I Cheated and it Was NOT an Accident

I cheated and it was NOT an accident.

I've been cheated on and I've also been the cheater.

I won't give you the whole sob story behind why I cheated but it was a nasty relationship, he wasn't a good guy and cheating was the only way I could cope. Before anyone says "why didn't you just leave?" I tried to leave, MANY times.

I regret cheating not only because it made me feel like absolute garbage after it was over but also because I don't think anyone should really be cheated on. No matter how terrible you think a person is and how they might deserve it, no one deserves to have their trust in that person and for future relationships destroyed so completely and to have everything they thought they knew ripped apart.

Can cheating really be an accident?

No, not a chance, you can't accidentally cheat.
You can't accidentally slip, fall and land with a man's penis inside you or with your penis in another woman's vagina.
That's simply not going to happen. If you have well perhaps you're "lucky" maybe you should run out and play the lotto after you're done going at it.

I made the choice to text a guy that wasn't my boyfriend.
I made the choice to set up a time and place to meet this other guy.
I made the choice to keep the date and show up.
I made the choice to flirt and give signals.
I made the choice to leave with him and go back to his place.
I made the choice to let him kiss me.
I made the choice to remove his clothes and allow him to do the same to me.
I made the choice to have sex with him.

At each turn, I made a conscious decision to continue on the path I was, to continue to cheat on my boyfriend. I made choice after choice to allow it and not say "no, this is a mistake. I'm sorry, I can't do this"
Cheating wasn't an accident and I take full responsibility for my actions.

Can cheating be a mistake?

I believe cheating can be a mistake.
I believe you can make choices that lead you down a path and that you later regret.
Key word here is "later". Keep in mind "later" is almost always "when I get caught".

In that moment the cheater has little to no regret about what they are doing or are about to do, if they did then it would stop right then and there. As I said above, I had several opportunities to say "no, this is too much. I have to leave."
I didn't leave.

However, in my case I'm not sure I regret my actions completely, it's what I needed at the time, selfish I know. I do, however, regret how I felt about it after, selfish again.
But, I do, also, regret how it hurt my then boyfriend, I'm not so sure that's enough though. Can't change it now, have to live with my regrets and learn to be better.

Unfortunately, so does he, he has to learn how to trust someone again. Having been cheated on prior I should have known better, I was selfish and didn't care though.

It happened, now what...

Mistake or "accident", I feel that in almost every case, if not all cases, the cheater shouldn't be forgiven. Well, you can forgive them but they shouldn't be given the opportunity to do it to you again.
Kick their ass out the door and don't look back.

It bothers me when I hear stories about how their significant other cheated and they stayed together because "it was an accident".

It's not an accident!

For whatever reason you are not what they wanted or needed at the time. You are not or were not enough to keep them from going out and being with someone else.

Please don't misunderstand me, rarely do I believe cheating is the fault of the one being cheated on, especially, if the cheater isn't telling the cheated there are issues and is allowing him or her to live in blissful ignorance.
It's not your fault!

Point is, the cheater is selfish, you and your feelings didn't matter to them enough to say "no, this is a mistake. I'm sorry, I can't do this."
You didn't come to mind when they were touching someone else and giving them something that should be yours.

If you did come to mind when he or she was cheating on you then I think that's even worse. The thought of you wasn't enough to make them stop and think what they were throwing away and how their actions would hurt you.

Lets let that sink in...

Now, do you really want to be with someone that puts their own selfish wants and desires before you and your feelings?

Please do yourself a favor, if this happens to you leave him or her. You didn't matter enough to them. Find someone you do matter to, that wouldn't hurt you for the world.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I've never cheated, and as far as I'm aware I've never been cheated on. If I had, that would probably have a significant impact on my opinions about this.

    I think it's pretty brave of you to write this, and I see you've copped a lot of flak for it, but you have expressly stated that you regretted it, and that is was wrong, but that it was a coping mechanism in a shitty relationship.

    You've further stated that this doesn't make it right, and nor are you asking for people to condone it. You're stating that if somebody does this, then there are reasons that their partner didn't matter enough to stop them from doing it, and that it was their choice to cheat, and that the relationship should be ended so that both parties can move on.

    I can't see anything to disagree with in here. You're taking responsibility, and giving a first hand perspective on what this means for a relationship (something that all too often is lacking on this site).


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What Guys Said 43

  • If you're a cheater, you're scum, End of. There is no redemption or sympathy for you. No one deserves to stay up all night, unable to sleep. wondering why they weren't enough, If you're bored of the person, unhappy, fell in love with someone else or are just a slut/fuckboy that needs new cock/pussy just break up with your partner. Simple as. Also just because other people cheated on you before doesn't mean you can cheat on other people and not have to feel bad.

    • I'm not going to argue with you on anything you've said. You're allowed your feelings and opinions. The one thing I will point out, however, is that I didn't say I was allowed to cheat because I was cheated on.
      The only reason I said I had been cheated on was to explain how selfish it is to cheat, that I know what a person that's been cheated on feels like. Being cheated on and knowing that pain makes it even worse that I cheated. That is the only reason I mentioned it, not at all to rationalize why I cheated.

  • >He wasn't a good guy
    >I tried to leave many times

    There it is, the lie is spotted. I could say many things about you but I'll get a message by gag saying my opinion has been removed, since this is favourite safe space for snowflakes.

    • What part was a lie exactly?
      The part where I said he wasn't a good guy and that I tried to leave many times?

      Did you know him?
      No, you didn't.

      Do you know anything about my relationship?
      No, you don't know that either.

      Your opinion of me doesn't matter especially seeing as you think you know me when you definitely don't have a clue about me.

  • I would say finally someone speaks truth and I know you are trying to move on by owning the shit. I know confessing will make it little bit heart-breaking but also say sorry to the man.
    What's done is done but try to improve his situation about it.

    • This happened about five years ago, so hopefully things have gotten better on his end.
      I told him I was sorry but that doesn't fix anything or change the fact that it happened.
      Thank you for the comment.

  • I don't like the thought of cheating but usually there is an underlying reason. Whether it's a partner or friend if you feel trapped unloved neglected you will stray. Sadly I have only done it once. I didn't go out looking for it, me and the first wife were in a terrible place in our relationship. Found out she had been seeing some one so I went on a holiday break to get my head together. Sat at this little cafe that looked out to see when this young lass asked is anyone sitter on this chair. She said you don't look very happy. Well we got talking and arranged to meet up for dinner. Honestly I just wanted to stay in my room and get drunk. But she was nice to be with ,, I did enjoy the meal walked her back to her place and were going to meet up in the morning. She was like a breath of fresh air hadn't felt like it in years. Sadly I did some thing I was not happy with we had been out gone back to my hotel ended up winning a bottle of brandy. It got time for her to go went out and it was raining torrential downpour no taxis so we walked down to the bus stop , no bus she was drenched so we made our way back to the hotel. Lent her a some of my clothes and went had a shower. Well we got watching TV and opened the brandy. To this day I do not know what happened, next thing I remember was in the morning. Her laid on bed naked me on the floor in same way. She laughed it off I was upset that I could not remember trying to split which was dreaming which was real. I found out years later I had given her a girl for my holiday day fun. Like I said cheating can be very expensive !!!

  • "but it was a nasty relationship, he wasn't a good guy "
    Irrelevant and it's not an excuse. Just break up in that case.

    "I tried to leave, MANY times"
    If you remained with him, apparently you didn't.

  • Well, at least you're honest and that's what I like about this Take. You didn't sit here and try to justify why you did it or make excuses like other women do. You acknowledge that what you did was purely wrong, and I guess you writing about it is a way for you to cope with it and come to terms.

    If I can ask, who was the guy you cheated with? A co-worker? Neighbor? Somebody you met online?

  • i agree entirely with everything you said up until the last paragraph.

    certainly in my two instances i agree i had to leave but i think every situation can be different and some instances of cheating don't necessarily demand a break up

  • Why couldn't you leave? It's not like he's locked you up, or maybe you're just really good at smuggling men to fuck? If the second one is the case, I have some contacts that could use your services.

    Email me at:
    Unfaithfulfagcollecter6589@askjeeves. com

  • You cannot cheat by accident but, yes, it can be a mistake. Sometimes our emotions cloud our judgement, like when we say things out of anger that we don't really mean. People make mistakes.

    • The only person, that can make a mistake like that is a 1-month old human baby or a wildlife animal because they don't know any better.

      If you can understand rape, molest, sex, condoms, then there is a 100% chance that you know what cheating is.

      So it can't be a mistake, you just did it.

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    • @Ljd213 Everything we do, unless it's unintentional, an accident, is intentional. Doesn't meant it's not a mistake. What part of that aren't you processing? You can want to be right all you want, you can argue your point all you want, but there is no logic in it. Mistakes apply to everything but cheating, It's intentional. Completely intentional. Yes, it is, that is why it's not an accident. It doesn't matter what bond you have, doesn't matter how bad you hurt someone. If you looked up the definition of both then I've already been proven right because that's what a mistake, by definition, is. None of what you mentioned changes anything. It's just you saying that a mistake is a mistake, unless it's cheating. When it comes to cheating, there are no mistakes.

    • I don't want to continue more with this, and also you still haven't answered my question about violence. You just blow it off.

      A few things to add:

      I can imagine if you had a child, that was molested and the molester came up to you AFTER he/she JUST got caught and said, "It was a mistake, it just felt right and good"

      I bet you be like, "Oh, its okay buddy :). Everyone makes mistakes"

      I got nothing else to say.

  • Well, if you wanted to do it then what's the question? Either don't get in a relationship and screw randomers or get in a realtionship and keep your legs together; failing that breakup with person before you do cheat

  • Simple response to the essay you wrote.

    Don't waste time on people who don't respect you!
    Cheating is the ultimate sign of disrespect, everything else in a relationship is negotiable & fixable, you can work on communications and a relationship, but disrespect and lack of loyalty is shattering the foundation of a relationship, no amount of 'crazy glue' or 'I'm sorry, it was a MISTAKE' will fix it, it's like a 'chicken soup for the soul' pun intended by the way, it's a delicate balance, once you throw tons of salt in (like salt in a wound) there is no recovering it, and no you cannot add 'water' to fix it, or more affection or love, there is a defined capacity for the container (or heart whatever) and once it's been tainted it will never feel (taste the same) regardless... you fucked up... respect lost, loyalty lost. This is what they call living with your mistakes, because you do, the other person doesn't have to, they can move on for they didn't murk the waters. Cheers.

  • How do you accidently cheat on someone. What, you were both naked and you slipped and your pussy landed on his erect dick?

    I agree with you. There is no such thing as cheating accidently.

  • Amazing take. I'm not excusing cheating but I've noticed a lot of women use the "it was a mistake" line in particular. I'm glad you gave a very objective view of cheating - refreshing!

  • "I forgive you since it was an accident."

  • I don't know what I'm supposed to do with this information. it did make me feel good because I've never been in a horrible relationship that made me wanna cheat.

  • Now this is something, that we barely see. A cheater saying, that cheating cannot be an accident. News indeed!

    • This is why I love being single. I think I'll start taking this again


      and continue embracing my singlehood.

    • @caligirl03 Ahhh. Glad you are asking.
      This is a red pill.
      Which allows the consumer to see the reality and the truths. The opposite of it being the blue pill (living in the blissful illusions and dreams, which aren't true).

      See girls and boys cheat on each other. Not all of them do but cheating is sort of a popular trend but a shameful one it seems.
      Hence it is better to stay single and untouched than being screwed over in betrayal.

      It makes living the single life an experience, a journey. Makes it good to be single.

  • The 'accident' is usually under estimating the effect of alcohol or drugs in my opinion.
    It isn't judicially accepted for driving but it's socially accepted concerning sex. Hence cheating ACCIDENTALLY...

  • There is no excuse for cheating. This is the ultimate deal breaker. The second I learn you cheated, you're out, and dead to me.

  • I hate cheaters, but at least you're not trying to make excuses for it, so I can't help but respect that.

  • The term "cheated" is erroneous and silly. If people were more open to the (natural) idea of sexual polygamy, it wouldn't even be necessary in the first place most of the time.

    I think many people are opposed to it, and push the idea of monogamy as normal due to personal insecurities about not being good enough for their partner, because why otherwise would they want to have sex with other people? Even though that doesn't actually mean there's necessarily anything wrong with them. It's normal to want to have sex with more than one person, per thousands and millions of years of evolutionary biology.

    • Also your point about "shouldn't be forgiven" is... kind of sad. That's not how forgiveness works. It's not what happens because of some cosmic struggle of "should vs. shouldn't." It happens because it's what NEEDS to happen. Without forgiveness everything in this life falls apart. People make mistakes.

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    • Then that's your opinion. I've studied biology enough to know there is plenty of evidence to assume humans evolved to prefer monogamy.

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What Girls Said 12

  • Its also a choice to leave. You could have, you knew there was a way out.

    Cheating in my opinion is a disgusting way to treat your partner, regardless of whatever bad situation. You just aren't being adult enough to handle the problem, and make it worse by cheating. Its taking a drug or drinking to mask the problem instead of ballin' up and fixin' it.

    Thanks for being honest, I hope things or better or you are in happier times

    • Amen, glad you had said it.. so thank you... I have to agree with you, there is always a way out instead of cheating. There's no excuses about it

  • You’re right cheating is never an accident.
    You can have car accident that’s an accident but you can not simply slip and fall on a penis.
    Take care dear.

  • I don't understand how you said you tried to leave many times. There is do and there is don't - there is no in-between, apparently you choose not to leave afterall to allow cheating to be your answer at the time. I say this from experience. Whether we stay for a reason, there is a reason why we don't. We all have the capabilities to leave but allow excuses to come into play. When you really want to a leave a person - just do it without excuses.

  • Either way straight up just because he cheated on you doesn't mean you cheat on him you equally as bad and no cheating is an option u chose.. how can you even think of that how is that a coping method? no its not its revenge. Yes i feel sorry for any guy that wuld want u in the future because once u cheat u cheat 100 times more. thats wrong end of!!!

    • Well you obviously didn't read the take.
      At no point did I say he cheated first so I never said it was as revenge.
      Also never said that I didn't choose to cheat infact I said multiple times that I was the one that chose to cheat.
      You can feel sorry for whoever you want. I haven't hidden my past from anyone I've been in a relationship after this happened and I've also not cheated since and have no intentions of doing so in the future.

    • you clearly said it wasn't agood relationship and that he did so you did because it wasn't a stable good one... Secondly techinally it is revenge because you cheaten on him because he did to you even though u allowed it to happen in your own choice... its a choice not an opt or a copying stratergy.. thats ppure bs... as long as u tell ur guy or n future then thats fine its up to them because at the end of the day no one wants to be with a cheat or a cheater uno... if you can't be loyal no point breaking people heart it goes to anyone not just you.

    • "it was a nasty relationship, he wasn't a good guy and cheating was the only way I could cope."
      That doesn't say he cheated.
      Fact is, I wish he would have cheated on me. That would have been easier to deal with.
      I cheated to cope with issues I'm not willing to share at this time, it wasn't about getting back at him for something. You may feel the way I handled or coped with it is "pure bs" but you don't really know what I was going through and you don't know my mental state at the time, and I felt it was the best option I had.

  • I've never cheated, but as soon as the urge came upon me to look at other guys and start seeing them as prospects I knew it was time to end the current relationship. If my mind and eyes have begun to stray I know it's over. My mind on strayed when my feelings for my partner were going/gone.

  • crazy. Everyone knows cheating is not an accident. I guess you already know that only scum does that too.

    • You've never met scum, if you think that's what makes someone "scum." Probably someone who does things like murder or forcible rape or burning someone's house down are more appropriate for that term.

    • @Anon-ymous1 you're probably the same

  • LOL Accident... mistake... who really cares?
    Look, if you go out with friends and someone makes moves on you then you didn't go out planning it. You make it sound like cheaters plot things out. Is it still cheating? Yeah. Cheaters should NEVER be forgiven? Bullshit. You can't tell people who they should and should not forgive. You shouldn't make people feel bad if they decide to forgive someone for cheating. Also, if you've cheated in the past, that doesn't mean you can never ever again be faithful. So, why do we keep popping up making a big deal about this. Let it be what it is in the relationship it occurs in. Don't show up to other people telling them how you think they have to handle it and how they have to define it.

    • Heaven forbid you say no to someone while out with your friends! What on earth would they think of you... turning that person away.

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    • No one lol. Yeah you can't force people to not forgive, but she makes a good point in that the reason of ''it was an accident'' is not legit. If someone really loves you they won't cheat.

    • @TheUsername27 I never said that reason was a legitimate reason. I just said I don't care if it was an accident or a mistake or whatever you want to call it. The wording doesn't matter it still happened.

      And also that it's not always planned out and its not always because they were unhappy in the relationship. Sometimes people just do shit. And it's stupid. And sometimes you forgive them an that's OK. And sometimes you tell them to fuck right off and that's OK too.

  • At least you're admitting it's not an accident. Good

  • Then move on with new one...

  • Thats hurtful.

  • You really had a choice to get out but you held on to that "nasty relationship" for a reason only you really know. That was your responsibility that you should have concentrated on. Fighting fire with fire doesn't work in this case. Admit it or not, cheating was a curiosity you truly wanted to taste. Your situation in that "nasty relationship" was just lame excuse to fulfill a devious desire. You'll just have to live with yourself.

    • Ok, yeah, you know it all and have it all figured out. You really know me. 👌🏻

  • What circumstances made you that you couldn't leave why tolerate his bullcrap, I still don't feel for you because you could of left instead of cheating NO EXCUSES

    • Well, there is no reason for me to go into detail about why I couldn't leave, you've just stated no excuses which leads me back to the part where I said "I take full responsibility for my actions"
      Also, at no point did I ask for anyone's sympathy.

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    • Good thing your opinion of me doesn't matter at all. I'm so pleased to have you and so many other absolutely perfect people judging me. 😊

    • MyTake Owner,
      If you truly didn't feel bad about how your relationships are, you wouldn't be ashamed and post this as anonymous.

      Are you sure you even consider cheating as a something bad? It seems you might only view it as wrong when it's done to you.

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