Sexual Relationships
+1 y

Boyfriend won't have sex with me ever?

I will make it short.

I am dating with my boyfriend for 8 months now and i love him veeerýy much.
But he is a virgin and i am his first everything while he is my 10th (2 relationships 3 fwbs and 5 ons).
He is 24 and im 23..

At the beginning of our relationship he asked my about my sexual past. I told him everything he wanted to know, he didn't asked me about my partner count but about how i view sexuality. I told him the truth about my casual sex.
he said that he isn't a big fan of casual sex and such stuff. At first i was confused, i though that he was very sexually experienced, because he has no problems with talking and dont act like a virgin and he has this player bad guy look. But god i was wrong when he said that he never even kissed a girl before me.

At the time he said that if i had casual sex that i can separate love and sex and therefore sex is not sth meaningful to me. He said if it isn't special for me than he has no reason to have sex with me cause it is meaningless if the act is just an act. At the moment i thought he joked , even if he looked serious, and so i said "sure, no problem with that" and laughed cause i really thought he joked.

In all the next 7 months he didn't make a move on me sexually, i thought he wasn't ready for it and wanted to wait and like a good girlfriend i didn't want to pressure him. Now a week ago i asked him when he would be ready to have sex with me. His only reaction was a "what do you mean? I told you i won't have sex with yoj, didn't i said it at the beginnig of our relationships. I thought i made it very clear that i won't have sex with someone who seperates love and sex". Then i finally realised that he was always serious about it.

I gone mad at him and we had a bad argument. He didn't understand why i was angry. He always say i have no right to be mad cause he was always honestly about it. He said that he dont see why he should have sex with me if its "just sex" for me. I know it was my fault.

What can i do?
Updates:
+1 y
He loves me a lot and treats me like a queen and shows his love in thousands ways. He says he want to be with me forever. How can i show him that sex with him won't be just sex? What can i do?
1 0

Most Helpful Guys

  • I knew a girl that was having this issue with her boyfriend that she was wanting to marry. The reason I got to know her is because she, after years, had finally resorted to finding a casual sex partner... which was me. She was stunning and soooo sexy. Her boyfriend had to either be asexual or gay. Straight up, that's my opinion.

    I feel no different about your boyfriend. You have to remember you can be loved and cared for without the sex part involved. I mean otherwise platonic friends, charity workers and the people they help, family members... they'd be doing it so to speak.

    I'd advice you consider the possibility he actually never will, want, to have sex with you. You might be able to train him to preform the task... but if he's not into it, he won't be into it. Consider if you are fine with that or if you'll end up just like the girl I knew.

  • I think what has happened is actually got intimidated by your sexual history. He covered his tracks by saying he is very experienced when he actually wasn't. Over time this has built resentment and he defaults to acting in a passive aggressive way.

    I personally think your boyfriend is pretty feeble minded to act in such a way, to be honest. To not hold back, I think he's a pussy. I say that because of how he handles his issues and insecurities. Instead of being a man, and owning up to them, he acts in a passive-aggressive manner to get his way while hurting you. That's not how a man handles business and treats his girlfriend.

    • Also, I'm not sure how he was acting in the start about his history. You said that he said he never kissed a girl but then he didn't act like a virgin? He might be going back and forth with what story he wants to play. I think he was acting like a non-virgin being accepting for the fact that he didn't want to seem insecure. Now he's second guessing himself. He wants you to make him feel validated and he's doing that through a passive-aggressive manner confusing the fuck out of you and making you confused. Again, I don't think that's how a man should handle their issues. But to each their own.

    • He never said that he is experienced. I just thought that he is experienced because he looked like he could have anyone. In fact, he always said from the beginning on that he has no experience. You know, the most virgin guys i know always act shy and timid around girls and are most times slow making moves and if they touch a woman they are very careful, but he approached me asked me out and started dating me without hesitation, so no he didn't make up his story and didn't tried to act like a non-virhin, he was just confident.

Most Helpful Girls

  • I might be wrong, but it sounds like he respects you less than you respect him due to naive opinions about sex. also maybe he is asexual you should ask him. or you could just tell him what he wants to hear.

  • Damn girl you get around. If he is not comfortable don't push him. You will just push him away.

    • But it doesn't seem like he will ever have sex with me? And 10 sexual partners with 23 is a very low number, probably the most 15 years have already double my number.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 20

  • it sounds like you've found a man who's marriage material. (he'll obviously have sex after "I do" ). you need to start bringing him around fam and such and talk with him seriously. if he wants to be with you forever, you both need to start taking proper steps towards marriage if that's what's you want. that means meeting fam, marriage counseling, etc. if this guy is what he sounds like, you will utterly regret letting him go.

    • my parents have a happy marriage of 24+ years. 4 kids, (I'm eldest) all doing great things and very successful family. I can look at my dad to see example of a good man. he also taught me to be one AND I have to be able to spot good men from bad bc I have little Sisters (no sorry jokers will EVER... ahem) :) trust me when I say he's showing some really good signs. if you don't want to marry him, you need to leave. there are plenty women who would love to start a family with a good man who keeps his word and has these high levels of self control.

  • Just be like yeah someone can enjoy a tuna fish without bread and enjoy bread with out tuna fish. But that doesn’t mean that they don’t like a tuna fish sandwich.

    I can enjoy sex without love and I can enjoy love without sex. But I love you and I want to have sex with you.

  • You are his first girlfriend at his age of 24... so he might be a shy person in his old years.. and shy person relationship last long.. They don't want to hurt her partner. They are honest and will care and love you more... They respect love.. So might feel.. Sex is wrong before marriage... This is my thoughts.

  • say I love you and i want to make love not fuck. simple. just add some womanly charm and romance and he'll be head over heels

    • I tried all of this of course.

  • "Does not see sex and love separately" I am sorry but that's just fucking factually wrong. the part of the brain that controls lust and love are two separate things. he is an idiot. after reading the comments I can say a very very stubborn but admirable idiot but still an idiot.

  • Unfortunately you don't seem to have much option here but to leave - he has outright said he won't have sex with you because of your past. What is left of this relationship?

    • I love him and he is everything i ever wanted, these 10 guys before him were worthless, he is the real deal. I want him in my life forever.

    • A man who holds your past against you, denies you physical intimacy and is extremely immature and stubborn in how he handles relationship issues is not "the real deal".

  • usually the guy has sex and dumps the girl but this is new lol

  • I think he thinks that because. of your sexual past, you only look at him for sex and nothing more. That may. not. be true, but thats how. he. feels. You have to show him you want him for him and maybe wait alittle longer. if we wait alittle longer, he will. know sex isn't. the. only thing you want, Plus, tell him. that you. are willing to wait, therefore he will. be more assured.

    • But how long do you think i need to wait? Cause most girls, even the prudest ones, have sex after 6 months.

    • Thats true, but I think in your case, talk to him. and ask. him that you are willing to wait if he promises. to have sex with you. If is willing to have sex, then you are willing to wait.

    • doesn't it sound like i really just want to fuck? As if im god damn horny and want him and now am trying him to convince to have sex with me?

    • Show All

  • Leave him and move on... He can stay a virgin forever if he wants...

  • I would take it he is not going to have sex even for love making purposes as clearly as he stated it. You are chained to him as much as you allow yourself to. If you need sex (and i believe since just recently, that you, a woman, have sexual needs too) then you will have to get it from someone willing to - just do not cheat because else you will most likely regret it.

  • You should have a conversation with him about this and explain everything to him, tell him the casual sex is a thing of the past and that you only want to make love with him and that you've waited 8 months even though you've always wanted it.

  • Play him this song

    https://youtu.be/lQlIhraqL7o

  • might be just a plot for you to beg him for sex

    • Why should he do it if he knows i really want him?

    • or if he's really a Virgin maybe he scared to disappoint u or something especially building up to it after u been together for 8 months

    • if he's not in to you leave him he have another 24 years of being a virgin you should find someone that will accept you despite your past

  • just jump on him

    • Tried. Even naked. He hugged me and cuddled with me.

    • What a useless boyfriend :o

    • Give him a blow job

  • what's wrong with him? is he very religious?

  • I think you should tell him that you don't want to have sex with him but make love, this isn't the same ! And one day when you'll be in à confortable position, just try to turn him on as men generaly do to women

    • He can't separate sex and love and so he won't see a difference now if i fuck or make love cause he already knows i separate love and sex.

    • But you don't see life black or white, you can separate love and sex with some guys but you can't do it with orthers, and you can change your mind you are not forced to have the same opinion in all your life

  • Ask him those three words. is he single?

    • Hä? Why? Dont get it.

    • he is not in relationship with you. Break up with him and start a fresh

    • What do you mean? He loves me and i love him. We are living together and spend our lifes together.

    • Show All

  • maybe he doesn't want to have sex with you

  • It sounds like he's gay an in denial.

    • Haha, sure i expected such comments. Nope he is not.

  • dump him due to sexual incompatibility.

    • I agree

  • Show More (1)

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