidden_P]

I sympathise.

My ex and my first boyfriend was like this but no kids. We both had part time jobs while in education, we both had cars, but had money left over for the odd night out. We either stayed in or if we went out it was a case of half paying (which I didn’t mind). When it got to the point his band was paid for before me (time and money) I started to get annoyed.

I think you should walk. If it was me I would take my daughter on holidays and day trips. She’s only young once, and it might teach your boyfriend a lesson.

I’m lucky my current boyfriend is a gentleman. I always offer to pay (even though I know it’s going a credit card or savers money) I never make him feel it’s his bill. He almost always pays though.

You deserve better. If I could land a man like that you can too

[myTake Owner]

My daughter comes first and I'm not going to disadvantage her over a man not even one I do love. My responsibility first and foremost is to her.

[Hidden_P]

Then I think you should plan trips. If he questions it it is mother and daughter time and if he wants to come he lays his way.

You want a day trip? Go for it. You want to go abroad? Who cares.

If he can’t afford it that’s his problem. No more paying for his crap. As you said, your daughter comes first, not him or his kids.

[myTake Owner]

By the way we are no longer together

[Hidden_P]

How did he take it?

[myTake Owner]

This wasn't the reason I broke up with him actually. I broke up with him because he wasn't being open and transparent in our relationship. He wasn't valuing me and taking my feelings into consideration. So there you have it

[aamina_m]

I agree with you... I experienced similar situations. I used to think money shouldn't be a big deal in a relationship, all that matters is you love that person, but after a while it takes a toll on you. It totally matters... and if someone says it doesn't it's because they haven't experienced this or maybe they've always had a lot of money and don't understand what it's like to work really hard and then have to spend it on someone else. That's what happened to me.. I ended spending my money on guys I've dated and it went on until I started feeling like I was being used and then became resentful. I think it's important that someone is able to carry their own weight and your lifestyles need to match.

I mean where could your relationship have gone? If you married and moved in together you would have to pay for everything extra you want to do... eventually you will become resentful. I think financial compatibility is often overlooked..

[PinkandSparkles]

I agree with your outlook. My ex was never good at managing money (he still isn't) and we struggled for years. He wasn't anywhere near as driven as I am to want more. He very much enjoyed the trips, dining out and getting what he wanted but he failed to see that I was doing without to give to him. It takes two in all aspects of a relationship to work or it will fail.

[myTake Owner]

It's hard when your not on par. It's like I wouldn't dream of dating a guy that had loads and loads of money because I would never be able to keep up with him especially if he enjoyed dining out umpteenth amount of times a week and taking 2 major holidays a year. That's not something I could afford so I wouldn't even entertain the thought of dating someone who was higher up on the financial spectrum. I'm sensible and I stay within my boundaries so it goes both ways, best to find someone you are more equally aligned with.

[Djaay]

MTO... In other words , you want total control or the highway... you're very controlling according to you're own testament

[myTake Owner]

@Djaay No I just dont feel that I should give my whole life up for an alcholic man thats all

[Djaay]

What's that got to do with financial incomparability?

[Djaay]

Incompatibility **

[myTake Owner]

@Djaay Because he was using a lot of his money to fund his alcoholic addiction leaving me to fund his own kids care needs, food and things they needed sending me broke each week and unable to afford to buy my own daughter food for her school lunches... you have no idea...

[Djaay]

Well , I'll agree with you on that one. That's just wrong.

[myTake Owner]

@Djaay I've been through a lot but I let him to in the end, the price was just too high to pay.

[myTake Owner]

That was meant to say I let him go in the end

[RFW8A5U5F1]

I don't think you should have high expectation since you are 37 already. Guys who date you from now will either be broke or just looking to pump and dump you

[PinkandSparkles]

@RFW8A5U5F1 Did you just get dumped or something because that's the dumbest thing I've read all day! I'll worry about my relationships and you worry about yours.

[RFW8A5U5F1]

@PinkandSparkles Okay fatty , i will give you advice stop whining. Lose some weight and do complete makeover.

[PinkandSparkles]

@RFW8A5U5F1 You are ridiculous! I'm not overweight sweetheart but I appreciate your insult.

[RFW8A5U5F1]

if you are not overweight , why are you getting so angry. You surely have insecurities over your body size you grotesque cow

[Xoxocutekitty]

yeah. dating people who are not on the same page financially is a challenge, and it is not wrong to feel resentful if you are repeatedly feeling like you are picking up the tab more than you would like. In the future, i would definitely establish who is picking up the tab on dates (before date 6) so you can set the tone to have these kinds of conversations. It's not about what you make, its about what you spend that dictates financial compatibility. As long as both parties are contributing their share (it may be amount based, or percentage based, or circumstance based) then it should be fine.

for me, i know my starting salary is going to be low. and I don't mind dating someone who doesn't make a lot of money, all i look for is someone who is at least able to save as much as me (if they make more, the rest they can do with whatever), or not blow all their money on stupid shit (if they make the same or less).

[DodgersGM]

Some people will read this Take and nonsensically shout silly things at you. Like, "what a gold digger!" Or, "what a greedy b*tch!"

That said, I don't begrudge you for the way you feel. People who have been in serious relationships understand that finances are a big deal. Neither one of you is right or wrong, here. It's just two different perspectives on resource management.

[myTake Owner]

Correct

[tek555_pessimist]

If someone requires others to provided their basic sustenance on a decent wage that is a huge issue, especially when their behaviour detracts from the enjoyments of their partners. One of your main jobs in a relationship is to make your significant other happy, if your (voluntary) behaviour is contrary to that, then that is not good for the health of the relationship. In this case, it looks like there was a clash in financial values. I am curious, how much do you think gross income affects relationships as opposed to financial values?

[tek555_pessimist]

@naguyija Please go away. I am not interested.

[Plumy]

I think it is okay to be "financially incompatible" if your partner is really trying to the best to find an occupation or in any way cares for the family, children especially

It is different in extreme cases where finance can affect health of the family, maybe like in your story, even though there is also to consider the relationship attachment... It's complicated and it depends on many matters

[Anonymous]

I'm going to be pretty strict regarding my finances in a serious relationship. I am aiming high in terms of career and if I achieve those things, I will be on a high wage, so unless I date another professional, the guy I'd date probably wouldn't be the bread winner of the relationship. I won't have a joint account with someone.

Love is blind so you have to get some things in order just in case the relationship doesn't work out and I wouldn't want a guy to take advantage of my love and use my money without my knowledge! My dad's almost doing that with my mum - he wanted a joint account because he knew he'd have more money at his disposal.

You can't trust anyone, even someone you love and you've known for years, it's best to protect yourself.

[Cosytoasty]

People who say money doesn’t matter have never lived with a spouse. And certainly not owned property with one.

Of course it matters but you’re going to attract a load of gold digger chants on here because having a job is like some amazing achievement 😂

[babylips14]

I agree! I really wish you'd answer a similar question I posted. I started getting attacked by people calling me "prostitute", "gold digger", "worthless bitch", etc. Some people think that relationships are fairy tale stories where as long as there's love, everything else falls into place and everyone lives happily ever after. Unfortunately, that doesn't happen in real life and love isn't enough to make a relationship work. Money is just as important as love.

[Cosytoasty]

@babylips14 Indeed, I mean unless you are one in a million couple who can truly live “off the grid”, in which case I’d argue that money doesn’t matter, you have to pay for the roof over your head with money. Even those “au natural” folks still need skills in woodcraft and gathering to live, so it’s just trading money for the practical abilities to provide.

[CubsterShura]

He simply sounds like a man who is less economical. I wouldn't like a guy with that tendency too. But I don't believe that you need a lot of money to be happy. The key to be financially stable is to make the most of what you have and use your money wisely.

[myTake Owner]

Once again it comes down to differing values, morals and lifestyles. If you can't be at least 95% on the same page its never going to work out in my opinion

[CubsterShura]

It actually worked for my sister. I come from an upper class family and my sister was in love with a lower-middle class family guy and he didn't earn that much. My parents and all relatives heavily opposed the relationship only because of his low income. They even tried getting my sister married with someone else. But of course, no marriage is valid without consent. My sister got scolded and even beaten for going out with him.

Did it stop them from loving one another? They are married for five years now and even though my brother in law isn't rich, I can assure you that he treats her like a queen. They are totally relationship goals.

[myTake Owner]

I guess her guy didn't keep a secret and she never discovered he was an alcoholic. We already had massive issues like this in our relationship, it's why I wasn't too keen to keep bending my needs all the time. There were other serious dynamics at play in our relationship unfortunately.

[CubsterShura]

So you can't really put the blame on income only 😅 I believe your title is misleading since the myTake clearly suggests that he's just not the right dude for being in a relationship with.

[0112358]

I think in a dating relationship it can be managed even if you have different habits, but if you're looking at living together or getting married, financial compatibility matters. Doesn't mean you earn the same or spend the same or budget the same, but it DOES mean you two can find a workable approach to money that leaves everyone satisfied.

The three biggest triggers of divorce are problems around sex, problems around money and problems around raising kids.

[Likes2drive]

Yeah finances do play a big part in a relationship, sounds like he wasn’t to good at budgeting either, but eventually things would have changed once everyone’s kids got older and he paid off his loan. It’s all a matter of timing, and some people can’t afford to get into a relationship at the moment until they have their own finances fixed first

[myTake Owner]

That's true. I think that if I was struggling with my money that I definitely would not be looking to add a relationship on top of what is already a challenging situation.

It's just hard when one can afford things and the other can't. Not everyone is going to be happy being the one time and again chipping in for the other and covering them most of the time just so an outing can be made possible. Especially when you have only been together for 10 mths and don't actually live together.

When one partner is always saying over the 10 mth period more often than not that it's not a good month money wise then it has to be considered and looked at closely as in my opinion it would only get worse over time especially when time came to move in together. Seeing a regular pattern over a 10 month period should have the other slightly concerned about the future.

[myTake Owner]

So my family came to visit me not so long ago from 2 states away and we all wanted to go out for breakfast to the Pancake Parlour just for something different and so their 2 kids and mine could have a little treat. Of course I asked my boyfriend and his 2 kids to come along and he had to decline because once again it wasn't a good month with money for him.

A little while ago it was a good friend of mines Birthday. She had a Birthday dinner out with a group of our mutual friends and of course my boyfriend when I asked him to accompany me didn't have the money for a meal out. I had to pay for him just so we were able to show up as a couple.

Like how much more of this can one take. You start turning down social invitations and your friendships will start to suffer. It does have a knock on effect whether one chooses to believe it or not..

[Likes2drive]

Yeah definitely, it wouldn’t have worked out, some people just never get ahead or will always be that way regardless of if the situation improves. But that’s what dating is all about, trying to find a compatible person

[Markfish]

Shows you cared more about small luxuries than you did about this guy, luxuries that you wanted him to help pay for. It's good that the relationship didn't work out, he deserves someone who loves him more than going out to lunch and going on vacation.

[myTake Owner]

You got it wrong, I was the one paying. Read the thread please, you will discover I was in the weekends his own kids were over, buying all their food...

[ManaX]

When you can choose the life you want to live, why would you pick a hard one? Hard times will inevitably come, but why start on an uneven playing field?

[babylips14]

@markfish It's saddening how you believe that relationships are fairy tale stories where love pays all the bills and everyone lives happily ever after. It's time to wake up and live the reality which is that love isn't enough to make any relationship work. She isn't a gold digger or not deserving of a good man simply because she wants a comfortable, fulfilling, stress-free lifestyle. Instead of being a lazy mysogynistic fuck, try getting a well-paying job that could perhaps enable you to afford to take care of a woman instead of wanting the easy way out of fulfilling your role as a man.

[Markfish]

My role as a man is to financially take care of a women? That's literally prostitution, I am not paying for her stuff.

[Anonymous]

I agree 100%. Love isn't enough to make a relationship work and financial compatibility is extremely important in a relationship.

Lots of people will try to argue back with the same old question of "Would you leave him if he was broke?" and my response is always yes. I can love someone to death, however without money, the cons are going to outweigh the pros in our relationship and I wouldn't be happy with someone who couldn't provide me with the type of lifestyle I want. Is it shallow? No, because at the end of the day, my needs matter too. Don't ever settle for something you don't want.

[Kkaos]

What does 'financial compatibility' even mean?

[Opinion Owner]

@Kkaos Being satisfied with one another's financial status. If your spouse is living on welfare, and you're unhappy with that, then you are not financially compatible. That being said, if the tables were switched around and you were the one and welfare, but your spouse didn't care, then you are financially compatible.

[Kkaos]

That's bullshit. I can understand being 'financially compatible' as in both people are financially contributing evenly to the relationship. But if I'm making shit all and I expect my partner to be making $300,000+, I'm nothing more than a gold digger or vice versa.

[Opinion Owner]

@Kkaos You can believe whatever you want to believe, but financial compatibility is no different than sexual compatibility for example. If one partner wants oral and the other doesn't, then there is no compatibility. And wanting a partner to make a certain income doesn't make anyone a gold digger. It's called being smart and planning for the future. A gold digger is someone who ONLY cares about money.

And I hate to break it to you, but most women would choose the guy who makes $300k over the one who is on welfare, if they both offered the same characteristics. Women value money while men value beauty. It's evolutionary biology.

[Kkaos]

'Women value money while men value beauty. It's evolutionary biology' I completely understand that, it's exactly why when women ask me what my job is, I know it's not just about 'getting to know me', it's so they can put a value on me and it's for that exact reason that I don't deliberately flash anything expensive around women.

[Opinion Owner]

@Kkaos Under that principle, do you think it's okay for women at clubs to put bags over their faces so that they can be assured that guys who approach them aren't basing their value off of their beauty? That's essentially what you're saying. Women wanting to marry rich men is no different than a man saying "I would like to fall in love with a beautiful woman one day who has DD tits and xyz body shape".

Women like money and men like beauty. It's one thing to marry someone ONLY for money or looks versus wanting to fall in love with someone who can offer those things. It is what it is and it's not going to change. You can either become a financially secure guy yourself or continue resenting women as they gravitate towards rich dudes. The choice is yours.

[Kkaos]

Our looks, our personality are who we are as a person. Rich or poor, those remain the same. At least if I like a girl's looks, I'm liking her as a person. If a girl's looking past you and into your bank account, it's not the same situation.

Anyway, beauty doesn't last forever. And whilst I admit beauty plays a major factor in my choice, I also look for successful career orientated women who actually have something going for them. They're more likely to look at a man's money and appreciate him for his success rather than look at a man's money and just think money.

Oh, I am financially secure nor do I resent women who flock to rich guys at all, I don't really care. But I'm not going to be used and I'm not going to show off to attract women. The decent women can be pleasantly surprised later.

[JimRSmith]

Haven't really thought about this before, but my gal and I are very much on the same page when it comes to this.

We don't argue about finances at all.

[myTake Owner]

Your one of the lucky ones then...

[Afrochick]

Big dick and "love" don't pay the bills

pics.onsizzle.com/...kes-kingmusze7-i-21168724.png

[RFW8A5U5F1]

Says a black women who is ugly as fuck. Men value beauty and you don't have it

[Afrochick]

LOL, you have no idea what I look like dumbass, with your Xper1 level trolling self.

But thanks for stopping by.

[RFW8A5U5F1]

I know you are black and 99% of black women are ugly and masculine. You also cannot change your dark skin colour. I m sure you wish you were white

[Afrochick]

LOL. I love my sun-kissed skin that barely ages and looks the same with/without make-up.

Projecting much?

[RFW8A5U5F1]

Of course you love you 'Sun kissed' (Shit- skinned) skin. But men don't , even black men. why are you getting offended? you judge a guy by his wealth, you get judged on your looks

[Afrochick]

Someone got rejected by a black women LOLOLOL

[RFW8A5U5F1]

Ew , I would rather bang a monkey

[Afrochick]

I'm honestly laughing so hard.

[Afrochick]

Have a nice day.

[RFW8A5U5F1]

Thanks