Am I being selfish by not giving him what he wants?

My boyfriend is mad at me because I don't want to do oral sex with him I've never really been okay with giving oral Im just not comfortable with it or into it but he's mad at me because he thinks I'm being selfish cause he does it to me... And I want to make him happy and I want to be fair in this relationship

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Most Helpful Guy

  • tbh if you aren't comfortable with doing something but he is being mad at you for it, then he is the one being selfish as he is trying to play emotional leverage against you..

    do not feel like you have to do something which you aren't ok with regardless your boyfriend needs to grow up and stop being a selfish over privileged git (sorry if came across harsh but it isn't fair on you and will result in you resenting him if you are made to do something you dont want to do)

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    • You have it wrong. She can not dictate how he reacts to a given situation just like he can't dictate how she reacts to the idea of having oral sex. Both individuals have a right to an opinion and blaming any one person is a mistake and wrong. It falls on the both of them to decide what to do with this new information and how much of a problem it will become.

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    • @Gus0692 clearly you misunderstood my point of view... I am clearly speaking from a perspective which is obvious

      I clearly stated to you and put to you a scenario which you refused to place yourself in that situation, so I am not taking the side of the OP but rather stating from the information that they have given points to their boyfriend as being selfish for getting mad over something that they clearly knew in advance...
      he is wrong to get mad over which he would have already have known... if he didn't know before hand then yes that raises the point where your argument becomes valid... however my suggestion to place yourself in that position is a reasonable one...
      and while i agree with the situation is for them, the OP asked a question expecting opinions and points of views from all who who would post.. I merely answered a logical and realistic point of view...
      and I never said their was laws being broken but merely emotional blackmail/manipulation
      if he is making her feel..

    • guilty for something she is uncomfortable doing then that is emotional blackmail, plain and simple... if he is trying to get something which he knows she is not comfortable with then again emotional manipulation however if she hadn't told him before hand, but instead promised him then i can understand the annoyance but seeing this from a realistic point of view and analysing information is what i do... I point out based on the information available... when someone asks for advice, i assess the info available then provide an outside view on the situation sometimes it might appear to be taking sides other times it might appear not to...
      but I do agree if they cannot come to some agreement it will place strain but that doesn't mean he is any more or less guilty of manipulation based on the info provided...

Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes you are being selfish. I'd think about how you'd feel if he didn't want to do it to you? Now evaluate why you aren't comfortable with it. Address that issue. If you are insecure, get him to help teach you. If you think it's gross, get over it. It's not gross and again, how would you feel if he thought you were gross?

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    • I told him he doesn't have to but he said he wants to and yea I'm kinda insecure about cause what if I'm not good enough and he just leaves

    • Well not doing it at all is the more reasonable reason to fear him leaving. Just let him teach you. It's better that way so you learn him and it tells him you are wanting to please him too. It will grow you closer.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 7

  • Frankly, you will need to terminate your relationship sooner or later. This is because you two have a sexual chemistry mismatch and all relationships either end or suck when that is the case.

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  • I've been in this situation before, if you really don't want to do it then don't but it's not fair if you allow him to do it to you.

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  • Wyh you don't want to givr him a blowjob is it just him or you don't like oral sex? Try to explain you reasons to him and he has to respect your what you like

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  • The sentence "I want to be fair in this relationship" is clearly untrue. If you choose not to do it then that's your decision and you have every right to make it. However, you must accept that there will be a reaction on his side. How he reacts is completely up to him and if he feels like it's a problem then it will be a problem. You can't dictate how he reacts just like he can't dictate whether or not you give him oral sex. Are you being selfish? Yes, a little bit, but you have every right to be as selfish as you want. However, there are consequences to every decision we make in life. You can choose to hold your ground and accept the fact that he will be upset or you can decide to engage in this sexual activity to keep him happy. It ultimately falls on you. What matters more to you? His happiness and sexual satisfaction or the avoidance of oral sex?

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    • The fact is that the both of you are being a bit selfish, but you need to have compromises in any relationship. If the both of you are unwilling to do this with this particular topic then your relationship is going to be a difficult one. You both need to respect the opinions of one another and come to a decision on how to handle it.

  • yes you are. If you take you should give.

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  • Don't do stuff you don't want, if he gets mad about it he isn't worth your time. He should respect your choices.

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  • it's hypocritical to have it done to you, but not do it to him

    THATS WRONG

    if you dont like doing oral, GET A MAN WHO EITHER doesn't WANT IT, OR won't GO DOWN ON YOU, TOO

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What Girls Said 3

  • Tell him to stop giving oral to you if that hurdle is impossible for you to overcome. Problem solved.

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  • Don't do it just to make him happy. There's no point if you don't enjoy doing it.

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  • Even I don't like to give blowjob but I still give them like 2 or 3 times a month. We have a strong relation by the way, we are together for almost 4 years now.
    I'm just saying sometimes you have to do things you don't really like to keep it going. If you are not into serious relationship than leave him or 2-3 times a month is not really that bad.

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