Do I not love him anymore, or is it depression?

Ok, I was always a depressive kid I guess. When I was a teen I usually felt lonely, low self esteem, and sad, but I thought it was a phase. Then I met my boyfriend and next week we're going to have our 3rd anniversary.

Before we started dating I felt great, and after we started I felt I was on Cloud 9. It was awesome, but suddenly from one day to another I felt like I didn't love him... and I also felt like nothing else in my life had a point, music wasn't pleasurable anymore, food wasn't pleasurable anymore, I wasn't interested in things I used to be interested in. I over analyzed everything I felt or didn't feel. I was so worried about not loving my boyfriend anymore! Once we almost broke up and I couldn't, I cried and cried, and we stayed together, I didn't want to leave him but sometimes I didn't care if I didn't see him, etc.

After a couple of months it passed, although I never felt quite normal, I lost my sex drive, and I never fully recovered interest in my past hobbies. I did feel like I loved him again. Little over two years have passed since then, I was doing great, even next week I was feeling better than ever before (about my relationship and life in general), and then all of a sudden from one day to another, I feel like I don't love him. And I don't care about many things now, either.

However it's different this time... it's milder I think. I haven't lost my appetite, although music isn't as pleasurable, I feel demotivated, I don't feel excited about seeing my friends. And I don't really know what I want from life or from myself. But I'm not sure if it's depression, or do I really not love him anymore? Maybe I'm depressed about other things because I don't love him anymore? But how? How could I have fallen out of love from one day to another if we haven't had any problems lately?

Can depression cause 'love' feelings to fade? I don't understand, I DON'T WANT to stop loving him, he's great, we've planned a future and we've gone through so many good things together... I am so scared that I may be falling out of love, I only want to be with him for the rest of my life, but why do I feel numb and like I don't care if I don't see him? I don't want this to happen, I want to love him forever. I don't want to leave him.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Depression can definitely effect love and your relationships with people in general. Have you ever been to a psychiatrist to be evaluated as to whether you actually have depression? From what you describe, it sounds to me like you have it (I've been diagnosed with depression and have read up on it). I found it really helpful to read about symptoms of depression, because as I did I realized a lot of people had the same feelings I do sometimes. There are medications to help stabilize the chemicals in your brain that cause people with depression to feel the way they do, but obviously you'd want to ask a doctor or psychiatrist about that.

    Looking at the situation from a different angle, do you have any substantial reasons to want to break up with your boyfriend? You should think about that so you can tell whether there really is a problem with the relationship or if it's just depression affecting it.

    I really hope I helped... :)


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  • I am going through the same thing; I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, I have a boyfriend for over a year and im worrying too, but I want to marry him, if you are depressed, this could make relationships tense. stay strong, go to your doctor!

  • I am having the same problems. I have recently been diagnosed with anxiety/depression. I have tried 3 different depression medicines and none of them have worked. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and 1/2 now and before this happened everything was going fine. This feeling of not knowing if I love him started about 4 months ago, I can't get it off of my mind and every time I see him I get nervous because of what I'm thinking. I have no reason to break up with him, he has been very supportive of me through this whole thing. I don't know hoe to let this go and wait for it to pass. I m so worried that I am falling out of love and I don't want to. Does this sound like depression effecting my thoughts? and how do I get this off of my mind?

    • i am in the exact same position, I feel so different towards my boyfriend and am currently seeing the doctor about what we suspect is depression. my boyfriend is amazing and I get so angry that I don't look at him the same anymore, I still want to spend nights with him, he is my comfort, I don't have it in me to hurt him and I genuinly don't want to be without him! but its on my mind every single moment of the day that I feel strange, can depression do this to you?