How to know if someone want to be your friend or not?

I having a tough time reading this girl.

I known her for a couple months. The first time we met, she introduced herself to me and my friend in class. She is in two of my classes and only sit with me in one. She only calls me when she wants to talk about hw. She helped me when I call her about homework. She helped me with a favor before and she also bought me coffee for helping her. She seem friendly when I talk to her but she could just being nice like I am being nice to everyone.

Now this is where I get these little hints that tell me she doesn't want to be friends. I invited her to my birthday party and she said yes but then she said she couldn't make it on the night of the party (I could excuse this since some of my friends couldn't make it). I am ALWAYS the one who initiate the conversation on topics OTHER THAN hw and try to keep it going. We have short conversations. When we walk together, she always the first one to say "see you later" even though we headed the same way.

I don't want to be the person who can't take a hint.

What are your thoughts?

I don't think she is shy because she introduced herself to me and my friend. She is more talkative with other guys than to me. Is she less talkative to me because I am not talkative?
She drove me home one time because my bike got stolen. Is that what a friend would do or she is just returning a favor?

I am the type of person who help out others so I can't really tell.
Thank you for answering.

How can you tell if the person doesn't want to be friends or not?

I guess I could just ask her if I am a friend to her or just an acquaintance. How would I do that without it being awkward?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I can understand you feeling confused, it sounds to me like you are unhappy and have an idea of what you would like a friendship to be that she is not meeting.

    I feel that if you are not happy then you may need to accept that and find other friends with whom you feel at ease with. Decide what kind of realtionship you want, be specific about it to yourself and don't settle for less.

    Are you attracted to this girl, is that why you are clinging on to her when it seems she is happy whilst you are not? That sounds unbalanced to me and I feel it needs addressing. Have you tried having a conversation with her to tell her how you feel? That really is the only way you can find out if she feels the same way or not, she may understan how you feel and change her behaviour towards you.

    I would also not assume that she turned down your invitation because of you - we all have the right to change our minds don't we, don't you?

    Best of luck and love your way, I hope and trust you will find the relationships you want.

    • I am attracted to her but that's not the point. I just confused because she'll act like she wants to friend but then she'll act like she doesn't. She is really hard to read that is why I am confused.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 5

  • if she hasn't flirted with you yet and hasn't done anything that would resemble that, then that would mean she wants you as a friend. takes time to know...maybe hang out with her to get to know her?

  • ok lol it's the common question of dose she doesn't she the only way your going to find out is by asking her yourself!

    her driving you home because your bike was broke was very kind of her and if she didn't like you then I doubt very much she would have helped but like I said before maybe she is shy with you because she likes you!

    just because she is more talkative with other guys doesn't really mean much as girls and boys put on an act when they know the pearson they like is watching and listening

    • I guess I could just ask her if I am a friend to her or just an acquaintance. How would I do that without it being awkward? The only time I see her is during class.

    • You could always just ask her if she wanted to hang out with you sometime as that put's the ball in her court and your not putting any pressure on her for an imidate answer!

  • it could be that this girl is shy and she's just as unsure about you as you are about her.

    dose it feel like she it only tolerating you when you do talk?

    there is a difference to being nice and being nice just for the sake of it like I said before it could just be that she is shy and doesn't know how to be around you!

    give it time and if your still unsure ask her

    sorry if I haven't really helped

    • She does smile when we talk but then she acts the same way with this guy in class but one time she told me he was getting on her nerves.

    • Then it sounds as though she dose like you just give her time let her know that you like her without having to actually say it yourself. when she smiles then smile back at her.

    • I am shy too that's why it is hard for me to tell.

  • I think she does want to be your friend. If she didn't, she'd just ignore you I think. Friendships develop over time, maybe she just has to warm up to you a little more before being able to have long conversations. Maybe she's not sure you want to be her friend. If you wanna be friends with her, you should just talk and hang out with her more often because it definitely sounds like she doesn't dislike you, so I don't see why you can't be friends.

  • I am female and I know that if I like someone I flirt with them. It is always a two-way thing. If I was acting like that girl is to you, it is because I like you and I see you as a friend. She may suspect that you fancy her and not want to give you any false expectations, or she maynot have a clue and just wants to be friends. I think you like her more than she likes you. Only you can decide what to do about it.

    I hope this helps x x good luck.


What Guys Said 2

  • She is bored and would like some excitement in her life. She accepts your invitations as a friend- but she is looking for those thrills that send shivers up one's spine.

    There is nothing wrong with what you are doing; however, if this girl isn't a complete introvert than there is something bothering her. Obviously, saying she couldn't make it would be one thing; but on the other hand she says "see you later" and then you guys walk the same way.

    My guess is that she has feelings for you because you are a good guy but yet she doesn't have the motivation to jump out-on-a-limb and fight for you. This could be because there was a bad past with her history that has made her supress feelings.

    Best regards,


  • By the way things seem (if there is no flirting) that she only wants to be friends. IF she's only calling you for help on hw and your the one always starting the conversation on other topics besides hw I would have to say she's not really interested in you to much.

    To change this I would make myself a little less available to her, and when you talk try and change the subject more often and try to get to know her and even ask her out to get some coffee ot something, anything to intiate conversation. Plus more flirtation.

    It would seem she's just being nice sorry man.

    Good Luck