I think my past is making me shut him out?

I met this guy in highschool, we feel in love and we had some hard times, he has been cheated on by both his ex's and when we first got together he assumes i was like that, so he jumped in to guarded mode, calling me names, being rude, etc, though i seen he loved me, jumping foward some, we are married now, for 6 months, and i feel like the stuff he said to me when we first got together is affecting me on how to be the girl i was when we first met. i dont laugh ir smile the same, i have a bit of an attitude, do to also been treated like this in the past, but i do love him and he loves me, this is starting to affect our realtionship because i get really upset or nervous easily too, thinking ill make him mad or something, (he was also an ass for a while too) we both have changed, but i still think im unknowingly holding a grudge subconsciously. i do not want to dump him or divorce him, he is a great guy, i would just really like some advice so i can calm my internal frustration, and settle this between us once and for all. (if it helps this is how happy we were when ae first got together, we are still happy. but problems with emotional issues, and he's having a hard time him self) any advice please?i think my past is making me shut him out???i think my past is making me shut him out???i think my past is making me shut him out???


Most Helpful Guy

  • it sounds to me like therapy may help

    but i guess you need to remind yourself that those things he said and way he acted were no about you but about him. he was acted from a place of defensiveness and pain from the past

    • thank you, so you think marriage counseling will help?

    • Show All
    • okay, thanks, weve been a lot better and he's starting to listen with out getting mad, its just when he is mad, he gets pissed and can't calm down till its out of his system, and if i calm him down before he's ready, and 6 hours later he's pissed again over something as stupid and me taking his ranch, when it was mine to has, but i said we could share, but he got madder

    • thanks for MHO. best of luck

What Guys Said 1

  • sweet couple


What Girls Said 2

  • I think what you need to do is focus on one feeling at a time and work over it. If you get annoyed/angry at him and little things he does, try to turn that anger into something better. It's hard to change our emotions, but you have to realize that his past he has been hurt, and he has opened himself up to you. He loves you very much, otherwise he woudln't have bothered making things work like they have.

    It's good you're noticing this, because now you can work towards fixing it. Try to build more trust and appreciation between you and him. Let yourself spill whatever you're feeling onto him, instead of keeping it bottled up inside (as that alone can cause those issues too, and get your emotional well being all out of wack)

    You can also work on communicating better. Set aside time each day to talk and get deep into one anothers minds, feelings, and share whatever you need to. Take time to listen to him too, and stop thinking you're a bother to him. You're definitely not, it prob. bothers him more when you don't go to him with stuff. If you need to be sad, have a cry and a talk in his arms. If you need some quiet time, watch a movie with him until you're ready to talk.
    Litle changes can make such a big difference. Try to gain more support for your emotions, don't think its wrong to feel what you are, because it's not at all.

    Also, I think you need to work on yourself too. Learn to be intouch better with yourself, emotions, and why you are feeling the ways you are. Sure it could be a subconsious thing from the past getting to you, but think heavily about your life, your situation, your wants, your needs, your well being, etc. What do you need to change for you to become happy again? Is it just issues with the relationship? Or is it something else bothering you that this is taking credit for? Is it holiday stress, or family things also on your back thats making you put blame on things from the past?
    It could be so much. So please take time to understand your feelings, and hopefully you will see what the underline issues are. Chances are it won't boil down to just one thing.

    I hope you get better, and start feeling better too. You can get through it, have faith in yourself and in him. You guys have been through a lot, hopefully these changes will provice you with an even better connected relationship in the end. :-)

  • If u can set an openly talk about how u both feel.. or if u would be willing there a books on this kind of things.. a lot of things that everyone goes through in marriage.. me an my husband have started a new set of books an they seem to help an we have a few others if u would like to know more about them.. iv told a few others about them an they seem to work for them to! Just remember ur only human an so is he so it's natural to feel this.. it's only if u trust an believe one another that u can an will make ur marriage work!!

Loading... ;