I started talking to this guy December of last year and he was very sweet. We emailed until February and then started texting. At first he said he wasn't just looking for a piece of ass but wouldn't turn it down. I'm a bigger girl and before we met I told him and I sent a pic in my bra and undies and he said he'd like to get me in his bed. Around the middle of March we met, I went to his place and we talked for a while and then we headed to the bedroom. We had talked that we each wanted sex so I knew that it was a possibility. We had sex the first time we met and I spent the night with him. At first I knew it was friends with benefits because he'd only invite me over when it was time for bed, but as time went on he kept inviting me over earlier and earlier and we'd hang out together. Now almost 6 months later we still talk every day and see each other almost every day. The sex has slowed down but we still see each other and spend the night with each other. We both have gone through years of depression, been hurt and so i know for me being in a relationship is scary and I imagine it is to him as well. I know this may seem small or like it's taken a long time but we are just now to where we will have our legs rub together on the couch or our feet rub together, before any time I'd try to touch him or hold his hand he would move away like he was scared so I just backed off and let him come to me when he's ready. I feel like I'm ready for hand holding etc but I don't think he is so I'm just being patient. Mentally I've come a long way, I never thought I'd be able to love anyone again or even trust and I do with him. I wanna spend every moment of every day with him, I want to touch him all the time, I wanna feel his arms around me keeping me safe and warm every night, I want to listen to his heart beat as I go to sleep, I'm in love with this guy and as hard as it is for me to trust people I do trust him.
I feel like there has to be something there because we've been together do long now and do all sorts of stuff together but I feel like my weight is holding me back. I feel like if I was skinnier he'd be all over me all the time.