The Truths about cheating that nobody likes to hear

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

This Take is inspired by some talking - and discussions - I've had with a friend and ex-manager of mine. Since we have developed a close friendships over the years, we have supported each other through personal problems of all kinds.

But this all changed when in a stormy afternoon of November 2019 she told me something she felt she had to confess to someone - she had an affair and cheated on her husband.
While I did my best to be a good friend and avoid being judgmental, I was left raising an eyebrow at her apparent belief that she was a victim of her circumstances - it's not that she took no responsability at all for cheating on her husband, but she definitely saw the affair as something that happened to her and not as something she made happen.

Since I didn't want to be too harsh, judgmental or take the high moral ground, I mostly listened in silence and avoided telling her my frank opinions, but since a year and a half has passed, I formed my own opinion about cheating - not just her situation - but cheating and affairs as whole and people who feel like they are the victims of an affairs ''happening'' to them.

So let's take a look at the ugly Truths I've discovered about cheating.

- The only victims of cheating affairs are the partners who get cheated on

Affairs are not passive events that just happen to people. It doesn't ''just happen'' for someone to cheat on your partner. Unless they were raped or blackmailed into it, who cheated decided in their full conscience to cheat.
You don't have the excuse of being seduced or not having resisted the temptation.

- Affairs and cheating are completely and easily avoidable.

If you are unhappy in your marriage or relationship, do something constructive about it such as seek out professional counseling - even if it's to help you break up - and talk to your partner. Waiting until you are sure will do little more than make help time pass and bring you to the boiling point of not being able to "take it" another second, making you much more likely to cheat or engage in ambiguous behavior.

- Affairs are planned and premeditated

Yes. Even if you're not fully conscious that you're planning them. As with most compulsive acts, affairs don't start in that split second you and your lover's eyes meet and you're consumed with burning passion and sexual desire - the affair can be set up and planned hours, days, months and sometimes years in advance.

- Affairs are not just about sex

True, for many people sex clearly plays a huge part in the allure of a new relationship or exciting adventure. Feeling attractive to someone is exhilarating and gratifying. Seducing someone can be a powerful ego boost. And, alongside being a tension reliever, sex can give you a sense of wellbeing.
For some people, it can be addictive and even become an obsession.
But some people do it because they really don't feel understood or appreciated by their current spouse or partner and look for someone who can. This leads us to...

- Affairs are not the easy way out of a marriage or relationship

When your ex is hurt and devastated, it will make any divorce or break up much more painful and complicated, more emotional and it will take far longer to recover from than it would have if you had come to the decision from a more mutual decision.
What's more, you'll have to deal with a vengeful ex, who'll most likely want to have payback on you. Even if they aren't that vengeful, you'll leave yourself a trail of bitterness and tears much worse than the one of a simple break up.

Someone who's been cheated on will be traumatized. It will be very difficult for them to trust someone ever again. They'll spend hours thinking what they did wrong and why they ''weren't enough''.

- What to do if the ''urge'' persists?

You have think and decide what's best for you, without hurting others.
Maybe you are just not ready for a committed relationship, or maybe you just need to settle into an open relationship where monogamy is not a requirement. Only you can know.
But don't lie, or cheat, or betray one's trust - even if it's an easy gain now, the price down the road might be really much more than you bargained for.

Thank you for reading, and feel free to leave your opinion!
A hug from me,
Jean

[Aeon_Norell]

Your points are valid, but I get the feeling that you have never been in a relationship that pushed you close to your limit.
Cheating is never right, but we often forget to take into consideration what the cheater is going through.
I shall admit that I've never cheated, but have found myself on the path in that direction and have had a talk similar to your with a friend who needed to unburden himself.

He and I went through the same events. We loved our partners, but didn't realise in time that our relationships were suffocating us and putting us into a state of psychological stress. We started interpreting women's kindness as signs of interest and began interacting more with other women and flirting. I realised what was happening, but he started seeing another woman in private, initially thinking of her as a great friend who understood him, and eventually he ended up in bed with her.
He told me that his mind and body made no effort to resist. He thought of his girlfriend, but his mind simply made up an excuse of this affair just being about sex and therefore was okay. According to him, it only happened once, after which he ended both relationships.

And that's why I can sympathise with the feeling of cheating happening to the cheater. I've felt this. The stress of my own relationship was slowly increasing the stress and gradually reducing my resistance. So slowly that I didn't notice it. And looking back, I see that my judgement was affected by this. I initially failed to realise that I was flirting, which I (at that time) thought of as cheating.

So yes, the act of engaging in non-consensual sexual activities outside the relationship is a conscious decision, but at that point a person may be so far out or desperate that they fail to resist.
Again, this doesn't make it right, but rather than judging people, we should try talking to them and help them work through what ails them.

So why didn't I end my relationship before it got so far? As stated, I loved my partner. She was (and is) an amazing person. And the stress grew gradually, so I didn't realise the magnitude of the issue.

I'm glad to see that you mention open relationships. That's not the right choice for everyone, but it is an option, and it's great to see it presented with no negative connotations.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Thank you for sharing your experience and insights, I wholeheartedly appreciate them!
To be honest, I too have been hit a couple of times with the temptation to cheat - not sexually, but emotionally - but in the end I just opted for withdrawing from everyone and excluding people, my partner included.

But, the key difference in your experience and that of my friend - and your friend - is that you made the right, honest choice, and didn't betray your partner's trust even if you could have, and maybe scot-free.
I'm not condemning the temptation, we are human after all - but acting on it, no matter how sympathetic the motivations, is always wrong.

[Dragonpurple]

There is more than just one true victim. Often times the other person, may not know that the man or woman they are seeing is already married.

The person who chooses to cheat often will find they cannot cheat if whoever they are flirting with and making moves on knows they are already in a relationship.

Granted there are some people out there, men or women that don't care and will happily proceed but the majority will not.

My ex cheated on me a lot, things would seem to be going good to me, no fights, no real issues and then she'd say she needed a break and would move back home with her mother for a few weeks or months. All those times we'd separate for a bit she took that as a hall pass to go hook up with other guys. She would never tell me about it though and her mother was in on it to cover it up as if she was a victim herself and had to get her needs fulfilled else ware. I found out when finding a love letter from a neighbor who lived in the same building as her mother. He knew she wasn't single but she denied anything happened said he just had a thing for her. I got suspicious but had no evidence of anything.

Eventually I caught her red handed with a different guy, some guy who just wanted to get some that had no idea she was married. He seemed so sorry and left. She then pursued him after I filed for divorce saying I'm single now and they got back together.

Even when caught red handed, she denied cheating... would never admit to it ever. Most likely cause she could never admit she was a cheater. She (likely to this day) see's herself as a victim of many men.

She also didn't want a divorce cause I was taking care of her, and she claimed she loved me. In the end when I told her I wanted to end it and took steps that direction, she decided to make up stories about how mean and violent I was... to get sympathy from her family when it would eventually end. Make me look like this violent abuser.

I was the one to end it though and she told me she'd make me pay through my teeth if I did so. Her new guy that she married she cheated on him too, they didn't even last a year.

I actually ran into him after all this and he was apologizing so bad, said he had no idea and never would have done anything had he known.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Damn, I'm sorry to read this, you really went through hell.
I hope you are recovering well and doing better now.

[zagor]

Hope you didn't get stuck with the bill.

[Dragonpurple]

@zagor Just the legal bill... no Alimony, we weren't married long enough, thank god.

She did play the court system by not showing up, knowing I'd have to pay my attorney $250-300 an hour to sit around, and that the judge would just give her a stern lecture. Which is what happened on several occasions, then mediation as required by law she argued with her own attorney who said what she wanted wasn't possible and wasted an entire day of each of us paying our own attorney's and splitting the mediator.

In the end, 15 grand or so in legal fees to get away from her, doesn't matter that the court ordered her to pay most of it back... she will never pay a dime. Beats alimony though, one time fee and done... lol.

[zagor]

Yeah financially at least it is a lot cheaper than some of my non-relationship screw-ups.

[Alyssa11]

This is very well written! As someone’s who’s been cheated on by a fiancée and was (kinda still is) traumatised, I completely agree with what you said. Almost a year later, and it takes *everything* in me to even consider giving a man some of my time. And even when I give in, that fear of being betrayed is always going to be somehow inside of me. I’ve literally just accepted that some wounds leave permanent scars. And being cheated on is an example. It’s completely avoidable and only unaccountable, irresponsible and immoral humans cheat. It’s really not that hard to make your mind up and go after what you want, but I guess not everyone has that kind of mindset.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Thank you for your kind words and sharing your experience, I wholeheartedly appreciate it.
I'm really sorry you had to go through all that, I hope you are recovering and doing better!

[Alyssa11]

Thank you! Much much better :)

[PaynefulPleasures]

✌️💞

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Perfectly put, my friend!

[PaynefulPleasures]

Same to you, your commentaries are always a pleasure to read, powerful,& hold much truth

[Daniela1982]

Unfortunately some just never consider the consequences of their actions or who it will hurt. Who knows, maybe they don't even care.

[PaynefulPleasures]

They're cold, calculated, players ✌️

[razelove]

Bravo, I have a wide scope of knowledge, but fail to reach that depth. My experience with cheating was simply it was something in my first marriage that she did to hurt me and cause drama. I tried reversing the tables by cheating on her with her friends, it made me feel like a bag of shit, and oddly led to her getting into physical fights with her friends.

It was a rollercoaster that had reached its peak when I was about 17. What I feel most foolish about is realizing that drama was the key component, so simply saying "I don't care, and by the way I'm broke" caused her to exit my life along with her threats of suicide and what not if I left her. That took until I was 19 or 20, and don't care to dig out the divorce decree to see which.

That did leave me with a very much... fucked up... view of what relationships should be though. I simply played the field for about 2 or 3 years until I met my wife, and we wound up in a poly relationship.

She trusts me with her life, and the same is true the other way around. If she has advice to give, I listen. In my first marriage though, honestly there's still money in bank accounts I've forgotten about collecting interest. On some level I knew that those issues would never be reconciled and planned against them. At the same time I was working against myself as I have terrible memory problems, so travelling and stashing money here and there, well, I can't recall all the places I've been, and used the rice-paper/$100 on the passport trick too many times.

I wonder how that works with the new RFID chip.

[YourFutureEx]

Which chip?

[razelove]

@YourFutureEx The US passport, with the RFID chip. I keep thinking and the only real solution would be to read it with an HID scanner, make a copy of the original, or put an HID card in for scanning while blocking the chip, let the card or dupe chip get read/wrote, and toss that shit. If it could work with the card that would be like 30 cents a pop, which is gravy. At the same time I think there's a back-up wire in the spine of it, which would be trickier. Altering passports is bad news bears if someone cares to prosecute there.

Most countries don't bother stamping now with the chip, you just write the data for visa entry onto the database, when getting a new passport instead of checking stamps they read the database, same with re-entry, so going somewhere like syria would be frowned upon if you went through "legitimately", things like that.

https://www.shusterman.com/pdf/ppcard108.pdf

Info on the security of the new passports. You MUST put them in a faraday cage when not in use, as I could simply skim your identity with a midrange reader. They're cheap to get though, so that's good.

[YourFutureEx]

Thanks for the information.

[Apope16]

Great take!

Yes. You are correct. MOST AFFAIRS are not about sex. It is about a psychological or emotional problem that has not been addressed. These are situations where couples therapy or individual therapy is needed but the affair and the emotional validation and the excitement of such an act takes the place of what a therapist should be.

Second, most people who cheat never take full responsibility for it. Not only that but hollywood movies glorify cheating as acceptable. Your friend is actually a horrible human being that needs to be called out to her face. Affairs do no "happen to you". Like you said it is something that is chosen.

Not sure if you should be friends with someone like that. Great take.

On the other hand... while I have not had an affair I have been very promiscuous after breakups and fucked around with different women. Sometimes, sex is used like heroin. emotional validation too. It is done to escape and ease pain.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Very in-depth and thoughtful opinion, thank you for sharing!
I agree with all your points.
Eventually, I had to distance myself from her because of her other behaviors, and the fact that she kind of tried of screw me over because she didn't trust me after telling me that.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Real truth here!!! To me cheating is the act of a selfish person who thinks of noone but themselves...

[genericname85]

actually most cheaters violently regret their action immediately after. so they do think of other people. just not in that moment. i think in most cases it is actually more of a issue with going for short term immediate gratification and ignoring long term concepts that may be so bad that it needs clinical psychological attention. i mean one would have a serious issue with short term reward brain chemistry if they did that. not condoning cheating. but i think compassion and understanding always helps more than hate. even if hate may not be entirely inappropriate.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@genericname85 If that's true, why are most cheaters repeat offenders then🤔

[genericname85]

because they don't get treated for the psychological issue i just mentioned. they just fall on their face witht heir missbehavior and try again. i don't think there's a lot of awareness for that, cause cheaters aren't met with compassion but with hate and are thus never made aware of the fact that they probably need therapy.

[genericname85]

i'm of course not condoning the act of cheating.

[genericname85]

i mean imagine you find yourself cheating on one girl that you really loved after the other. that is a horrible experience and people tend to stay in that viscious circle hurting one girl after the other, cause they don't know what causes their behavior.

[genericname85]

of course it's not an exclusively male issue. a predominantly male one tho.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@genericname85 I'm sorry, that's bullshit.. There's perks that brag about being players and side chicks... Please stop making excuses for those people.. They'll never see what they're doing as wrong the more people that excuse the bullshit

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@genericname85 *people

[genericname85]

you're bunching in lots of people in the same box that don't belong in that same box. the issue that i am describing does not imply to those that fully plan out doing that to a person from the get go.

you're drawing a villain you can hate so you can not have compassion and understanding. and then you throw everyone together with that villain. but the truth looks differently. most cheaters cheat in affect. most of them as i describe do genionely regret immediately after they consciously process what they have done.

of course those despicable people you just drew as the villain also exist. i'm not denying that but i'm not speaking about those.

[genericname85]

i would say those you refered to have a severely underdeveloped sense of empathy or they have been wronged in their own live so badly that they now feel legitimated in paying back some of the pain they experienced. but i of course don't understand every of those cases.

any way i hope you notice what i'm trying to do here. you're making life terribly easy for yourself, if you just assume everyone who does bad things is evil and you aren't. truth is usually more complex than that.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@genericname85 You jumped on my thread... And if people are so remorseful, why don't most come clean till they get caught? And again why do they repeat they're actions. And you thinking of "their" mental health. What about the mental health of the people they cheat on? Went don't their mental health count... Keep justifying tho. Agree to disagree

[genericname85]

"You jumped on my thread" i know i did. if you don't like that, i'm sorry. i won't bother you longer if you so choose. but if you choose to continue the conversation, i will tell you the answer to the questinons you just asked in your last comment. if you don't wish to continue this conversation, i will not force myself on you. so please tell me what you'd prefer.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@genericname85 You know there was just a guy saying that period should be like animals and sleep with whoever and not make cheating wrong. And then in another thread where a female user said men can't control their cocks and I disagreed, my hubby controlled his for 20 years, same male user said my hubby would leave if I tried to control him. Except didn't have to control him. He chose not to be with anyone else, cuz me and his family meant something to him. And he died, not walked out, so... But see, that was the point I was trying to make. People have more sympathy or excuses for the cheaters. But noone forced them to get in a relationship. Stay single and mingle if can't stay true to one woman. Or find people okay with it. There's some men and women okay with open relationships 🤷🏼‍♀️

[genericname85]

i would assume that your husband does not have any of the mental issues that i've been trying to ake you aware of. people who don't have those don't tend to cheat. that's why things worked out for you and him. good for you. nothing wrong with that.

[genericname85]

i'm not trying to condone cheating. cheating is horrible and i condem that. i also resent people that cheat but at the same time i think it is appropriate to still have understanding and compassion for the issues that can be fixed to make them better people.

[genericname85]

it's like: why do you have understanding and compassion for someone that kills himself as a consequence of severe mental health issues, putting everyone in their circle through severe traume but you don't have any compassion that cheats on someone because they have mental health issues.

[genericname85]

by the way, i'm not only talking about male cheaters. just as an reminder.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@genericname85 Oh I know women cheat too, and it's just as wrong when they do it

[genericname85]

any comments on the mental health issue? or do you prefer staying ignorant of them so you can think of cheaters as villains?

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

@genericname85 Okay done now..
That's what you call discussion?
And umm, you diagnosing people you don't even know, so how do you know why they did what they did? Again that's just an excuse. I ain't making anyone a villain. They do it to themselves🤷🏼‍♀️

[genericname85]

i'm not diagnosing parcitular individual people, i'm telling you about statistically relevant facts about people in general... i majored in social science and minored in psychology.

[genericname85]

i'mm not qualified to diagnose people. i'm not a doctor of psychology. but i can talk about prevalent phenomenons in society.

[genericname85]

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3407304/ here you can get a very good overview which factors lead to cheating (extradyadic behavior)

[OlderAndWiser]

I cannot add anything to this. You have comprehensively summed up the morality/immorality of cheating.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Thank you for your kind words, I wholeheartedly appreciate them!

[Miristheiss]

I'd say the 2 top ways to avoid this... outside of just choosing good mates... choosing high character mates with integrity and who care about others as opposed to someone who is selfish, entitled, has a history of cheating already... the top 2 ways to avoid this are:

1. Continue to date and court your mate after you become a regular item or are married.
2. Have good boundaries.

Many win the heart of their mate and then they just hit that routine of no longer trying... every day and week is in the same rut, you do the same things and have patterns and schedules that just never change and you no longer put in the effort and try to be creative, romantic, always doing new things and having new experiences and you let yourself go. You get out of shape, don't look your best... etc.

Couples should win their mates heart and then quit. "Ehhh, they have to love me now, I've hooked them... now I can relax and take the next 10 years off."
Couples should continue to court their mate... learn new things, go on fun dates and surprise each other, go to new places, do new things, stay fit and try to look good for their mates... etc.

Couple need good boundaries with the opposite sex. If and when they are spending too much time with an opposite sex person to where they kind of begin to fancy them and feel a little tingle when they are around them then you should cut the interaction with that person and stop spending time with them and/or sharing all the personal stuff about each other. If your response to starting to feel stuff about another man or woman is to keep spending time with them and hanging out because you like the tingles you get then you are setting yourself up for an affair. If you cut contact and starve any growing feelings you may preserve your current relationship.

Few go from 100% faithful to full blown sex with another person in one fell swoop.
Usually it results from taking many, many little short cut decisions that leads you from A to B to C to D... to where the next thing your are cheating and you wonder how did I go from A to Z? It was all those little decisions you made of not honoring good boundaries that go you there.

[ladsin]

I like it. I think I agree by and large. I may sympathize with the difficulty of relationships, but I never find cheating to be a viable answer.
My parents got married in their mid-twenties thinking that they were in love and in part due to my unexpected arrival. After I was born apparently my mom suffered from postpartum and withdrew emotionally and physically (per my father). Then my father “accidentally” dropped me down the stairs nearly killing me and leaving me incapacitated for some time leading to further withdrawal from my mother (per my father). Then my father met my ex-step mother (of twenty years) and found someone who was willing to be physically intimate and whatnot (not sure how that came about). He then decided to leave my mother for her and essentially kicked us out of the home and my mother had to cross state boundaries to be closer to her family to help raise me which he allowed. I know he’s regretted that decision for the past 20-25 years. However there’s no medicine for regret in this world. My mother is a saint who went above and beyond to raise me as best she could. I saw my mother’s struggle and my father’s regret. Thus why I say cheating is never a valid answer.

[ilikefrogsalot]

If you don't mind me asking, do you have a relationship with your father and have you forgiven him? Your father sounds like a waste of oxygen, no matter how long ago that happened.

[ladsin]

@ilikefrogsalot yep. I just moved across the country and changed careers so I’m living with him for a few months. I love my old man, he made a bad decision and we all paid the price for it. I grew up with no dad in the home. My mother had to raise me pretty much on her own, and my father had to watch his son grow up without being there. He wasn’t able to teach his only child baseball or how to shave, or embarrass me with my first girlfriend. All of these things hurt him deeply. Even though he was in the wrong I certainly think he’s paid a fair share.

[TruthBringer]

This is a well-thought out take! I'm proud to say that I have never cheated in my life and I intend to keep it that way. Allow me to also add that it's our responsibility to make sure we choose a partner that gives us the least amount of red flags that we are dealing with a potential cheater. This is why I make sure to never get in a relationship with someone who has a history of cheating. Becuase the odds of them cheating once more is higher than someone who has no history of cheating. Is there a guarantee my partner will not cheat? Of course not. But are the odds slimmer? Yes.

Same goes for not choosing a partner who has lead a promiscuous past. Those are the kind of people who are also more prone to cheat in comparison to people who have spent their time committing to long term relationships (despite them ending).

So in the end, it's also OUR responsibility to do everything in our partner to make sure we don't choose the 'wrong kind', in the first place. I would much rather get with an introverted girl who sits at home doing what she loves than to get with a party girl who goes clubbing. Because the latter is notorious for cheating behavior.

[joeldalton]

In some circumstances I think you’re right. In others, I almost see affairs as analogous to a suicide attempt. When someone attempts suicide (with clear intention of not succeeding) they are doing an extreme act to show the other people in their lives how much they are hurting inside and acting out in a way that spreads their pain out to the people they care about the most.

While it’s really easy to say “talk to your partner” if someone is unhappy in a relationship, you’re making the bold assumption that they aren’t talking. Adult relationships are complex and messy. If one in a relationship doesn’t feel wanted or needed, they can talk till their tongue falls off if the other partner isn’t willing to meet half way. And saying glib statements like “well just get a divorce” isn’t helpful. With children and years of history with a person, a divorce isn’t as easy as it is in the movies.

So these people find attention in the arms of others, and are often very sloppy at hiding the affair. They want to be caught.

[Anonymous]

From someone who has been cheated on I have learned to accept the one thing I wish I didn’t have to accept-they found me a burden. Even to hurt me was a burden because I didn’t deserve it and they knew that, but to have me was a burden, because I wasn’t exactly what they wanted. To have met me was a burden because I think he wished he didn’t have to deal with me, my feelings, guilt, shame, etc. He just wanted to escape from me. So, one day, after fighting for an understanding on what I could do I just said “be free.” And let him go. Suddenly, I was gone. As simple and easy as that, I was out of his hair. I don't know why he did it, but he came back. He was in tears, in shambles, begging for a second chance to prove himself. Maybe feeling like he wasn’t good enough for me was a slap in the face for him, maybe he realized I wasn’t the problem. But the fact that he chose to hurt me again was my fault, however he could never ever think of that experience as “happening to him” again after that. I left and he came back. After that, I think he should be aware that he chose to cheat because he is too self absorbed to have tried not to

[Coulis]

This is bang on. Though if it were my friend I would have told her about her ass.

We all face temptation. There is nothing we can really do about it. But how we act on it is teally what separates the golden wheat from the chaff.

If you still know you want your partner, then best thing to do is to remove yourself completely from the situation.

If you can't avoid the irritant as much as possible.

Be honest and work out your problems. I don't mean cinfessing the temptation because some partners will use it as a weapon. And if you are trying to not cheat then making this outsode force irrelevant is what's best.

But, temptation is sometimes a symptom of a failed relationship. If itnis failed just be stand up about it. End it as an adult with a clean break and do what you need to do afterwards.

[Daniela1982]

People like to rationalize their cheating. They say to themselves, "That blanking bitch! She doesn't want sex with me anymore. Well if you won't some other girl will!" The problem is inevitable when you just let your thoughts run rampant instead of having a heart to heart with your mate asking them if there is a problem and if there is to talk about it. Usually issues can be cleared up this way. There could be mental or physical problems that they kept to themselves and you never knew they had them. Above all, talk and maybe get counseling before you throw the relationship away.

[Daniela1982]

The downvoter probably didn't pay any attention to his girlfriend.

[DaMack999]

You forgot one for the woman. I really needed the job and promotion so I had to sleep with boss. Lol

[Daniela1982]

@DaMack999 Was one boss Harvey Weinstein?

[DaMack999]

Donald Trump lol

[UnknownUser01]

Unpopular opinion here , I do see where your friend is coming from and there's some truth in ->
"She saw the affair as something that happened to her and not as something she made happen."

If you talk to marriage counselors , they will tell you it's common in affairs for people to feel that way mostly because affairs began when one partner lacks emotional support and affection from their spouse over a period of time. This neglection leaves a person emotionally vulnerable so when someone else comes in (usually a coworker ) boom, dopamine start flowing and before you know it, you're having an affair.

I not saying it's right , but I understand why she felt that way.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Thank you for sharing your insight and observations!
I see your points and I think that they are perfectly valid, and I know enough of her situation to say that the neglect part rings true... but I think I myself too did a good job of supporting her without getting into an affair and giving my insights, although naturally after that due to this and some of her behaviors I had to put distance between us.

[Tanisha69]

The truth is that cheating sucks. I did it once in my life, I been with a guy who had a fiancee. We had fun b/c we were both wanting each other BUT it wrecked his relationship when she found out and I now have an enemy for life. Also it didn't go anywhere with him either, he just wanted sex and that is it and I cut it off quick when I realized that.

It was a big mistake and I promised myself I would NEVER be the girl on the side ever again. and I haven't done it even when its been tempting.

I will not cheat on a guy or wreck any more relationships for anyone else. Never again

[Daniela1982]

It's even worse when you knew he was already taken. But you learned your lesson, the hard way unfortunately.

[Tanisha69]

@Daniela1982 yes I did

[Finchie40]

Cheating occurs a lot , and it is definitely a selfish choice to make , considering if you are that unhappy with your partner then end the relationship, if you can’t resist temptation then that’s your answer to not be in a relationship , What really gets me is someone that cheats on their partner then tries to go back to their partner like nothing happened , The cheater already answered their own question that they don’t really love and value their current partner if they can go screw someone else , so my thing is if you are
Going to cheat end your relationship with your current partner , So many people hate to admit that they are a piece of shit but it’s better to be honest then to live a lie and waste your time with someone that you don’t really love and value , to me they are the worst cheaters

[Tdieseler]

Not bad, not bad... i will be bringing out my article too about what i think cheating is... and we will go from there. i too believe that the victim of cheating... is the other partner. BUT according to my theory... there is a true victim... and its not the one that others think it is.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Thank you.
That's really interesting, I can't wait to read your Take once it's published!

[Tdieseler]

i will try to tag you in it.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

I look forward to it!

[worldscolide]

All true.. Cheating is an incredible act of selfishness. It shows that the person that cheats is devoid of moral character, and unable to truly love anyone but them selves.

Fantastic mytake. As someone who has been cheated on, i will never visit that kind of pain on anyone.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Thank you for your kind words, I wholeheartedly appreciate them!
I'm sorry you had to go through that, it must have been awful. I hope you are doing better now.

[worldscolide]

Much better. That person was 10 years ago.

[worldscolide]

Wonder who down-voted me..

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Probably some troll...

[worldscolide]

More than likely.

[ChrisMaster69]

Very good write up and accurate.

I can reflect with a lot of that and for a couple that know my past understand my views on cheating.

those views are covered pretty well in the above.
thanks for sharing

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

You are welcome, thank you for your kind words and observations, I wholeheartedly appreciate them!

[Puppystarfish23]

I'm sorry but if you cheat you don't love your partner end of. If you did the idea of hurting them would make you feel physically sick to the stomach. I could personally never forgive myself if I cheated on my boyfriend.

I don't know how anyone who cheats expects forgiveness or things to go back as it is. If they do that shows how little respect they have for there partner as they can't see there partner deserves to be with someone who can keep there belt buckled. Is ruining someone's life really worth a quick, meaningless shag I don't think so.

[exitseven]

Yes, I have been married for many years and had the opportunity a few times over the years to cheat but I never would do it. I have had a girlfriend cheat on me and I was really broken up over it. I would never do that to my wife. There are better ways to handle marital problems.

[Poppykate]

The ultimate truth about cheating- the spouse always finds out!

[Dragonpurple]

Even when caught red handed they'll still try to deny it though.

[Alyssa11]

Say it louder for the people in the back!!! The truth ALWAYS comes to surface!