My boyfriend is best friends with his ex. Should I trust him with her?

He says he loves her but is not in love with her.I have been seeing him for 8 months and wen I met him she had moved out of his house but had her things still there.Now she has slowly moved her stuff out and he tells me she knows he is with me but he just wanted her to move on with his help as she was so dependent on him when they were together.She lives 2 hours away from him now and he allows her to come visit when she has problems.Such as how to do her tax or save money blah blah.But she tells him she wants him back and still is in love with him. When she visits she stays the night but he tells me he sleeps on the couch. I never hear from him when she is around. He says I am to trust him and that she is just a friend.If I say anything about the situation he won't talk to me for days cause he says he doesn't need my jealousy. He then says that I can't stake claims on him cause it will make him back off. I really care for him and when we are together we have so much closeness and fun and get on fantastically. But I'm not sure that I can go on like this with her in his life at this level. I have remained friends with some of my ex's and we even attend the same social outings with our new partners and its normal.But this is not normal. They don't have kids or anything that should keep them so close. Its got so bad that I am not ever allowed to question one thing about her without him cutting me off for days as though I should be so understanding and secure about this situation.Would anyone else be? Am I being paranoid and jealous for no reason? Should I believe he just wants to help her? When I'm with him she calls him on the phone over and over. And he answers her. But when he is with her he ignores me.I don't know how to deal with this and be assertive about this without losing him. I wanna be able to set my boundaries about this and allow him to retain his friendship with her if he chooses but to respect how it makes me feel. He says she knows about me and I believe that cause he lives with his 6yr old daughter and she talks about me all the time.But if this is so innocent with her than why is he treating her differently than he does me? I'm so confused. I don't wanna own him or anyone for that matter as I believe people should be allowed to what they want as long as they are truthful about it so the other person can choose their options knowing all the facts.And then that's their choice. I would love some advice about my situation. Can anyone help?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Im sorry honey but to me there is something more going on. You should be his number one priority but frankly she is. He needs to let go of her which it doesn't sound like he is willing to do. You must be assertive and refuse to be treated like second best. He is stepping way over the line with her and putting you on the back burner. The fact that he doesn't answer the phone to you among many other things you say he does tells me he is cheating. I'm sorry but if that wasn't true he would be more willing to ease your mind and let you be around with her there etc etc. If your the type that needs proof to know for sure he is cheating then get it and move on. You deserve to be put first and to be cherished by who your with. Sit him down and tell him this must stop occasionally phone calls from her okay maybe but the visits etc etc must stop or your gone. I have a feeling he will let you go. Him cutting you off when you even question him isn't right. Good Luck and be strong...

    • Thankyou for your honest answer. I agree. And I have never been in this situation before so I wasn't sure if I was meant to be tolerant of what he was doing. But your right. He can't have his cake and eat it to

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    • Well I took your advise and you were right. He let me go. In fact he told me never to speak to him again cause he should not be told who he can talk to or what he can do. He turned the whole thing on me and just cut me off totally.It has really hurt me but at least I know where I stand now. Thanks 4 your help

    • Oh honey I am sorry but this guy I won't even say MAN is an abuser. he is turning it on you to make you think you are crazy blah blah blah...I know how that feels all to well my ex did that to me when I knew he was cheating and he was. I know it hurts but BE GLAD that is in the past and chalk it up to a learning experience. Never settle for less then you deserve. Do not let him back into your life. AT ALL. If you need to talk then message me. Be strong and this too shall pass...

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  • Get rid of this guy. Anybody who is reacts to your concerns by not talking for days and then turning the issue into YOUR jealousy problem is a nut. You are right, this is not normal.