How can I get over my insecurities from my past relationship?

So lately I've been feeling really insecure and sensitive in my relationship, we've been together for a year now. My boyfriend has always been very respectful and kind to me. We've gotten into some arguments, and he's only raised his voice twice out of frustration, but has never crossed the line of insulting me or putting me down.
My last relationship lasted 6 years, we lived together. It was nothing but fighting almost everyday, we were always stressed out, but tried making it work those 6 years. I've never felt insecure in my relationship until the last year. My ex was talking and hanging out with other women, of course we were falling apart, but I never went to the point where I would actually hang out with someone. I think I just needed emotional support. This actually hurt me a lot it made me very paranoid and feeling like I couldn't trust anyone.
I grew up watching my mom and her husband constantly cheat on each other. I've never seen a functional relationship. Even my relationship with my mom is toxic. So it's a very sensitive issue for me. I never want to be like her. I try my hardest to express myself to my boyfriend but sometimes I can't talk about my feelings because I get overly emotional, sometimes I'll get angry and can't talk because I don't want to yell or say something because I'm hurt. I know these feelings have nothing to do with him, and their triggered by my past. I don't want to ruin or put stress on my relationship when he hasn't given me a reason. Sometimes I assume he's talking to other girls or he's tired of me and I know it's all in my head, but I see how much cares for me and sees me as something special. I just wish I felt that secure and could put these insecurities to rest.
I feel like I didn't give myself enough time to get over my last relationship, and those issues are pouring into my new one.
I felt strong and confident at the beginning of my relationship, but as the feelings get deeper, I become more scared and uneasy.
What can I do to help myself?

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  • It sounds like so far this relationship is going a lot better then the last one so that is a plus! However, it does sound like you are struggling to get around feelings in your mind that cannot be solved easily. Have you ever thought about seeing a therapist? I know there is a stigma behind it but they are very good at finding coping mechanisms for situations like yours. You could even bring your boyfriend to the therapy appointments if you think it would be a good idea (your choice). I know what its like to have parents who are in a bad relationship, it is not fun and really effects the children. But don’t worry it is not a relationship death sentence!! Good Luck!!

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  • Its not easy, it'll take a good person to show you how to trust and love again to turn things back around to the bright side.

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    • It's very difficult to get over that paranoid mindset. But thank you💕

  • Well if you two were having some problems and he has been talking to. and hanging out with other females be. careful and if he truly cared for and or loved you no matter what he would listen

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