I thought I would take up @hsshannah96 suggestion and shed some light from a guy's perspective so that certain girls can take some time to possibly wake up from the fact that the world does not revolve around them.
Common Scenarios:
(#1): lying about where we stand in the relationship including about important issues such as where one was, saying one is in an open relationship and one isn’t, saying one loves someone they don’t really love, etc, etc
A guy's perspective: Feelings and intelligence have been disrespected. It is naive to think that we solely are at fault for being inconsiderate of the other's feelings. You are implying that only one side of the relationship is more important and the other should be disregarded. Why would you lie about where you were? Why would you lie about who you are chatting or sexting with? Yes the truth comes out later but it is implied that we solely are the cheaters. We do not like drama so stop causing it.
(#2:) tempting us with sex/ sexual manipulation
a guy's perspective: having sex with someone who isn’t truly enjoying it and treats us like we should be privileged is no cup of tea. Sex to us (in long term relationships) is making love at a level that connects us. We want someone who truly cares about us and wants us. If you do not consider us to be your long term then do not waste our time. We too have feelings.
We also would appreciate it you telling us if you are planning to wait till marriage for sex on the first date so as to not waste both of our time. Do not assume we will be ok with celibacy a few months down the road in a relationship that is going no where. It truly is unenjoyable and it is equivalent to having sex by ourselves. We feel blackmailed and heavily disrespected when you tell us things like “you should be able to wait if you love me”, or "i can do what i want with my body", etc. If you are not into sex then let us move on to find the one person who truly wants to be with us.
(#3): jumping to a conclusion about us based on a lack of information or using a piece of information against us in an argument and more importantly expecting us to read your mind.
from a guy's perspective: there are women who are known for this behaviour and think it is virtue. It is frustrating and right down toxic. We may be an individual that is open minded and we think critically and often outside of the box but we generally focus on thing at a time which is why we found odd ways to cope with everyday life. It is stressful and frustrating by putting up with a partner who thinks the world revolves around her. They wouldn’t be a good partner for me either short or long term. Making up your own rules and expecting us to follow them as if they are the only way is short sighted. We know how to communicate. If you have a problem tells us. Do not think that what is an issue to you is an issue to us and that we will automatically correct it for you as if we are on the same wave length. We like working together on problems. If we didn't we would not be into baseball or football.
#4: cheating
from a guy's perspective: We were taught to support and build for ourselves and for our future families growing up. We are focused on keeping things running smoothly and that includes our relationship with you. So we become incredibly angry, frustrated and distraught when your mind becomes distant only to find out later that you were cheating. No guy is expecting a mind reader, again this is a girl thing. You take it upon yourselves to do the mind reading. You are directing your affection, wants and needs on another person. It’s precisely that aspect of discussing feelings so much that makes you feel like you can do it effectively. We admit that we thought we had something beautiful going and we lost it. It's ok if we lost it. We just don't need you to put salt in the wound.
(#5:) not cleaning up after yourselves/cleaning up after us
from a guy’s perspective: we were taught growing up to take care of ourselves. And some of us do keep our places tidy. But where we keep our things works for us. You’re mistake is thinking it has anything to do with you. It is not about you. We are simply more comfortable with that mess than you are. I don’t expect you to do anything about it, but you do anyway and then proceed to complain about it. Your nagging will not help. Plus do not think you are immune from causing a mess and keeping a tidy place. You are not such an angel yourself.
#6: being “with” us until you get someone else “better”
from a guy’s perspective: Yes. Considering what you put us through in the first 5 issues we made a choice about what’s worth spending time on, so our time isn’t being wasted. You have made it clear we are wasting your time so why bitch about it. Based on what you value you can not appreciate the time spent. It is as if your time wasn’t worth spending in the first place. So we decided to prioritize ourselves.
The guys who go through many girls are usually players and really do not care about your feelings. The rest of us are not players and we do not appreciate being treated like we are. Why do you keep chasing the same guys if you all see it happening and have to complain about not feeling good enough and all the rest of it. Your masochism is a problem and now I have to hear about?
The rest of us guys know about you girls. Nothing we do could ever be good enough and we would rather not exert ourselves trying to make it your way to make you happy. We are not sad about how you treat us, we just don't give a shit. So the idea that we are selfish is one sided. We just chose to get out of a toxic relationship. If you don't like too bad.
any more questions on
#aguysperspective ??
Give scenarios and ask for the #guysperspective
in the comments!
This is in response to the one sided my take from @hsshannah96.
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