Doomed love affair. Should I go for it? How do I hide if I do?


I have a huge problem.

I'm 19/f and come from a super strict crazy ass family. My parents are very in touch with their culture (not from here) where as I was raised here (I moved when I was 9) I can relate to them but not completely. I feel closer to the culture here...yet I am not allowed to date (No I am not Muslim but we're sort of similar... they're cooler. they believe in love. we're probably mores strict that way and marriage and relationships are a contract. I am not revealing what exactly since I am pretty sure a lot of my friend might be on here) or be romantically involved I have to be at home most of the time. Malls, movies, any other form of entertainment requiring you to be out of the house is highly discouraged and usually requires a "chaperon" . Well you can tell where this is going... yep a doomed love story.

I fell for this french guy over the past few months. We've been eying each other for over a year but he's shy and I've been giving him mixed signals (my parent's travel for business so when their gone I let go a little and dare to look and smile and come up with dumb ways to talk to him... but when they're back I am on my tippy toes to stay out of trouble and avoid being sent back to my fanatic uncles) So for a while it cooled off then my parents where gone for more than 3 months and I couldn't help myself and I kept eying him again and this time he got the hint (I feel so bad, guilty, and selfish) we're at the point where he goes out of his way to come say hello and I know he'll be asking me out. The problem is that I am conflicted. I don't know if I should say yes (because I desperately want to! I really really like him! and I don't know if I would be able to keep him as just a friend) or no (and seriously end it this time once and for all). If I say yes I might get caught and get in trouble especially that my parents are going to be back in a few months for a very long time (no business trips for a while) and I am on a tight leash and my every step will be watched... If I say no I will never know if he and I were meant to be (I really believe he's worth it- I don't usually fall in love or have crushes) ... and if I say no without explaining he'll think I am a jerk. If I do explain why not he might be weirded out... and if I say yes I need him to know that I can't be there always and that our relationship can't be "normal"... I don't want to come off as weird (comes with the territory though, I know... but you just don't tell someone who doesn't know you as YOU yet this kind of stuff at the beginning ...u need them to get to know you first and then decide that it's your parents not you) I don't know if he'll accept it... and I don't have enough time to get this through to him in case we ever get together. he might think I am wasting his time...

+1 y
Should I go for it then? Give him the benefit of the doubt to see if he won't judge?
Doomed love affair. Should I go for it? How do I hide if I do?
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