When is it time to just give up on finding love?

I've had many girlfriends across time, but I've never had that "can't get enough of you" feeling some people describe about their significant other. Never had the can't keep my hands off you, sparks flying, weak in the knees chemistry. My life's half over already and I'm stuck, no one I talk to ever works out for whatever reason. So, when do you give up? I'm tired, I'm weak, I'm so sick of looking and waiting, I'm tired of not trying, I'm just tired of it all. I'm too old to ever feel that way about someone, so is it just time to give in and live single forever?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think it depends on what you’re looking for. I want genuine companionship and hot sex. Anything else I can provide or find with other people? My expectations aren’t low, but I believe having a full life outside the person (so I don’t lose myself in them) is key.
    Your expectations sound different in that you want passionate love. There’s nothing wrong with that, but NO couple is passionate all the time. It’s scientifically unlikely - we have romantic love for short bursts of time. The honeymoon phase is one time and years later (if you stick it out) you’ll find it again with the same person. Passionate love isn’t sustainable, not really. It turns into something comfortable, which is what you’re trying to avoid.
    I’d say either figure out if what you’re seeking is reasonable (the honeymoon phase lasts 3 years max). And if it isn’t, pleasure yourself with everything life has to offer.

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What Girls Said 15

  • If it’s something you really want, then don’t give up. But also, don’t look so hard for it that you exhaust yourself. You’re putting yourself under too much pressure. A watched pot doesn’t boil. (Well, that’s obviously not true, but the saying applies to relationships quite nicely.)

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  • sometimes when you give up trying, life sorts it out for you.
    some things you can't force.

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  • When you're dead.

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  • Sometimes you don't get the 'weak in the knee's' thing. Sometimes you do & they get it with someone else & end up breaking your heart anyways only it hurts more because you had those feelings. Sometimes you just have to find someone who isn't irresistible but is reliable, who doesn't make ypyouu hot but does make you feel loved. Someone who you enjoy sitting on the couch with, because chances are that's what you'll spend most of your time doing anyways. Sad but true 😕

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    • 6d

      Yeah... was stuck with "reliable" for a long time. I wasn't happy

    • 6d

      Then I guess you're just gonna have to settle for being alone...

  • You don't give up, you just give it more time

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  • You don't...

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  • Never give up. Don’t force falling for someone. The passion you’re looking for doesn’t happen without knowing the person first.

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  • Never give up

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  • You’re so lucky that you had gfs before!
    There are many people who didn’t had any girls in their life but they still waiting to find true love!
    My opinion is that you must check your behavior and make some changes it may help you.

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  • Just keep swimming. You find her one day

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  • yep, same here. i honestly don't know when it's time to give up. for me i think it came on its own. just can't seem to find anyone who i feel adds value to my existing life.

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  • NEVER!!!

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  • I had to put my joint down and warm up my finger before answering this question. I'll try keeping it short as many things went through my mind reading your question. I had a few relationships in my life through 16-19 at 19 I was engaged. in total I dated 4 people. I was raised in conservative way and was the 'submissive' type (non sexual) I didn't think for myself. thought I was being loved and being taken care of and my sole purpose was marriage so I can make my mother happy. the first time I started to think for myself was when I was 19-20. where I realized the man I was going to marry was marrying me for the sole purpose of getting married because it was his time to settle. without love. there is no love where I'm from.( just being a good girl is all you need to be) and me of course cooking and cleaning. it wasn't forced on me it was my own choice because thats how I grew up. but the realization that I was no longer a virgin ( I was raped at 16 ) and afraid of my family finding out I decided I have to give up on love. then I started to think for myself I realized my opinions were never my opinions to begin with. I started to form my own. and I feel I have to love my self before I can love another. I'm mind fucked. I'm 24 and my mental state is 16. but I'm trying my best to refrain from it because in the end I'm stuck with a background community that would never accept me.

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  • Never. Always be open to it so you have more chance of finding it.

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  • Is it better
    To have loved and lost,
    Than never to have loved at all?
    I wonder (I wonder),
    I wonder (I wonder),
    As my lonely teardrops fall.
    Is it better
    To have kissed and lost,
    Than never to have felt the glow?
    I wonder (I wonder),
    I wonder (I wonder),
    Then why do I miss you so?
    Only those who've lost at love
    Would know how a heart can cry.
    And they would know the meaning of
    Hearing a last goodbye.
    Is it better
    To have loved and lost,
    Than never had my dream come true?
    I wonder (I wonder),
    I wonder (I wonder),
    'Cause I'm still in love with you.
    I wonder (I wonder),
    I wonder (I wonder),
    'Cause I'm still in love with you.

    www.oprah.com/.../all

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What Guys Said 27

  • The only real question is why not? Why not just accept being single forever until the day you die as not a big deal and just be over with it? Just let it go. You don't need a partner to live and survive. Look on the bright side, at least you already had some relationships in the past already, so it's still better than nothing, right? You decide what you really want to do, keep trying and "hope" that you'll find or get whatever it is that will bring you "happiness" or will make you feel "fulfilled". If not, then just quit and let it all go.

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  • Well first of all I think your issue is that your looking for passion, love I imagine is different. I think you need to work at love, passion is just the exhilaration of something new, love isn't. So you can give up, its your life after all, but I don't see why you would if you don't want to. I think people have turned love into a fairy tail. Kind of like the idea that you can get rich by winning the lotto, sure its possible but 99% of the time the only way your going to get to that level is by hard work. Relationships in my opinion are no different, they are work you work together you communicate and then through that you bond more and more. I think people now a days have it backwards you don't start with love you end with it. If that makes sense.

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  • It's okay to give up when you feel that you don't even want it anymore. If you feel that you don't care anymore and just want to forget about it, I think it's okay to give up.
    If you still have dreams and desires to reach that goal, keep trying. If you still care about it, keep trying.
    So try to find out which way you feel about it.

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  • I guess you give up when you die? Look bro, I've been married and divorced like many here have been. We're not giving up. Sparks fizzle out. Hands keep to themselves. Honeymoons don't last forever. When I stop finding that women are no longer the fuel that fires up this ol' engine, I'll give up then. But for now I'm out the door...

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  • the only thing your really missing out on is dissapointment

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    • 6d

      Yeah I feel like this is representative of my feelings

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    • 6d

      I'd kill for that feeling

    • 6d

      I thought so to when I was younger but thats my point, is that Im 12 years younger than you and have had it and subsequently been let down so bad that I wish I avoided it. More specifically you are only missing out on things like being cheated on by someone you love, false rape accusation, emotional inadequency, just to name a few (all things that happened to me)

  • In my case , my situation as a FT working single dad , prevents any form of dating / fraternization with women , I knew this on separation from my ex wife ( she has hinted on wanting me back... big no !! ) I'm too used to being single & " me Vs the world " & busy most of the time , that the desire to have another woman in my life is just absent , not bitterness... simply zero interest , total indifference.

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  • Meeting The One is often completely random, so never, ever give up (my grandmother's boyfriend didn't have a serious relationship until they met in their 70s!).

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  • Never give up trying to find love, but that is not the same thing as always seeking after love. It does sound a little like you may be confusing love with feelings. Love has feelings, but love is not a feeling. Example: if love were a feeling, every time we were mad at someone, we would fall out of love with them. Love is deeper than a feeling, is stronger than a feeling. It's wanting to be with someone, wanting the best for them, and working to be the best partner you can be, and helping them be the best they can be. Love has more to do with getting up at 2:00 am to change the baby, than with chocolates and screwing. It has to do with caring, and loving enough, to determine to stay together for life, and to work through the problems that will inevitably come.

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  • Love has no time limit cuz not is relative, life is a series of moments in reality. Maybe acting single and just being the care free normal friend will get u some where. Just enjoy your life do what u want to do, go join that sport do that cliff diving. Meet people cuz u just want to hang out and try not to put preassure on your soul to find that companion. Slow and steady and take a safe risk.

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  • Never stop. And no, you're not too old. I'm 55, and I can still get that feeling. First, talk to your doctor; you may be clinically depressed.

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  • I feel you man. I'm in a similar situation and it feels like giving up now is the most appealing option and even then the only option. You can quit whenever you like. I am being convinced the same.

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    • 6d

      I think it's time.

    • 6d

      If you think it's time, then take your descend into eternal singlehood like many other of us. We'll welcome you.

  • the way to happyness is to forget about this shit. just forget it and when you come to think about it again say something positive to yourself and then hope you forget it

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  • Don't start looking for love.
    Love finds u in the end so to make it even more cliché. When u give up on finding love it will happen. U will open up yourself more in this state of mind.

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  • Can you show me a photo of you?

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  • Your testosterone may be low. I just now started having a growth spurt and my testosterone levels are even above normal range. Any girl I lay eyes on I fall in love with and want to brutally make love to while staring into her eyes, then falling asleep still inside her, feeling her entire body against mine.

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  • 50... if you’ve lived 50 years on this planet among other people and havnt found love, you’re either in prison or incapable.

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  • I'm thinking that you're trying to "find" love. Just be open to the possibility of love.

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  • Now then you find someone that's how it works weird huh

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  • I stopped looking for love just had fun and seemed love found me.

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  • Give up

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  • You're aren't supposed to search for it.

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  • Give up searching for "the one". Search for less ideal candidates

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    • 6d

      I gave up searching for the one a long long time ago

  • when you die only.

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  • 3:48pm

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  • I would have given up by now if I were you. However, maybe I wouldn't because I'd be so full of myself.

    You seem very picky and you give off the vibe that no one is ever good enough for you.

    Also, don't watch too many movies and TV shows. They are mostly fiction. If not, they are exaggerated a LOT! By a LOT, I mean multiply everything by a 100.

    Real life is not a movie! Things go much more slowly than usual.

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  • When you're dead.

    You sound dead.

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  • You dont give up. But you can't force it. Let it happen

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