Friends didn't tell me my boyfriend cheated on me, what should I do?

I broke up with my boyfriend (before I knew he cheated on me), then one of our mutual friends told me that he cheated on me many times and he wasn't worth it.

Thanks so much you are telling me this now?

She and the other friend of mine knew this and didn't tell me anything... I was mad but I still keep talking to them. I feel I deserve better friends...
  • Your friends are bitches.
    Vote A
  • No, I would do the same.
    Vote B
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2846

Most Helpful Guy

  • Your friends didn't tell you because, they might think you wouldn't believe them, and you might think they were jealous. At the end of the day, for your friends to tell you would of being of very hard for them. They probably wanted to tell you, but scared if they did, they would lose you as a friend. They were damned if you do, and damned if they don't.
    Remember the Messenger always get shot, in these situations.

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    • Yeah but if it was me I would definitely tell them if I am certain of it (which they were), I would not want them to get led on by some d-bag.

    • If you feel hurt by their actions, it would probably be best to speak them about it, and see what their reaction and response you get from them, before making irrational decisions. Give them a chance to explain before judging them,

    • But remember not everyone is you. You are expecting your friends to live up to your expectations, and that's not fair. Also remember not everyone can be like you, and if you expect them to do the same as you, you are going to suffer a world of hurt. Don't put your expectations on to others.

Most Helpful Girl

  • That’s really unfair of them to keep it from you, especially if they were not mutual friends with your ex...
    I’m sorry that happened to you, that sounds awful 😣
    My best advice would be to talk to the friends about why they kept it from you, and if their answer is self-serving in ANY capacity, then cut ties... friends who don’t look out for your wellbeing and happiness aren’t truly your friends.

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What Guys Said 45

  • Those aren't real friends. EVEN if they were good friends with the guy too, that'd still be shitty of them.

    If my best friend cheated on someone and I was slightly friends with said person, I'd tell them. Sorry, but that's not okay.

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  • If you were 17, I would understand, but you are adults. They are properly not real friends worth keeping, but ask them what they would want you to do if it happened to them? First seek to understand their perspective before you judge and expect to be understood

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  • This happened to me recently. They told me everything after I found out but they said you were both our friend and I did not want to get in the middle. I told them your not in the middle anymore you choose your side. Adios not real friends.

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  • Get real and open your eyes. Some people post here when they are in the situation of your friends. It's not easy to decide if you should tell a friend when this happens. They would also have exposed to you disbelieving them and rejecting them. Their position is more complex than you envisage.

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  • It's because people for some reason have this stupid idea today that when this happens they need to stay out of it and let you figure it out for yourself.

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    • Why should someone butt in? It’s not their place to do that?

    • @mel1695

      This is exactly what I'm talking about. These were her friends, they knew she was being fucked over by her boyfriend, she wanted to know but they let her waste time with him knowing that he's no good. "It's not their place" - why not? I'd say that if they're her good friends then yes that's exactly their place, to look out for her.

  • i think you just need to tell them your disappointment in perpetuating a lie against you. tell them you understand it was a difficult position to be in but feel betrayed

    i agree it is lame that they did nothing and allowed you to live a lie but from their perspective i imagine they had legitimate (in their mind) reasons

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  • You've dumped the guy... step one accomplished.

    Now, I think you should dump your friends. That is NOT friend behavior to sit back and watch you get screwed and never tell you. What if you got an STD? I think you should dump them and go no contact. You DO deserve better friends.

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  • They ARE better friends - they kept out of your business.
    If you aren't close enough to your man to know when he's cheating then that's on YOU.

    Choose wisely, treat kindly. _Dr. Laura

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  • I think you shouldn’t jump to conclusions and make assumptions. You should talk to each person in question, confront them in private, and then make your judgement

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    • Have a feeling you are dealing with a rumor smoothie, after gossip and assumptions have been put through a blender, now you are trying to drink it... problem is, likely most of it is bullshit, too many people who can’t face the music, go online, make assumptions, talk about others, just go up to them face to face

  • If they were real friends then they would of told you before hand so yes your friends are bitches , actually I wouldn't consider them friends anymore , find real friends

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  • Before you do anything do your research find out if that's the truth cuz that's because your friend said it doesn't mean it's true but if they knew and they didn't tell you that your friends and s*** and those aren't your friends

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  • They might not have told you because they figured that intimate details like that were between you and your ex. They didn't want to get trapped between the two of you.

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  • Tell your friends that they are assholes for not telling you. I wouldn’t necessarily kill the friendship over something like that but i would still give them massive amounts of shit for it

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  • You should make a new definition of "friends" cause real friends tell you even the things you don't like. Fake friends will only tell you what you want to hear.

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  • A lot of people believe you should just stay out of things because a lot of time it can back fire on the person who says anything. I would forgive them personally but talk to them maybe they'll change for the future.

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  • If they weren't friends enough to tell you at the time, but want stomp him into the ground afterwards, then your friends ARE bitches, and you do deserve better bitches. Step back without rudely dropping them and find someone more trustworthy to confide in. If they ask why you "friend zoned" them , tell them and give them a chance to earn your trust.

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  • I think that the main problem here is that you call friends to partners.

    Partners are for party and you can't expect they make something like that. The most I make for a partner is to invite him to a beer.

    Friends really make those things, they try to make you see reality, and May be they dont say "he is cheating you" because its hard, but they can say to you, and only to you, isn't he really well dressed when you are going?"

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  • I did it once because a friend I had was dating my girl's ex and I knew he was a jerk and I knew he was cheating on her, but didn't tell her nothing because I my friend would be ok his side and think I was trying to ruin them. Mabey your friends though the same, so, it doesn't mean like they are bad friends, they just wanted you to not interrupt your relation and let you discover that by yourself

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    • Thats exactly what a bad friend is lol

    • Show All
    • Thanks for the comment..
      The truth is that I didn't wanted to loose her but I guess I did.. one of my best friends ever

    • No problem bro. Im sorry that happened.

  • Him fucking could be dangerous for your health. That friend didn't care enough to warn you about it so drop them.

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  • What I find interesting is that when the opposite side of this question is asked on here, it gets a very different response.

    When people ask if they should tell their fiend that their SO is cheating, the most common answer is no, don't say anything and don't stir up trouble.

    Personally I would not tell. I almost see it like two wrongs don't make a right. It's not the same thing, but it does take a wrong and make a bigger mess of things by telling. I can't say that under every circumstance I wouldn't tell, but not saying anything is certainly the default.

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What Girls Said 27

  • So, I think it's wrong that they didn't tell you but I can understand why. I've had a friend who's boyfriend made advances at me and I couldn't tell her because I had no proof and it would have just looked like I was trying to come between them and break them up. Plus it becomes he said she said and I might have lost a friend because she chose to believe him over me. When we are in love sometimes we are blind. When invest so much in our love we will persecute anyone who casts bad light on them. If I knew my friends boyfriend was cheating I wouldn't say anything unless I had real evidence/proof to back me up and even then I'd be afraid it would ruin our friendship. There's a big taboo about getting involved in personal matters like relationships. It's very difficult to tell someone you care about something you know will break their heart knowing that they may associate that pain with the person who opened Pandora's box. Maybe give them a small break and ask them why they never told you. And maybe talk about how you'd like these things to be handled in the future if it ever comes to that point again.

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  • Umm they are your friends, not his!! You dont need friends like that. That's bullshit. Tell them to fuck off!! I would be livid!!! I'm sorry you had to deal with that. You deserve better then him and better then them!!

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  • See that's why I would tell my friend, cause if they found out i knew and didn't say anything.. then they would get mad at me for not having their back.

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  • Well, to their credit, some people are afraid to spill the news because girls often turn on each other. If they told you, you could have suspected they were lying, jealous bitches just trying to ruin your relationship. That's why a lot of people don't get involved when someone else is cheating.

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  • Your friend are bitches and same thing happen to me in past and I dump my ex boyfriend and move on for not telling. My friends was worst always lies to me or always try put the blame on me. when I was already growing out of the relationship.

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  • If i found out my sisters boyfriend had cheated on her. I'd tell her, especially if i had evidence of it. Ain't no man cheating on my sister and getting away with it.

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  • I would've wanted to know but it's a really tricky one sometimes people tell and then the boyfriend sweet talks and manipulates saying their jealous of your happiness etc and you fall out with your friends. They didn't want to upset you and still wanted to be around when you needed them I guess.

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  • it could be that they are afraid that u will get hurt.. u should have asked them why they kept it a secret.

    If I was them I will not tell as well but I will give u a hint till u find out yourself.. I don't agree on cheating so I will def make a way for you to find out but I don't like telling it directly.

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  • leave those friends. there is absolutely no excuse for them not to tell you if they're your friends. They've proven they can't be trusted and you can do better.

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  • Honestly don’t be mad at them I told my friend that her man was cheating it just back fires and they get back together. The best thing to do is stay out of peoples relationships and keep your opinions to your self till they’re fully done.

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  • I know they were bitches but see their side also. Would you believe them? when people usually hate the message they kill the messenger. I would not get involved in peoples crap. Have my own already

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  • I said I would do the same because they were probably scared to tell you like you might get really upset with them. Just try to see this from there side of the situation. And ask yourself what you would do if your friend was in that situation.

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  • That depends... At the time you were dating him; if they had told you what they knew, then would you believe them or think they were lying to you?

    I tried telling an old friend of mine that her ex was bad news for her and even two more of her friends agreed with me. Did she listen? Nope. And we had to step back and let her figure it out for herself. In the end, she was heartbroken, but realized that she should have considered our concerns about her.

    Moral of the story:
    Love can blind a person from the pain that isahead of them.

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  • You need better friends. They were probably afraid of being accused of lying if they were to tell you or they probably felt like it wasn't their business.

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  • Did vote... Not enough options.
    Don't know your friends but looking positively. They could see you are happy with the guy and didn't want to hurt you. I would keep that friendship.

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  • Those aren't friends. A real friend would tell you if your partner was shitting you behind your back.

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  • Get better/real friends.

    If those people were really your true friends they would have told you about your boyfriend being a cheater even if they knew you’d be hurt by the truth

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  • Your friends are real birches for not telling u this happened to me too once so I think my friends are bitches too because they wouldn't tell me either

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  • Do they have any evidence to prove their accusations and you believe them?

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  • They should have told you. That's what real friends would have done, I'm sorry to hear that happened

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