I've been cheated on and I've also been the cheater.
I won't give you the whole sob story behind why I cheated but it was a nasty relationship, he wasn't a good guy and cheating was the only way I could cope. Before anyone says "why didn't you just leave?" I tried to leave, MANY times.
I regret cheating not only because it made me feel like absolute garbage after it was over but also because I don't think anyone should really be cheated on. No matter how terrible you think a person is and how they might deserve it, no one deserves to have their trust in that person and for future relationships destroyed so completely and to have everything they thought they knew ripped apart.
Can cheating really be an accident?
No, not a chance, you can't accidentally cheat.
You can't accidentally slip, fall and land with a man's penis inside you or with your penis in another woman's vagina.
That's simply not going to happen. If you have well perhaps you're "lucky" maybe you should run out and play the lotto after you're done going at it.
I made the choice to text a guy that wasn't my boyfriend.
I made the choice to set up a time and place to meet this other guy.
I made the choice to keep the date and show up.
I made the choice to flirt and give signals.
I made the choice to leave with him and go back to his place.
I made the choice to let him kiss me.
I made the choice to remove his clothes and allow him to do the same to me.
I made the choice to have sex with him.
At each turn, I made a conscious decision to continue on the path I was, to continue to cheat on my boyfriend. I made choice after choice to allow it and not say "no, this is a mistake. I'm sorry, I can't do this"
Cheating wasn't an accident and I take full responsibility for my actions.
Can cheating be a mistake?
I believe cheating can be a mistake.
I believe you can make choices that lead you down a path and that you later regret.
Key word here is "later". Keep in mind "later" is almost always "when I get caught".
In that moment the cheater has little to no regret about what they are doing or are about to do, if they did then it would stop right then and there. As I said above, I had several opportunities to say "no, this is too much. I have to leave."
I didn't leave.
However, in my case I'm not sure I regret my actions completely, it's what I needed at the time, selfish I know. I do, however, regret how I felt about it after, selfish again.
But, I do, also, regret how it hurt my then boyfriend, I'm not so sure that's enough though. Can't change it now, have to live with my regrets and learn to be better.
Unfortunately, so does he, he has to learn how to trust someone again. Having been cheated on prior I should have known better, I was selfish and didn't care though.
It happened, now what...
Mistake or "accident", I feel that in almost every case, if not all cases, the cheater shouldn't be forgiven. Well, you can forgive them but they shouldn't be given the opportunity to do it to you again.
Kick their ass out the door and don't look back.
It bothers me when I hear stories about how their significant other cheated and they stayed together because "it was an accident".
It's not an accident!
For whatever reason you are not what they wanted or needed at the time. You are not or were not enough to keep them from going out and being with someone else.
Please don't misunderstand me, rarely do I believe cheating is the fault of the one being cheated on, especially, if the cheater isn't telling the cheated there are issues and is allowing him or her to live in blissful ignorance.
It's not your fault!
Point is, the cheater is selfish, you and your feelings didn't matter to them enough to say "no, this is a mistake. I'm sorry, I can't do this."
You didn't come to mind when they were touching someone else and giving them something that should be yours.
If you did come to mind when he or she was cheating on you then I think that's even worse. The thought of you wasn't enough to make them stop and think what they were throwing away and how their actions would hurt you.
Lets let that sink in...
Now, do you really want to be with someone that puts their own selfish wants and desires before you and your feelings?
Please do yourself a favor, if this happens to you leave him or her. You didn't matter enough to them. Find someone you do matter to, that wouldn't hurt you for the world.