He's anti-marriage?

I've been dating a guy for a while now and I recently found out that he's anti-marriage. He says he refuses to sign a legal marriage document. He's also against the idea of engagement rings. Says that they're stupid and a waste of money. He's very against the government, holidays, etc. He even thinks that buying stuff for holidays is stupid. He hasn't gotten me anything for holidays so far, even though I've gotten him some stuff. That sort of makes him seem cheap to me. Now I know marriage isn't until waaaayyy later, but I do really want it someday. He doesn't. I don't want to waste my time with this guy. He and I fight a lot over stupid things and he gets mad super super easy. I don't like that at all - it stresses me out.
Is this thing a waste of time or not? I have no clue. He says he loves me, but I can't say that it's mutual. I like him, but it's not love. Especially not lately with all the fighting. I feel numb right now actually. This whole thing is just pushing me over the edge. What do you think I should do?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • If you don't love him (and heck, even if you do) I think you should abandon ship.

    The thing is, you guys aren't compatible. If you are already getting annoyed about his personality, that's a sure sign that he isn't the person for you.

    All of the following are absolutely signs that you shouldn't be in a relationship with the person:
    1. You want to get married one day. He absolutely does not, and is up front about it. He's not going to change his mind. He doesn't even want a symbol of a commitment (engagement ring). This will lead to a lot of dissatisfaction in your relationship and is honestly the biggest deal breaker. You should break up with him on this basis alone.

    2. He's against holidays and gifting. You like holidays and gifting. You feel hurt if he doesn't give you anything when you give him things, but he doesn't see it that way. Compatibility issue. And if you want and have children (I'm assuming he doesn't, but for the sake of the argument pretend he does) is he going to refuse to pretend about Santa? Is he not going to give them gifts? Holidays are a lively time for children, and they love them! It's a blast to see them so excited about holidays. You'd be depriving your children not celebrating at least a few of them.

    3. You think he's cheap. You want to give him things but he doesn't want to give you things. That's another compatibility issue. You both need to be on the same page when it comes to giving and receiving. It doesn't feel good always giving and never getting. now, you shouldn't EXPECT it, but if you're not getting it... it can really hurt your feelings and make you think poorly about yourself.

    4. You fight a lot over stupid things and he gets really mad super easy. This is not a trait you like. This is not a stable relationship, since there's constant turmoil with the nonstop arguing. That's enough to grate anyone's nerves.

    5. He "loves" you, but you don't love him. That feeling will never come from your side because of the things I've listed above. Love cannot grow from those incompatibilities.

    In short, I think you are wasting your time and energy and feelings on this guy. You should immediately break up with him.

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    • You're absolutely right. I broke up with him and I feel much better now. Thank you!

    • I'm glad I could help! Thanks for MHO :)

      You should try to find out earlier on whether or not someone will be compatible so you don't get connected to someone that isn't right :/ Good luck! I'm glad you feel better!

Most Helpful Guy

  • It doesn't matter if he says he loves you. He doesn't want what you want. He's not even willing to put forth minimal effort to show he cares. You are fighting all the time. You aren't happy. You need to dump this guy. But you knew that, right?

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03
  • Well from the content of your post it should be very clear to you that you only like him and that's not love, there is difference between liking him and loving him, and you don't love him, and secondly he has made it clear that he never wants marriage so that should be a clear signal to you that he will never change and you shouldn't expect anything from him and should consider moving on.

    Third is there is very little to almost no compatibility among you two, so it's best you stay away from him and just live your life.

    I would say you're wasting your time and time is something that's precious.

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  • Big waste of time. You're not compatible

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  • I know where he is coming from. I agree with him on pretty much everything you described about him, but his short temper is unnecessary. He may be against the traditional style of wedding, but I bet if you asked him he would be down with staying with the same person for the rest of his life if he ever found her.

    Have you tried to ask him why he views those things the way he does? I bet if you got it out of him you would maybe understand his point of view. You may even agree with him once you hear his POV.

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