First Long story short. I’m 25 and 6 months ago had my first breakup from my childhood sweetheart of 10 years. We went on our first holiday together and three days after getting home, he dumped me and I had to move to my parents house. It was a total shock and it made me very unwell as he pretended everything was fine and even slept with me the day before kicking me out. It especially hurt that my first breakup happened at a time when people my age are now getting engaged and I assumed that was our next move.
Second small story:I joined tinder when I was feeling extremely low after that first breakup and went on the rebound when I was desperate to feel attractive again. I got fucked and chucked, (which I’m not surprised by but being ghosted still hurts)
A month later I met a new guy again. He’s almost 30 and I thought we clicked. We were seeing each other for 5 months total and “Facebook” officially together for 2.
He was lovely until a month in when he admitted he was taking steroids. He called me a lot of nasty names out of the blue, slutty trashy etc etc and asked me to change my dress sense. I refused so he called me heartless a lot during our time together.
He later apologised and blamed the gear which he continued to do the rest of the “relationship”. He would constantly say and do things that I know were emotionally manipulative and abusive but I kept giving him chances after repeatedly TRYING to end it because I was so confused and he’d guilt trip me back.
He’d tell me I was being silly when he’d say something horrible and even wanted me to pander to his anxiety about us that he blamed ME for while I was at my uncles funeral.
I ended it on Sunday and he wouldn’t accept it so he threatened to kill himself and I had to get the police involved. I’ve never been so scared.
How can I ever trust another man in the future? I’m TERRIFIED I’ll be cheated on next
Most Helpful Guy
Three very different, but very rare experiences here. First of all, the 10 year boyfriend was clearly a tosser, and while it's difficult to forget, you will with time. Time heals all things.
Your Tinder experience is atypical of many young ladies fresh out of long term relationships and new to the 21st century "dating game" (I hate the term, but it fits well enough). Try to be more selective before jumping at the first guy to show you what you want to see, rather than what is actually there. But don't be hard on yourself, I've been duped by this before more than once.
Finally, Mr Muscle. Steroids mess other just about every major system in the body, and people that abuse them should also be avoided. You weren't to know, so this also isn't your fault.
You seem like a sensitive soul, like me. People of our demographic tend to get the shitty deal more often than the more, shall we say, "tinder-accustomed" window shoppers. It doesn't make you unworthy, nor does it make you a bad person.
You clearly have a lot of love to give, and you will find someone worthy of it. It will take time, so don't rush.
Give yourself time, also, to find your footing again. Spend time with your friends, find your happiness again first.
We aren't all the same, as I'm sure you know. You will find your happy ending.1
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