Date An InCel - Will this save lives?

[Curmudgeon]

From time to time, on http://www.girlsaksguys.com and other sites, I run across what are described as "InCels" - Involuntary Celibates. These are young men who have given up on trying relationships or even dates with girls/women because of their self-perceived ugliness, shyness, autism, awkwardness or all of the above. (Oddly enough, such men are NOT impoverished).

I try to give such young men constructive suggestions, because I felt just like they did two and a half to three and a half decades ago, and I even have a boilerplate response drafted up, because I have seen the same sort of "woe-is-me" post from young guys like that again and again.

Anyway, in the news, there is a new dating site: http://www.dateanincel.com

I had to take a peek, and the website starts off with a picture of a winsome blonde young lady hugged by a young man who does not fully show his face, but looks like Elliott Rodger. (And if you know the story of Elliot Rodger, that picture advertising the site is certainly intentional).

If you don't know about the story of Elliot Rodger, he was a 22 year old part time student in Santa Barbara California, who was obsessed with blond women but felt cruelly rejected by all of them. He went loopy-loops and planned a "Day of Retribution" buying weapons and making evil plans. He proceeded to stab three young men (two roommates and a visiting friend of theirs) to death, and then he uploaded more than a few YouTube videos and a 137 page manifesto of self-pity about his life to the internet. Then he drove out to shoot up a University of California sorority house, but could not get in the house, so he shot three sorority girls (of a different neighboring sorority) who happened to be walking by or otherwise nearby. Then he jumped in his car and proceeded to try to take out as many pedestrians as he could, shooting wildly out the window. When stopped with one shot by police, he then shot himself with the two handguns he had and crashed into the curb, or was it the other way around. Final casualties were 6 dead (3 stabbed, 3 shot) and 14 wounded (3 shot, 11 hit with his car).

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2014_Isla_Vista_killings

After this horrible murder, many women who looked at Elliot Rodger on YouTube remarked that he didn't look bad at all, and had they known about him, they would have given him a shot (no pun intended). One YouTuber "Elliot's Supreme Lady" has even gone loopy-loops in a benign way, with multiple videos about how she wants to meet Elliot Rodger in the afterlife:

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=elliot+supreme+lady

Sadly, to some people, Elliot Rodger became "The Patron Saint Of InCels" in cyberspace, and he appears to have inspired at least one other person to commit mayhem: Alek Minassian, in Toronto with his car:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toronto_van_attack

Anyway, the site's pitch is this:

"LOVE CREATES CHANGE

Changing the world....two people at a time

A new dating company looking to heal the world.

We help form relationships that spread a message of love and peace. Many people suffer from the negative effects of Involuntary Celibacy. These 'Incels' often share the same common goals as the rest of the population- a desire for acceptance, love and community. We built #DateAnIncel to bring this minority group into the forefront of the online dating scene, providing them with a platform to be connected with regular partners.

If you have felt moved by the recent media attention around the incel movement and have been looking for a way to turn your romantic life into a message of hope, #DateAnIncel is the service for you. We match the attributes and interests of both incels and other site users to aim to form romantic relationships that by their very nature reduce risks that plague society.

And NO, I have no connection to that site. I just have to wonder: Could a site like this save lives, or even get desperately lonely people together?

[dr1fter]

The notion of involuntary celibacy is ridiculous. While one can't change his or her phenotypes, it's absolutely possible to change one's hair style, habits, fitness, social skills, etc. I've seen average looking guys be in a relationship with average or even subjectively attractive women, and vice versa. What they all seem to possess are self confidence, self awareness, and a bit of luck.

It's irresponsible to blame autism as the cause of one's situation in life. I have Asperger's syndrome, but I refuse to allow it to affect my life. I learned about my triggers and how to manage my symptoms. Although I'm often considered to be attractive by both sexes, I still struggle to assimilate into social settings. What usually helps me is that I try to be open-minded and not self-absorbed.

In conclusion, "incels" are responsible for their own self perceived misery. A dating website tailored for them will not save them from their predicament. I'm a lonely dude who meets other people while enjoying my life in public places like at the park, musical venues, book stores, festivals, parties, etc. No one else is responsible for our situations in life.

[Curmudgeon]

I agree completely. I am just wondering if a site like this will help get them out of their psychological prison, so to speak, and stop being an InCel. (I am also wondering if whoever is behind this will profit from it, but I digress).

[dr1fter]

It won't help a supposed incel break free from their psychological prison. That would require self realization just like any other psychological block. In regards to the folks behind the website, they'll definitely profit from this operation because they're feeding on the insecurities of a significant number of humans.

[Curmudgeon]

I am inclined to think maybe it will, if only that they learn that dating and mating is NOT the Big Deal they have made it out to be in their minds. When I finally got around to losing the virginity thing, I found myself thinking afterwards, "So that's it? THAT was about which I got so upset and worked up?"

[dr1fter]

Well, you're certainly more patient/positive than me :) thanks for the opportunity to discuss this intriguing subject

[LegateLanius]

I don't see any of that happening.

[Curmudgeon]

I tend to agree. Looking at it closer, it is is a professional matchmaking service, so perhaps men who feel that way with the means will pay for it? I wonder who the men and/or ladies behind it are.

[LegateLanius]

wait it exists? That's interesting. I have no idea if there will be an actual successful situation going on because of it.

[Curmudgeon]

I linked to the website, and it appears to be for real. I'm not paying to investigate further, and I am in a relationship anyway, but it did intrigue me.

[LegateLanius]

wow. that is intriguing.

[binarybabe001]

I am familiar with Elliott Rodger's story but, I know for a fact that he didn't suffer from any low self esteem issues or the "InCel" thing. The guy was a self proclaimed narcissist who wanted more than he had earned and seemed to repel women because of his personality and these women were able to sense that this guy was a sociopathic creep and reject him. He was also obsessed with the novel "American Psycho" by Bret Easton Ellis and admired the character Patrick Bateman and saw women as objects instead of actually wanting to fall in love with one. This guy was really sick, cold hearted and selfish and the reason why he died a virgin on that murderous, vengeful night is because women DO NOT respond to deceit, cruelty, selfishness and a false sense of entitlement. I don't feel sorry for the guy and if anyone is having a hard time finding a mate because these kind of unreasonable belief systems or behaviors, then they don't need a boyfriend or girlfriend, they need a therapist.

[Curmudgeon]

That IS a good point. Reading it, while he was a sad and lonely person whose parents bunted him back and forth and used him against each other, he was also a spoiled rotten and entitled creep who never learned that one has to work for things, and relationships for that matter.

[Servus09]

Male and female sexual attraction is simple biology. Guys want to have no-strings-attached sex with as many women as possible, and women want guilt-free sex with only the most alpha men. The male spreads his genes wherever he can and the female accepts only the most dominant male genes.

The thing is, men and women today have instant access to potentially hundreds, if not thousands of sexual partners in their area through dating apps and other online social networks. This access has caused a disparity in sex between the two genders, where women are having sex whenever they want, with whomever they want, and only the most alpha men are having sex with all the men.

This is a big reason why there are so many INCEL men today. There is an abundance of sex for the archetypical alpha male and a lack of sex for average and below average male. As pathetic as it may sound, these men have much less incentive to work hard and be productive if women are choosing not to have sex with them, much less commit longterm.

The future between men and women doesn't look very bright. Male fertility has already been taken away from men with the invention of birth control and the creation of sperm banks. In time, we will also have artificial wombs, which will also cheapen the value of female fertility. Then what are we going to do?

I guess we'll all be dating Joi.

[dr1fter]

That's a pretty cynical outlook. What would you define as an "archetypical alpha male?" I've seen college age men who aren't stereotypical attractive in a relationship with women who are at least above average or subjectively attractive. I've also seen stereotypically attractive men in a relationship with women who aren't stereotypically attractive. It's mostly a matter of possesing confidence to approach others and possesing the luck that the other person finds you to be subjectively attractive as well.

[YourFutureEx]

There are two downsides of using this website.

1. You'll have to consider yourself an incel first, which most of the guys would be reluctant to.
2. Why would any girl prefer to date a person who has considered himself a loser? And after those two incidents, you know how dangerous they could be.

[Curmudgeon]

Good points, unless somehow there is a significant population of women who fancy themselves "Saviors" or "rescuers". I just find the whole concept fascinating, as someone jokingly put it, "use her cooter to stop a shooter!"

[Curmudgeon]

Or. "Find that weird kid in class and give him some ass."

[YourFutureEx]

Hahahaha I wish looool. If there are girls like that, that would be fucking amazing 😃

[Unit1]

Incels considered Elliot Rodger to be a saint/hero? Like this?

i1.wp.com/.../rodger.png

Anyway he was a loser and an entitled dickhead. He got mad because of rejection, girls not smiling at him, throwing his coffee at women on the bus stop, pretending to be superior to the others, boasting with his car and expensive sunglasses and he mentioned racist words about Asians. No wonder nobody wanted him and he was a kissless virgin as he deserved to be, it's entirely his fault.

Date an incel would hardly be a success because those guys are already notorious for being misogynists or wanting to enslave women or just feeding their big ego.

That would be like date obese women or have a one night stand with ugly women for us.

[Curmudgeon]

Which was really fucked up, as he was half Asian. And it is even more fucked up that he has become a martyr to some people!

That said, how many of these self-proclaimed InCel people are really pathetic, rather than pathological? And how many will grow out of it?

[Unit1]

I guess Maybe 80% of the incels don't deserve a girlfriend due to them being pathetic like Elliot Rodger or the red pill enraged MGTOW. The remaining 20% however i think don't deserve to be ignored by the opposite sex.

I basically pulled this out of my rear.

[Pikachula]

What I don't understand is, apart from the dating thing, how can people start idolizing a guy that killed people, saying oh he actually looked good and I want to see him in heaven.

What is wrong with those people, I would think omg glad I dodged that bullet, that guy was crazy, imagine what he would've done if you were his girlfriend and you did something he didn't like or dumped him. I'd be dead now.

Ontopic ; I wouldn't date an incel.

[Pikachula]

by the way, have you ever seen these shows on ID? It doesn't matter if they are dating or not, these people many times already have issues, which is the reason why they are like that, those issues will stay in relationships. So no I don't think It saves lives, theyll just get more specific targets

[HereIbe]

They are idolizing him because they want to do what he did. They are evil. That is all there is to it. Terrorism is best answered with extermination.

[JellyDonutguy96]

people with autism already suffer when it comes to dating,

but does having autism make you an incel,

are you automatically undesirable to women because of a condition you can't control

[Curmudgeon]

I don't know. In their *minds*, these people think they have no hope for an assortment of reasons. I suppose this site is trying to convince them that for a fee and a hired matchmaker, there is.

[JellyDonutguy96]

oh do you think I'm one of these people?

[JellyDonutguy96]

those*

[Curmudgeon]

Not at all! I honestly don't know about you.

I just wondered that if this service is for real, and it appears to be, would this save some young men from going off the rails and doing something really awful, or even just save them from wallowing in their despair.

[JellyDonutguy96]

damn are all autists this pathetic?
this is what liking SEGA does to you

[purple1]

i'd never date a sexist man, incels many seems sexist!

[MarketData]

No woman will go near that site. It would be more popular if they called it Date A Loser.

[HereIbe]

Bull-fucking-shit. This is like saying "Join ISIS, this will save lives." The ONLY proper response to terrorists and would-be terrorists is extermination.

[Curmudgeon]

But how many of these self proclaimed InCels actually become terrorists? Hardly any. Who are they really? Just pathetically sad angsty young men who lack the social skills to get by in the world, and who lack the perspective about what really matters. I am sure the overwhelming majority of such people grow out of it, like we all outgrow teen angst. Their angst, however, does seem to be "on steroids".

[HereIbe]

If that is true, then it is TRULY MORONIC to say "Date an incel - will this save lives?" Get therapy instead of trying to work out all your problems on this web site. Really! It can work wonders if you go into it with the understanding that the therapy is not to feel better, it's to identify specific, concrete aspects of your behavior that you wish to change and figure out ways to change them.

[Curmudgeon]

That most certainly makes sense.

[Curmudgeon]

But so does this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdPe8OkWmt4

[HereIbe]

I get it, you can't get laid. Stop whining and threatening, it only makes you even MORE unfuckable.

[Curmudgeon]

For starters, I am talking about young people, not settled in oldsters like ourselves. Learn to read. And where am I threatening?

[CT_CD]

It will save lives.

[ThePundertaker]

Hmm
Interesting