I'm one of those long time lurkers, who has never posted, but today I want to share something that's been bothering me for a while. I AM NOT COMPLAINING, but simply bringing light to an issue that many girls like me have strong feelings on. THIS IS GOING TO GET RACIAL AND I AM GOING TO GENERALIZE.
For a long time in my life, I really did think men were trash. I looked at all the men in my life and my community and I only saw hard-working moms and lazy, deadbeat, cheating fathers. I am from an East African community (don't want to mention which country) in the United States, so I speak an African language. My ancestors were never enslaved or ever impacted by a slave trade. I have an African culture, I know my tribe and lineage, but the most striking aspect of my East African culture is that the girls are the ones who must provide, be beautiful, get good grades, become a doctor, carry their family's honor, stay a virgin until marriage, cook, clean, be submissive to her husband, give birth to a litter of babies, protect our men, let our husbands marry multiple women, raise our children on our own- essentially the women are expected to play the role of the man and woman, but the men have no responsibilities.
This isn't just a thing in my ethnicity, it is a prominent thing in my entire race. Black women have been the stepping block for black men for too long. There is a drought of decent black guys and a surplus of more educated, well-mannered, and attractive black girls. I recognize all of the faults in my race like a lack of education, being overweight, ghetto attitudes, a distaste towards white people but none of those things aren't an issue in my ethnicity or for many black girls in general. Black girls like me want an educated man who will protect her, love her, and has a good paying job. Is it too much to ask as young, attractive woman pursing a respectable degree in nursing?
I used to assume that men in every culture/race were entitled the way that the men in my ethnicity were, but I have begun to notice that in a majority of white households the girls are coddled, loved, told they are beautiful, treated like princesses, have been taught they are God's gift to the world, but the guys are told they need to provide for the girls, protect and treat them like princesses, spend their whole lives being criticized for being male, but don't get anything in return. In East and South Asian communities, the men are educated, well-mannered, have attractive careers, and have realistic standards, but the girls are incredibly hard to please.
It might seem petty that I am bringing up looks, but beauty is the one universal thing girls get judged for. If a girl in my ethnicity was 300 pounds overweight and said she was beautiful, she would be beaten back into shape. We also have to work harder to be considered beautiful than other ethnicity of girls. I am not saying non-black girls are just automatically considered beautiful, but I am saying that black girls are judged more harshly and often on Eurocentric beauty standards a.k.a light skin, straight hair, slim noses, keen features etc. even by men who are black. This is why so many black men will bash their own daughter for being dark-skinned, but worship a white girl's features. This is also why so many Asian men are unfortunately considered unattractive by Asian women, despite their success in other fields of life.
You guys have probably noticed a lot of black girls asking if guys consider black girls attractive on this site and a lot of the insecurities black girls have in dating stems from the harsh reality that black girls are at the bottom of the totem pole, the most mocked group of people, the most disrespected group of people, and the most abused group of people in the dating world. We've been told black girls are unattractive from every group of people to the point where we beleive we are. Even I used to think black girls were naturally uglier than other races, but when I truly began to understand the way race and beauty works, I realized how brainwashed I was and highly encourage all of you guys to also realize that what we consider beautiful has a lot to do with nurture.
Men become trash when they do not protect and love their women, and women become trash when they no longer respect and appreciate their men. Black guys, white girls, and Asian girls all need to step up and listen to what the opposite gender is saying in their communities.
Keep in mind that these are the biggest faults/problems for each of these groups in their attitude towards the male/female counterparts in the same race. I am not saying most people in that group are guilty of this, but for those who are guilty these are the major problems.
Black Guys- stop humiliating and shaming black women for having the same skin color, hair texture, and features as you. Stop complaining about how ghetto black girls are when there are more educated black girls than black guys. Stop getting angry when black girls date non-black guys. Stop getting angry when we say black men are trash and instead man up. Stop basing your masculinity off your penis size. Stop putting women of other races on a pedastal. Start becoming decent fathers who raise their children. Start becoming real men.
White Girls- Stop bashing men for being men. Stop assuming you are the prize. Stop obsessing over bad boys. Stop this fake feminism that isn't concerned with real issues like FGM, education, voting rights. Stop destroying your femininity. Stop this hypocritical body positivity crap and start working on your bodies. Stop asking for equality that favors women. Stop putting men of other races on a pedastal. Stop lying about your nature or preferences. Start respecting your men. Start becoming real women.
Asian Girls- Stop bashing Asian guys for being short. Stop putting men of other races on a pedestal. Stop assuming you are a prize. Stop having ridiculously high expectations. Stop being gold-diggers (I want a man with a stable career as well, but you guys are taking it way overboard). Stop complaining about white guys liking white girls when you know damn well that white guys like Asian girls. Stop emasculating your men. Start appreciating your men for all they have done. Start respecting your men for respecting and protecting you as women and continuing to despite all the crap they put up with.
This myTake was pretty messy, but my main goal is to get men and women to stop this ridiculous gender war, and start maning or womaning up. In some communities the men are at more fault and in others the women are at fault.
White guys, Asian guys, and black girls also have things they need to change about themselves and I'll write about that in another post. Or would you prefer if I write the myth of race and beauty next? What do you guys think of my take on Men Are Trash in general? Can you relate or do you disagree?
P.S, sorry for leaving out Hispanics, Arabs, Native Americans, or other groups. I just don't know that much about them. Also, I am all for interracial couples and dating, so don't misinterpret me.