I've been dating my current girlfriend for two years as of a week from now and it has been by far the best relationship i've been in to date. With this said, in my last friendship with benefits we began to "date" if you could call it that for about a week and it just ended abruptly with no real words shared. However, our whole thing was for over two years and we were very close. It was really mysterious and still very much bothers me to this day like a hole in my heart. About two weeks ago I ran into her and it was the very nice how have you been since I we dissappered talk and she wanted to get coffee but I had class to go to and I was uncomfortable with it. She tried to give me her number, I declined and said i'll get ahold of you. Fast forward about a week. My girlfriend and I never fight and we fought during this time and we live together so it's bound to happen. During a moment of weakness I messaged her and asked her if her offer for coffee was still good and it was. Fast forward to yesterday. This was the day her and I were going to coffee. I felt extremly guilty about going but I did. This for me was a huge amount of closure that I needed from her in my life. We talk about our families, our future, and reminisced about our history together. She brought up that she was planning to move to texas to get away to a job out that way. Well this is our last semester and I'm like well I guess this will pretty much be the last time that we see each other. She laughed in sad kind of way and we walked down to our classes hugged and said goodbye. She grabbed my hand at the end as we were about to walk away like she didn't want to split and I don't know how to take any of this as it is so I might just be looking into it too far. Was this a bad choice to want to say goodbye? Should I feel guilty for wanting answers about my past?
Did she deep down have something that she wasn't saying? Did her grabbing my hand like that mean something or am I just crazy for all of this?