How can I stop feeling insecure about her sexual past?

I'm not a virgin, but she has had a lot more sexual partners than I have. We've been together for a couple of months, but I have deliberately avoided sex because I don't think I will be able to satisfy her since she's a lot more experienced than I am and also have a lot more to compare it to.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • hey buddy. Honestly, knowing she is more experienced shouldn't be cause for embarassment or shame. Everyone is inexperienced at some point, even her, and I promise you that she'll get a kick out of the idea that you're new to sex. When you're with her, ask her to show you what she likes. Ask her what her favorite positions are. Ask her if she prefers sex faster, or slower, longer, or to go for a shorter time. Ask her where she likes to be kissed, and where she likes to be licked. Ask her if she likes to be nibbled on, and tickled, and what areas of her body she prefers you to stay away from.

    Her experience will mean she can show you thinks she has learnt, which is actually really awesome for you, but it also means she has some idea of what feels good to her, and she'll have the confidence to guide you in sex, rather than start-fishing it like a lot of young girls do. If you're ever nervous, just kiss her lightly on the neck and breath on it very gently, bite her ear and whisper that you think she's amazing. You can't fail ;-) Oh, and if you cum fast, that's cool too (heaps of dudes do it when they haven't had sex in a while or if they're with someone new) the brilliant thing is you can take a break for 15 minutes, and go for round 2 if it does ;-)

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    • I guess this all makes sense, but there's still the fact that she will have a lot more to compare it to.

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    • I don't mind going a little out of my own comfort zone but I always respect a partner's wishes if they aren't comfortable with certain things.

    • I agree with that. You can't know if you're actually uncomfortable with it until you've tried it.

  • I'm fairly experienced, and might even have a couple V cards in my back pocket... and I can tell you from experience that women who are experienced expect every man to be different in the bedroom, because they are. There will always be a guy worse than you at something and a guy better than you at something.. whether its specific sexual acts or how you handle touching her, anything really. She doesn't expect you to be like the men she has been with is what I'm getting act. Dont waste time comparing, and spend more time and energy into exploring her and discovering what makes her wild. That will be what makes it amazing for the two of you. Really spend the time exploring her, it will pay off.

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Most Helpful Guys

  • I've been in that situation with a woman that had a lot more partners than I had. I was concerned at first too, but it really wasn't a problem. She seemed happy with what I did for her. Remember that with most women I think the emotional connection is at least as important if not more than the mechanics, so even if at first you're not quite as good with the physical aspects of sex as some prior partner, when she cares about you the emotional connection will probably outweigh that and she'll still be satisfied. And you can always improve your technique over time. Not every woman is the same anyway so no matter how many partners you've had you'd still need to learn what works best for her.

    My opinion is that you should not worry about it. Ask her what she likes and doesn't like about what you're doing and be open to suggestions on how to make it better for her. I think that's what you should do in any relationship anyway regardless of how many partners she's had. She can guide you to what she likes and everything should be good.

    If you just listen to what she tells you (with words and her body reaction), you can learn to be the most awesome sex partner she's ever had even if she's had good ones before. Go for it and have fun!

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  • Ohh bro personally speaking alright and listen well. Girls will get pissed and they start hating when you have low self esteem about yourself. So don't think at all about that. She probably has had guys who might have pleasured her well but you will definitely be better. If you wait any longer the opportunity might just slip by and u will regret not even trying. Just focus and let your barbaric nature out and let your body do the talking ;). Seriously though if you compare yourself to either of her ex she won't like it. It's you now in the spotlight so shine bruh.
    All the best bud. Lots of tips online and u need more just message me if possible ;) .
    Cheers!!

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 11

  • Give yourself a break. She is not with them for a reason. Satisfaction does not come from just sex, as a lot of it has to do with other intimate things between you two. Most likely YOU will be the one comparing yourself to ghosts of her past, when is NOT thinking of them, let alone comparing you. Get over it. Or let her go, so she can find someone that will not use her past against her.

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    • Way to fk with his head. Don't pretend she won't be comparing and judging him, women will often leave a man cause of bad sex, men might be pickier with looks but when it comes to sex skill, a man will not bresk up with a girl he finds attractive just cause she's not a sex pro.

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    • @Bluedream13 - their side of what part? you covered many aspects.

    • No its obvious. Ask men if they feel intimidated by sexual expectations when sleeping with a girl who's had many guys

  • Pro tip: Don’t inquire too much about your partner’s sexual past... curiosity did kill the cat

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  • My partners number is about 5 times larger than my number. Yet it hasn't caused a problem for either one of us.

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    • Thats cause yer the girl...

    • Look the number doesn't matter. I've been with guys who are very experienced and the sex still wasn't good for me and I've been with guys who aren't experienced much and the sex was great. It's about your connection. Just try it and see how it goes. You'll never know until you try. So don't be so hard on yourself

    • Some men are just really skilled at fucking and can give a woman incredible orgasms without a connection... curse the women who trained these monsters because they provide initially that which should take time to achieve. Great sex without a connection. Guys are intimidated to live up to high standards in the bedroom and we are right to be

  • So communicate, and make an effort to please her. That's 75% of the battle right there.

    I've had sex with experienced guys before who did a TERRIBLE job at pleasing me lol. Every girl is different in what satisfies them. That's why it's so important to genuinely *want* to please us, and to ask questions like "does this feel good?" etc.

    Furthermore, the first sex with a new partner is more often than not, not the best anyway lol. It takes time to figure out a new partner. Just stop putting so much pressure on yourself and have fun together.

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  • No two people ever seem to have the same amount of experience sexually so just don’t let your insecurity overwhelm you.

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    • Two virgins do...

    • Somewhat true! 😉. But even virgins have different experience. Some have less or more experience at kissing and more. So...

  • You’re the present they’re the past. Sex isn’t everything anyways but I’m sure you’ll be fine. Probably better than most of the other guys anyways.

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  • Get over it. Reasearch what you don't know. Be yourself and honest with them.

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  • Talk yo her about it.

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  • If your not comfortable with her past then don’t be with her. Your both young at that age should be exploring. She chose you cause she Into you.

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  • You shouldn't. I did it with 2 guys guys before I met my boyfriend. He was a virgin and Im his first. And he is the best I swear. He knows how to touch a female body and explore me.

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  • Well think of it this way. Do you compare her to other girls you slept with?
    The answer should be no. Otherwise there's other issues you need to address.

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What Guys Said 22

  • Dude.. How does that play into you not getting her satisfied? Grow up, but the big boy pants on, and have at her. SHe is in to you , because she likes who you are. not how many time you got laid in the past. You are fine!

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    • I reallly don't know why I feel insecure about it. I'm very confident in general, so I don't really know how to handle it either.

    • she has value to you.. risk is higher when the value is higher..

    • Lets say we are playing with a ball.. we throw it, toss it , catch it, and bounce it off the wall.. Then you find out it's was Babe Ruth's ball.. . and now you are like OMG, I could have ruined it Now you treat it with more care, You may not even touch it any more , as you could damage the value somehow.. Guys do that to girls all the time, we treat then normally and enjoy their company, but all of the sudden, when we realize we hold value to them, we treat them differently and they notice.. We change how we treat them as we change how we perceive there emotional value to us. and sometimes that is not how they want to be treated.. Put in a some place and in a box to keep the dust off. And no one wants to be treated like that..

  • quantity does not make quality. you may be better than she's experienced you may not but the reality is just put forth effort. read up, learn some pointers of how to sexually satisfy a woman so you can have confidence.

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  • With her prior experience, she will teach you what she wants and sex will be awesome. Take this as an opportunity to learn from someone who is really good!

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  • The only thing I can suggest, is be in he present. Make new memories. I would not discuss any particulars with her, as the more you know, the more there is to ignore or forget. You do need to do some soul searching, and see if you can get past this, or not.

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  • You stop feeling insecure by face it head on, be honest with her that you feel insecure, BUT you are willing to get better and make sure she will have a good time. Now you can get more sex AND you can be more confident as you get better. Double win.

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  • You can't and you won't. For some reason men take an excessive amount of pride in knowing they can satisfy their partners sexually. If you're constantly worrying whether or not you're better in bed than the other men (which you will, men are extremely competitive) it's going to eat away at you until you either cheat to gain sexual experience and approval from other women or break up with her.

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  • Stop caring. We have sex for chemical, biological reasons, feeling socially awkward or insecure will do what you dread the most. Ruin it. Just let her know and she will, if she's nice guide you through it until you get comfortable

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  • Look dude, all you can do is your best.

    I know the feeling, she'll understand.

    Not go have sex before she thinks there's something wrong with her.

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  • Increase your aelf confidence. Get better at sex and pleasing women. If you know you can satisfy her fully, you won't care others did because now you can too. Maybe even be the best she's ever had.

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  • Homie, if you go in thinking you can't do it you never will, it's a mind set. I lost my virginity at a younger age to my brothers ex girlfriend who was six years my elder. I just had the mindset that I was going to kill it, and that I was the best she has ever had and I stick to it. Women read off of energy, so if you come in confident not cocky she will pick that up immediately and it will turn her on

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  • I don't know. I don't really understand issues like this from this angle.

    You have to choose someone who is your match, someone who is a good fit for you. There are 3.5 BILLION women on the planet. Why do you settle for someone who makes you feel this uncomfortable. No one is making you stay instead of looking for a better match.

    If you have this big of a problem with it that is just a sign you two aren't a good match JUST MOVE ON AND KEEP LOOKING. Staying will just make both of you miserable.

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  • If she likes you then does it really matter? If she only likes you for being able to satisfy her then she isn't worth you time

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  • If she loves you it dont matter she will be satisfy just be with her and love her your lucky to have someone I dont

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  • How many partners has she had? Having more than 6 or 7 could mean that there is something wrong with them. Why can they hold a relationship is what I mean by that. If they can't hold a relationship they they aren't a suitable partner for me.

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  • Because of this it probs won't work out, she can't erasw her past, let her find a guy whls screwed around as mucb as her

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  • Stop being a pussy.

    Smash her, if you nut fast, who cares. Had sex.

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  • I would say if your not willing to try then your with the wrong woman

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  • Learn together about each other. see what she likes keep on on her toes try new things.

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  • Use her for practice to get better for a less experienced girl

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  • Grow a pair, boy. That's how.

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