How can I tell a guy I don’t feel the same way in the nicest way possible?

I have a friend, a good one. He confessed that he has feeling for me, and said he wants something more than being just friends, i dont feel the same way. He’s been giving gifts and he insists I should just accept it. I know how rejection hurts but i dont have any other choice. I would never want to lead him on knowing it would go nowhere. How could i tell him in the nicest way possible?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • There's no nice way… either way he'll feel hurt, it sucks isn't it? Just be as gentle as you can and understand him… although sadly there's a big probability exactly because of that is that he likes you, for not being a bitch but a nice and humble women, unfortunately there are not a lot like you, by the way, maybe you should give him a chance, some thing similar happened with one of my exs she had a crush I didn't felt the same way and at the end that had been my longest relationships so far, you might get surprised 😉

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You just have to be honest. It's possible to be truthful about these things without being harsh. Of course, you should understand that rejection always hurts so even if you are nice about it he will probably still be upset. Unfortunately, that can't really be avoided in situations like this, but you should still be as straightforward with him as possible.

    You can tell him that while you are flattered, you just don't feel the same way about him and would prefer to remain friends. You should also not accept the gifts or if you have already, give them back to him. If he tries to argue or attempts to talk you into it more, then it's okay to be more firm and tell him, "No, I'm sorry, but it's not going to happen." It's important to be straight to the point and not leave any room for false hopes about the future.

    Just so you know though, it's possible that he may not want to continue being friends, or at least not close friends, after this and that's okay. After being rejected, some people just want distance so you should prepare yourself for that, in case that is how he feels.

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What Guys Said 96

  • The best way is the most honest and sincere way, it’s all the same. Think about it. Wouldn’t you want that, if you liked a boy and he didn’t feel the same? Wouldn’t you want him to just tell you what’s up? There is no way around it, everyone needs to hear honesty

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  • This is gonna sound mean but believe me, you're going to either have to say it bounty or start talking less. In the end if you do tell him outright he may end up talking to you less or not at all so that he can move on easier. It doesn't have to be permanent but just keep that in mind. Definitely don't beat around the bush or drag it out cause any little chance of seems, people like to take them, which isn't unreasonable either so cut it quickly.

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  • Well the nicest lie would be you think he's handsome and a great guy but you are only attracted to women.

    Otherwise I would just tell the truth, tell him you enjoy his company but you don't want to ruin the freindship by dating him. People can be close, more than friends without being romantic. Be prepared to deal with him being upset or distant. It is very difficult to be near someone you are strongly attracted to who doesn't feel the same.

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  • There's a nice way of saying it and that's, ow I'm chatting to this guy and I really like him (make him up), then proceed with what's you advice on...(make up something to ask him about a guy).

    That should give him a indirect hint that he's not what you're looking for and he's just a friend. But it's best to be blunt and tell him he's friend and you don't like him in a sexual way.

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  • Be straight up with him and just kind and don't ghost him that's or stop talking to him because that will hurt him even more. be honest and tell him you just don't feel the same way and don't wanna lead him on or ruin the friendship after all hoensty is truly the best policy. good luck and do your best I hope my advice helps you out🙂

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  • "Sorry, I just don't have the same feelings. I'm just not attracted to you in that way."

    This is called the 'friendzone'. Consider you likely cannot be friends either - he will ALWAYS want more. We call them 'beta-orbiters'. Sad place to be really, he's just hoping he'll wear you down and you'll give him some sex.

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    • @kitty71 - This is the classic scenario for men-women friendships - one or the other will always want more. Also explains why there are never really fully platonic 'best friends'. There's a reason they're attracted to each other in the first place.

      Women are more pragmatic - if a guy will validate her and do stuff for you she likes to have him around - "oh, he's such a nice guy, such a good friend". But she has no desire for sex with him.
      Guys are more simple, they're usually attracted to a woman because they have sexual desire for them. The dirty little secret about men is that they size up a woman in seconds as to whether she is 'do-able' or not. Whether they actually would or not. And why the treat desirable women in a different way from those that are not. It happens everywhere, at work, school, clubs, social gatherings, etc.

      -->cont

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    • I ask how can a lady be more direct when that woman is a bit shy and she is to use innuendos and she is not used to be so direct and bold to the guy she is attracted to. I think im in this position now with a guy I like., Im not like you guys direct and straight forward and sometimes being like that may either scare a guy off or they start loosing the interest. I want to behave with more confidence without really looking like im easy.

    • Rather than hijack this thread we have taken our convo to PM's.

      For the original question, if I can assist further feel free to comment.

  • I will tell you how I would want: be as clear as possible, if I liked a girl and she was letting me "down gently" I would think somehow, someday there would still be a chance and would keep thinking about it. Be as clear as possible that you are not attracted and there is no chance of you getting physically together at any time. It may seem kind of aggressive but believe me it's the best for us guys. And will save us from a long way of pain.

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  • Well there's always the go ahead and give it a shot and see how things work out if you aren't allready obligated into someone else. At least this way you can booth see how things do or don't work out. However if the thought of being with him romanticly just makes you nautios then maybe you should ask yourself why you even hang out with him and go from there... Just sayin

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  • Hmmmmmmm... just tell him and do not try to be too nice because if you are, then there is reason for him to think there's a possibility that you have the feelings. I'll advise you just let him know though not in a harsh manner that you don't feel the same and if you seeing someone tell him too it will easily convince him to understand

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  • and yet another "how do I tell him without hurting his feelings"..

    you can't, okay? Be direct. He will be hurt no matter what. C'est la vie, there's nothing to be done about that. The ball's in his courts. If he's going to be a bitter bitch about it, that's fine. If he takes it like a man, that's fine, too.

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  • You should distance yourself from him for a few days or months maybe, coz he will keep thinking about you unless and until you say him `No' and he may not able to concentrate on other things and plus your rejection means he can pursue other girls.. so It will be good for him that you distance yourself from him.

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  • The nicest way is doing it quickly and honestly. Just tell him I don't feel the same way. There will be plenty of girls that he won't feel the same way about either so let him know that too.

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  • The friendship is already ruined since one of you has feelings towards the other.
    The way you asking the question give the feeling that you're generally nice and caring girl and to just tell him the truth isn't an option for you. Even though it's the best way.
    A good way for example is tell him that in a casual way.

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  • Hi, just tell him that in this moment you are not searching a sentimental partner at that level , but if he wants to wait you , you gonna thanks his patience , if you believe that this not gonna works just tell him in a few seconds what do you think , it's better a little moment of pain that a life full of líes and fake hopes.

    Thank you for reading and sorry for the wrong grammar i'll accept any correction and tips

    See you

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  • Crush his hopes and dreams... I'm kidding, just tell it to him like it is honestly. Of he is a strong man he will take it, learn from it and move on with a battle scar. He will appreciate you not beating around the bush with him and, he may not do it directly, but he will thank you for it later for making him more aware of what to work on if he meets another girl like you he likes.

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  • There's only one way to do, don't try to be the nicest possible, this is all gonna depends on how he takes it. All you can do is being respectful towards his feelings and being honest about yours as fast as possible ! The longer you wait, the more it will hurt.

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  • Be blunt, but not insulting. Most guys aren't good with subtle. Don't try to tell him what you don't like about him, just straight up say, "I'm sorry, I'm not interested in you in that way." Some will take it well, some won't. Be ready for either.

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  • I'd want the girl to be upfront with me and tell me directly. It hurts but its better than being strung along or holding out hope for something that isn't going to ever happen.

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  • Simple. Don't sugar coat. Better to hear a ugly truth than a beautiful lie. Be straight up and tell him not interested even though you appreciate the effort

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  • You could talk to him on a one on one and just tell him. He's going to feel like shit no matter how you put it. So just send it. But a hug afterwards would show that you're still wanting to be friends.

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    76

What Girls Said 14

  • You’re not responsible for that. It’s sad how women have to walk on eggshells around guys they don’t consider attractive because these guys turn crazy af when they get rejected.

    Just tell him directly. “I’m sorry but I don’t feel anything for you.”

    Simple!! Please don’t say “You’re sweet, but..” because that’s just an insult...

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  • Dont try the LETS JUST BE FRIENDS line. Some creeps see as a challenge. Be clear and if needed say you are in love or dating someone. Even then there are douches who remain stalking you...

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  • There is no nicest way to reject a person. It sucks, just do it.

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  • I have had to let a guy down gently as well. All you do is be honest and tell him that you don't feel the same way, but in a gentle way.

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  • Tell him that you love him as a friend and don't want to ruin your friendship

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  • let him down gently and hope he doesn't shoot up ur school

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    • The fact that we have to worry about making another mass murderer because we let someone down is rather frightening, yeah.

  • Just say you just wanna be friends

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    • Oof one more brother bites the dust

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    • Hehe xD

    • I could work, I also got this response. It hurted but i recovered now we are best friends like

  • That can be sooooooo hard.

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  • I'm sorry but i don't feel the same way?

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    • and that you want to remain just friends. Once you tell him this, be prepared to lose a friend.. im not saying it's going to happen but it could be a possibility. Why? Cause its hard trying to be just friends with someone you are attracted to and have feelings for, no everyone can do that. And if he feels he needs to walk away from the friendship in order to get over you, then be ready to accept that.

    • hey its you again Brittbratt, just wanted to say, i like your answer, both of em, here. its true, u can't really just be friends like that for someone u have feelings for.

    • i just want to add to this, instead of just putting on another answer. since you said in the nicest way possible, after you told him that, give him sincere wishes that he finds someone good for his life. wish him he finds someone who deserves him for who he is and will have good chemistry. listen, a good guy will actually, in the end, appreciate what you're doing - telling the truth. wow u have 58 answers here? so many haha, good luck. wish you the best.

  • Same thing happened to me

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  • Get a boyfriend

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  • it doesn't matter how hard you try, you will break his heart

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  • Just say ur really sorry that u don’t feel the same way. Rejection always hurts

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  • I’m going through the same thing. Did you ever had a crush on your friend? Or just anyone close to you? Well then you know that it’s so hard getting over them if they keep being around you. So you might tell him that you don’t have feelings for him but that don’t mean he will immediately get over you. Keep that in mind. There’s no nice way to tell him, just do it. Either way he’ll get hurt. I feel like your friendship might end tho just saying. It’s hard being around someone you have feelings for you and knowing that they don’t, it’s also hard getting over someone you’re always around because they caught feelings for a reason (maybe you’ve got a unique smile, maybe you’ve got gorgeous eyes etc) and it’s hard to get over those little things.

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