What Kind of Love Do You Have?

The attatchment theory (by John Bowlby) is a theory that heavily depends on your childhood and child's relationships with their caretakers such as parents, grandparents and gaurdians. The amount of attention and love you experience as a child shapes how we will be in our future relationships.

The three different types that will be presented in this Mytake are Avoidant, Secure and Anxious.

Avoidant

The avoidant type grew with a distant family (physically or emotionally or both). In some cases their families can also be abusive. This causes them to close themselves off to love and relationships with the fear of getting hurt. The avoidant type believes they don't need anyone.

Intimacy

- Panics when their personal space is invaded
- Too afraid to trust anyone

Contol

- Would freak out

Dilemma

- Would think they were right about not trusting anyone

- Believes they should have stayed alone to avoid getting hurt

What Kind of Love Do You Have?

Secure

Comes from a warm, nurturing and loving family. They never lack love or attention growing up. When these types get older they become strong, confident and independant. They are sure they will somehow receive love and attention.

Intimacy

- Happy to spend as much time possible with their significant other

- Whenever their apart, they never fret

Control

- Doesn't mind being controlled, believes it's about trust and understanding

Dilemmas

- Won't worry

- Believes anything can be fixed

What Kind of Love Do You Have?

Anxious

Grew up with a family with irregurlar behaviour. Sometimes they showed love and sometimes they don't and were distant. When they grow older they beome insecure and have a fear of not being loved or lose the love that they have.

Intimacy

- Always wants to be with their partner

- Scared and insecure their partner would leave them

- Doesn't spend time with friends as often as partner

Control

- Would give in

Dilemmas

- Would think negative thoughts

- Could think their the cause of the problem

What Kind of Love Do You Have?

Which types are most compatible?

The secure type can be with any type but the easiest type is another secure type but if you're a secure type and you still want time with other people, the avoidant type is the most compatible, this way you both get some space and the avoidant type won't feel bombarded and controlled by you. If you're a secure type and you prefer to spend more time with your significant other then you're most compatible with the anxious type this would build a sense of security between a relationship for the anxious type because you prefer spending time with them.

Which types should avoid each other?

Two anxious types, because they become extemely co-dependant and spend too much time together. On top of that they would start acting out even more to get attention from each other.

Two avoident types, because they never spend time together and would not have faith in their love and not trust each other with the fear of getting hurt.

Anxious and Avoidant type, The anxious type would need so much space and try to not feel suffocated and the avoidant type would need so much love and attention and that would be very difficult to achieve both.

*This is not to say all types are exactly like this. This is like a guideline to show a way our childhood can impact our future relationships

What Kind of Love Do You Have?

1. What type are you most like?

2. What type is your partner like (or do you want your partner to be like)?
3. Do you think this theory is true?

<3 I hope that you liked this MyTake. Please share, like and send positive opinions on this my take.... That would mean a lot to me. Also thank you all for the support and if you haven't seen any of my previous MyTakes you might want to check them out <3

#love

#Whatkindoflovedoyouhave


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Most Helpful Guy

  • SHiT! read like I'm anxious:

    Grew up in a family with irregular behavior. Sometimes they showed love and sometimes they don't and were distant. When they grow older they become insecure and have a fear of not being loved or lose the love that they have.

    Intimacy

    - Always wants to be with their partner: if I had one I would always want to be with them!

    - Scared and insecure their partner would leave them: Yep.

    - Doesn't spend time with friends as often as a partner: I could see myself doing that.

    Control

    - Would give in: if it pleased my partner yeah.

    Dilemmas

    - Would think negative thoughts: constantly

    - Could think their the cause of the problem: Could think? Know I am the cause of the problem.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • i grew up with a family that was secure at times, distant at other times. i think my approach is also a mixture of both.

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What Guys Said 44

  • I have Erotomania Love.

    Erotomania is a type of delusional disorder where the affected person believes that another person is in love with him or her. This belief is usually applied to someone with higher status or a famous person, but can also be applied to a complete stranger. :)

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  • 1. Anxious, though due to shyness and lacking self confidence and motivation...

    2. It seems pretty obvious that secure would be best for both partners. I’m trying to improve myself and become a secure person.

    3. I believe it has nothing to do with family. (Or at least not for everyone’s.) I’ve always been anxious, but my parents are wonderful and have always been trying to help me improve.

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  • I think their are other kinds of love as well, adoration, dependable, my girlfriends will always know I love them, because I will always demonstrate it. With my eyes, smile, generosity, I also don't agree that you can generalise relationships, you just have to make a pact that states you will always do right by the other. Most relationships will have a little bit of anxiety, there will be problems to solve, rules, and boundaries, times when you do what your partner wants to make her happy.

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  • I'm a Secure and want a woman who is also a Secure. I grew up in a distant family environment but knew it wasn't a model for me and did things my own way.

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  • I like your take. The part about how your young life shapes you. For me I must thank my older sisters I have 3. Being the youngest they were my guardians come baby sitter. Mother was always seemed to be at work my father to put it bluntly total bastard and waste of space. So my upbringing was female orientated. Up to my sister's way of thinking boy were to be avoided at all cost. As I got older I understood why , but it gave me a more rounded look at life from a female prospective even down to my closist and best friend was a girl.. like I said I must thank them I love life !!!

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    • awww this is soo cute. I've always wanted an older sister... but wasn't it tough being a boy? Didn't all 3 of them have a better connection than you?

    • Show All
    • Why not that is one of guys problems showing emotions. Oh I enjoy a good cry at a sad movie !!!

    • awwww that's awesome. you're really lucky

  • Avoidant. I don't need anybody and the last time I tried, I may as well say she cheated on me. IF I were to somehow get back into it start dating again, she'd have to be the Secure type.

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  • REAL love. LOL

    Your descriptions of 'type of love' is about personality characteristics, not 'love'.

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  • Well I'm Avoidance. But I disagree that my family was cold. They were very supportive and caring. My mate would be Secure.

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  • I had a crappy home life that resulted in a very bad first marriage. My second marriage is Secure.

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  • I grew up with a distant family (physically or emotionally or both).
    I nevertheless am the secure type of person.

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  • Secure, although formerly with avoidant tendencies, since dealt with.

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  • I think im somewhere between anxious and avoidant.

    Thats not good.

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  • I'm somewhere between secure and anxious, I'm secure about my self, mostly positive but turns to rage faster than a ferrari hhhh, I don't like clingy people and would choose to be single than commit to activities or do "couple" things, i take life so simply some people just get pissed off, for women they always think I have a girlfriend and I'm looking for a side chick, honestly I got tired from explaining my self so now I just reply i never push anyone to talk, I search for "fuck buddies" or "friends with benifits" no headache no drama and my life goes on and my career improves !

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  • We are both Secure. We do feel comfortable and people find it very silly and they have no idea that we don't give a shit.

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  • NONE!

    Do you have any idea how difficult it is to impress women these days? Nigh-impossible.

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  • Human nature is to feel insecure. This comes from aeons of looking out for baddies, the development of deep emotion in hominids increasing the factor of paranoia. Trust is an emotional farce that arose from a need to believe in stability. Humans are frails creatures.

    I was born sensual. Though my parents were affrectionate and communicative, I knew myself beyond that, welcomed and relished it. This contrasted with those I met growing up, and is unique in my experience of others - some of which have found or realised themselves later in life.

    So I wait for the next evolution, when there may be entities here without fear.

    A curious aspect is I get no feeds (for anything in the world), and I don't do much looking for things, yet easily stumble upon topics (and such) as this.

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  • Intimacy- love her and always feel her

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  • I love liquor.

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  • I do have a little bit of love of xper

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  • none -.-

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What Girls Said 35

  • I am from a Secure love family, and am the same towards my boyfriend, he is from a irregular family, and is Anxious. Though is becoming more secure feeling the longer he is with me seeing that my feelings are not irregular. haha even in the midst of an argument I don't have bad thoughts towards him just the situation.

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  • Im the avoidant type.

    Though swap the dilmmas with the secure type and there we go.

    I dont distrust people or think im gonna get hurt, i just dont know how to be close to anyone.

    I've been told it feels like there's a wall between us (by my grandmother) and i dont recall ever putting one up. she's one of the closest people to me, too. So if she's hitting a wall... Imagine what it must be like in a relationship with me.

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  • Interesting Mytake. I do believe this theory is linked to how we act. I am definitely the avoidant type and don't want to depend on someone but I do still want to be in a relationship.
    I would like for my future to be the secure type so I don't have to spend to much time with them.

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    • Trust not, depend not - and open to yourself - to reflect infinitely outward.

  • 1. Avoidant
    2. My partner is more of a "Secure" type guy.
    3. It does fit me to a decent amount, but I am also a bit of a secure type too. I am primarily the "Avoidant" type though due to the background and traits of it.

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  • His love is Secure, my is Anxious. We are made for each other. He is only person who makes me feel calm, secure and loveable.
    This theory makes sense.

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  • I'm the youngest in my family and grew up being pampered but I'm the avoiding type since I had some bad experience with my ex. 😂 In love with a secure type now.

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  • WOW yah! :D I am the 'secure' type! And my boyfriend is the 'anxious' type... and yes this theory is very true for the both of us!!

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  • Lol. My type is definitely anxious. and yep I don't have boyfriend now to know buttt I can say about my previous failed relationship. My ex was avoidant and this theory you say I think it works cause my ex always told me how needy I am and how much I suffocate him and font let him breathe. Well I didn't do it on purpose. I just needed some affection more than normal people need maybe. And as avoidant he wasn't able to give. He didn't even understand what the hell I needed. So the whole relatioship ended badly because of our continuous conflicts. We just didn't understand each other that's what I believe. For future I 'll try to be a secure type if I can. But I'm telling u from my experience anxious and avoidant don't work. Both ways get hurt in the end. You have to try a lot and make a lot of compromise in order for this to work.

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  • I guess my "love" (I don't know what to call it, exactly) falls under the Secure category.

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  • previously anxious, maybe still a little bit, but for the most part secure at the moment

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  • Good take! I'm the anxious type, he's secure. I'd say because of him I've become more secure.

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  • I don't have an boyfriend but have an secure intimacy

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  • Are they skinny dipping?

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  • None lol 😢

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  • Sexless love. lol

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  • lol im avoidant and anxious

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  • Sensible love.

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  • The non-existent kind.

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  • I’m not really any of these.

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  • I am fearful avoidant
    It sucks

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