I Cheated and it Was NOT an Accident

[Anonymous]

I've been cheated on and I've also been the cheater.

I won't give you the whole sob story behind why I cheated but it was a nasty relationship, he wasn't a good guy and cheating was the only way I could cope. Before anyone says "why didn't you just leave?" I tried to leave, MANY times.

I regret cheating not only because it made me feel like absolute garbage after it was over but also because I don't think anyone should really be cheated on. No matter how terrible you think a person is and how they might deserve it, no one deserves to have their trust in that person and for future relationships destroyed so completely and to have everything they thought they knew ripped apart.

Can cheating really be an accident?

No, not a chance, you can't accidentally cheat.
You can't accidentally slip, fall and land with a man's penis inside you or with your penis in another woman's vagina.
That's simply not going to happen. If you have well perhaps you're "lucky" maybe you should run out and play the lotto after you're done going at it.

I made the choice to text a guy that wasn't my boyfriend.
I made the choice to set up a time and place to meet this other guy.
I made the choice to keep the date and show up.
I made the choice to flirt and give signals.
I made the choice to leave with him and go back to his place.
I made the choice to let him kiss me.
I made the choice to remove his clothes and allow him to do the same to me.
I made the choice to have sex with him.

At each turn, I made a conscious decision to continue on the path I was, to continue to cheat on my boyfriend. I made choice after choice to allow it and not say "no, this is a mistake. I'm sorry, I can't do this"
Cheating wasn't an accident and I take full responsibility for my actions.

Can cheating be a mistake?

I believe cheating can be a mistake.
I believe you can make choices that lead you down a path and that you later regret.
Key word here is "later". Keep in mind "later" is almost always "when I get caught".

In that moment the cheater has little to no regret about what they are doing or are about to do, if they did then it would stop right then and there. As I said above, I had several opportunities to say "no, this is too much. I have to leave."
I didn't leave.

However, in my case I'm not sure I regret my actions completely, it's what I needed at the time, selfish I know. I do, however, regret how I felt about it after, selfish again.
But, I do, also, regret how it hurt my then boyfriend, I'm not so sure that's enough though. Can't change it now, have to live with my regrets and learn to be better.

Unfortunately, so does he, he has to learn how to trust someone again. Having been cheated on prior I should have known better, I was selfish and didn't care though.

It happened, now what...

Mistake or "accident", I feel that in almost every case, if not all cases, the cheater shouldn't be forgiven. Well, you can forgive them but they shouldn't be given the opportunity to do it to you again.
Kick their ass out the door and don't look back.

It bothers me when I hear stories about how their significant other cheated and they stayed together because "it was an accident".

It's not an accident!

For whatever reason you are not what they wanted or needed at the time. You are not or were not enough to keep them from going out and being with someone else.

Please don't misunderstand me, rarely do I believe cheating is the fault of the one being cheated on, especially, if the cheater isn't telling the cheated there are issues and is allowing him or her to live in blissful ignorance.
It's not your fault!

Point is, the cheater is selfish, you and your feelings didn't matter to them enough to say "no, this is a mistake. I'm sorry, I can't do this."
You didn't come to mind when they were touching someone else and giving them something that should be yours.

If you did come to mind when he or she was cheating on you then I think that's even worse. The thought of you wasn't enough to make them stop and think what they were throwing away and how their actions would hurt you.

Lets let that sink in...

Now, do you really want to be with someone that puts their own selfish wants and desires before you and your feelings?

Please do yourself a favor, if this happens to you leave him or her. You didn't matter enough to them. Find someone you do matter to, that wouldn't hurt you for the world.

[JimRSmith]

I've never cheated, and as far as I'm aware I've never been cheated on. If I had, that would probably have a significant impact on my opinions about this.

I think it's pretty brave of you to write this, and I see you've copped a lot of flak for it, but you have expressly stated that you regretted it, and that is was wrong, but that it was a coping mechanism in a shitty relationship.

You've further stated that this doesn't make it right, and nor are you asking for people to condone it. You're stating that if somebody does this, then there are reasons that their partner didn't matter enough to stop them from doing it, and that it was their choice to cheat, and that the relationship should be ended so that both parties can move on.

I can't see anything to disagree with in here. You're taking responsibility, and giving a first hand perspective on what this means for a relationship (something that all too often is lacking on this site).

[Goodwifie]

You’re right cheating is never an accident.
You can have car accident that’s an accident but you can not simply slip and fall on a penis.
Take care dear.

[OlderAndWiser]

"I forgive you since it was an accident."

[Anonymous]

If you are in a committed relationship, even as a man, you have basically given your word to be with one woman. You have given your word and you should not cheat. However, human beings are not perfect and, if you do end up messing up and cheating on your girlfriend, you should be forgiven MUCH easier than if she were to sleep with another guy. Women will be screaming “sexist!”, but it’s not sexist, it’s just common sense and science. I want men and women to clearly understand why men should be forgiven for cheating before women. So, here you are, some reasons why a male cheater is better than a female cheater.
1. Sperm is cheaper than eggs
My first reason goes back to evolutionary science. First, understand that women create one egg nearly every month compared to men who create millions of sperm cells every day. Then, to multiply this affect ten fold, understand that once an egg is fertilized, it remains growing in the woman’s body for 9 months. Then, the woman will most likely end up raising the kid for the next 18+ years of her life.
This is why women are much more selective with whom they sleep with. It is a woman’s biological job to make sure that the man who fucks with the next 18 years of her life has the highest possible value that she could possibly obtain.
Now, if you look at men, who have MUCH less biological responsibility. It makes sense why their brains are wired to think about pussy all the time and chase after it all the time. It doesn’t matter if the girl they sleep with is high value, because he will just make another couple million sperm cells the next day.
For an example of this, talk to a sexually active gay guy in a big city. You shouldn’t be suprized to hear that his number of sexual partners is in the quadruple digits! Check out this quote from a study about gay men’s sexual habits:
28% of homosexual men had more than 1
That’s right, according to this study:
“83% of the homosexual men surveyed estimated they had had sex with 50 or more partners in their lifetime, 43% estimated they had sex with 500 or more partners; 28% with 1,000 or more partners.”
That is what happens when sex can be obtained easily by men, we really can’t help but go for it. In the world of straight men, you can’t just go talk to any girl you want and have a very good chance of sleeping with them because, even if they are attracted to you, sleeping with you could mean the end of their freedom for the next 18 years of their lives and the has the highest possible..

[Opinion Owner]

... and the end of their youth. So they make obtaining sex much more difficult as they make sure you are a suitable sperm donor, all this subconsciously of course.
This is what causes men to have difficulty in monogamous relationships and this my first reason why women should be a bit more understanding if their boyfriend cheats on them. Backed by science.
2. Guys don’t get pregnant, girls get pregnant
I have previously mentioned pregnancy affecting women, much more than men, but my next reason has everything to do with this principal. If a girl cheats on her boyfriend, then get’s pregnant by that guy, no man with any self respect would ever accept raising the child of the man whom his girlfriend was fucking behind his back. Relationship over.
If a guy cheats on his girlfriend and gets that girl pregnant, the affect is not nearly is strong. If he is still in love with his girlfriend, it would be very dumb to try to start a relationship with the baby mama just because she is pregnant.

[Opinion Owner]

... It would, of course, lead to unhappy lives for the guy, the baby mama and the baby. If a guy messes up he may end up helping to financially support the kid and being a father figure to. In comparison to the necessity of having a mom (breast feeding and nurturing), the couple’s life would be affected much less by the guy getting a girl pregnant than the other way around.
3. Guys naturally desire multiple women
One thing that is very obvious is that it is much harder for men to have a monogamous relationship than it is for women. This was obvious to me in my church growing up (I grew up Mormon), where guys would leave the church much more often than women because abstaining from sex is so difficult.
Guys crave variety. They have this unending amount of sperm cells and their biology is telling them not to let them go to waste. Women’s eggs, on the other hand, are telling the women to find the perfect guy to make the perfect child and help the child survive...

[Opinion Owner]

... Those are two VERY different messages being sent. It also goes to suggest that women will cheat mostly with guys they find more attractive than their current partner.
Men, on the other hand, can cheat with girls who they find less attractive than their partner. This is because the feeling of sleeping with a new girl is one of the most addicting feelings on the planet. My thoughts on it:
"The feeling of sleeping with a new girl is one of the most magical feelings on the planet. The whole process is a rush. You go and see a beautiful girl, you may imagine what she looks like undressed and you begin to start desiring her. She is the same temptation that a Christmas present is to a small child. Anything could be underneath the wrapping.
When you are with this new girl, and you are carried by your hormones, everything else beyond sex with her loses it’s importance. Every moment you feel good and excited. Desire clouds your mind and your focus is geared only towards your goal of...

[Opinion Owner]

... of sleeping with this girl.
Once you finally sleep with this girl, the satisfaction is anywhere from so-so, to amazing. However, the process of desire is always the same and it’s very strong. It’s like gambling because sometimes it turns out to be amazing sex and you hope you can find that again or maybe… better."
The problem with us as men, is that when you sleep with that girl a second time, a huge percentage of that excitement is gone. The only way to get it back is to sleep with a new girl.
Women, don’t get this special feeling from sleeping with a new guy, they don’t feel this constant pull. Women don’t understand that men constantly have this temptation all around them.
If you look at married couples who are “in love” you will also notice that the man will look at pornography. This has become accepted in our society, but basically he is mentally cheating on his wife. The reason it’s accepted is because it is just too much to ask that a man only be sexually stimulated...

[Opinion Owner]

... by one girl for such a long period of time. His body craves as many new girls as he could possibly have a day. Most guys who masturbate don’t just pick one girl a session to masturbate to, they pick multiple and sometimes hundreds.
So, yes a man’s desire to sleep with new partners is much stronger than a woman’s and this is another reason they should be more easily forgiven for being a cheater.
4. Guys have a MUCH higher sex drive
It’s just quite obvious to people with common sense that men, on average, have a much higher sex drive. There are nymphos out there who’s desire for cock is unfathomable, but this is a very small percentage of women. And, if you are dumb enough to start a relationship with a nympho, you should have known going in that the chances of her cheating on you are in the 99% range. But the 2% of nymphos aside, men have a MUCH higher sex drive than women.
Don’t believe me? Let’s ask science.

[Opinion Owner]

"After months of reading and compiling results, the answer was clear. There is a substantial difference, and men have a much stronger sex drive than women. "
Women may respond that men can just masturbate when they are feeling horny, so they can’t use being horny as an excuse. I wish it were that simple, a commenter “Hey Ladies” answers this best when he said
"Masturbating temporarily removes the physical desire (which is uncontrollable) but does not remove psychological desire (which is always present).”
Another obvious indicator of men’s much higher sex drive is the prostitution industry. Only men are willing to spend trillions of dollars each year to pay somebody to have sex with them. Arguing that women and men have a similar sex drive is just ridiculous.
Men want sex more and they want it more often. This is another reason why men should be forgiven for cheating much easier than women.

[Opinion Owner]

5. It’s MUCH harder for a guy to turn down sex than it is for a girl
This next reason ties in with guys having a much higher sex drive from my last reason, but I want to make the point that it is much more difficult for a man to turn down sex than it is for a woman.
First, you should look at how often women go throughout life turning down men for sex. How often do they do this? For an attractive girl they do this every day and this is before ever starting a committed relationship. As the author of The Key Logger, I got to see this first hand. The amount of sex the girls turned down before our relationships had started was just astounding. Women do not have to make any changes to themselves to keep turning down sex, but men do. It is MUCH more difficult.
Let me explain to you guys how it feels when I am horny and an attractive girl shows her obvious interest in something with me:
I glimpse her body and feel nothing, but strong desire...

[Opinion Owner]

... Tunnel vision makes everything else in the world disappear. I start to actually feel a sensation of being drunk. Your body is telling you that, more than anything in the world in this moment, you want to sleep with this girl in front of You. You feel an insanely strong desire for sex, desperate even.
Then, once you have sex, those strong hormones leave your body and you feel normal again. In that moment, you might realize you didn’t desire this girl as much as you thought. If you have a girlfriend, you might start to feel guilty and start thinking about her. Then, you will just want the girl you just slept with to leave.
This feeling is probably the most intense thing I can remember ever feeling. The temptation caused by such a powerful feeling is something women can never understand, but it doesn’t mean it’s not reality.

[Opinion Owner]

6. Only higher value guys have the options to cheat.
I don’t want to hate on lower value guys, but a lower value guy (guy who rarely gets laid) who brags about being faithful to a girl, is like a man trapped on a deserted island bragging about quitting smoking. These guys just don’t have the opportunities to be a cheater. On the other hand, when you are a successful, attractive man and you have young, attractive girls throwing themselves at you, staying faithful is at a whole other level of difficulty.
A reality of dating in the 21st century is that the top 10% of men enjoy sex with the top 75% of women. The men below this 10% can still have access to the top 75% of women, but they have to put in MUCH more work. This means that if the boyfriend falls in that top 10% of men category, he has 75% of women competing for him to fertilize their eggs (subconsciously of course). I can’t tell you how difficult it is to ignore their advances, when you take into account the previous 5 reasons,...

[Opinion Owner]

... but i’ll try… it’s very fucking difficult.
Most of this 75% of girls make it much easier for these top 10% to sleep with them. Let’s look at what would happen if there weren’t women deciding who they will and will not sleep with, instead people just had sex with people they are attracted to. It just so happens there is a group of people where this is the case… gays. When you look at gay relationships, check out this nugget:
"There is an extremely low rate of sexual fidelity among homosexual men as compared to married heterosexuals. Among married females 85% reported sexual fidelity. Among married men, 75.5% reported sexual fidelity. Among homosexual males in their current relationship, 4.5% reported sexual fidelity"
Only 4.5% of gay men reported sexual fidelity. That’s because when almost every person you find attractive, is willing to sleep with you, fidelity becomes much more difficult. This is what happens when your boyfriend is a higher value guy,...

[Opinion Owner]

... the girls who he finds attractive are most likely willing to sleep with him.

So, if your boyfriend is one of these top 10% and cheats on you, at the very least you know that he had it a lot more difficult than a lower value guy had it. If he cheats on you, at least you know you are dating a guy who can actually get another girl. I know that alone won’t make a hurt girl feel better, but maybe it will help.
7. Guys can keep feelings out of the bedroom
One of the biggest reasons why a boyfriend should be forgiven for being a cheater much easier than a girlfriend is because men can have sex without any feelings. It’s one of the reasons why men get a bad rap, but men usually have very little emotional feelings towards girls they sleep with. This is bad news for girls looking for a guy, but great news for girls in relationships because it means that there is a good chance that the girl her boyfriend cheated on her with means very little to him...

[Opinion Owner]

.. He just feels a strong sexual attraction and desire for variety. All natural feelings.
On the other hand, when a woman sleeps with a man she usually already has feelings towards him. If she doesn’t have feelings for him, these feelings usually develop.
This is because contraception only became popular in the past 100 years and our feelings come from instincts millions of years old. So, when a woman sleeps with a man, she subconsciously accepts that she could become pregnant by this man and carry a piece of him for the rest of her life. This is why women can’t help, but start to have feelings for a guy she is having sex with and this is why the balance of the relationship almost always changes once sex happens. It’s generally when the girl becomes attached.
For the relationship, this is as bad as it could be because not only is the guy’s girlfriend cheating on him sexually, but she is also cheating on him emotionally. Which, in my opinion, is much worse...

[Opinion Owner]

And the chances of having feelings destroying the relationship is much higher than sexual attraction destroying the relationship.
Why men should be forgiven for cheating
To be honest, I don’t see even one way that makes it more acceptable for a woman to be a cheater than a man. I know that it is considered the same in our society when a man cheats on a woman than when a woman cheats on a man, but it’s ridiculous. They aren’t even close to the same thing because they affect the relationship very differently. Imagine the heartbreak and disrespect a man would feel after spending decades raising a child only to give blood and learn that he has been raising and putting all his emotions and resources into another man’s flesh and blood. Women (because they are the ones who get pregnant) never have to worry about this.
If you are a guy and care about your girlfriend, but end up messing up and sleeping with another girl, you aren’t a bad person...

[Opinion Owner]

.. You fucked up, but it should not be treated nearly as seriously as her cheating on you. The relationship shouldn’t end because of this and, if she does end it because of this, it’s because she doesn’t understand or doesn’t have strong enough feelings for you.
If a guy cheats it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love his girlfriend, it means he has nearly uncontrollable urges all the time and he was given an opportunity for sex that he wasn’t able to turn down. Girlfriends breaking up with their boyfriends for this is just not logical.

[lilaqua]

I didn't read all of that but that's such a fucked concept. It's not about "biological" issues, a relationship is about controlling said urges, it showcases that you're a viable partner since you have traits that will be desirable later on. Women or man, it shouldn't really be excused. This is why cheating is different to say, an open relationship, there was a form of deceit involved. Also you're downplaying the evolutionary aspects surrounding the female sexuality. You talk about how men slept around and women can't because babies, but the truth of the matter is that our bodies showcase how sex in the early stages of humanity was just a massive gang bang, where it was one woman being rammed by multiple men for an extended period of time. There is academic journals to back this claim up. So does that mean that in your eyes because women also have this biological 'urge" to sleep around they should be excused in an equal manner.

[Ballin13]

@lilaqua but in those days those girls did not choose the be gangbang.

[Opinion Owner]

@Ballin13 yeah the same thing happens to women out on their own in Muslim countries

[lilaqua]

it wasn't rape, it was consensual

[Opinion Owner]

@lilaqua yeah that's what Muslims believe

[lilaqua]

haha fuck you

[Gedaria]

I don't like the thought of cheating but usually there is an underlying reason. Whether it's a partner or friend if you feel trapped unloved neglected you will stray. Sadly I have only done it once. I didn't go out looking for it, me and the first wife were in a terrible place in our relationship. Found out she had been seeing some one so I went on a holiday break to get my head together. Sat at this little cafe that looked out to see when this young lass asked is anyone sitter on this chair. She said you don't look very happy. Well we got talking and arranged to meet up for dinner. Honestly I just wanted to stay in my room and get drunk. But she was nice to be with ,, I did enjoy the meal walked her back to her place and were going to meet up in the morning. She was like a breath of fresh air hadn't felt like it in years. Sadly I did some thing I was not happy with we had been out gone back to my hotel ended up winning a bottle of brandy. It got time for her to go went out and it was raining torrential downpour no taxis so we walked down to the bus stop , no bus she was drenched so we made our way back to the hotel. Lent her a some of my clothes and went had a shower. Well we got watching TV and opened the brandy. To this day I do not know what happened, next thing I remember was in the morning. Her laid on bed naked me on the floor in same way. She laughed it off I was upset that I could not remember trying to split which was dreaming which was real. I found out years later I had given her a girl for my holiday day fun. Like I said cheating can be very expensive !!!

[VonDamme]

LOL Accident... mistake... who really cares?
Look, if you go out with friends and someone makes moves on you then you didn't go out planning it. You make it sound like cheaters plot things out. Is it still cheating? Yeah. Cheaters should NEVER be forgiven? Bullshit. You can't tell people who they should and should not forgive. You shouldn't make people feel bad if they decide to forgive someone for cheating. Also, if you've cheated in the past, that doesn't mean you can never ever again be faithful. So, why do we keep popping up making a big deal about this. Let it be what it is in the relationship it occurs in. Don't show up to other people telling them how you think they have to handle it and how they have to define it.

[Cosytoasty]

Heaven forbid you say no to someone while out with your friends! What on earth would they think of you... turning that person away.

[VonDamme]

@Cosytoasty
:: Eyeroll ::
I literally said it's still cheating. It's just not some giant premeditated event every time.

[Cosytoasty]

OP didn't either, she just said it was a series of conscious decisions... which going along with someone "making moves" is too.

That being said, you do have a good heart if you're willing to forgive people like that. Many just look around at how many other men/women there are out there to have a relationship with, and just swerve a cheater.

[Richareens]

I agree. Cheaters should be forgiven especially if they regret their actions and want to become a better person.

[TheUsername27]

Spoken like a true cheater. I bet this hit home haha. Truth is any guy who ends up with you has picked the short end of the stick. Poor guy lol.

[VonDamme]

@TheUsername27 lol OK who cheated on you? I'm single and never cheated. You can cry about this all you want, I just don't think anyone else can decide if I'm going to forgive someone or not. Sometimes shit happens. You'll forgive people for worse shit I'm sure. The point is let others decide if they want to forgive. She literally made this MyTake thing as a cheater herself.

[TheUsername27]

No one lol. Yeah you can't force people to not forgive, but she makes a good point in that the reason of ''it was an accident'' is not legit. If someone really loves you they won't cheat.

[VonDamme]

@TheUsername27 I never said that reason was a legitimate reason. I just said I don't care if it was an accident or a mistake or whatever you want to call it. The wording doesn't matter it still happened.

And also that it's not always planned out and its not always because they were unhappy in the relationship. Sometimes people just do shit. And it's stupid. And sometimes you forgive them an that's OK. And sometimes you tell them to fuck right off and that's OK too.

[2Real4U]

Simple response to the essay you wrote.

Don't waste time on people who don't respect you!
Cheating is the ultimate sign of disrespect, everything else in a relationship is negotiable & fixable, you can work on communications and a relationship, but disrespect and lack of loyalty is shattering the foundation of a relationship, no amount of 'crazy glue' or 'I'm sorry, it was a MISTAKE' will fix it, it's like a 'chicken soup for the soul' pun intended by the way, it's a delicate balance, once you throw tons of salt in (like salt in a wound) there is no recovering it, and no you cannot add 'water' to fix it, or more affection or love, there is a defined capacity for the container (or heart whatever) and once it's been tainted it will never feel (taste the same) regardless... you fucked up... respect lost, loyalty lost. This is what they call living with your mistakes, because you do, the other person doesn't have to, they can move on for they didn't murk the waters. Cheers.

[Coconut_Man]

I don't think that cheating always means the end of a relationship. There are circumstances where couples can recover and become even closer than ever before.

This is a complex issue, one where you need to be mature in order to have a civil conversation.

I think what you did was wrong, but there is a more to this story. I wouldn't come to the conclusion that you're a bad person for what you did without all the details. However come off your new moral high horse and let people decide if they wanna stay in the relationship and work things out. ✌

[NatePsychologyMajor]

Everyone has issue, drama or problems. The fact that you admit it was a mistake and not an accident, is a step to healing. You have to mentally and physically understand your action and want to do better in the future, He is not the only one that will have to learn how to trust again. You also will have to, first you have to trust yourself again. When you move forward in the future, the worst thing you can do is bring your past relationship problems into a new relationship. Start off new and go from there. The is a controversial way to gain your trust in yourself back, tell the next about this, and if he over the time of your relationship does not question you, then you are golden, however if he does and you are not cheating nor plan on cheating you have in another way regain your trust in yourself.

Best of luck to you

[Jager66]

I have an irrationally strong aversion to cheating.. If I could I would enjoy being an demon of vengeance in charge of making the souls of cheaters suffer gods wrath for all eternity.

We need to bring back public shaming, cheater should have a scarlet A tattooed on their foreheads.

"No matter how terrible you think a person is and how they might deserve it, no one deserves to have their trust in that person and for future relationships destroyed so completely and to have everything they thought they knew ripped apart."

I agree with this and don't believe there should be any forgiveness for someone who does this to another human being.

[Anon-ymous1]

The term "cheated" is erroneous and silly. If people were more open to the (natural) idea of sexual polygamy, it wouldn't even be necessary in the first place most of the time.

I think many people are opposed to it, and push the idea of monogamy as normal due to personal insecurities about not being good enough for their partner, because why otherwise would they want to have sex with other people? Even though that doesn't actually mean there's necessarily anything wrong with them. It's normal to want to have sex with more than one person, per thousands and millions of years of evolutionary biology.

[Anon-ymous1]

Also your point about "shouldn't be forgiven" is... kind of sad. That's not how forgiveness works. It's not what happens because of some cosmic struggle of "should vs. shouldn't." It happens because it's what NEEDS to happen. Without forgiveness everything in this life falls apart. People make mistakes.

[Shutupman]

You are wrong, according to evolutionary biology. Our society contradicts that too and with good reason. Of course there are exceptions, such as yourself, but I know for a fact I could not enjoy polygamy and nor would my partner.

[Anon-ymous1]

@Shutupman Humans are higher mammals, most closely related to primates, and basically all higher mammals with some exceptions are bound by social and sexual hierarchies of the males fighting for the right to dominance, and the females being chased and chaste. Most higher mammals are not monogamous. They have sex with whoever the fittest and strongest or most attractive (fertile, I guess?) of the opposite sex is. There are some exceptions throughout the myriad of species, but they are just that-- exceptions.

So, no. I am not wrong, per evolutionary biology. People just don't like that answer because there's no "solving" it. How does society contradict that, exactly? With monogamous marriage? Interesting, then, that fully half of marriages end in divorce and half of relationships end. Where's the contradiction in that? Sexual frustration is a cause of divorce (along with other reasons, to be fair). If people were more open to their natures, perhaps it would help. Just my two cents.

[Shutupman]

That`s the simple basis of biology, however there is much proof humans have evolved to naturally favor monogamy as some other species to have more successful offspring to continue the blood line. Males benefit more if they stay with their kin to guarantee his passing on of the genes. Nature doesn`t just favor quantity, it also favors quality.

Besides that we are aware of the choices we make, monogamy is still the smarter choice for most, both male and female. In terms of diseases, pregnancy, feelings and for the sake of having morals and values.

[Anon-ymous1]

@Shutupman Nah. Just your opinion. And, granted, one many people share. Also many people who don't share it. I still believe biology backs up my side more than yours.

[Shutupman]

Then that's your opinion. I've studied biology enough to know there is plenty of evidence to assume humans evolved to prefer monogamy.

[Anon-ymous1]

@Shutupman Sure.

[Namkrow]

My first romantic relationship was my only one, and it was the worst one I'd ever been in. Thinking back on it now, I don't even know, finding out the only girl I was able to work up the nerve to approach like that was, after it was all said and done, ultimately not interested in me enough to turn down or not pursue or whatever the other guy, it hurt me. More than anything that's happened since. My grandfather died last year and I was fine about a week after the funeral, but relationships? No way. A decade on and I'm still terrified history will repeat itself. I can't date even if I wanted to because that one relationship happening as it did ruined whatever confidence I may have gained. I can see that clearly now.

[ManOnFire]

Well, at least you're honest and that's what I like about this Take. You didn't sit here and try to justify why you did it or make excuses like other women do. You acknowledge that what you did was purely wrong, and I guess you writing about it is a way for you to cope with it and come to terms.

If I can ask, who was the guy you cheated with? A co-worker? Neighbor? Somebody you met online?

[Jmcmanning]

I don't understand how you said you tried to leave many times. There is do and there is don't - there is no in-between, apparently you choose not to leave afterall to allow cheating to be your answer at the time. I say this from experience. Whether we stay for a reason, there is a reason why we don't. We all have the capabilities to leave but allow excuses to come into play. When you really want to a leave a person - just do it without excuses.

[Mike100745]

If you're a cheater, you're scum, End of. There is no redemption or sympathy for you. No one deserves to stay up all night, unable to sleep. wondering why they weren't enough, If you're bored of the person, unhappy, fell in love with someone else or are just a slut/fuckboy that needs new cock/pussy just break up with your partner. Simple as. Also just because other people cheated on you before doesn't mean you can cheat on other people and not have to feel bad.

[myTake Owner]

I'm not going to argue with you on anything you've said. You're allowed your feelings and opinions. The one thing I will point out, however, is that I didn't say I was allowed to cheat because I was cheated on.
The only reason I said I had been cheated on was to explain how selfish it is to cheat, that I know what a person that's been cheated on feels like. Being cheated on and knowing that pain makes it even worse that I cheated. That is the only reason I mentioned it, not at all to rationalize why I cheated.

[dancing_in_nebulas]

Its also a choice to leave. You could have, you knew there was a way out.

Cheating in my opinion is a disgusting way to treat your partner, regardless of whatever bad situation. You just aren't being adult enough to handle the problem, and make it worse by cheating. Its taking a drug or drinking to mask the problem instead of ballin' up and fixin' it.

Thanks for being honest, I hope things or better or you are in happier times

[xButterflyKisses87x]

Amen, glad you had said it.. so thank you... I have to agree with you, there is always a way out instead of cheating. There's no excuses about it

[Angel_123]

Either way straight up just because he cheated on you doesn't mean you cheat on him you equally as bad and no cheating is an option u chose.. how can you even think of that how is that a coping method? no its not its revenge. Yes i feel sorry for any guy that wuld want u in the future because once u cheat u cheat 100 times more. thats wrong end of!!!

[myTake Owner]

Well you obviously didn't read the take.
At no point did I say he cheated first so I never said it was as revenge.
Also never said that I didn't choose to cheat infact I said multiple times that I was the one that chose to cheat.
You can feel sorry for whoever you want. I haven't hidden my past from anyone I've been in a relationship after this happened and I've also not cheated since and have no intentions of doing so in the future.

[Angel_123]

you clearly said it wasn't agood relationship and that he did so you did because it wasn't a stable good one... Secondly techinally it is revenge because you cheaten on him because he did to you even though u allowed it to happen in your own choice... its a choice not an opt or a copying stratergy.. thats ppure bs... as long as u tell ur guy or n future then thats fine its up to them because at the end of the day no one wants to be with a cheat or a cheater uno... if you can't be loyal no point breaking people heart it goes to anyone not just you.

[myTake Owner]

"it was a nasty relationship, he wasn't a good guy and cheating was the only way I could cope."
That doesn't say he cheated.
Fact is, I wish he would have cheated on me. That would have been easier to deal with.
I cheated to cope with issues I'm not willing to share at this time, it wasn't about getting back at him for something. You may feel the way I handled or coped with it is "pure bs" but you don't really know what I was going through and you don't know my mental state at the time, and I felt it was the best option I had.

[ManaX]

I've never cheated, but as soon as the urge came upon me to look at other guys and start seeing them as prospects I knew it was time to end the current relationship. If my mind and eyes have begun to stray I know it's over. My mind on strayed when my feelings for my partner were going/gone.

[doflamingo457]

yah im sorry hun but the fact still stands you can go on any website you wnat ot get advice but the logical sane answer if you knownfliy cheated only absolute justice knows lyers and you are own, you can tforgive yourselfr for what you did in the past but you can move on, when I make fair rules with my partner iin the beggining of relationhsip I tell them that are relationship is between us and I ask is thats, okay and they say yer, then I say if I cheat on you or you cheat on mee we can't see each other, think about it okay these aren't rules, and cheating is def not an excuse to these rules if you did the deed you dead

[Anonymous]

You really had a choice to get out but you held on to that "nasty relationship" for a reason only you really know. That was your responsibility that you should have concentrated on. Fighting fire with fire doesn't work in this case. Admit it or not, cheating was a curiosity you truly wanted to taste. Your situation in that "nasty relationship" was just lame excuse to fulfill a devious desire. You'll just have to live with yourself.

[myTake Owner]

Ok, yeah, you know it all and have it all figured out. You really know me. 👌🏻

[Gawblin]

Why couldn't you leave? It's not like he's locked you up, or maybe you're just really good at smuggling men to fuck? If the second one is the case, I have some contacts that could use your services.

Email me at:
Unfaithfulfagcollecter6589@askjeeves. com