A Unique Take on Race and the Ongoing Gender War

I'm one of those long time lurkers, who has never posted, but today I want to share something that's been bothering me for a while. I AM NOT COMPLAINING, but simply bringing light to an issue that many girls like me have strong feelings on. THIS IS GOING TO GET RACIAL AND I AM GOING TO GENERALIZE.

For a long time in my life, I really did think men were trash. I looked at all the men in my life and my community and I only saw hard-working moms and lazy, deadbeat, cheating fathers. I am from an East African community (don't want to mention which country) in the United States, so I speak an African language. My ancestors were never enslaved or ever impacted by a slave trade. I have an African culture, I know my tribe and lineage, but the most striking aspect of my East African culture is that the girls are the ones who must provide, be beautiful, get good grades, become a doctor, carry their family's honor, stay a virgin until marriage, cook, clean, be submissive to her husband, give birth to a litter of babies, protect our men, let our husbands marry multiple women, raise our children on our own- essentially the women are expected to play the role of the man and woman, but the men have no responsibilities.

This isn't just a thing in my ethnicity, it is a prominent thing in my entire race. Black women have been the stepping block for black men for too long. There is a drought of decent black guys and a surplus of more educated, well-mannered, and attractive black girls. I recognize all of the faults in my race like a lack of education, being overweight, ghetto attitudes, a distaste towards white people but none of those things aren't an issue in my ethnicity or for many black girls in general. Black girls like me want an educated man who will protect her, love her, and has a good paying job. Is it too much to ask as young, attractive woman pursing a respectable degree in nursing?
A Unique Take on Race and the Ongoing Gender War

I used to assume that men in every culture/race were entitled the way that the men in my ethnicity were, but I have begun to notice that in a majority of white households the girls are coddled, loved, told they are beautiful, treated like princesses, have been taught they are God's gift to the world, but the guys are told they need to provide for the girls, protect and treat them like princesses, spend their whole lives being criticized for being male, but don't get anything in return. In East and South Asian communities, the men are educated, well-mannered, have attractive careers, and have realistic standards, but the girls are incredibly hard to please.

It might seem petty that I am bringing up looks, but beauty is the one universal thing girls get judged for. If a girl in my ethnicity was 300 pounds overweight and said she was beautiful, she would be beaten back into shape. We also have to work harder to be considered beautiful than other ethnicity of girls. I am not saying non-black girls are just automatically considered beautiful, but I am saying that black girls are judged more harshly and often on Eurocentric beauty standards a.k.a light skin, straight hair, slim noses, keen features etc. even by men who are black. This is why so many black men will bash their own daughter for being dark-skinned, but worship a white girl's features. This is also why so many Asian men are unfortunately considered unattractive by Asian women, despite their success in other fields of life.

You guys have probably noticed a lot of black girls asking if guys consider black girls attractive on this site and a lot of the insecurities black girls have in dating stems from the harsh reality that black girls are at the bottom of the totem pole, the most mocked group of people, the most disrespected group of people, and the most abused group of people in the dating world. We've been told black girls are unattractive from every group of people to the point where we beleive we are. Even I used to think black girls were naturally uglier than other races, but when I truly began to understand the way race and beauty works, I realized how brainwashed I was and highly encourage all of you guys to also realize that what we consider beautiful has a lot to do with nurture.
A Unique Take on Race and the Ongoing Gender War

Men become trash when they do not protect and love their women, and women become trash when they no longer respect and appreciate their men. Black guys, white girls, and Asian girls all need to step up and listen to what the opposite gender is saying in their communities.

Keep in mind that these are the biggest faults/problems for each of these groups in their attitude towards the male/female counterparts in the same race. I am not saying most people in that group are guilty of this, but for those who are guilty these are the major problems.

Black Guys- stop humiliating and shaming black women for having the same skin color, hair texture, and features as you. Stop complaining about how ghetto black girls are when there are more educated black girls than black guys. Stop getting angry when black girls date non-black guys. Stop getting angry when we say black men are trash and instead man up. Stop basing your masculinity off your penis size. Stop putting women of other races on a pedastal. Start becoming decent fathers who raise their children. Start becoming real men.

White Girls- Stop bashing men for being men. Stop assuming you are the prize. Stop obsessing over bad boys. Stop this fake feminism that isn't concerned with real issues like FGM, education, voting rights. Stop destroying your femininity. Stop this hypocritical body positivity crap and start working on your bodies. Stop asking for equality that favors women. Stop putting men of other races on a pedastal. Stop lying about your nature or preferences. Start respecting your men. Start becoming real women.

Asian Girls- Stop bashing Asian guys for being short. Stop putting men of other races on a pedestal. Stop assuming you are a prize. Stop having ridiculously high expectations. Stop being gold-diggers (I want a man with a stable career as well, but you guys are taking it way overboard). Stop complaining about white guys liking white girls when you know damn well that white guys like Asian girls. Stop emasculating your men. Start appreciating your men for all they have done. Start respecting your men for respecting and protecting you as women and continuing to despite all the crap they put up with.

This myTake was pretty messy, but my main goal is to get men and women to stop this ridiculous gender war, and start maning or womaning up. In some communities the men are at more fault and in others the women are at fault.

A Unique Take on Race and the Ongoing Gender War

White guys, Asian guys, and black girls also have things they need to change about themselves and I'll write about that in another post. Or would you prefer if I write the myth of race and beauty next? What do you guys think of my take on Men Are Trash in general? Can you relate or do you disagree?

P.S, sorry for leaving out Hispanics, Arabs, Native Americans, or other groups. I just don't know that much about them. Also, I am all for interracial couples and dating, so don't misinterpret me.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Excellent take. I’m a white guy and I’ve dated more non-white girls than white girls in my life (mostly Asian and some Latino). Women from my own race are spoiled fucking rotten (not all but too many).

    White girls are usually the most politically correct and also embrace feminism because it’s the only societal leeway that makes them feel special (or if they are lesbian). They have absolutely brutalized men from their own race with their feminist brainwashing. Hypocritically they are most likely to chase men who treat them like shit because THEY CREATED SOMETHING THEY DONT WANT!

    As a former “nice” guy i have had to painfully unlearn the crap beaten in my head when I was younger about how to please women and being ashamed of my masculinity.

    Whenever I see women complaining about “beta” guys I want to yell at them for not attacking the root of the problem: feminism. Most guys aren’t born beta. We are easier to educate for the better or worse. We take what we learn young for face value on how to attract women. Society sets us up for failure.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Good news. I'm not a feminist. I'm white. As for white women who are doing that; I agree, lol, I'm not sure why some are obsessed with body positivity and not working out, fake feminism, being overtly masculine because it is the "cool thing to do"... and being "trans-trenders"! Haha! Yes, let's be more respectful and become real women! I do agree that people have preferences... but could mine be sort of warped because I have an over-protective father that probably won't even let me date a guy who is part Latino? I usually just date white guys (so he doesn't get angry)! But... does this make me racist?
    Everyone judges each other... :(
    What do you think?

    P. S.: Great advice for my "group"! Thank you!

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    • Hey, don't feel so bad! Racial references are 100% okay and dating white guys as a white woman is also 100% okay. They only become problematic when we refuse to date specific races/ethnicities as a whole due to our personal beleif about that race/ethncity. I don't think that the younger generation personally mind dating out of their race, but instead they are worried about what their parents think or how their families will clash. Like you, my parents would also be pissed off if I brought home a guy outside my ethnicity. My parents are defiantly racist, but I personally am fine with dating a guy outside my ethnicity.
      I also have to give you major props for being able to see the wrong in your own community. It took me a really long time for me to accept the problems in my own community and be able to criticize myself and those who I grew up around.
      Thank you!

    • You're welcome! :) Yes, these parents have their own views and it would be so hard to change them! I mean... unless you're secretive about it, it would be tough to date outside one's race/ethnicity! My Dad is totally racist too! Also, thank you!

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What Guys Said 69

  • A large part of the problem with black men is that they have been raised by single mothers or by their single grandmothers. They have not grown up with an adequate role model so they learned everything they needed to know from rap music. Maybe black girls should stop having babies who will not have a father involved in their lives; you can't disavow responsibility for that problem.

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    • OlderAndWiser-Once again you are the voice of solid reasoning. Bravo ! Well stated.

  • As someone who isn't attracted to black girls in general (even though I've seen quite a few exception here, on this site) I've never been told that black girls are ugly or anything like that. But i'm not attracted to it. In fact, I've been told several times the opposite, that I should be attracted to them, otherwise I'm a racist. View I totally disagree with.
    The thing is, and I'm talking about western countries... It's mostly white people countries. White people are the majority, and of course they set the standards of beauty and culture. Because they're the norm.
    Go in countries with a majority of black people, and the norm isn't the same.
    Other thing is that i've heard several times to that white people should be open and go for interracial relationship, but you hardly hear anyone telling the same thing to black people, who are often praised for wanting to stay with people of their color.
    As for the gender war... Well, the state of modern feminism speaks for itself. It is really a war, a war against men.

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    • I am going to write on the whole black girl and attraction thing in another myTake, but I just wanted to address black people not dating outside their own race. I believe it is hypocritical that white people are held to a higher standard in terms of racism than other races. White people are actually more open than most African parents would be to their kid bringing home someone of another race, but it's only considered racist if the parents are white. It's pretty messed up.

  • I don't know about many African cultures, I can say that the vast majority of cultures it is the man who is expected to work pay bills etc. However I would also state that what is happening now is not necessarily how it has always been which is something to consider. White women did not routinely treat men like villians and monsters, like we are lazy and worthless, that's been a very recent development, the same could be (and likely is) true of what ever African culture you come from. So part of it is figuring out what is the source of the issue i. e. changing times perhaps or lack of opportunity (in the US their are far more programs and scholarships/grants for women and blacks thus making black women more successful then their male counter part because they simply have more opportunity (other factors are present as well (I would point to the PC culture that constantly tells blacks (and seems to especially target black men) that they are helpless and everything wrong with their lives is due to racism thus resulting in them feeling powerless and thus making it pointless, in their mind, to try and make things better because they have been told that they can't fix anything)). Not saying your wrong, only that their can be other factors and its something to consider. As for black women being on the bottom rung so to speak, I don't think that's entirely accurate. I think the problem is one, in the US 63% of the population is white ergo you are going to have standards of beauty that reflect that, the majority will gravitate towards the majority. Two, I think part of it is cultural differences, in fact I would say you will probably have more people accepting an African woman then you would a native black American woman because of the perception of culture i. e. they are "ghetto", which while not true for all black women their is a large enough group of them to create this bias (more then likely centered around bigger cities I would imagine). You also have the issue that since things are racially charged most experiences, at least with non black men with black women are usually from what they see on T. V. and the media which is usually about how white men are racist/sexist/evil which does not endear them to those outside of their racial group (not saying this is all black women but we tend to generalize (the brain loves shortcuts)).

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    • The third is positive experiences, since black women tend to be a smaller portion of the population (only about 6.5% of the population) most men outside of the black community do not really get a chance to have many interactions with black women and as such as my previous point stated, they only get to know black women based upon what they see in the media which is usually not pleasant. This means that for black women you only have about 6.5% of the population i. e. the percentage of the population that is black and male, that are able to really know you so that puts you at a disadvantage. Not saying its fair but I also think its a bit different then saying black women are the lowest too, its circumstance more then anything. Personally I know men who are either dating black women or only like black women who are not black so again, I think its more about the lack of personal interaction then an overall social view of a black womans value. Otherwise I appreciate your take.

    • Wall of Text crits YOU for 24283729!!!

  • THIS! I have no idea why a culture would evolve this way, but it obviously did. And it's got to stop. Thank you for pointing out what may be the single most contributing factor to racial ills in this country today. If I had a magic wand, I'd erase this cultural meme from the face of the planet. It's not about race, people; it's about culture.

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  • well i thought most men and women like people of their own races, which i see everyday lol i guess i was wrong according to this? or i missed the point? Most White guys don't prefer Asians over whites. Besides i do agree some White girls act like they prefer MOC when they don't in reality they just do it to get attention from White boys.

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  • This is very much a cultural thing. Cultures are the thing that divide us, not race or gender. We need to understand that in America there are so many cultures it's hard to remember that they exist because they are relegated to small communities instead of the major ideology of Western society.

    There are many cultures in America that can coexist and others that have no place in the continuation of this country.

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  • "If a girl in my ethnicity was 300 pounds overweight and said she was beautiful, she would be beaten back into shape. We also have to work harder to be considered beautiful than other ethnicity of girls. "

    Umm... okay. Considering what a huge percent of black girls seem drastically overweight I kind of doubt that.

    I do think blacks would legit be better off if the USA banned interracial sex/dating/marriage.

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    • Like it did in many places before 1960?

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    • @zagor dont be so racist. 😂

    • Is that the buzzword of the day? Why not "cuck" or one of the other terms the brilliant people here throw around?

  • I can agree with you in a lot of your observations. Sadly a lot of people are responsible for their lives, crying woe is me instead of doing something about it. I live in the UK and you get people her who didn't bother at school so leave with no qualifications and get upset because they cannot get a decent paying jobs so end up living on the state. But instead of living within their means end up having a lot of kids just making things worse. Then they blame other people for their plight !!!

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  • Your point about black men and women is interesting. In the broader scale, we're looking at a future where there are going to be more white-collar women than men.

    Are women (of any race) in general going to be willing to date or marry a man who makes less money than them? Will a white-collar woman date a blue-collar man?

    What's going to happen at that point? What should happen at that point?

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  • Sensible, mature and real analysis. Way to go, your Take is a must read to everyone in this site. Thank you.

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  • "essentially the women are expected to play the role of the man and woman, but the men have no responsibilities."

    100% horse shit. Stopped reading after this incredibly retarded line. Women have zero responsibilities. You aren't even expected to be held accountable for your own sexual activities. If you regretted it, rape.

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  • Good take, I especially like this quote.
    "Men become trash when they do not protect and love their women, and women become trash when they no longer respect and appreciate their men."

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  • Well I would prefer to date women within my own race because I want a family and I'd prefer my children to be the same race.

    I don't feel people to date outside their race are doing wrong or injustice. I just personally don't want it for me.

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  • this is the first mytake i have ever read that didn't blame white men for everything

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  • Hmmm well written. But i can't agree with any of it.. personally, i've never felt *disadvantaged* in dating because of my race.

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  • not that bad analysis. I just want to add: white girls: just not adore black guys because of their longer penis size. See also their character and other features.

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  • Funny, the East African women I have dated didn't believe in that "virgin until marriage" thing.

    "There is a drought of decent black guys and a surplus of more educated, well-mannered, and attractive black girls."
    If so many black guys were not in prison, maybe there wouldn't be that problem.

    "faults in my race like a lack of education, being overweight, ghetto attitudes, a distaste towards white people but none of those things aren't an issue in my ethnicity"
    You shouldn't combine East Africans with American blacks. They are VERY different. African immigrant households in the US have a higher median income than white Americans, and that includes those from West Africa.

    "We've been told black girls are unattractive"
    That depends. I personally find West Africans and their descendants almost all unattractive, but I find many East Africans quite attractive.

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  • Something like 7 of 10 black mothers are unwed, and we do know that fatherlessness is tied to increased criminality, emotional disorders, and suicide

    The solution? Get married before you have children, maybe. It seems like a cultural issue

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  • Here's my take:

    Black Girls: Go ahead, cross over. When you demand respect from us, we will appreciate it and treat you like the queens you are.

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  • God bless this women god bless this mytake!! Preach sista preach!!

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What Girls Said 22

  • Honestly, all this war on race and gender has really contributed to my anxiety and depression over the last few years. I really hate how ugly society has come. There's a lot of pain, corruption, and confusion in the Black Community that sometimes it seems nearly impossible to sort ourselves out. But all I can do is be responsible for my actions.

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    • I absolutely love your last sentence. Being responsible for my own actions and realizing I can overcome barriers/stereotypes has helped me become more confident in who I am. I really want to make another myTake directed at black women and what we can do to better ourselves.

    • I would be interested to read your MyTake in the future. When our community can admit and recognize faults on both sides, then that's at least a start. The pointing fingers at each other has really increased over the years. I really missed how black households were back in the 50s, etc. even though I wasn't born around that time. :p But someone I can still sense that we were once VERY close.

  • I feel like Black people get bad representation and are not presented as how valuable we really are. I like your take, you tell it how it is and don't sugar coat what society tries to hide. This is all unfortunate I wish I could make a difference but you took a step in doing this by being so honest about your personal experience and how you deeply feel about this issue, because this is definitely an issue and change needs to start happening.

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    • It's always so frustrating to see how rarely we get to see Black women being portrayed in a positive light or in a desirable manner. I used to and still stress about my race all the time and how it affects my attractiveness and the deep-set issues with the way black women and black features are portrayed. I'm planning on writing another myTake on it; I am also seeing a lot of other black women standing up and talking about these issues to and I am really excited to see where it goes.

    • Yeah, this results in guys thinking we are all hood and ignorant and have an attitude and just full of ourselves in a bad way. When I talk sophisticated on any outlet of communication guys make sure to tell me that they expected me to use more slang or they think I am from a high end place or something but I am from a low income community still a part of it until I get a good job I am no different and I see Black girls like me all the time. But no one knows it whom grew up in a less diverse place and are shocked because crazy, loud, ignorant Black women is all they know, it is all they see. Had guys that hang with me try to talk with slang to the extreme only with me and try to get me to say slang terms like "foshizzle" or "I ain't got no" or something else I don't say and would not be requested to be spoken by someone of any other race. It is offensive but I am forced to derive some understanding because I know they got it from what they know of Black women.

  • This was a pretty interesting read. Not what I expected, but I was pleasantly surprised. Good on you for not being afraid to call a spade a spade. Black women have been getting dealt a crap hand for quite some time now and we've made due. It can become very disheartening tho, especially in today's atmosphere with race relations and such. I commend you on approaching this topic. Nice work!

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  • Well hot damn girl. This was an amazing read. I agree completely. It is time for each of us to be responsible for our own actions, attitudes, and treatment of others. Well done.

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  • This take is so helpful. I'm still going to keep being a feminist, but like you, I believe in EQUALITY, not favor for women. Everyone should have an equal role in the workplace and at home. These gender issues you described are still, sadly, prominent in a lot of cultures.

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  • Cute take but I am not a victim. I’m aware black women in America do seem to be given a hard time though 🤷🏾‍♀️

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  • Very true

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  • Very well written. Good take

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  • Nice take :)

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  • Sigh.

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  • I don't bushing Asian guys

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  • Unnecessary things always create more problems.

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  • This is fucking hilarious. Did a twelve year old write this?

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  • I'm sorry for your pain. It happens to us middle eastern women too. Our men marry us and ask us to bleach our hair the next day after the wedding. And they are constantly drooling over white girls with blonde hair, right in our face, even if we are technically very beautiful, only in a different color. And also drooling over Asian girls hairless bodies.
    We are born with housework, raising children, and looking our best ALL the time, and being submissive to our father and husband as our obvious duty, but recently making good money is being added to the list of expectations. I wonder, there will be nothing left for husband to do, how are they going to make themselves useful? What's the use of having them?

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  • Ummmm, ok.

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  • Why do you think you have the right to tell people how they should act? Where are you telling black women to act better?

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  • 100% agree, unpopular opinion here but I do wish people would stop being so overly confident and thinking they are the best, but not constantly complain about being ugly.

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  • you're generalizing racial communities based on things you see and hear. Really though, you're just hanging around crappy people that dont share your values. Anybody can be a bad person and treat someone else poorly. Plus, you're taking what the media pushes to heart. And lets be honest, the media doesn't play as big of a role in our lives as it used to. Its very distrusting.

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  • Nice one

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  • I had quite a lot of black friends. (Notice that I said "had!") The guys quit school to pursue "quick buck" schemes. They kept complaining about being unfairly treated since their ancestry days. That was always their cop out. When asked to name a few, they can't even think of anyone in their race ancestry who they think they're fighting for. These guys made their choice to "detach" from me because I wanted to continue my pursuit of education.

    The girls mouths were worse! They were filthy with profanity. They too played the "race card" so much when in fact nobody was actually being partial to them at all. I don't get it why they stick to the same cop out. The rest of us had to be careful with the words we chose to say because the "cry babies" always felt they were being targeted because of their skin color. We f***ng grew up together! It was so exhausting being their friend. Little by little, they got knocked up and became "baby factories" that just made them angrier women. Since I stayed unmarried, they insisted that "I was no longer catching their drift" and so they detached from me.

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